Laughter is the Best Medicine

Bobby Lee – Sketch Comedy on Vicodin – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored

Mr. Bobby Lee,
everybody! I used to be on a show
called MADtv. [cheers and applause] It was kind of like SNL
but for Mexicans. 12 Mexicans
watched that show, so if you’re a fan,
Hola, que tal? So I was really excited
getting booked on a TV show because I’m a fat
ethnic guy, right? I didn’t think
that could happen, and so maybe I’ll get laid. You know, who knows?
You know? So I show up to MADtv,
and they didn’t use me at all. I’d play, like,
Chinese Waiter Number Two. They gave me one word to say,
like, “Hello.” “Cut.
Bobby, you’re a wrap.” “Thank you so much.
I’m gonna kill myself.” So over the months,
I developed an eating disorder. I couldn’t stop
eating Vicodin. That shit is delicious. And it started out
with, like, five a day, right? I eventually took 40 a day,
and I’m a small dude, and the reason
why it didn’t kill me, because Asians
are evolved. We have a stronger core
than all of you, and we’re smarter. I’ve never met an Asian guy
with Downs Syndrome, but if I did, I bet you money
he’s just as smart as the average white guy. Instead of straight As,
he gets straight Bs. He only knows
one instrument. 40 a day, and, you know,
it was a disease, and it got worse
and worse. Like, we would have table reads
at 9:00 in the morning, right, on Fox, and I’d be in a strip club
in Tijuana, like, onstage dancing like– “[bleep] yeah.” And so after
about two years of this, they–like,
it drove them crazy, right, so they gave me an intervention,
right, which they’re nice. They’re nice,
good people, right? So I sat in an office. They say, “You’re doing
too many drugs, “and we want you to stop, “and we’ll give you
one more shot. “And we wrote you
a Connie Chung sketch. Can you do it?”
I go, “[bleep] yeah. I’m gonna [bleep] do it.” So that was
on a Wednesday. On a Thursday, a comedian
by the name of Duncan Trussell– he’s very talented–
came to my house. Yeah, he’s very talented. He took all my Vicodin
and just ran away. What an ass[bleep]. And so all was fine
for about five minutes, but then all of a sudden,
I got the shakes for 12 hours. So on Friday, I show up,
and I’m shaking, but in front of the producers,
I’m fine. My face–completely fine,
because I’m a good actor. Would you not agree?
Yeah. So I’m in makeup, right?
And I’m sitting in makeup. And I’m sweating so bad
the Connie Chung makeup is dripping off my face. So I’m sitting there,
and all of a sudden, I hear a noise
in my stomach. It went like this. [slurping noise] And then I told the makeup–
“No, I just ate a banana. I’m really hungry,
you know?” But it was really the Vicodin,
the detox, right? So I show up onstage.
There’s 400 people. I’m sitting there
with the Connie Chung. Now, I have three pages
of dialogue I was supposed to memorize. I knew six words,
all right? So I hear this: “Five, four, three,
two, one, action.” I said, “Good evening.
I’m Connie Chung,” and then I shit my pants. Down my stockings. The audience went… [gasping] Which is what you do
when somebody shits their pants. And I knew
right then and there my career was over. From one night,
it’s over. Ten years of hard work, okay? But I was fine with it,
’cause I wanted to get sober. The producer Dick came up
and goes, “Pack your stuff,”
so I went to the dressing room. I packed all my stuff. I was literally crying,
and I was so sick, guys. I was about to die. And I went to a rehab
the next day, and then a couple
of months later, they found out
that I was sober, right, so they hired me back
on the show. And I stayed on the show–
thank you– for six more years, and I just celebrated
12 years of sobriety. Clap your [bleep] hands.
Clap your hands. [cheers and applause] Thank you so much, guys.
Thank you so much.

100 thoughts on “Bobby Lee – Sketch Comedy on Vicodin – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored

  1. Munched X like candy in my rave kid days. Stopped of my own volition one day. Just.. didn't pick them up with my fingers anymore. Same with smoking. Threw last pack out the car window one day. And done. Will power. And… not vicodin. 😛

  2. I used to go through 50 10's a day. If I couldn't find tabs I took 90 to 120 mg of oxy about 4 or 5 times a day, if I couldn't find oxy I took 100 mg of morphine twice a day. I finally switched to 100 mg Methadone obce a day, got off of everything else, and eventually quit. I am finally glad to be sober after 12 and a half years of hell.

  3. Withdrawl shits smell so so so so so so so so bad. Its like no shit youve ever taken. Same with the farts that come along with it that make ur B Hole sweaty. They smell like no other fart before or ever will. Good job on sobriety Bobby. I was eating 40 a day myself. Just hit 4yrs

  4. Between Artie Lange and his heroin/cocaine and then bobby with his opiate addiction mad tv had their fucking hands full 😂

  5. It's sad to hear all the bad shit that happened behind the scenes of one of my favorite shows but all these guys made it through and are funny as hell still.

  6. That's a damn good group to keep with him… I worked at a crematory with an employee who did everything right (I mean straps of a 10yr old gurney tightened and wrapped like he was taking pictures for an advertisement) except he used cocaine…. They fired him and hired 3 people who dis less work than that one guy, and I only found out for sure because he told me. I suspected OCD or stimulant use, but the guy was always polite and more tidy than the average non-medical stimulant user.

  7. SNL is fucking horrible. Mad TV was actually funny and not a bunch a pussy liberals talking about transgenders and faggots all the time. No one wants to hear about chicks with dicks hahaha

  8. would those of asian ancestry be more resistant to opioids? people with ancestors that did or diddnt drink, they gave that to some of us, good and bad

  9. I've been watching these over and over. Fucking excellent. But Shaffir has made his blurry, brown peen pretty unavoidable at the start. That would be my only qualm. Ari's peepee.

  10. I must know what an down syndrome Asian looks like. No disrespect or racism or no need of the hateful thoughts. I must know how one would look.

  11. Fuck man Bobby is such a good guy it sucks addiction got the best of him one time but he bounced back stronger. Love ya Bobby!

  12. Vicodin is delicious 😋 but not near as tasty as OxyContin. Throw a lil Xanax on top and you’ve got yourself a tasty treat.

  13. I so jaded by this show now. I'm like, "Ho hum, Vicodin. Wake me up when someone's starts drinking their meth piss."

  14. Asians are smart…. ok…. they werent smart enough to not get blown the fuck up in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Make fun of the whites, just remember we run the world 👌🏻

  15. Bobby Lee has more I shit my pants stories than any human being has any right to have.

  16. Unless he was doing a cold water extraction of the acetaminophen, I call bullshit. 40 pills per day times over 300 mg of acetaminophen per pill equals toasted liver.

  17. I went to high school with Duncan! So picturing him swinging by Bobby Lees and running away with his vicodin cracked me up!

  18. How he even got to makeup in withdrawal like that is an achievement in itself. Clap your fucking hands.

  19. I don't think you should get commended for getting off drugs you should have never started just like Joey Diaz says and before anybody gets pissed I am a fucking drug addict heart problems and all opiates are bad mkay

  20. I like Duncan, but what a dickhead. Doesn't he know how opiate addiction/withdrawals work. Like, there was literally no other way that could have gone. You shouldn't be out of bed when you're withdrawing, let alone on stage in front of other people.

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