Laughter is the Best Medicine

Brexit: Dear Brits, please LEAVE ALREADY! German political comedy “heute show” (English subtitles)

Dear viewers, once again we have a very memorable Brexit week behind us. An endless rain-check. All Europe is asking itself in the meantime,
when will they get down to business, these Indecisive Brits. It’s unbelievable. The House of Commons takes three days – are we still getting over the picture? – the House of Commons takes three days to say yet AGAIN that it doesn’t want Theresa May’s deal with the EU, but that it also doesn’t want no deal. Just say for once what you do want. For real this time,
how long should this funny “departure” still take? “Perhaps we will then not leave the EU for months after that, or perhaps we don’t have the protection any more, or perhaps we will never leave.” Ahhh! So the exit is being postponed. But why? Why? And how many defeats must May bank before finally resigning,
after all these humiliations? This is almost becoming Sado-Masochism,
ladies and gentlemen, really. Yes. Next Tuesday, for the third time, the same English politicians
will discuss the same deal with the same arguments. This isn’t a parliament, if you ask me,
it’s a dementia clinic. Honestly now. What is there to say to people like Boris Johnson now? That is, why can’t we make a win-win situation out of this mess. I said, “Dear Boris, I would if I could.” Yes, yes. I would, but it doesn’t work, no? It doesn’t work. And even with a second referendum,
the whole thing would start again from the beginning. And what if the idiots win again? Yes, the idiots usually win. They are in the majority nearly everywhere. These English seem to me like a party guest… “So guys, I’m off!” …who has said goodbye over an hour ago and just doesn’t understand that really,
EVERYONE wants him to just get lost. The old rule: there’s nothing more annoying than people
who have no sense of WHEN it’s all over. “I want to stay in the single market. But of course, without staying in the single market!” For sure, there’s a lot at stake. 1.2 trillion dollars have already been extracted from the island
by banks and hedge funds, and Brexit hasn’t even happened yet. I believe that many English people haven’t yet understood the consequences. Others are at least trying to help. Extra shifts are being worked at the sweets manufacturer Katjes on the Lower Rhine, sending as much liquorice and fruit gums to Britain as possible. The reason: they are preparing for the worst.” Mmh. I don’t want to picture what would happen when the whole of Britain’s Fred Ferkel supply would break down, ladies and gentlemen. And you mustn’t forget who financed the entire leave campaign, the battle for fish and cheerio. It was British billionaires who wanted to
make England a tax haven after Brexit. That’s what it’s about, not patriotism. People like James Ratcliffe, the richest man in England, love their country, but not enough to stay there THEMSELVES. Prominent Brexit supporter is moving his place of residence to Monaco. This could deprive the homeland he apparently loves
so much of up to 4 billion pounds in taxes.” “James Dyson is a Brexit supporter. By moving to Singapore, Dyson claims he
wants to concentrate on the growing Asian markets.” Yes, I believe that straight away, indeed. Pull the plug on the island and then piss off yourself. Of course, what we’re talking about here are delusions. It’s a fact. Many Brexit supporters don’t want the backstop solution for Ireland because they are worried that the nasty EU
will then keep them in the single market forever. Nobody wants that. Here… Dear friends from across the channel: don’t worry.
We are going to let you go, for real. There are so many reasons for you to stay, but I can’t think of a single one. You have only cost the EU money and are rather too lazy to work. Jamas! Best wishes from Greece! Yes, or, dear Brits, as we would say in East German… “Piss off!” Yes, a bit hard. They are taking all Europe hostage! Now, for everyone who is having trouble
meanwhile understanding our beloved Mallorca neighbours, here is a little extra tutoring for you. Exactly, nobody understands these English people. The triple negative. They aren’t all there. Well, I wouldn’t kick him out of the bed… “The head of CDU has encouraged the idea of building a shared European aircraft carrier together with France.” Germany builds an aircraft carrier… Oh come on… Cheers! Tina Hausten, ladies and gentlemen, many thanks!

100 thoughts on “Brexit: Dear Brits, please LEAVE ALREADY! German political comedy “heute show” (English subtitles)

  1. Jedoch wird dieser Brexit eine grosse hilfe sein.

    Die Briten hatten lange zeit schon eine komplette aus dem Ruder laufende Spekulation auf Wohnraum. Diese Sitatuation hat sich jetzt schon massiv entschärft. Auch arbeiten doch zahlreiche EU Bürger, diese müssen bald weg, und es wird die Arbeitslosigkeit senken.

    Und es gab noch das Problem mit Gangs von Migranten. Die Menschen die vom EU system profitiert haben um kriminelle einzuschlaüsen werden jetzt probleme haben dasselbe zu tun.

  2. You know once they finish with our country they'll start on yours next then we can watch and laugh about it. It's not our fault this is pure Treason May plotting she's a remainer.

  3. Why am I seeing this?– I don't understand German.
    I live in Canada where German is 'not' the lingua franca!

  4. They should play this on all UK TV stations!! For a culture who hates being embarrassed, wow does the UK look stupid!

  5. We the majority of the UK electorate,all 17.4 million of us, want to leave the EU. The problem is that our politicians who will try any thing legal or illegal to keep the UK in the EU. However our UK politicians are living on borrowed time and will be dispensed with at the next general election. The only ones that will survive the Great Political Cull are those sitting for London and one or two university town seats due to these being largely remainer areas. The rest of the country is majority BREXITer.

  6. Well America will be with one less Ally for freedom if they leave Europe and the European Union which will threaten England survival as well and America. And our allies. Trump and putin main goal knock out America allies.

  7. Q. What does a German politician have in common with a German porn stars mouth?
    A. They're both full of shit!

  8. Germans with a sense of humour, wow. Remember you got merkel and all of those lovely migrants, not so smart, yourself

  9. Interesting: Same satirical propaganda machine that's prevelent in US "entertainment" industry. It's almost as if someone set up a model for how to indoctrinate the public with ridicule of non-globalist ideas without them even knowing. (canned laughter.)

  10. german tanks are the best ( even now ), you had the second best BB back in ww2, the first jet fighter, rockets…and you tell me you cant bloody built an AC?….

  11. I’m British and a staunch remainer but this is a very racist video. Remember you Germans really excel at Racism – well done. And I’m not necessarily talking 1939-1945 – your have plenty of far right parties and supporters today. You are a sick, power hungry nation so desperate to lead Europe that you helped create Brexit. Population predictions prior to the brexit vote suggested that by 2050 the uks population would eclipse Germany’s. What Germans don’t seem to like based upon my many conversations with Germans at work is that they hate being second and they are fearful of a strong Uk. Germans want brexit I think cos the Uk is an economic threat. Remember I voted to remain but I also believe your nation is the most evil in history more evil than England and that’s saying something (I’m Scottish)

  12. As a German citizen who has been living in England for 14 years, I understand and appreciate this satire. The English still have delusions of being a world empire and, against all logic, cannot believe they won't get their way – and they don't even know what that is. Parliament has become an overly long tragi-comedy which has long ceased to be even remotely funny. As borne out by this piece, Britain has made itself the laughing stock of Europe. God help us all.

  13. they mistake casual racism and insults for comedy, but then again what more would you expect from Germans attempting humour, eh?

  14. As one of the many that voted to remain and signed as many petitions as possible to do something about the decision, HELP!

  15. We would have already left but there are 400 MPs in Parliament that don't believe in democracy. I'm sure you Germans can relate to that.

  16. Germany of all countries should be making efforts for Britain to stay. Look at the consequence, you will be alone in Europe with FRANCE! And who could possibly tolerate the full blast of french arrogance? Pretty soon they will be teaching french more than german in classes around dusseldorf. It is not in Germany’s interest to be enslaved by France.

  17. I never see stuff this disrespectful and blunt on UK television. Maybe Germany is more lacking in nuance more so than just humour. Never the less this was an interesting learning experience about culture on the main continent.

  18. Honestly with all the embarrassment caused by own parliament and the people so conflicted a compromise can't be reached, I'd be taking the piss out of our country also.

    The best part is, we still have no idea what's going on. 😂
    I'm sick of the blind patriotism, the xenophobia, the 'leave means leave' brigade, all of this has thrown out in the open our own incompetent politicians.
    It's definitely laughable.

  19. British are clever people, leaving corrupted EU dictatorship. Don't worry EU your day will come and you will disappear as Babilon. My country Serbia don't need your stupid union.We are proud independent country,not many left in Europe.

  20. If the public had their way…. The way the majority voted, we'd be out with NO DEAL by now. It's our lying, self-serving, undemocratic politicians that are messing around and trying to tie us as much as possible to an E.U. that we want nothing to do with!!!!

  21. My Grandad and his Fellow Lancaster bomber crew, also pissed themselves with fucking laughter as they unleashed the last of their “special cargo” over the skies of Dresden on the 14th February 1945. This is the THIRD time you Krauts have tried and failed to rule Great Britain, you will learn again very soon, that we are not to be mocked and not to be ruled by Facist’s, now shut up and fuck off 🖕🏻

  22. We're doing our best, but EU bureaucrats want to hang on to the 2nd largest net contributor to the EU.

    Instead of talking nonsense, why not force Angela Merkel to deny us an extension so that we can leave you clowns on Friday, dumpkof? 😜

  23. Merkel wants Da EU! Kalergi EU!
    200,000 immigrants ate visa free welcomed to rape under pillage Germany & 150,000 highly skilled, rich white German's are fleeing the conflict zone & becoming Refugees in Hungary 🙂
    Your €uro is €7.9trillion in negative yield loans!
    For the last 6+ months your €-1/2% RECESSION IS IMMINENT!
    You only want UK MONEY!
    V,, Up yours 😀
    The UK Commonwealth collective of 53 volunteer Nation's have a GDP of $17trillion 😀 Enjoy your Tusks special Hell hole & the €uro Nebulous sink hole 😀

  24. It's going to be such a relief once they are finally out.
    They are so bitter now that even swallowing their own saliva gives them ulcer.

  25. Ausgerechnet ihr deutschen, die alles genau geregelt bekommen wollt, die größte Scheibe immer bekommen will, nichts als Verlierer da sein wollen, die Millionen in Gerichtskosten ausgeben, um ihr Recht zu bekommen. Ich nehme den Briten gar nicht übel, so vorsichtig zu sein, die EU ist eine Mafia, die ihr Tribut beim verlassen fordert… Ein Glück, dass sie den sch…. Saftladen verlassen!

  26. Hahahaha! Stiff upper lip, Brits. The EU is helping, but it doesn't mean they can't laugh at you while they do it.

  27. Oh dear. Let’s hope a decision is made soon. This dance is taking a long time and at this rate, everyone is getting done with it. I voted to stay but I am not sure anymore of what May will do. She us in her own world. 🤦🏻‍♀️

  28. Don’t worry we really want to leave the German-led superstate. We don’t want a deal with you we just want to leave it’s Theresa the Appeaser that’s hanging onto the EU and it’s pathetic.
    Have fun supporting the rest of Europe with your taxes Jerry!

  29. Whole world is told that the Bosch don't have a sense of humour. Well this proves them wrong. They do have a sense of humour. It's just that it's lame and basic. lol
    The irony is that 3 minutes of this Kraut show was conducted in English. Couldn't do that with the language of any other country.

  30. Deutschland must be proud of nazi EU .. Wir schaffen das . They Will make laws that overrule all national laws. Rip Beautiful european countries And cultures.

  31. Better leave than paying for greece and italy with your taxes till you die. The germans think they are smart….hahaha

  32. These krauts are taking the piss out of us – this is how bad these fucking imbeciles in parliament are making us look.

  33. It's becoming kinda fun seeing how fucked up this place is getting. A couple weeks ago some IRA spin-off started sending postal bombs to train stations, but no one even gave a shit and soon they realised that they could just sit back and we'd do it ourselves.

  34. I voted to stay without Germany. Why the f…european countries don´t give the boot to Germany. Do you remember when France, Belgium and Poland cry for help in XX century because Germans were so bad ? Very soon you will be asking for help again.

  35. I respect the brithish vote to leave but, the parlament is a comedy club. Dear British people: Own the streets and protest against this parlament. Or stay! Yes EU is expensive for all of us, but leaving will cost much more money….

  36. HAHAHAHAHA have the germans seen their rape epidemic statistics and how salty scary refugee crisis? England is trying to get rid of them. Again!

  37. Да ли је ово немачки Зоран Кесић? Браћо моја мила, немачки хумор.

  38. I can smell the corporate propaganda machine churning out this garbage. It seems the same people who own and control American media have their tentacles in Germany as well.

  39. Joseph Goebbels would be proud of this. None of those new EU imposed Frau Merkel 5 Million immigrants dutifully clapping away in the crowd for these crass and arrogant jokes from what I can see. Unaccountable Globalism is going to be a bitch for those who will begin to love their servitude. Germans are a naturally servile people and have been to some terrible single minded insane people. History has taught the world that a few times already.

  40. Britain will have to dismantle the German European Union Project to save Europe yet again for the 3rd time in 4 generations as German Natural Arrogance rises once again.

  41. As an Englishman, I think I can help those unfortunate enough to not be English to understand what is happening with Brexit. Basically, we English hate everyone and the one group of people we hate more than anyone else are the wretched English.

  42. We want no deal. Many thanks to the EU for their assistance. Good to see the EU dragging Germany down to its knees.

    Wait till Trump hits you with tariffs too.

  43. Yes its embarrassing. The UK voted democratically to leave, but anti-democrats within our own Country have been trying to subvert the will of the people. I think a few other of the EU Western Nations may have the same problem. I know that you will give them every assistance if they wish to go. TTFN

  44. Eine Wiesn 2019 ohne Engeländer… wär ein Traum. So viele Tische wären frei! Und der Umwelt würds wg den Flügen auch helfen. Win-win! 🙂 Wird aber wohl erst 2020 was. Bitte Visa-Sperre für unsere Freunde von der Insel! Danke!

  45. When we go you will have no more money for your project you fucking idiot that is why the eu hasn’t chucked us out already
    Fuck wit

  46. British and American politics are like this, endless banter caused by special interests on both sides. The executive has very little power in reality. Not sure how much power Angele Merkel has or how democratic Germany is but you all seem to get things done easier

  47. Das der brexit immer noch nicht durch ist zeigt schon das da was extrem falsch läuft und wer weiß wie lang die britten noch brauchen

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