(upbeat electronic music) – Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I’m Link. – And I’m Rhett. This week at the round
table of dim lighting, we are exploring multiple questions because we’re doing an AMA
which means ask me anything. Ask us anything.
– And me. AUA, ask us anything. – Ow-oo-ah. – Ah-ooh-ah.
– Ah-ooh-ah. – Ahooga. (Rhett howls) – Is that when a cartoon see
something that they like? – Oh yeah, ahooga! It’s like, but it’s a horn of some sort. Thank you Mythical Beasts who– – Horn, it’s a horn. – Who replied to our
request for questions. We log questions we
like and if we don’t get to all of ’em then we’ll get to ’em later as long as we occasionally
get to your questions. – You know what we do with the
questions that we don’t like? We print them out on poster boards and we put lighter fluid on them and we burn them individually. – Right.
– It’s really what we do when we’re not doing what
you see us doing on camera. We are burning so much, it’s so wasteful. – It’s why we smell like soot but we call it the cleansing ceremony. That’s what we call it. Are you ready for another cleanse? – If you submit bad questions, just know that you’re
fueling the giant bonfire of poster board that we
have constantly going in the back parking lot. – Let’s just get into
some questions, oh, but– – Oh, oh! – Ahooga! (Rhett laughs) I wanna tease to something. We got this new idea.
– We have a new idea. – To incentivize you to hang around and listen to this whole Ear Biscuit. At the end, we’re gonna start giving– – A little recs.
– A little recommendation of something that we are into. So we’re gonna try that,
wrapping up every episode with a little recommendation, something that you can
experience in some way that we’ve experienced
and we really liked. – Just a little rec.
– It could be something in the world of entertainment,
audio or visual, it could be a product.
– It could be anything. – It could be a service.
– It could be anything. – It could be an idea. It could be hey, try
on this idea this week. So just a little recommendation
at the end that if nothing from answering these questions
had a good takeaway from you, then we’ll give you something, okay. I like it sometimes when I
invest time in something, even like a podcast. I like having a takeaway. – Knowing that there’s value in it. – Knowing that there’s value
in it and that’s maybe a flaw in my thinking that things just can’t be. – Definitely is.
– That they have to be, hey stay out of it. It’s one thing for me to be introspective, it’s another thing for you to, what’s it called when–
– Extrospection. Is when you put your
introspection on another person. – Don’t insert-trospection
yourself into my– – I’m not inserting anything.
– You are inserting. – (chuckles) I’m not inserting. – Pull out, man. Okay, let’s just get into (chuckles). Here’s a weird one right
off the bat from Vee, @mythicalvee. This was posted four hours ago. No that’s just when we
printed it, said 4h beside it. – Well maybe she’s in the 4-H. – If you were to have a third hand, (chuckles) where would
you want it to be located and what would you use it for? #EarBiscuits. – Well let me just start by saying that I definitely know my first answer to this, but we’re not gonna talk about that. We’re just gonna–
– Why is it that– – We’re gonna just move onto the second, where the second third hand
would be, the fourth hand. – Well I’m sorry but I just have to go to which I think is your first answer. Because I thought that this
was a naughty thing too. It seemed like a naughty question. – Well no, I think what you mean is that we have naughty answers
and I already said that. I’m not talking about that third hand, I’m talking about the fourth hand. Let’s not talk about where it should go. Let’s talk about the other one. – But once I started to
think about the thing you don’t wanna talk about, I actually didn’t know what that meant. So I kinda do need you
to tell me about it. – I think I can explain that to you later. It has to do with
insertrospection. (chuckles) Whatever the word is.
– Oh gosh. – That you came up with.
– I’m not as naughty as you are in the brain. That’s a fact, Jack. – That’s definitely true. But I didn’t wanna talk about that. So where my fourth hand would go is– (Link chuckles) I would have, I find myself– – You can’t be hoggin’ the hands. Naughty man can’t hog hands. – You do the same thing, we both do it because of the nature of our hair cuts. We end up touching our hair a lot. I think I would have a hand
somewhere strategically placed potentially inside the hair itself so that it could go away. So it would be like, you
know those things that, you see those commercials
for the things that the ladies can, anybody can do it but it’s usually the ladies put the things in their hair that gives it some volume. – Like a, yeah. – What is it called, like the
bump or something like that? It’s got a name like that. I would have a hand that was
concealed inside the hair and the hand itself could
style and add volume. – Oh gosh.
– But then the hand could also just reach and grab and straighten. – Right.
– Straighten the hair. (chuckles) You know?
– That’s not a bad idea. But if you go bald, then you
just look like a rooster. You’ve got like, it’s like a cockscomb. – I think at that point,
you get it amputated. – (scoffs) You get it amputated. – No actually at that point,
you know what, it’s just cool. Hand head. – Is it hair-colored hand? It’s a hair-colored hand in the hair. – Yeah it’s got the amount of hair that like a monkey hand would have. (chuckles) It’s a very hairy hand. – You got a monkey hand.
– It blends in. – A monkey hand’s strong too.
– Oh yeah. Like you could hold
yourself up on a pull-up bar with your head.
– Yes, because– – [Rhett] You’d be like an ornament. – You’d think you’d be using it to constantly fruffle your hair, but with a hand that strong,
you’d just be hanging from, you’d be bending over using it instead of your other two hands, or three hands. – Well think about if
you were going through like a small space like a tunnel, you’d have your normal hands on the sides and then the top hand would be like, your head could hit anything ’cause it would always be
caught by the head hand. – Oh wow, that’s good too. And can it, does it have a wrist? Can it come down and cover
my eyes if I’m scared? Is it that big of a hand? – I don’t think so. I don’t think it can. I mean I got a pretty big hand and I couldn’t touch your eyes. You don’t wanna touch your eyes though ’cause that’s when you get pink eye. – I think I want my hand, are you saying that ’cause I have a stye? Have you noticed that? – No.
– Do you see that my right eye is a little puffy? – No that’s what glasses do for you man. That’s why I’m gonna start
wearing glasses in 2019. To cover up my eye problems. – I was in a hot tub over the weekend and at a Airbnb.
– Oh. – With some friends and I
was tired and I put my face under that hot tub and
I just rubbed my face with my hands.
– Oh gosh. – My two hands. And then I came up and I was like, this hot tub smells like lake water. Lo and behold, I woke up next
morning with a puffy eye. – Was it lake water? – I don’t know. I didn’t do a test. – Well I know who you were
with and he seems like he would have done a test. (chuckles) – Right, he didn’t seem phased by it. I gotta ask ’em if they have any styes. – He didn’t touch the water? – Hot compresses, I’ll
be doing that tonight. Don’t worry about me, but
if I had a third hand, yeah I’m pretty vain about
touching my hair constantly too so you might be changing my answer, but I also adjust my glasses a lot. If I just had a hand right
here beside my glasses just to constantly adjust it– – I think you–
– That would work. – I think you could use my hand. – My answer–
– Get a pinkie down there. – My answer is I want a
hand on the end of a tail. So I don’t have a tail.
– Well you don’t have a tail. – I’m talking like a monkey tail with a hand on the end of it. You know how you can put a–
– Oh you get those things that have the sticky things. – The quarter, you put
a quarter in that thing at the exit to the grocery
store and you get a sticky hand. – Well now you’re talking about things that are just not even possible. – But not sticky. I want a hand on a tail. I think that would be great. I don’t know why–
– But the hands– – Why did we lose the tail man? I just can’t believe that
evolutionarily speaking, we didn’t need a tail. – Well because we stood up. The tail was for like trees,
it was for the trees, man. We came out of the trees,
we went on the savannas, we stood up, we looked
over the grasslands. – [Link] I would really
love to have a tail. – [Rhett] We said screw that tail. – Like just a long, expressive tail. Just for communication. Also for grabbing. And probably naughty stuff. – You know what, I think
it can be arranged. I think anything can be done–
– A naughty stuff tail. (chuckles) – Golly. Now you want a hand on the end of it. That’s definitely not possible. ‘Cause it has to be a very
easily controlled tail for the hand to be of any use. You don’t want a tail that
is just sort of hanging there and just wagging. The most you can do is wag and then basically all you’re
doing is waving all the time. You know what I’m saying? You have to have–
– Well it would grab onto the back of my shoulder so
when I was walking around it would look like I was
leading someone by my shoulder. But then I would turn
around and reveal that nope, that’s just a guy with a long tail, like a four foot tail with
a hand on the end of it. – I think I’m gonna go with head hand. – Me too. – Okay we’re gonna get into
more of these questions. But first, we’re gonna let
you know that you can pick up these mugs, the Ear Biscuits
mug with all new speckle. And–
– Mm! This lake water tastes great. – Yeah, it holds lake
water and other beverages. I have on a sweater, sweatshirt. – Yeah you do. – It has GMM logo on it. It’s–
– We call that army green. And that’s pretty fuzzy.
– It’s very fuzzy. It’s very, very soft, very, very warm. I’m in my happy place. Don’t even have but two hands. – Your happy place is within merch. – Uh-huh, yeah.
– I can relate to that. – Mythical.store is where
you get all that stuff. – Let’s get into another question. Paola asks… – Paola, isn’t that some kind of like– – Illegal thing? In another universe you guys are teachers. What subject would you like to teach? My answer is pottery. Like I wanna be a thrower. Isn’t that what they’re called when you’re like spinning
pottery and then throwing it? It’s called a thrower. – I have no idea. – A person who pots, makes pots. Throws the–
– But you wanna be a teacher or you wanna be just a
person who makes pots because there’s a distinct difference. – I actually don’t think it is. I wanna be a guy who makes pots in different mud stuff. – That’s a craftsman.
– And so well that I can teach people– – But what’s more important–
– It seems like– – The crafting or the teaching? – It seems like, well
I have to be a teacher. That’s the question. I wanna teach it. I think it would be fun to teach. – You used the teaching question
as a way to get to a hobby that you wanna make into
your job which is fine but I find it interesting that
the teaching part is not– – I’ll get to that.
– What appeals to you. – No I think that it’s a, teaching as a concept stresses me out. There’s a lot of pressure associated with knowing something so
well to then tell people that stuff and then they’re
supposed to believe it and then impact their lives. That’s just a lot of pressure. I don’t have that type of
confidence and knowledge. I always feel like I
need to state everything accoutred as an opinion and you know what, I love to give opinions. – Oh really.
– On things where there aren’t answers, but
teaching something seems so final and I feel like I can
screw up people’s lives unless it’s just them making a pot. – Mm, but pots can be very,
very special to people. – I also think–
– Be very significant, especially depends on what you put in ’em. – And I like that. So in form I’d like to be an art teacher where it’s not about, if
I’m wrong about something that I’ve passed along
then somebody’s gonna– – That’s interesting,
so the reason you went to art is not because… It’s because you value the
subjective nature of art. You’re afraid to teach
anything that might be considered to be objective
or final in some way. – I think that’s what drew me
to it and also it seems like I think I could be a
zen teacher of pottery. I think it could be… My class would be equal
parts pottery and therapy. Inspirational, I wanna
have an inspirational class where people are just touching mud. – Mm. – ‘Cause it’s like, it’s very primal, playing with mud and dirt
and the spinning motion. It could be symbolic of
something that I would make up just to get people excited. I just think there’s a lot of potential. – It sounds like you really
thought this through. – Yeah. – As you know, I’m not–
– TED Talk, I mean, I’ll be making TED Talks about it. – I am not, I don’t hold back. I don’t have a problem
with telling people things. – Yeah. – In fact, well I’ve talked
about this many times before but my dad’s a law professor and he loves, not just teaching a class because he also likes
telling you what he thinks about things in the same way that I do. – Yeah.
– He likes an audience. If he wasn’t a professor,
he’d be a stand-up comedian. It’s like we have a
very similar personality in a lot of ways and I
ended up being the comedian, not the professor, but
I am not making this up. I really, really want to
be a University professor at some point in my life,
and I’m holding out hope that there’s gonna be some opportunity. – You think you’re gonna
get some honorary– – Yeah.
– YouTube degree? – No to be able to be like,
oh, I’m gonna teach this particular class for
this particular program because of something that is from my past that qualifies me to do it in some way. I don’t know what it’ll
be, 20 years from now. – Do you have an answer for what it is? I mean is it law, do you wanna like– – No.
– Dad-son teach? That would be cool,
you’re gettin’ in on that. – No no no no, I’m not
interesting in that. – Splittin’ the paycheck. Splittin’ the duties. – I’m very–
– Bonding with your dad. – I’m just interested in
so many different things. – You have to pick something
that you’re gonna teach. – You know that I like paleontology, but I like that because
of the idea of the clothes and brushing the dinosaur bones. – Yeah but you’re in a classroom setting. – So I don’t know, it’s
very difficult for me to just think about it in the abstract ’cause I’m thinking about something that I might actually
be able to talk about. Okay, for instance, you
know I took that class at NC State, my favorite class
ever, the futurism class. And that professor was
just an absolute nut and– – Okay that’s a good one for you. – He had written the textbook– – Oh wow. – Single-space Courier font and he put it in his own binder. – Welcome to the future I guess. – And he wore these red suspenders and he was kinda hunched over and he had been teaching at
State for many, many years. – I forgot you took that class. – I think it was called future studies, and it was like introduction
to, my introduction to a lot of science fiction writing and Asimov and stuff like that but–
– Really? – I absolutely loved that. Now I’m no expert on that
but I have an affinity for that stuff so maybe
there’s something in there. Post-apocalyptic literature,
something that’s like, this is just a class that you take when you got some credits that
you just need to fill up and there’s this guy that
used to be on YouTube and yeah, he’s the guy
with a big white beard ’cause I’ll be old and
he’s a crazy professor. I wanna be on like some
college town on the east coast where the leaves change
and you walk around with your sweaters on that say the mascot and you go to the basketball
games, like division three. That’s the college scene
that I’m talking about. – You’re teaching the future. You’re teaching the future to the future. That’s poetic, and then
there’s another guy with a white beard doing
pottery to kinda help people who think visually understand– – You’re not gonna come to the
same school as me, are you? – That’s me. I’m taking half your paycheck. – I think you might go to–
– Branch out. – Community college just outside of town. (both laugh) No I love the idea, love
it, I love teaching. I’m constantly doing it. – Questlove, Questlove–
– See there you go. – He taught like a hip hop studies class. – Yeah exactly. – Boy, I can’t remember where he did that, but I would love to have taken that class. I’ll be a TA. – You wanna be a TA for
a celebrity-taught class. Yeah. – Who doesn’t?
– Yeah. – That’s the one. I will bring my potter’s wheel. – I’m not enough of a expert in anything I think that people would
wanna pay for yet, so, all right so–
– Ask me another question. – (sighs) This is from PraiseSharp. – Okay. An asker of questions. – What’s the one thing you
thought was super fancy as a kid but turned out to be an
average not fancy adult thing? I thought Lunchables were
fancy in middle school. #EarBiscuits. (whistles) – I still think Lunchables
are kinda fancy. – They’re kinda cool, innovative. Still innovative into this day. Still feel like you’re eating future food. – Yeah I feel like an astronaut. – Yeah astronauts eat Lunchables. – Fancy, a fancy astronaut. You see that video of the
astronaut back on Earth and he’s like, he’s holding up a cup and he’s talking with a
pen and then he lets go of the pen to gesture
and then the pen falls and then he looks up to try to find a pen. – This is not a joke?
– This is not a joke. He just, he’d been in space so long that he hadn’t gotten used to when you let something go, it falls. – Gravity. I did see the–
– Fancy. – I don’t know, I saw a video– – It was on Reddit, by the way. – Did you see the video on
Reddit where they were teaching the guy who’d been in the
International Space Station for a very long time how to walk again? – I felt like that might be
too emotional or something. Was it funny? – It didn’t have a soundtrack. No, it wasn’t funny
but it was interesting. It was like dang, this
guy can’t walk anymore. – It’s probably the same
guy who then doesn’t know what to do with a pen.
– He can’t gesture either. – Yeah, seriously. Do you have something in mind? – Yeah. – I had a hard time with this one. – Well I think the way
I was thinking about it, you’ll relate to this. I remember everything seeming fancy. Like the whole town of
Dunn seemed fancy to me. Growing up, when we went to
the Chinese restaurant in Dunn because it had like a gold sign. – This was the town–
– You know what I’m saying? – You drive on 421 10 miles
towards the interstate. – East.
– And then you’d get to Dunn with two Ns. – Yeah.
– They had a movie theater with two movies could play at once. – Twin Plaza. – Yeah.
– They probably still got it. Now, so, but it went beyond
that ’cause it was like, I’ve talked about Shoney’s
before on the show. Shoney’s was super fancy. The Mexican restaurant
in Fuquay, El Dorado. – That was fancy?
– Because you sat down to eat. – Oh I never did that. – All this stuff.
– But you told me about that. – It’s so fancy.
– You told me in grade school about how you would go to Fuquay to go to a Mexican restaurant and I was like– – What?
– What? I didn’t understand.
– And then, once I–
– Like even in high school, I never ate at a Mexican restaurant. – But once I started
getting to know my wife and started hanging out with her family and they would go to like Maggiano’s. You know what I’m saying,
we’re still in chain territory. – Yeah, yeah.
– But like that was like what? – Oh that was the tip-top, man. – I was like, I’d never eaten any place like this in my life. And now I’m just such a douche,
you know what I’m saying? – Darryl’s is the one that I would go to. – Now I’m just a snob. Now it’s like, well I’m not
gonna eat it if it’s a chain. No no, it’s gotta have four
and a half stars at least. It’s gotta be on the Eater LA map. – Right. – And they’ve gotta serve beets. And I mean cold beets in a salad. And–
– A lot of sugar in beets. Watch that.
– But yeah, growing up, man. I wish I could go back to that mentality, ’cause I wish I could turn
that on every single day because then everything would be amazing. – You know what, you jogged my memory. The thing that I thought was fancy because you would talk about it, when you went to Dunn,
that steakhouse in Dunn. What was, they had a– – Heath’s?
– Yes! Heath’s Steakhouse, it
was like a dimly-lit room and then it wasn’t like
the Western Sizzlin’ where I would get a steak, where you’d go through a
cafeteria line and order. They would come to your table
and you’d order a steak. And then you would get up,
after you’d ordered the steak and you would go to the baked potato bar. Ooh! – Man.
– Baked potato bar is fancy. – Is Heath’s Steakhouse,
Feldman is Heath’s Steakhouse still in Dunn, North Carolina ’cause– – How would he know? He’s never even been in North Carolina. – He’s got the internet.
– Oh. – While he’s looking that up–
– Good point. – Another fancy thing, and you might know if it’s still there because
you’ve got family that lives in this town, is Ron’s
Barn still in Coats? – Yes, it’s called, remember
it used to be called Pope’s Barn, became Ron, it’s still there. – Hold on, it was Pope’s a long time ago. – Yeah. – It’s been Ron’s for a long time. – It’s bumpin’ man, it’s still happenin’. – That is a, if you’re
in Coats, North Carolina, is Heath’s Steakhouse?
– Still there. – It’s still there in
Dunn, it’s got three stars. – Three stars on Yelp. – In Dunn, yeah, you know.
– Baked potato bar. – How many? 20 reviews. Well, you know what,
they need more reviews. They gotta get it up. So go to Heath’s Steakhouse,
we highly recommend it. And if you’re in Coats–
– We also grew up with a guy– – Go to Ron’s Barn. The barbecue, the chicken.
– Yeah. – I mean you have the tray. – The fried shrimp is good too. – Oh gosh, it’s so good. – We also grew up with a guy named Heath. I thought he was pretty fancy. – Heath first name, or Heath last name? ‘Cause we also went to school with a guy Heaths was his last name.
– Yeah that’s right, that was his last name. – And I always thought they
were the owners of that place. – They weren’t. He didn’t have anything to do with it. – They have two Heath’s? – Heath’s II is the
name of the steakhouse. – Oh maybe we only know about Heath’s I. – Huh, I don’t know.
– Man. How much is a rib eye there? I just wanna get a Dunn,
North Carolina rib eye price. Before you tell me. Get a rib eye at Heath’s II Steakhouse in Dunn, North Carolina. Get your number.
– I got my number. – It doesn’t say. Okay well that exercise is going nowhere. – My number was $23. – Oh I was gonna 16. – Oh it ain’t that cheap.
– You don’t think so? – Well we’re just gonna have
to go next time we go home. – You’re jaded, man.
– All right, got another question for ya. Chefjess1234 Down Under asks, if you could design a
program physical or digital to make your lives
easier, what would it be? Yeah I like this question
’cause I like how things could be easier for me. And the thing I been thinking about, I want my shower to blow dry my entire body. – Yeah I almost got, yeah. – Is that a thing–
– Yes. – Because I should have gotten that. I knew it was probably–
– Hold on a second. We’ve talked about this. So they make a thing
that was a Kickstarter. We talked about it on the show I’m pretty sure.
– We have? – Where it was a thing that looked like a weight scale but you would get on it and somehow it would dry your body. Now Jessie wanted to get this for me. I looked at it and I was
like, I just don’t see– – It won’t work.
– How this works. But in the process of looking it up, yeah, you can get the showers that not only have the crazy jets from all sides, but you can also add
in crazy blowers, fans. – Man, I got a new shower and I didn’t even think about that. And here I am, I sit
there and I’ll get out of the shower and I’ll brush
my teeth and then like, I break out the blow dryer,
I blow dry my whole body. (sputters) And then I look out my window
and my neighbor could see me. If I don’t close my shades.
– That’s a different problem. – While my neighbor watchin’
me blow dry my body. – I, you know what–
– I drow blob, blow blab my armpits. – I have mixed feelings about this. – And my crotch area.
– Okay, well yeah. Don’t leave that out. I can do that with my third hand. – (chuckles) Just– – I can have–
– Three. – Four blow driers going at once. I got four hands, I got one
on top of my head as well. – (chuckles) You blow dry your head, that hand will get hot. – I have very mixed feelings about this. And this is coming from
a guy who knew about, not that it was a possibility,
that it was a reality, and I am redoing a bathroom at
some time in the near future. – Have you blow dried your
body with a hair dryer before? – I have blow dried my body with a dryer at an amusement park. Were you not there?
– Yeah. – You were there right?
– Yeah. It is ringing a bell that
we talked about this. – We got into the stall and you paid like seven bucks a person. – I think it was at a water park. – Yeah, to get completely
dry and at that point, I was like, this has gotta be a thing. But here’s my mixed feelings,
my mixed feelings are, and again this is where
Stoic philosophy comes in which I partially subscribe to but don’t really actually,
I read a book about it and I like the idea of
denying yourself things so that, just like I
was saying a second ago, if I could go back to that
place where Heath’s Steakhouse was super exciting to me,
then my life would be better, ’cause you–
– I thought you were saying then you wouldn’t go. – No well yeah because the
Stoics had this philosophy that you should never eat
great food and good wine. You should stay away from
that because you should learn to be completely sustained off bland food because you won’t become jaded and you won’t be feeding
into this thing that, you run it up against that asymptote where you never get satisfied. And I think that putting a
blow dryer in your shower is an example of one of those things that will make you a person that, now every time you have to
take a shower elsewhere, like I take a shower at the
gym like three times a week. They don’t have a blow dryer there. – I bet they do, you
just need to look for it. – No I pushed every button there. – Oh.
– All kinds of stuff has come out. (chuckles) – But not even in the,
when you go to the sink, they don’t have a drawer
with a blow dryer? – They have a blow dryer but
they don’t have a blow dryer built into the shower. – I know, I’m just saying
my idea is good enough. And here’s the thing about Stoicism and blow drying your crotch is that, if you don’t blow dry your crotch, it’s eventually gonna
dry so you might as well just accelerate the process so that– – No because the way that the
warm air feels on your body, especially that part of
your body, is probably– – I’m not doing it for
pleasure, I’m doing it for– – Oh give me a break, you’re
doing it for pleasure. Blow drying your body
is fun and feels great. – Well it doesn’t feel bad.
– And the Stoics would never do that. If a Stoic saw another
Stoic blow drying himself, he’d kick him out of the club. – Right.
– He’d revoke his membership. – I wonder if my neighbor’s a Stoic. (Rhett chuckles) You got another question? – You know I do. Brian Pierce. Who would you cast to play yourselves in the Good Mythical biopic which– – Is happening.
– I thought was bi-opic until like last year.
– I thought it was bi-opic too because we only use that
word with each other. – Neither of you can be in this movie, because, thanks for the
clarification because– – Because we’d suck at playing ourselves. – Each of you choose an
actor to play yourself and an actor to play the other guy. So I’ve gotten my picks for this. – Oh, let me hear it, I got mine too. – I’ll start with who I
think would play you, mm-kay? – All right. – You may not know this guy, Logan Lerman. – Never heard of him.
– This is the guy who played Percy Jackson. – In what?
– In Percy Jackson. – What is that? – It’s a book series that was
turned into a movie series. You’d recognize this guy.
– Oh like, just looks like a normal dude. – He’s got one of those faces– – Unmemorable face.
– He’s got one of those faces that can be pushed in a lot of different, first of all, there’s a few
requirements in my mind. – You just said pushed in a
lot of different erections. (Rhett chuckles) That’s what you just said. He has a face you can– – That’s my third hand talking. Pushed in a lot of different directions. So this is what I think is required. This has gotta be somebody– – You got a face that can be
pushed in a lot of, oh my gosh. – In their 20s, I think the
person has to be in their 20s because you wanna be able to
play like from high school to like now so I kinda think
a 20 year old something. Yeah, he’s in talks to play
young Dan Rather in Newsflash. So this guy’s a great actor. – And you know what–
– You should familiarize yourself with him. – And when the biopic
moves into the future, I can be played by Dan Rather. – Exactly. So you should be honored
that I picked him. – How do you know about
this guy by the way? Have you seen Percy Jackson? – My kids have seen it.
– Okay. – Well no the way that I did it, first of all the way that I did this– – How did you think of this guy? – ‘Cause I wouldn’t have
known that that guy’s name, I looked up top actors in their 20s. And a list came up top 25–
– Oh he’s in the top 25. – Actors in their 20s. He’s in the top 25 according
to this one publication. – Oh okay you’re doing me right. – So I only pick people
who are in the top 25, ’cause for me, it might seem a little bit of a stretch literally, I
picked Daniel Radcliffe for me. And I’m going for who I
think can get the face. Now Daniel Radcliffe’s about 5’6″. I don’t know I’m guessing,
I met him one time. So I’m like a foot taller than him. – Yeah. – But he’s very familiar
with hobbit technology and making himself look
smaller than he was so I figured they could do the same thing and make him look bigger. – That’s the director who does that. He’s familiar with hobbit technology. So he can play me.
– No, Peter Jackson is definitely directing the one that I’m, where Daniel Radcliffe plays
me ’cause he’s gonna have to make him look bigger. He’s got to make him be the Gandalf. – What is the reason why
you picked him though? Because–
– Facial features, eyes, buggy eyes. Bring him a picture of Daniel
Radcliffe with his beard. He can play me at
different stages of life. – Okay so with a beard–
– ‘Cause I want a combination of somebody who’s a great talent but also can be me believably
from a physical standpoint. The guy looks like me. – Huh, his beard and hair is lighter than I remembered it being. – Same kind of eyebrows, same
facial structure in general. Same kinda buggy eyes. And also I think that Logan
has a similar thing to you, like face shape, look at that. Look at that second picture of him. No, go back up, that one right there, second from the corner, right there. No down, right there, yeah. Click on that, look at that. You would think that was me. I could make that, (mutters)
we look the same person. – I’m not gonna argue with
you, I mean it’s just, it’s unexpected.
– Okay. But he is too short so
again, Peter Jackson, we invite you to talk the helm. – So first of all, neither one of us were ever gonna say Daniel
Stern an Dana Carvey. – No ’cause they’re old at this point. Daniel Stern in his prime, maybe, but I wanna pick–
– Our doppelgangers. – I wanna pick a good-looking
guy so I can feel good about the movie, you know what I’m saying? And Daniel Stern is, eh, you know. – I decided to go, to flip the script. – Oh really?
– I think the world is ready for the Good Mythical biopic where we, where it’s the female version. – Mm, interesting. – Just like what they
did with Ghostbusters. – Right but you usually have
to have the first version before you–
– We are the first version. – Okay. That’s not how a biopic works
but I’m listening, go ahead. – So I thought, just
in terms of personality and physicality, I’m
picking for me Kristen Bell. I think–
– Interesting. – I think we could be friends. I think, I think everyone wants
to be Kristen Bell’s friend. Doesn’t everybody wanna be my friend? I’m a fun guy to have around. Boy I’m just lock stock
and barrels of fun. – So you kind of see yourself
as like a Veronica Mars type? – Yes. Never seen that show but yes. I mean she’s top of mine
’cause I’m catching up on The Good Place. – Okay. – And then you, my friend, would be Jane Lynch. (chuckles) She’s tall, she’s snarky. The two of them together
would be a really fun movie. – Interesting, yeah. – It’s a really fun movie. – I’d love to see the
two of them together. – The coach in Glee. – I’d love to see the
two of them together. – As well as all the
other stuff she’s done. She’s got that dry wit. – And we know Jane.
– And she already has your hair cut.
– We know Jane. We know Jane. She does the epilepsy march.
– Right. – Every year so we can talk
to her about your idea. (chuckles) – Jane, I’ve got a proposal for ya. – We have a great idea, first of all, Kristen Bell is not yet
on board (chuckles), but we’ll just start with that. – We were hoping you’d be
the one to talk her into it. – Yeah.
– So yeah. Matter of fact, they should just come in and start hosting our show every month. – Is it a mother-daughter thing though because I think that’s
one potential issue there. You know they’re not really– – Age incongruency.
– They’re not really in the same age range.
– Well, CGI. – Well yeah, you’re right,
Peter Jackson’s doing it so. – Right, let’s go all the way. – Did you hear about Peter
Jackson taking the old World War I footage–
– No. – And basically applying
some crazy technology to it. – Oh to make it look amazing and current. – To make it look like
it had been restored. – Restored footage,
yes, but I think I was– – But it was actually restored
to beyond what it would ever have been based on
the technology at the time. You should look this up,
just Google Peter Jackson war footage restoration and… I don’t know what that was
for, but it is fascinating. What is that for? Oh it’s for a movie he’s working on? Is it the biopic? – Our biopic? – Starring Daniel Radcliffe and Lucas Lerman, Logan Lerman. – Okay I’m getting bored,
let me ask another question. Sa Jeuuh asks, if intelligent alien
life exists, and it does. What is the first thing
you would want to know about their civilization? I would want to know if they have music. #EarBiscuits. Okay so Sa would want to
know if they have music. I mean that is a particularly
specific question to ask at first. I think it’s more of like,
once you know your life’s not in danger and they’re cool
and you’re hanging out and you’re just like, I don’t know, hey let’s grab a beer or let’s– – That’s quite a leap, but go ahead. – Huh? – That’s quite a leap. – To say that they’re friendly? – Well because my answer is
I wanna know their weakness. – Tell me your weakness. – Because I know, I don’t care
how the initial meeting goes. The only way that, the only ending, the only potential ending
when two different species from different parts, alien
species from different parts of the universe come together,
the only way it will end is in the annihilation of
one of the people groups. – That’s sad.
– That’s just the rule of the universe, man, you have to assume that that is what’s going to happen. Now we go in friendly,
handshakes, all of that, but just know, eventually,
it’s gonna hit the fan and it’s us or them. – I think you may be tipping
your hand a little bit, all four of ’em, if you ask the question what is your weakness,
so let’s try to come up with another way to get at it. – Well he didn’t say it was
a question, it was like, what is the first thing
you would want to know about their civilization. What is the Achilles heel? That’s the question, I
wanna know what it is. Do they have some, is
there a core in the middle that we can drop a bomb
into that all of a sudden, the whole thing will explode
on itself like the Death Star, because if so, I wanna know what that is. – And then once you find that out, your second question is
like hey do you have music? – (chuckles) Do you have music? – I like the music question. – I think it’s, did y’all
have music? (chuckles) Because we just blew you up. (chuckles) – Wow, you are… You are a bleak–
– Where’s the black box? Is there music on it? (Link chuckles) I’m just a realist, man. – Just to keep the, just the
sub-thread of this thing, of this fire stoked,
my answer is gonna be, how do you do the naughty stuff? – Oh wow. You wanna see a demonstration? – Give me a demonstration if you must. Like I mean that’s the only
part of Avatar I remember. How many–
– And it was tentacles or something right? What was it? – Yeah it was like a tentacle
intertwining of umbilicalness. – It didn’t seem fun. There was no thrusting. – Come on now. Now, but yeah, I mean, and you know what, my question seems innocuous
but it could be the key to finding their weakness.
– It could be their weakness. – And so you just let
me do all the talking just like at all of our Hollywood parties. – Once all of them
tentacle up to each other, that’s when we kill ’em all. (chuckles) – (chuckles) Gosh, you’re horrible. – Once you guys all get
attached to each other and start procreating,
we’re going to blow you up. I mean it’s real sick. Oh hold on there is thrusting. He just brought the video up. Well there was one thrust in
particular it looked like. – I’m just– – Avatar’s coming back,
you know about that, right? He’s been working on that forever. – Oh gosh, yeah there’s
gonna be four of ’em. – We got a buddy who
lives pretty close to us who has been traveling all the
way down to Manhattan Beach I think is where they’ve
been working on it who’s been doing a lot of the costumes. – Costume designing on all the Avatars. – But the funny thing is I was like, well what are you working on now? He said, “Well, I’m doing some,” and he’s not like a stylist. He literally is drawing the stuff. – Yeah. – And this is like, this is
his job for like a decade. That’s (chuckles), you
know what I’m saying. Once you start working on
that, that’s just what you do. – Yeah once you start
working with him, yeah. – Because he’s just got so much stuff. – What’s his name? – James Cameron.
– James Cameron, the deep sea diver. – That’s our friend. We got a friend who’s working on Avatar. His names is James Cameron.
(Link laughs) Jim Cameron, yeah we called him Jimmy. – (chuckles) Jimmy Cam. (both chuckle) (Rhett sighs) – Having fun today, Link.
– What is your weakness, James Cameron? – Jennifer Flores. If you could instantaneously
give yourself a quality you don’t already possess,
example desire to clean, photographic memory,
write poetry, breakdance, what would it be? Now keep in mind this is not a superpower. We’re not talking about
something that doesn’t exist. – This question matters.
– This is a quality that humans can have and you could, through a
combination of natural talent and practice, get
straight-up, but this is just, you can snap your fingers
and you can get it. What would it be?
– Instantaneously. You know since we’re
working on music and stuff, this isn’t my answer,
but I was thinking like– – You’re gonna take my answer. – Something in the music
world but I actually, I stopped that ’cause I
didn’t wanna go there. – Okay. – I applaud your efforts
in learning the piano. As we gear up for concerts. – And I think that’s why my
answer was to be a virtuoso. – Oh, on a piano?
– Well, so– – On any instrument? ‘Cause my answer is
different but go ahead. – Well, if it’s an option
to be a musical virtuoso of all instruments, which,
I mean there are people who can play a lot of, but
that’s kind of multiple skills. So I would definitely do that but if I had to choose one instrument
and this is probably because I’m just beginning to learn, I do think it would be the piano. – Yeah. – ‘Cause I just think
that what you can explore on the piano is just limitless. – I was sitting down,
Lando called me over, he was like, “Tell me, do you prefer it “when I play this song
like this or like this “because I’m encouraged,”
he didn’t use the word, “She told me I can change
it any way I want,” and he played it two different ways and I was just so envious
and proud of the way that he was able to move his
fingers across the ivories. And he’s actually learned to,
whenever he feels overwhelmed or anxious, he will go over
to the piano and start playing and it’s a calming, a calming effect. – Does it come out in the music? Is he like, this is my angry song. – No, it’s more of a
calming, he always plays like a calming thing which he’s, one of the songs that he’s working on now. But just the level with
which you can get in touch with, it’s just a connectivity
to a different part of your brain and body that I am envious of,
especially with the piano, the way there’s a lot
of physicality with it and it’s like a full body experience. Are you experiencing
that as you’re learning to play the piano? Is it–
– I’m not– – I know it’s early. – Well the funny thing
about this and you will, if you come to the London show or you come to any of the shows that
are booked for 2019, you will see me play the piano. Now, interestingly, I’m doing it the way that I’ve always done which
is, I didn’t learn any songs. I learned a little bit of–
– Right. – Easy by Lionel Richie. – Yeah, I was impressed. – But then I quickly just
move onto writing my own song and so what I can do
is I can play the songs that we’re going to sing. Well, definitely gonna
sing at least one song, I think, hopefully two. But I am so, but I’ve been
this way with the guitar. I was like, I don’t play a bunch of covers on the guitar.
– Right. – It’s just I am able to play the thing that I’m actually doing
and within the parameters that this song allows, and so then I have to kind
of build and of course, I’m starting out in the key of C because that’s the easiest
place to start on the piano and so you can kind just get the feel down before you have to really
start involving other parts of the board that may
be intimidating, so– – In all the instruments I play, I can only play what I play in those songs that I play them in.
– Right, you just can’t pick it
up and just be like, we do the same thing, we
kinda learn how to fit like, this is what we need to do for this song and for guys who write
musical comedy music. – Right, it’s fine.
– You can kinda get away with that. I went and saw Dawes,
one of my favorite bands. Put on an incredible show at the Orpheum and I was just like, you know, sometimes I’m envious of people
who just do the one thing, like I look at the guy playing the piano and I’m like, I’m not
saying the guy doesn’t have other interests and other abilities, but pretty much what
he does is I’m the guy that plays piano in this band and he’s so good at it. Everybody who plays their
own individual instrument, the whole 10,000 hours
thing, they’ve just done it and what we tend to do is
just like all right well, we’re gonna, this is the
thing that we’re doing. Let’s figure out how to do that. Not become experts but no
become good enough at it to do it and to learn something from it and then move on to the next thing. So I don’t know, being
able to snap my fingers and have that ability
would just be awesome. – Yeah to be a virtuoso instantaneously at the language that, the
universal language that is music. – Right and then you could–
– That’s powerful. – Just play music to the aliens which, in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, they communicated via music. And now, Close Encounters
of the Third Kind, great movie, again, they
music and it makes you cry. Eh, it’s not realistic. Because they play a little
song and then it would end with a laser beam just
blowing up the Earth. That’s how it should have ended. – Mm. Unless they were trying
to procreate and then, the joke’s on them. For me, my answer, the one
that I’m going with is, ’cause I get so frustrated with this, is that I would be able to
remember everybody’s name. Once somebody tells me their
name, I would know it forever. And maybe I could get away with saying I would remember everything,
but I’m just gonna, this name fright thing I
think is getting worse. – Oh well you’re getting older. Your brain is getting worse.
– I am psyching myself out– – There’s no changing it.
– People whose names I know I now don’t say their name to their face because I have this little shred of doubt that’s getting bigger
and bigger that I’m not, I’m not gonna say their right name. – Well there’s a good
reason for that doubt. – And I’ve known ’em since first grade, it’s gonna be really weird. Like Rob, eh. – Yeah.
– Did you just call me Rob? – Just say man. – I know, but that’s–
– Hey man! – That’s not a great way
to make people feel valued or known.
– Heya. – Heya.
– Heya. Heya.
– Hey girl, hey girl. – Okay, well.
– Hey lady. – Good luck with that. Miri H says, what’s the best/worst practical
joke that you’ve played on someone or that was played on you? – Well, you know the
first thing I thought of. The best/worst practical joke that we did. – Yeah, well we’ve told this story before so I’m gonna tell an
incredibly condensed version and really what I’m gonna say is that I learned recently that my kids
had never heard this story. – Give ’em enough, I mean, even if you’ve heard it,
it’s worth hearing again because it was the
best/worst practical joke we ever played on everybody. – Well but you have to tell both parts. We have to tell the
high school part first. – Yeah.
– In high school, we were in a group of
friends that was six guys and six girls, there was some dating that happened off and on, you know, it was just like a television show. And there was one night in
particular that all the guys were outside and we were all
gonna go someplace together and the girls were inside
one of the girls’ houses and we wanted to get inside. In fact, Link had to do
a number two, a doodie. – Yeah, a poop.
(Rhett chuckles) I needed to poop. – And they thought it would
be funny to not let him in. – To lock the door. – So what that turned into–
– And I in turn thought it would be funny to crap in
a box, like a Tupperware– – There was a Tupperware box outside. And Link went behind the
bus, her dad drove a bus. – I think her mom drove the bus. – Okay Mom drove the bus. – There was a wood pile back there too. I remember the smell of
wood when I was squatting– – Intermingling with the smell of doodie. – Yeah, I was trying to poop in the box. – So he poops into the Tupperware and then we take the Tupperware, we put it in the girls’ car, it was Leslie’s car and
it was a white Plymouth– – A claim.
– A claim. Great car. Puts it under the front seat.
– Yeah. – And leaves the top
off, we close the doors and then we get into our car
’cause the whole idea was eventually we’re all gonna go someplace in two different cars
or three different cars, whatever it was. I remember sitting in my car which, we had the lights shined on them as they were getting in their car. The girls come out of the house– – And I actually wasn’t in the
car because my vantage point, somehow I was in the house, looking out. – Oh I was in the car, I saw
the whole thing from the car. – I was in the house, I don’t
know how I got in there. – So they get into the car and
then immediately get back out and start looking at their shoes. Like who stepped in dog crap, which could happen in North Carolina. – And watching that–
– It’s everywhere. – That’s the moment where it felt so good. It felt so successful. To see them scramble
around and everyone to look at their own shoes.
– Yeah. Now they overreacted.
– I’ll tell ya. It smelled worse than any
dog poop you’ll ever step in. – Oh human feces is the
worst smell on the planet. – And mine is the worst of that. – So again–
– I mean all I ate in high school was like
Cheetos, peanut butter and chocolate milk. – So one of the girls took the Tupperware and went into Chris Gardner’s car and opened the door and
threw it onto his seat. Threw, just straight up crap. – I actually wiped that
part from my memory. No pun intended.
– They overreacted. They didn’t set the Tupperware down, they put it into his seat,
just straight dookie. – They were angry.
– Now first of all, let me just say, this is a horrible story. Don’t do this, yes there
was something wrong with us. There is still something wrong with us. But you asked the question. – But at least, I mean
we were in high school. We were immature, it’s not
like we were in college. – It’s not like we were married. So, ’cause we were married
when we did what I’m about to tell which is part two of this story. – No we weren’t, were we? – Yes we were because
I remember being in bed in Chapel Hill with my
wife when I got a call from you-know-who who told
us that we had to apologize. (Link chuckles)
We were married when we did this.
– Oh gosh so here we are telling this story again. – Okay so long story
short, there was, again, some girls who we knew
who were having a party and they were making a
big deal about how fancy it was gonna be and how they
were all gonna dress up. We were like we’ll see about that. – But we were hanging out with friends. I mean I don’t think– – We weren’t even great
friends with these girls. The guys were hanging out
with were better friends with them but we knew everyone involved. So anyway–
– We were hanging out with the guys and we weren’t
gonna go to the party. – We weren’t gonna go to the party. – We were just hanging
out over here just– – We were kinda being,
a little bit already about the party because we thought that the fact that they were
dressing up, we’re like, get over yourselves, we’re
all in college, who cares? But we started to tell this old story about the crap in the car. And then I don’t know
who came up with the idea but it was why don’t we all start crapping in this Tupperware and
see where that goes. (sputters) – (laughs) And so, Link went first. Greg went second.
– By the way, I highly recommend–
– Going first. – If multiple people are
gonna crap in a Tupperware, go first. – I know that, did Tim, Harm and Greg all, ’cause I didn’t, I did not. I didn’t have to and nor did I want to. – I feel bad because you know, they hate it when we tell this story. – Yeah, right–
– On the internet. – Well we didn’t use full names. – And then we’re sitting
here telling it again and every time we do it, it’s just like, all it brings up for
most of them is just like shame and frustration and
why are we still milking this for comedy?
– 20 years ago. – I’m sorry, guys.
– We said it was– – I’m sorry that we keep talking about it. – We said it was the worst. – But then we also said it
was the best and we’re also– – No no no no.
– Still grinning. – No you said it was the best. – I was joking. – It’s the worst.
– It is the worst. – Don’t recommend this. Now so–
– The answer to the question is no, everyone didn’t participate. – But like four guys did, enough. I mean all you need is one, trust me. But four is worse than that. So then we came up with a
plan, this is so stupid, so, so mean, don’t do this. We came up with a plan
to go over to the party. I would begin talking to
everybody and create a distraction in one room and then Link
would go in the other room, he has a bag of Lay’s
Potato Chips which instead of the chips in the bag, it was a Tupperware full of human feces. (Link chuckles) He would go, he would put the
Tupperware underneath a couch or some piece of furniture,
he would take the top off and then we would all leave. (laughs) This is exactly what happened. We showed up and waited five
minutes, the plan was executed, we got in the car, we gave each other five like a bunch of idiots
and then we drove back to whoever’s house we
were at to begin with and then that was when the
phone started blowing up because obviously we were the ones that were responsible for it. – I think it took some
amount of time for them to actually locate the problem. – Seven minutes is a long time. If it took that long. You just follow your nose
really is what you do. And anyway–
– It was quite a search I was told.
– So we did not respond to any of the phone calls
and then like I said, I was married at the time. My wife was still in college,
I was still kind of hanging with the folks in college and… – Which makes you a loser anyway. – Right.
– And me ’cause I was married.
– And then, another adult much older than us who
knew all of us called me and was like, first of all,
there was five guys involved. He was like you and
Link need to apologize. So we had to be the ones to go apologize. – And you know what, I
think that was totally fair. – And so we went over to the girls’ house, we sat down with the two
girls whose house it was and we apologized and we
did feel bad about it. It was a mean thing to do. But I ended up telling
my kids this story– – Like a week ago?
– In the past month and they could not believe
that it had happened. So I guess this is, it
doesn’t seem that crazy to me. I know it was wrong but
they could not believe that we did it, and then– – It’s heinous.
– When their cousins came into town, cousins both in high school, my two nephews, they were like, “Dad. “You gotta tell them. “You gotta tell them
that story,” and I told– – A cautionary tale.
– And I told them the story and again, it’s just
like, they can’t believe, and again yeah, you
shouldn’t crap in Tupperware and leave it in places. I mean, should have known
that but it took two times of doing it to know that it was wrong. – But I thought you told
me that they had ideas for how you could have
done the joke better. – Well, Locke did say, “Dad. “You should totally
have waited much longer “than right after you got there, like, “you should have gone to the party “and then like an hour into the party, “unleashed it and then
stayed for the search.” – And then been the one to find it. – And I was like, it
wasn’t a game of Clue, son. It was a prank. We just wanted to leave. But if you’re gonna do it, do it that way. – It made it painfully obvious. – (sighs) How many miles of toilet paper, this is fitting. This is from Michael Alberts. How many miles of toilet paper
do you think you’ve used? #EarBiscuits. I did the calculation. Now first of all–
– Oh really? – Did you look at any of my numbers? – No, you know what happens
to me when I look at numbers. – Well just guess. How many miles of toilet
paper do you think I have used in my life? – Well you are old. – Yeah.
– And you do wipe a lot. – Yeah. Two factors that you need to know. – And a square is about,
what, four inches? – Yeah, traditionally four
to four and a half inches. – Oh, okay. – In length, I went with
a four inch measurement. – Oh, wow. – So you’re in the ballpark already. – Let’s see, I’m gonna say, you want it in kilometers or miles? – I would like it in miles because that is what Michael asked for. – Okay. – Bloodmime on Twitter. Interesting. – I’m gonna say just
for nice, clean answer a marathon, 26 miles. – Okay, that is not a bad guess at all. Because I calculated 38 miles. – Whoa. 38 miles. So I undershot it. – What I based this on
is me over the course of a lifetime averaging
20 squares per wipe. Per trip. – First of all that’s too much. That’s a–
– I averaged at 20 because as like a teen, it was just indiscriminate.
– You were reckless. – Yeah, so I use less than that now, I use a minimal amount
of squares at this point but it doesn’t take long
to get to 20 squares. Now that came out to an average
of twice, two craps a day. – Two craps a day? – On average?
– Okay. I would say one, I think one’s plenty. – 201,000 feet basically
which comes out to 38 miles. Which is about a mile
of toilet paper a year. Now just to make sure that I wasn’t crazy, I did go on the internets
and I did look up that the average person
according to Mental Floss does about 1.3 miles per year. So I was, my calculation
was in the ballpark and what this equates
to is about 50 pounds of toilet paper per person per year which, this is surprising, a two
person household goes through on average 1 tree worth
of toilet paper per year. – A two person household.
– A two person household doing that–
– They wipe a tree’s worth. – 1.3 miles of toilet paper per year which is about 50 pounds of toilet paper, equates to a tree. I don’t know how big a
tree, a tree could be– – Yeah that’s–
– Quite a sliding scale on the size of trees but a tree’s worth of toilet paper. Just think about that next
time you’re cleaning up. – I’m surprised that
there’s not some other, some shammy version of a paper towel. – No doubt there is, I’m sure
you can get it on Amazon. – Like a reusable–
– Well don’t you remember we met that guy in
Asheville, North Carolina when we were shooting the pilot episode for Commercial Kings. His name was like Star
or something like that. He’s one of those older hippie dudes that was essentially
homeless in Asheville. – [Link] Uh-huh. – But he had created one single plastic bag’s worth
of trash for the entire year. He was like, this is all the waste that I’ve created for the year. All waste. – So what did he wipe his butt with? – Whatever, the shammy
you’re talking about. – Oh.
– He had a shammy no doubt. Now because it’s just
like the cloth diapers. – Or you could use a bidet. – Yeah even after, well,
if you had the bidet with a blow dryer. – Mm-hmm. – But you really gotta
stay down there for awhile to get completely dry. – Yeah, yep, doesn’t happen. – So. – Well that’s it, we’re
ending with some math. We saved enough time since we’re at this point in the podcast, I wanted to get into a recommendation ’cause we said we’re gonna end the podcast with a recommendation.
– Yes, right. – So the recs are in effect. Check baby check baby one two three four. – So each week, one of us
will have one recommendation. Sometimes we will both have a
point of reference for this. Sometimes we won’t. – This one is a dual rec. – Yeah so this is something
that my kids found. I was–
– And then you texted it to me and it blew my mind.
– I was with my boys over the holidays and the three of us were in the hot tub and we started watching YouTube videos. And they were like, “Dad,
Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad. “Search Badlands Chugs.” – Badlands space Chugs. C-H-U-G-S. – I was like Badlands Chugs? They were like we love this guy. We love him.
– Mm-hmm. – So Badlands Chugs is the
recommendation for this week. – Well you sent me a link to
a particular episode that was, it was a tutorial. – It was the tutorial part one. – Tutorial part one, this was
the first thing I ever watch and I had a great experience starting with that particular video–
– You don’t have to start there but I feel
like you get the full breath of what Badlands is about
if you watch the tutorial. – Yeah I mean he’s a
mountain of a man who, I started looking on Wikipedia and finding out who this guy was, just the back story is, he’s a professional competitive eater. – Yeah.
– But he also is a professional chugger of liquids. And then he has YouTube videos where he’s just chugging different things. – It’s remarkable.
– It’s remarkable. But then he does a
tutorial in multiple parts where he teaches you his techniques. – He calls it opening up the chug books. – But the way that he talks, the things he chooses to say
and the ways that he chooses to insert pregnant pauses
because there’s not much of any editing.
– That’s the– – It’s brilliant.
– I think that’s the most significant thing, beyond
everything that you just said is the fact that at least
in the 10 or so videos that I’ve watched, no jump cuts. And he doesn’t, no pun intended, milk it. So you’ve got, he has, by the way, chugged an entire gallon
of chocolate milk. And he does it in one single chug, okay, in like under a minute, it’s nuts. Now I don’t know if he throws up later but he doesn’t show you that.
(Link chuckles) So many YouTubers and
we may be guilty of this to some degree, but we don’t
really make these kinds of videos but I watch, I’ll click on those videos where, there’s the dudes in
Australia who drop things. They go out and drop
things off of that tower. – I haven’t seen it. – Somewhere in the western,
like near Perth or something in the western part of Australia
and entertaining videos, I don’t remember the name of ’em but they drop things onto things. Sounds like something that we would do. It seems that’s the main thing they do, at least those are the
ones that I clicked on, but they’re really playing
the YouTube game hard. We know about that, these
videos are over 10 minutes long. There’s a bunch of editing
and they’re constantly kind of building up to something, they’re asking you to
subscribe and to hit like and different things and
playing the YouTube game all throughout which I can tolerate it because I understand that that’s how you gotta make a living. Badlands Chugs says
uh-huh, what I’m gonna do is I’m going to cut the camera on, I’m going to tell you what I’m doing. I’m going to show you the Sprite Cranberry that I’m about to chug. There’s gonna be a very short intro that says Badlands Chugs
or something like that and then it’s gonna come back and I’m gonna chug this
thing and then when I’m done, I’m gonna say, “See ya next time.” And it’s gonna be as long as it is which is typically two minutes or less. And that’s a Badlands Chugs video. That’s what open up the
chug books is all about. – I like at the end of
tutorial part one he was like, and next time, I’ll
teach you something else. It’s like you can tell
he doesn’t quite know what he’s gonna teach you next. – But he’ll figure it out.
– But he’ll figure it out before then and then he does and then he teaches it to you. – So that’s the
recommendation if you’ve got some time to kill, Badlands Chugs. – You don’t need time to kill, you need to rearrange your life. – You wanna see–
– To prioritize it. – A man just absolutely kill beverages. – Ha! I’d love to meet him, I think he was on Kimmel a few years back. – Oh really?
– So it’s not like we’re the first to discover this guy. – Oh no, no no no. And he recently passed… – He’s dead? – (chuckling) No, he easily
passed 100,000 subscribers. (chuckling) I think he’s zeroing in
on 200,000 subscribers. Hopefully we’ll send him over the edge. – Maybe we can get him on our show. – I’d love to chug, man. Love to chug with that man. – Let’s look into that. All right, thanks for hanging with us and listening to us answer questions that other people have
asked on the internet. That’s what just happened.
– Hmm. – People ask us questions– – Well when you put it like that. – And we answer them. You know, from our own personal experience and knowledge and… You got, it’s real. I mean it got real.
– I really like the spin you put on that. – All right, hit that like button. Click the bell! All that jazz.
– Click the bell for notifications. Make sure you like, comment and subscribe and we’re gonna be dropping a bowling ball onto a block of ice from 100
feet at the end of this video. – You know we would if they
hadn’t already done it. – We don’t have a tower like that. – Come back next week and
we’ll teach you something else. – You can’t do that in Los Angeles. – #EarBiscuits. Talk at us and then next
week we’ll talk back to you. To watch more Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist on the right. – [Rhett] To watch the previous
episode of Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist to the left. – [Link] And don’t forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe. – [Rhett] If you prefer
to listen to this podcast, it’s available on all your
favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your Mythical best. (electronic music)