Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have some H20.” The second says, “I’ll have some H202.” The second chemists dies. A logician’s wife is having a baby. The doctor hands the newborn to the dad. The wife asks, “Is it a boy or a girl?” The logician replies, “Yes.” There are only two hard things in computer science. Cache invalidation. Naming things. And off by one errors. How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce this word. Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry. We don’t serve noble gases here.” He doesn’t react. Entropy isn’t what it used to be. Did you hear about the chemist who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s OK now. Have you heard of the band called 1023 megabytes? Of course not. They haven’t had any gigs yet. A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinis. “You mean ‘martini’,” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it.” Two kittens on a sloped roof. Which one slides off first? The one with the lowest mew. A programmer’s wife tells him, “Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs – get a dozen.” So the programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread. The Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest says, “We don’t allow Higgs Bosons in here.” The Higgs Boson says, “But without me, how would you have mass?” It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog stand and says, “Make me one with everything.” And finally, what do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?