We are here to roast Jackky Bhagnani, The Legend And his crew and cast all the way from Mitron..! can we have a round of applause for Jackky..! He is almost shitting his pants right now, one more round of applause for him So we are going do a roast These are the wonderful Roasters that are going to AAA Give some doze of mean comedy to all these people out here We are going to Roast each other and we are going to enjoy it And you all will watch that like a Stripshow… So ladies and gentlemen.. We are going to begin this wonderful Roast AAA This is all in good faith, and… and zest and humour And we don’t even relate to each other..so. it’s all cool. so, it doesn’t even matter If you see Om Bhatt smiling he reminds you of a Piranha Esha, you don’t have to laugh so much on that. When you laugh, you look like a local dracula..! Om Bhatt thinks that… Everybody except him has a bad breath. he actually has… so I told him that Om, the thing you see as mouth is actually people’s Navel.! Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome with a huge round of applause… The first Roaster of the evening…. Shorter than E.T.! OM BHATT! *Om’s Baby steps* You guys can see me right..? Deep : oh..Wait a min. take this..! Thank you Yeahhhhh…! Give it up for our Roast Master Ojas..! He speaks great Gujarati.. His language, his pronunciation … Is so strong..that he even shits doodies in cursive..! Chirayu… look at his face! Chirayu looks so mature… that on one occasion his grandma touched his feet for blessings. no.. no..it’s a fact..! But…Dhwani bhai is going through a bad phase… yaa..because for casting couch, he asks the actor to bring the couch. yaa.. there is a board outside his office saying “Bring Your Own Bed” Shivam has a weird hobby of street photography. yaa.. keeps roaming around in alleys and clicking around… now he has gotten so used to the alleys …that if you rub your feet against the road…he runs behind.! Pratik also lives in the same alley.. both friends run together now..! For a Garba song in Mitron, Kritika Shot for 18 hours at a stretch..! in which she did bhangraa for first 17 hours.. at the end they had to make Pratikbhai wear the dress and do her part. Talking about the man of the hour…. Jackky Bhagnani…ladies and gentlemen…! On IMDB , It says Jackky Bhagnani has worked in 9 films out of which one is CID Even ACP Pradyuman would say “something is wrong Daya..!” “What is this dead body doing..?!” No… no but there is a lot of pressure on Star kids.. and Jackky has even more pressure… and so he SHITS ONSCREEN..! Esha once said in an interview, that she is heart broken And i believe her.. because after watching Mijaaj and Duniyadari, our hearts’ valve were blocked..! Junior Artist’s Jaylalita The Gorgeous Esha Kansara.! Even If Ojas gets a girlfriend … Then just as Om said, he is so Gujarati…. He pronounces Gujarati so precisely that.. He will call his Girlfriend as “A Ride to Heaven” Ok… i am apologizing beforehand… i don’t want any trouble later on. Om..! First of all… it is written on the ticket that is a 16+ show… so, why was Om allowed inside.. but no worries… one day… Chirayu’s Girlfriend… Chirayu’s Girlfreind said ” baby..” today… we will try finding the G-Spot. and the next day Chirayu came home with a bottle of Gold Spot..! Shivam Parekh is so dumb… That he uses “Japani Tel” as hair oil..! Jackky is so lucky that his father only is a producer.. So normally after the movie people get their payment and Jackky gets Pocket money… *Buffering* And even if his dad ever makes a biopic on Jackky…. he would cast Uday chopra as the lead role. you shameless lot..! See..Esha this is how you do it..! Take a Look at the stage.. we have a horrible actor.. an untalented monkey.. a failed filmmaker.. the prince of ugly land and i am just talking about Dhwani Gautam Ojas signs movies according to his fetish… did you know..? look at the names of his last few films.. Polampol Tamburo Tari Matey Once More the two dignitaries sitting here… Samvedna and Ojas.. both of them are doctors.. but they don’t use “DR.” in their names.. there are a lot of engineers who put “ER.” in their names.. That day is not far away….when… Shivam and Esha.. who are Bcom passouts.. would start using “BC.” in their names. Pratik has played amazing characters.. Mahatma Gandhi… Chandrakant Baxi.. Raju is his latest.. but by his looks.. he still looks like Gulbhai tekra’s Ajay Devgn..! He can neither Direct nor can he Roast..! Samvedna calls herself a feminist.. And that is why she signed a film with Siddharth Randeria.. *Ojas trying Mimicry* *Again on Public demand* Enough! Samvedna recently got her braces removed.. Now the only unanswered question is, how will she catch kites on uttarayan.. Ojas is so Gujarati… That to get high, instead of rolling a joint, he would roll a khandvi.. Isn’t it..? Esha… Looking very pretty today i was very curious about you….you used do TV….Right..? So… Why would somebody go from a national platform to a regional one.. but then a read on her Wikipedia page.. She did a serial called… “Ek Nanad ki khushiyon ki chaabi… …Meri Bhabhi” Now we know that Gujarati film was a step up for you..! well done..! *Esha dying inside* Om you’re so tiny, you’re so cute.. i just had one question about your love life…. Ummm how do you like the feeling of a spoon in a bucket… just a question..just curious… My very dear friend Pratik..! Congratulations..! so happy to see you in bollywood films like Loveraatri and Mitron… You look so good standing on side.. no.. but seriously..and i also look up to him.. I mean he is married to a very talented woman…who’s also a very great actor.. just one question Did you regret on the sets of Loveraatri, that instead of marrying a talented woman, you should have married a we connected one.. *Pratik’s realisation* Jackky.. well done… Karan Johar would be very proud of you.. you’ve made him very happy because you are the best example of the fact … that nepotism does not always work..! Chirayu has made great progress in his career ladies and gentlemen… he used to travel by local transport before, now he travels in local transport with A.C. And Chirayu is the world’s first Demotivational speaker… Chirayu is the world’s first Demotivational speaker… If you watch his Josh talk, you would get depressed People at back are really Evil poor fellow tried speaking in english..you heckled ” speak in gujarati” What’s his fault if your parents didn’t send you to school.. Ojas is really so single…. that some people worship him on saturdays Give it up for Dhwani Gautum once again…yes.. Dhwani Gautum…so classy…right..? Almost Karan Johar If you ask him “Do you listen to normal music?” He would say “No i only listen to western music bro..” Just western Jazz and all… Once i went to his house and caught him dancing on his bed on “Rinkiya ke papa” With Rinky’s dad..! Esha..Esha wanted to learn karate when she was young.. but her mother made her learn Bharatnatyam. She thought, “She already looks Masculine….” “if she learns karate…then she will even grow a moustache…” Has everyone watched Avengers..here..? when thanos snapped… half the world vanished.. but it did not affect Om..! om was like ” how much more will i vanish” Has everyone here seen sacred games…? when Kritika first watched Sacred Games.. She thought Sacred Games was a video game.. she asked “Why is the Mario swearing so much..?” She thought that Cuckoo is duck hunt.. She got clarity after watching Cuckoo’s Magic. (Watch Sacred Games to get the Joke) When i called Shivam to ask questions about this Roast he said He has had 8-9 relationships till now. but not in any of those relationships, did the girl love him back… Shivam that is not a relationship, its called Masturbation. *Clarifying with Wordplay* very very bad thinking..thoughts very bad Pratik Gandhi is such a thin person… that once during Christmas, he dressed up as Santa Claus… But then the Zomato Guys took him away thinking of him as a Delivery Boy. To read Jackky’s interviews you need courage…! I read 35 interviews of him… I had to drink 2 redbulls I read in one of his interviews that… At one time, Jackky had named his beard,
“Sultana Daaku” then I thought what does he call the other parts of his body? It can be… Ramesh… Suresh… Chhota Udaipur… Shivam’s Stardom is awesome ladies and gentlemen… Outside the hall, Jigardan Gadhavi met him and said “here… take my car keys” He thought Shivam was a valet.. He went and parked the car also… Ojas bhai loves eating street food…. Totally mad about it.. If he sees something fallen on the ground he picks it up, asks “Ram ke Bhut” and eats it.. Once…. Once….he ate a condom thinking of it as Chewing Gum…. that too a used one Chirayu Mistry… Once.. went to a sexologist… the sexologist said…. “your Fertility is less” “Use some fertilizer to get something up..” Pratik… @#%$! Pratik. Pako..! our very own Pako..! He is so thin that….during the shoot of Ventilator… Jackie Shroff called everyone “Bidu” “Bidu” And called him “Bidi” Kritika… Kritika has the mirror form Cinderella in her room… looking into that mirror Kritika once asked.. “Mirror mirror tell me who is fairest of them all” The mirror said Neil Nitin Mukesh Jackky bho… umm..sorry.. Bhagnani What should I say about him… he is officially Bollywood’s Rahul baba.. No one takes him seriously….. Ladies and Gentlemen.. by most beloved friend.. and a very bad actor…. The mimicry artist from
Maninagar Masi Milan Pratik Gandhi…! Thank you Ojas You said a lot nice things about everybody… You are very sweet… Really sweet He is really the sweetest #377 In a show called “Mr. D Show” only Manan had to go… But the night before the show Ojas went to Dhwani’s house and the next morning… He is really sweet.. Very sweet.. He takes a lot of interest in botany… So much, that one day police caught him with a tree…. Who goes third base with a tree..?! Ojas left his doctory for a different reason altogether but before Samvedna left her doctory she did one operation… That one operation and she directly became an actor.. it was a Cesarean of an uncle.. he just had pain in the stomach.. Chirayu is so…lethargic…he is soo lazy…. Everyone keeps saying that over the years…and I also have heard it… he is so lazy… during his own birth, he said NO to the doctor.. “No I don’t want to Come” On the first day of shoot Shivam came late on the sets.. The Director got very mad..! He said “if you come late again I would @#!$! ” The next day Shivam came late willingly….! Kritika Kamra is very disciplined that way.. She is always on time…because she has worked a lot in the television industry.. like everyone said on the channel Life OK she did a serial called Chandrakanta the serial tanked.. the channel also tanked.. and Jackky now she is coming to Bollywood.. So, Kritika is very excited about this film because it’s her first film.. she is doing her debut… Jackky is also doing his debut.. 7th time with this film.. In this film (Mitron) Kritika trusts Jackky very much.. she trusts the film very much.. so this is now exactly like, Jaadu from Koi Mil Gaya is waiting for Hritik to come and help him. when Jackky did “Welcome to Karachi” all the Indians were happy… they were like “Thank God he went to Pakistan..” and the Pakistanis were mad ” please take this Sindhi Fawad Khan back with you” Ladies and Gentlemen…the Gorgeous… the incomparable… The Cursed Doll from Jumbo Circus, Kritika Kritika Kamra..! So I recently watched this film called “Vandha Vilas” I have no idea why I watched it. but then I realized that this film is not a fiction.. it is Ojas’s biopic. Ojas is 32..! He is still single.. Ojas also has a younger sister.. because if the first kid is like him… you are bound to work hard the next time… Dhwani once puked into the sink.. and when he looked at it…it was a CD of “TU TO Gayo..” One amazing thing about Esha is that, never has anyone tried casting couch on her.. because if ever Esha goes through casting couch, it would be the producer who has compromised.. If you know If If an asshole had a face.. If an asshole had a face.. it would look like Chirayu… by now everybody knows.. that Chirayu looks like an asshole but still has a girlfriend but what you dont know… is that, his girlfriend is from Bangkok. Please get it checked.. Pratik is starring in Ventilator… But if Pratik you were on a Ventilator, honestly I would unplug it and charge my phone! When the trailer of Mitron got a good response.. Jackky went into depression.. Even he was like NA HOY! (can’t happen bruh!) It’s impossible! As you guys know Lonavla has a Sunil’s wax museum… Even the Sunil’s wax museum rejected making Jackky’s wax statue.. They were like “We don’t want to waste wax on him” Jackky’s annual pocket money is almost equal to Malhar’s first day box office collection… I would like to say a few things in Gujarati.. there is a small monologue in the film… Before saying Rs. 3000 why didn’t 3000 cockroaches fill your mouth.. Do you think money grow on trees in my father’s backyard… From the day I made you my girlfriend! my luck and my pockets both have holes in them…! So now we slide Gujarati for a bit because I want to crack it in Hindi and English … A very funny incident happened once… A girl told Pratik He’s a decent fellow.. He is a very sweet guy.. Overall he’s sweet guy So the girl said “Do you want 69..?” Pratik was like “Give me 70, make it a round figure and give it to me…” What is all this 69 69 …. make it a round figure.. So..so..Esha and Kritka are two reasons why… I stopped watching TV and I moved to Radio… but Esha begged a lot…. Esha she begged to Ekta kapoor… please give me work… please give me work… to which Ekta said “ok let me give you some work” in the serial “Qayamat ki Raat” the Hand that you see…. the one with 2 pimples… that was Esha… Chirayu is so lethargic…so lethargic that Viagra once said ” bro why are you messing up my track record..” please don’t eat me…. Kritika Kamra comes so late… that she needs 3 men to make her come…. and that’s why we three were casted… no…no…no no.. no.. I.. I meant on the set.. you guys are taking it the wrong way.. This…this is actually very interesting… because… I never thought I would say this to anybody… point to be noted.. Samvedna had… Done a short film “Where Do I Pee?” and the answer was “On your career” and I am saying this… Outstanding.. I love Comedy Factory… last but not the least…. Shivam is..umm he redefines nervousness he is so nervous… that whenever he goes on a date…. he take mayonnaise with him.. and says ” no no that wasn’t me it just fell off while eating..” so…umm I have… I have learnt a few lines in Gujarati… pardon my pronunciation umm…actually I am a Sindhi, by birth… that means Gujarati beta version.. I don’t understand why does everyone stereotype Gujaratis Do you want to eat those “Snakes”? (snacks) In which “Hole” (hall) are you getting married? Hey dumbo! Shove this useless accent up your @#[email protected]! Want is the true meaning of a Gujarati… I’ll tell you..! The one who carries Danger in one pocket and and fun in another… that is a Gujarati… The one who watches Game of Thrones alone… and Taarak Mehta with the whole family… That is a Gujarati.. And the who doesn’t marry in a Hall or a “Hole” but in open…. and that too with full pomp and show…. that is a Gujarati… the one who laughs at the jokes cracked at him… and the one who lives a happy and joyous life… that is a Gujarati..! We are good at Business as much as we are good in Arts.. Am I right..? Gujarati is not just community… it’s a concept.. it’s an idea…. that changed the whole world… From Mahatma Gandhi…till Modi….! Everyone has brought change in the country… Manan : Vote for Jackky Gujarat I bow down to you… Gujarat you are as pious as sandlewood… And I met Gujaratis.. and this is the biggest joy of my life.. Jai Jai Garvi Gujarat Jay Hind Thank you so much… Please go and watch Mitron… on 14th September Mitron…..!