Laughter is the Best Medicine

Ali Siddiq – Prison Riot – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored

No matter what, you stick with
your race. I don’t know why I
can’t have a Mexican friend.. He’s in
my cell, I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but Mexicans
got on boots and I gotta figure out what I’m supposed to do now. Thank you, everybody. On this show, here’s what
happens, it’s just a bunch of comics telling true stories and
thatís all it is. Tonight it’s all about fights. Please give it
up for Ali Siddiq, everybody. Let him hear it. My story is about prison,
danger. Seen it all, looks so menacing,
you know? And I’m black so we know it’s going to be about
crime. Let me tell you, prison is an odd place because you do
not know the rules. No matter how many prison movies you
watched and documentaries of Locked Up, you still don’t know
the rules of what’s gonna happen. So I’m on my
way to what they called “necessities”. Necessities is
where, you know, your clothes, your get your laundry and all
that bullshit. So I’m walking to Necessities and a dude just
walks by and say, “Mexicans got on boots.” I’m like, “What the
fuck does that mean?” ‘Cause it’s like I’ve been in prison
like the first day, whatchu mean, “Mexicans got on boots?”
Everybody got on fucking boots, so I thought. Dude walk past,
“Mexicans got on boots, Mexicans got on boots.” So I tell
somebody else, “Mexicans got on boots.” Dude looks down,
“Mexicans do got on boots” and just takes off running.
I’m like, “Was I supposed to run ’cause the Mexicans have on
boots?” So I asked the old dude, I said, “Hey, Mexicans got on
boots.” He’s saying, “Alright, they got on boots.” I said,
“What that mean?” He said, “it’s gonna be a riot.” I said, “You
pretty calm about a riot.” I said, “How you know Mexicans got
on boots mean it’s gonna have a riot.” He said, “Because
Mexicans don’t wear boots on the wreck yard.” I said, “Oh, okay,
what they wear on the wreck yard?” He said, “Sneakers, they
play handball all the time.” And then you look and you see
Mexicans over there playing handball, but they got on boots.
So I’m like, ’cause it still don’t comprehend. So get
back to my cell I was like, “Hey,” to my celly, I said, “You
Mexican. What Mexicans got on boots mean?” He said, “It means
we gonna riot, we gonna stab a couple of black guys up.”
And I asked.. When you’re in prison, you asked
dumbass questions, I’m like, “Does the riot happen in here?
Like in this cell? ‘Cause me and you just finished eating
together, what’re you mad at me about? I don’t know. But when
you learn that you stick with your race in prison, no matter
what, you stick with your race. I don’t know why I can’t have a
Mexican friend.. He’s in my cell, I don’t know what the fuck
is going on, but Mexicans got on boots and I gotta figure out
what I’m supposed to do now. And I still don’t know,
I gotta still ask people. Find a black dude, I’m like, “Yo, so
what I do now that Mexicans got on boots?” He said, “You gotta
find you a knife.” I said, “I gotta find a knife? You can’t
have no knife in prison.” He said, “You just got here, huh?”
I said, “Yeah, I just got here.” He said, “Man, you gonna need to
find a dude named Cece and get you a knife.” It’s 3,000 people
on this unit. How the fuck I’m supposed to find Cece? I don’t
know. So I’m just walking around, “Mexicans got on
boots, Cece. Mexicans got on boots, Cece.” Dude say, “Hey,
you looking for Cece?” I said, “Yeah.” “You must need a knife.”
I said, “Yeah.” He said, “Why you need a knife?” I said, “You
ain’t heard?” He said, “Nah, I ain’t heard shit I’ve been at
work all day.” “Mexicans got on boots.” He take off running.
I take off running after him only because he never
told me where Cece was. I catch him, he said, “Man, go on the
wreck yard, Cece gonna be on the wreck yard.” I’m like, “I don’t
want to go on the wreck yard, I just left the wreck yard, it’s
how I found out Mexicans had on boots.” So I’m sitting on the
wreck yard looking around for somebody who may look like a
dude named Cece. So I’m asking, I’m looking, I’m
waiting, I’m saying, “Somebody going to speak to Cece, got to.”
Dude walk by, “What up, Cece?” I said, “Thatís who I’m looking
forward right there.” I see Cece, I nod, he nods back. I
say, “Can I come over there?” He said, “Come on, young blood.” I
get over there, I said, “Hey Cece, Mexicans got on boots.” He
said, “I heard.” I say, “I need a knife.” He said, “Well, come
to my cell in a couple of minutes, I’ll hook you up.”
I get to the cell. I say, “Cece I need a knife.” He
said.. which shit turned different. He said, “What type
of knife?” I don’t know I just fucking got here. He said, “What
type of knife you looking for?” I said, “Something sharp,
something to poke a motherfucker with. I don’t know.” So he put
up a towel and said, “Hold on, let me show you some knives.”
He put up a towel, went under his mattress, took some
shit out, slipped some shit back, and now it’s eight knives
in front of me. It’s like I’m in fucking Macy’s. I’m like, “Yo.”
Like, “You know, what kind of knife you want?” I said, “Well,
you know, what kind of knife I need for a riot? I ain’t never
been in a riot before.” He said, “Well you gonna need something
you can stick multiple people and it break off.” I said, “Is
that right here on the thing?” He said, “No, these are personal
knives. Whatchu want your knife made out of?” I said, “There’s
too many fucking choices, man. I just need a knife to protect
myself.” He said, “Well, god damn it, listen to me, man. Do
you want it made out of wood, plastic, metal, or what?” I say,
“Cece, listen to me, I don’t know because I’ve never been in
a riot before. What’s going to protect me?” He said,
“Fuck! New ass motherfucker.” Like it’s wrong to be just
getting to prison, I don’t want to be here from the beginning,
so calling me “new” don’t mean shit to me. So I said, “So, man,
what would you suggest?” He said, “I suggest something
personal, like a pin top.” Pin top? I don’t want a fucking pin
top knife. I want a real knife. Something I can just get in
there with. He said, “No, what you get with a pin top is a
knife with a pin, but you push a nail through it and then you put
the top on it and just have it in your pocket so we could walk
around with it.” I said, “That sounds pretty cool.
Would that sustain with a riot?” He said, “No, that ain’t riot
knives, that’s just personal walk around.” I said,
“Motherfucker, I need a knife for the riot ’cause Mexicans got
on boots.” I said, “Man, how much is a personal knife going
to cost me?” “Two bags of coffee, come back a little later
on in the day.” I said, “What if the riot jumps off before I get
the knife?” He said, “That ainít my business, that’s on you.” I
said, “Cool, Cece.” So I wait three or four hours and I
knew he was working on my knife because I was down the cell and
I heard [inaudible] on the ground. I said, “Yeah my knife
gonna be sharper than a motherfucker.” Cause I’m hearing
it, I’m hearing it. I’m like, “Yeah, I can’t wait.” And I’m
practicing in my cell how I’m gonna use my knife.. practicing
my shit. So then this dude named Mitch say, “Hey, you
getting your knife?” I say, “Yeah, Cece working on my
knife.” He said, “What kind of knife you get?” I said, “What
the fuck is all the knife questions?” I said, “I got me a
nice, little knife, it’s long. I can hit two, three people.” He
said, “Man, you need more than that.” I said, “What I need
now?” He said, “You need to know about how to fight in the riot.”
I said, “How you fight in the riot?” He said, “Mexicans got on
boots, this is the reason why they have on boots. So they can
kick you in this fucking shin while you’re fighting. Boots are
made out of metal; it’s a metal tip boot. So you got to do
this..” This is Mitch this is in my cell teaching me
how to be in a riot. “Look, first of all, when you get out
there, stay close to the wall ’cause motherfuckers gonna be
trying to stab you.” I said, “Thatís pretty much what a riot
is.” So he’s like.. I got that part off the top, that’s why I’m
getting the knife. Okay. So he say, “Youíre going to have to do
a rock and lean.” I said, “What the fuck is a rock and lean?”
“Mexicans gonna come out there, they’re going to have their
knives, you’re going to have to have your shirt off with your
knife and when you do this you’re going to have to rock to
see what foot the Mexican is gonna kick you with.” I said,
“This is too much, this is too much.” It’s like a fucked
choreographed dance; I don’t know what the fuck he’s doing.
So I’m waiting to get my knife, I’m in there fake
rocking, trying to see what foot gonna come up. How they do that
when you ain’t even in the fucking riot yet, I don’t know,
but I’m out there practicing. I go back to Cece, I say, “Yo,
Cece, I gotta go to the wreck yard, shit look like it’s gonna
get live, I need my knife.” He said, “Man, I just sold your
knife.” I said, “Man, what the fuck, Cece? You said it was a
personal knife for me; it cost two bags of coffee. Why it’s not
fucking personal no more?” He said, “Man, it was personal.
Then the dude came in with three bags of coffee and he made it
business.” I said, “So you sold my knife?” He said, “Yeah, sold
your knife.” I said, “The riot about to jump off.”
“Hey, man, do what you can do.” So, moral of the story how it
end up, I fucking get cut cause I ain’t had a fucking knife and
I forgot the rock. I’m out there rocking with no knife. I’ve been
practicing this shit for two hours. Rock. I’m not getting
kicked, but I’m getting cut. I got cut down my side from a
Mexican who didn’t even have on boots.

100 thoughts on “Ali Siddiq – Prison Riot – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored

  1. This story is actually terrifying, hilarious, but terrifying. In the United States, where slavery is still legal and in the constitution. Where people are thrown into cages and human beings are treating like animals and tortured, being surrounded by extreme racial violence. Not to mention the diseases, and sexual assault/rape, ultimate recidivism, and lack of integration into regular society.

    But hey.. land of the free

  2. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฃ๐ŸŽค

  3. I think everyone need only ankle socks… Solve that whole problem. Only eat finger foods and noone can play any type of games outside… Its prison… Sit and be bored and serve your setence. PERIODt…

  4. If I find myself in prison Iโ€™d faint dead before a Mexican on boots stab me. If I heard that phrase I would say โ€œokayโ€ and carry on with my business. Once the riot starts Iโ€™d urinate on myself and faint.

  5. The obvious message behind this, is that racially integrated prisons are cruel and unusual punishment for everyone.

  6. People just donโ€™t understand how frightening a riot really is…. Been in one ((as a staff nurse)) in a psych hospital and it was nuts…

  7. "Ali Saddiq can see why Mexicans got on boots. But can he see why kids love the taste of "Cinnamon Toast Crunch?"

  8. I could literally listen to him story tell all day and night. It's picture perfect clear in my head lol.

  9. The intro with advanced robots who shoot lasers and yet they miss countless times before hitting a mere human…

  10. See I never just did things just do so them "come on" I got a little more sense than that (T-14:14]…
    Instant resay
    Cumon…Qman…not quite human let the furniture know what's going "on"…help out…story of everything beats goes on like this and you know you got "there" when every body laughs in one what is an M&M loses himself 2…

  11. Why Is Prison So Racially Segregated.. What If You Have Children Outside Your Race & All Yโ€™all Looked Down On By Society So Why Separate Yourselves More ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ

  12. At my shop there's a guy who did time but unlike my ex cons he has a good outlook and a sense of humor ( you guys who have been there know what I mean). After seeing this skit I walked up to him and whispered mgobts, he just stated laughing his ass off and said " where the you hear that." I just wanted to know if it was specific to one place or universal. I got my answer.

  13. This why MF come out worse than they went in. Went in on a non-violent drug charge and was already put in a situation where he could have had to kill somebody.

  14. Boots on not originally American tell Toby there were natives there first brought to you courtesy of the PARTICLE Zoo [quantum detanglement problem there too also (su) Lao) keep your wisdom discernment is stillest fastest difference sum It to Olympus etc…

  15. Bee Z a hive mind Sam was Frodo instead because of what happened at Woolpit sorry Zu Boo ouch et Elliot no go again but I want to go home my thyroid and pineal glands are hurting and it's the I'm rest of galaxy's pain the ass but loveable Rick James (Earth and Star personal references]

  16. Ask TGC band about the encounters ๐ŸŽต … and note it (research elsewhere to(0 or o????] [0k]tik ๐ŸŽต a spiderman is mine etc Bastille the Bad Blood ๐ŸŽต said a reversed rehearsed supposed have retired Captain]….

  17. I've been binge-watching "This is Not Happening". This is not comedy anymore… this should be shelved in the literature section. I can't decide if saving these in my "Comedy" or my "Vision" playlists.

  18. No Shit You Got Stabbed If You Telling Everyone In The Cell You Gettin a knife for the riot ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™‚๏ธ

  19. 9:45 — I've watched this so many times i'm starting to pick it apart like a detective now. I'm pretty sure Mitt was the guy who outbid him for his knife.

  20. This made me truly understand comedic tragedy. Nothing you can do but suck it up. The Happy and Sad mask of comedy. I get it completely.

  21. I was expecting it to turn around that โ€œMexican got on bootsโ€ didnโ€™t mean โ€œthere will be a riotโ€ and it was all an elaborate maze to try to sell new meat useless shit in exchange for sex

  22. Uggh, sexy and a smooth talker (talented communication, you know he slick). Of course he's a bad boy.. Figures…..

  23. its funny how every other Video of Ali… The top comment is (Mexican got on Boots ๐Ÿ˜†)
    And if you search (Mexican got on boots) you wl found (real Mexican on boot) ๐Ÿ˜‘

    Man im happy im here and Now i know whats (Mexican got on f*cking boots) ๐Ÿ˜†

  24. My job tends to hire a lot of ex felons . Are yarnall broke which leaves us with 5 bathroom stalls . Guy code calls for the next available stall is the new urinal and the one after that if it's occupied . The farthest stalls are the designated shitters . But I noticed that the black guys I worked with kept shiting in the designated pisser's . Even new black guys . I found this very odd like they're going by a different guy code than I am . How does so I'm talking with some guys at work about irrelevant subject and I brought up my observation . That's when I learned that in prison different races have to s*** and different stalls . I've never been to prison and honestly I'm not sure why this is even a thing .

  25. Youtube took me here after watching him doing a bit about his daughter being an arrogant swimmer. What a change ๐Ÿ˜‚the prison stories are better

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