Laughter is the Best Medicine

Ali Wong’s Baby Diploma | Hard Knock Wife | Netflix Is A Joke

You know, I think I used to be a much different comic before I had the baby. I used to do a lot more jokes about sucking dick and my pussy. But now not as many jokes about Sucking dick and my pussy because I don’t suck dick no more. When you give birth to a baby When you give birth to a baby
they hand you a diploma that says they hand you a diploma that says “Congratulations.” “You’ve earned the right to not suck dick” “out of obligation anymore.” If my husband were to demand that I suck his dick I would laugh in his face. And then I would go to sleep, and guess what? In the morning, he’s still there ain’t no consequence. We’re handcuffed together by a baby and a mortgage. Checkmate, bitch. It’s over. You ain’t got nowhere to run. I don’t gotta suck your dick anymore you owe me money! And I don’t do as many jokes about my pussy anymore because my pussy is gone. It’s gone. Physically it’s quite intact because I had the C-section but emotionally and spiritually: Ghost in the Shell. Ghost in the Shell— Ghost in the Shell—
it’s an Asian character being played b y Scarlett Johansson! it’s an Asian character being played b y Scarlett Johansson! My husband and I, we don’t fuck no more. We just jack off side-by-side while we fantasize about Puerto Rican people. I don’t have the energy to climb on top of him, clean up after sex put that towel on the bed to absorb that post-sex wet spot. You know, that perfectly round-ass wet spot on the bed that gets all cold in the winter time. It’s like an ice fishing hole. Because it smells like penguins. And is narrated by Morgan Freeman. Alright, I’ve been Ali Wong. Have a good night everybody. Thank you.

100 thoughts on “Ali Wong’s Baby Diploma | Hard Knock Wife | Netflix Is A Joke

  1. I don't know why she has to do those crazy eyes in her comic persona. Huge turn off. I enjoyed this vid more just hearing the audio.

  2. So Asian people think about Latino people,
    White people think about Asian people,
    Does that mean Black people think about white people?

  3. She should have said, "Checkmate, Motherfucker!" Would have been funnier because it's true. But maybe Netflix wouldn't let her use the word, who knows.

  4. I don't find this funny. I can't relate to the topic maybe. But I find the lack of logical observation which is funny. Delivery – every time she says penis and vagina she says it in a weird voice, I guess that is meant to be funny but somehow ain't (to me).

  5. S T O P. R A P E I N G. B A B I E S
    A lil more dry than today // you just trying to pull me 8n // haaaa/ / ive never had a baby // i have a magnetism //oh wow // thank you / aftrr they "get it they use it "…..till it gone ////ha ha / who cleaning ….never mind // 🤨😐😶🙄😶🙄😶🙄😶🤨😐🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

  6. Most of these can barely be classified as jokes more just relying on shock/ranchy statements to get a cheap laugh

  7. You think there's no consequences for NOT sucking your husband's dick, BUT TRUST ME…. There's a bitch out there who WILL suck his dick

  8. The sad thing is most women really think like this…I don’t find this funny at all blah blah blah pussy joke…

  9. Ali Wong is definitively unique , the jokes with her expression and dedication and in the end with her final touch "because i dont want to work anymore" makes her stand ups one of the bests i ever seen . Extremely funny , she better forget the movies and dedicate herself only for the stand ups shows , she can have much more money doing stand ups in less time than doing movies .

  10. Onfg she’s telling all the women’s secrets!!! Lol 😂 I loooove it !!! Soooo fkn real it’s absolutely refreshing!!!! 🥰🥰🥰

  11. Ironically, Ali was divorced and since she signed a prenuptial, there was no hand cuffs. Back to sucking dick, I guess

  12. U know how a lot of what makes John Mulaney's act work is that he dresses rly nice? I love that u can see similar thought put into her wardrobe but in a COMPLETELY different direction and it's fantastic

  13. Im sorry but all this shitty new generation of comedians, keep punching over and over the bag of dirty jokes about sex. Zero creativity, just pussy, dick and co. George Carlin would had beaten up with his fart, these so called funny people.

  14. P.S.A..The planet, especially the U.S., is overpopulated, so please stop havin goddamn kids….the majority of kids grow up to be lifelong debts and disappointments anyway, so people, please, refrain from reproducing and bringing your worthless children into the world….

  15. Red pill have totaly right …. even she made a funny statement about it … but it s harsh truth .. a lot of women were active sexualy with diferent partener ( lover ,alpha male ) in her young age … and when the period to marry or sealte down they found a partner (provider or beta male ) give them low sexualty activity and her bad lazy ugly side and naging all day i… the poor nice man thinking they will make love to their wife every day and that they found a person that love them for who they are .. … but this women are only for their money and stable life …pooor sad guy if they divorced they will go deep hell matrimoney and…. and … if this is not a big scum …i dont khnow what it is .. women after all that you said man are unworty and bad …🤔 and you reclaim inocence and kindess 🤨 ….

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