– You do seem like you’ve been in a pretty good mood, lately. – Do you know why? – No. – Because, like Santa Claus, I have been making a list
of people to kill, twice. (audience laughing) – Santa doesn’t kill people. – He does if he’s Terror Claus. – Terror Claus, never heard of him. ♪ Oh, he kills you ♪ ♪ When you’re sleeping ♪ ♪ He chokes you when you wake ♪ ♪ He knows if you are Catholic or Jew ♪ ♪ So denounce your infidel faith ♪ (audience cheers) – That’s terrible. – But catchy! (audience laughs) Have you heard of the terror bunny? – No. – He hides Easter bombs! Look mommy! (imitates bomb exploding) (audience laughs) – That’s even worse. – I know, thank you for noticing! (audience laughs) What do you want, more
stinking knock-knock jokes? – That might be better.
– Okay. Knock-knock.
– Who’s there? – Me. I kill you again (laughs). (audience laughs) You’re such an idiot you
keep answering the door! (audience laughs) Where I am from, the game
we teach all children is when someone says knock-knock, you shut the fuck up and hide. (audience cheers) – So Achmed, did your
parents have much to do with what you do now? – Well, I guess so. My father was a suicide bomber. – Oh, so you guys are a lot alike? – Well I have his eyes. (audience laughs) In a box. And I like to hide from
wherever Walter is sleeping that way when he wakes up, it
scares the crap out of him! (audience laughs) – [Man] You son of a bitch,
I’ll kick your ass right now! (audience laughs and cheers) – Is that case locked from the outside? – Yeah, why? – Cause he still scares
the crap out of me. (audience laughs) – So Achmed, do you have any
good memories of your father? – For my eighth birthday
he got me a puppy. – That’s good. – No, it turned into a disaster. – Why? – Because sometimes my father
was a very confused man and that day my mother
told him to go outside and blow up some party balloons. – Yeah. – And that’s how I got a dog with no legs. – [Audience] Aw. – You had a dog with no legs? – Yeah, he was great. I had him for many years. – So what’d you call him? – Seriously? (audience laughs) Seriously? – What? – I had a dog with no legs. – What’d you call him? (audience laughs) – Seriously? (audience laughs) Okay, you’re a comedian right? – Yeah. – I had a dog… With no… legs. Ask me again. (audience laughs) (audience laughs) (audience laughs) – What’d you call him? – I didn’t call him anything
because he could never come. (audience laughs) It’s not funny! (audience laughs and cheers) (gunshot)
I have 3 favorite Puppets:
1.) Peanut
2.) Achmed
3.) JosΓ© JalepeΓ±o on a stick
You know, even though they're puppets Jeff makes them Unforgettable and feel like they're actually there.
1:25 Sockmed? Achmed needs a sock puppet.
Why are you laughing at this. Achemd is awful and a bitch. Why are you laughing? M. IL.
I'm Atheist and I'm so singing that Christmas. Every Christmas.
Still funny
Racist, bigotry, islamophobic … AND people are clapping and having fun. Plz letβs learn from the history and stop racism and bigotry against any humankind.
Why do always make fun of Jewish people
Achmed is best puppet
2019 anyone???
Jeff can sing without moving his lips. How is that even possible?
Where are all his 73 Virgins
When someone says knock knock you shut the F**K up and hide
π€£π€£π€£π€£π€£
I LOST IT
LOVE YOU ACMEDβ€πβ€πβ€π
Aks me again! Hahahahahahah
As a Muslim, I found this Jews.
Achmed is my favorite puppy π
P.S. sometimes I forgot its not real
True it is not funny
Only Achmed could make a dog with no legs really funny! What did not call him? Achmed:. He had no legs, I couldn't call him, he couldn't come!
It's been always good to watch ur show that cheers us up….TQ. SIR Malaysia…Lumut
It kinda bothers me that jeff, doing the voice of achmed, is accually a good singer
Silence! I kill you! π‘
I got a dog with no legs, what did you call him? Smoke, why? Because once a day I took him for a drag.
Achmed: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Achmed: Boom
Me: Boom wh- Explosion
Just like Jeff Dunhamβs ex wife
That Legless dog could never come……
Mr hurricane lotion boy!!! ππ€£
βI HAD A DOG… WITH NO. LEGS.β
knock knock, whos there? me i kill you again! HA HA HA
lol hilarious
what do you call a dog with no legs it doesn't matter what you call it won't go to youπΆ
Bro at 3:07 why he drop his voice so deep like damn boyyyy ππππ
Jeff Dunham you're awesome!!!!
I love your sense of comedian style!! Achmed is my favorite puppet. πππ
Jeff is a genius…………
I wish you wouldβve not beeped out the cuss words in this 1, Jeff.
I sottotitoli in italiano? Sono troppo offensivi o volgari?
I love achmed and Jeff dunham too achmed cracks me up make me laugh
Omg i love achmed!!! i had a dog…. With no LEGS! ASK ME AGAIN! hahahaha
so…. how did he call him?
*runs away*
I'm so glad that is not about the Sun rising what another lie high-end behind dummies and can hide nowhere I meant to get me one of those t-shirts
3:34 SβNOT FUNNY!!!! π€£π€£π€£π€£π€£
He could have said I called him a cigarette so I could take it out for a drag.
I don't recommend to talk about Jewish people is not funny
1:49
3:34 iTβS NOT FUNNY!!! >:C
~Fabulous ~
This show is so racist but funny XD
Achmed: he both me a bottle of skin lostion π₯
V ventriloquism is an awesome art
I hate Bubba j
I like Walter and achmed and peanut
0:54 XD
Silence! I'll kill you! It's now my fave line lol
1:48 you son of a b*tch I'll kick your f*cking ass right now! ππ
he always manages to make me believe they are real
Achmed is right that terror-claus song is catchy
The song killed me who else forgets that theyβre puppets
Who else thought his dog's name was stumpy
Achmed the Dead Terrorist: βKnock knock.β
Jeff Dunham: βWhoβs there?β
Achmed the Dead Terrorist: βMe, I kill you again!β
I thought he would've called it "Legaless"
It doesnβt matter what position his eyes or eyebrows are in. You can always tell what emotion heβs feeling
Iβm hoping Jeff Dunham does more specials in the future because his puppets are awesome ;-;
What did you call him? LMAO!!!
Mommy i found an easter egg…..BOOM!!! Where's little Suzy ? She's over there, over there and up there !
That's terrible
But CATCHYYYYYYYY
MAX ππ€£πππ€£π€£
I have heard achmed jokes for like a million times but it still got me π
I wish Sam was in this inside the skeleton
If I had a dog with no legs I would call him legolas
knock knock
who is it
its me I kill u again
pmsl πππππ
I didn't call him anything cause he couldn't come that's what she said
Pmsl…
Still here 2019
Still here 2019
ππ
Ask me again !
I tough Achmed dog is call "SERIOUSLY'
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Where can I watch complete shows?
Stealing from the poor
2:31 – 4:00
Kinda is.
I woulda called the dog Legolas
i can not stop laughng
I have his eyes…
IN A BOX
Funny as hell
See, this is entertainment. Fortnite? No.
That "ask me again" is terrifying and amazing at the same time lol
LOOK, MOMMY!
(BLOWN MICROPHONE NOISES)
Notice on the screen,there is a picture of achmeds crotch?
3:05 I can do that voice but I'm a girl
Silence I Keel you gets me every time. π€£π
What did u CALL the dog he doesn't have legs
ππ
Wow that was so damn good with the legless dog joke. "I didn't call him anything because he couldn't come" the best foooooooking line.
3:08 Woah when he said "ask me again" wowπ±
Achmed is better at singing than me
π€£π€£π€£π€£π€£ππππππ€£πππ€£πππππππ€π€πͺπͺππππππ―π―πππ
πΌπ¨π π’π πΌππΌππ.
ππ€£
I think it was hotdog
What'd u call'm??
That fact iz the Arabs, they don't give a names to the dogs
So… ASK ME AGAIN '' if u can''π
Lmaoo "He kills you when you're sleeping, he choke you when you wake. He knows if you are catholic or jew so denounce your '__ fate"
I thought it was DOUGLAS. dogless eh nevermind
I was laughing until I heard easter bombs which really happened in sri lanka this year,,