Laughter is the Best Medicine

Buffy Summers – BTVS Season 1 Best/Funny Quotes (Ep. 1-6)

And a cranky Slayer is a careless Slayer! That was a bit, um… British, wasn’t it? Welcome to the New World! To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It’s like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they’re just gonna kill you. I didn’t say I’d never slay another vampire. It’s not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them, I’m just not gonna get way extracurricular with it. Wow! Apparently Noah rejected the hyenas from the Ark because he thought they were an evil impure mixture of dogs and cats. Hyenas aren’t well liked. They do seem to be the schmoes of the animal kingdom. Okay, I’ll give you improved marks for that one. Ripping a throat out, it’s a strong visual, it’s not cryptic! Look, if you’re gonna be popping up with this cryptic wise man act on a regular basis. Can you at least tell me your name? Angel. Angel. It’s a pretty name. I suppose some girls might find him good looking… if they have eyes, alright, he’s a honey, but… it’s just… he’s never around, and when he is all he wants to do is talk about vampires, I- I just can’t have a relationship… You know what they say. 90% of the vampire slaying game is- is waiting. You couldn’t have told me that 90% ago? The vampire is not dead? No. But my social life is on the critical list. Oh, my God, Xander! What happened? I hit him. With what? A desk. Guess what? I feel better. This… guy. Dark, gorgeous in an annoying sort of way. I figured you two were buds. No. The Harvest. Did he say anything else? Something about the Mouth of Hell. I really didn’t like him! You’re here on a date? Yes! Why is it such a shock to everyone? Hmm, I know you don’t, that’s ’cause you’re my friend. You’re my Xander-shaped friend! I’ve got a friend down there. Or at least a potential friend. Do you know what it’s like to have a friend? That wasn’t supposed to be a stumper. Well, my philosophy – Do you wanna hear my philosophy? Yeah, I do. “Life is short.” “Life is short.” Not original, I’ll grant you. But it’s true. You know? Why waste time being all shy and worrying about some guy and if he’s gonna laugh at you. Seize the moment. ‘Cause tommorow you might be dead. I’ll tell you! You’re not like other boys at all. Well… You are totally, and completely one of the girls! I’m that comfy with him. God, every day here is the same. Bright, sunny, beautiful. However can we escape this torment? Look at his jacket. He’s got the sleeves rolled up, and the shirt! Deal with that outfit for a moment. It’s dated? It’s carbon dated. Trust me, only someone living underground for ten years would think that was still the look. What happened? I didn’t pay attention. To somebody with a big fork? Mom, I’ve accepted that you’ve had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair. Gee, can you vague that up for me? No, but it’s safe to say that in his animal state his idea of wooing doesn’t involve a Yanni CD and a bottle of Chianti. Okay, at this point you’re abusing sarcasm. Oh, come on. A stake through the heart, a little sunlight. It’s like falling off a log. You’re like a textbook with arms. I know this. I looked around, but soon as they got clear of the graveyard, they could have just, voom! They can fly? They can drive. Dig this – “the praying mantis can rotate his head a hundred and eighty degrees while waiting for a meal to walk by…” Hah! … Well, come on, guys. Hah! Are you going out tonight? Yeah, I’m going to a club. Oh. Will there be boys there? No, Mom. It’s a nun club. Hmm, that much quality time with my mom would probably lead to some quality matricide. Cause it’s the weirdest thing. He’s got two little-little holes in his neck and all his blood’s been drained. Isn’t that bizarre? Aren’t you just going, “Ooooh”? Yes, I lied. I’m a bad person. Let’s move on. Are you sure? Now this is not gonna be pretty. We’re talking violence, strong language, adult content. I cannot believe that you, of all people, are trying to Scully me! There is something supernatural at work here. Get your books! Look stuff up! Was there a- a school bulletin? That was- Was it in- in the newspaper? Is there anyone in this town who doesn’t know I’m the Slayer? Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school! Oh! That’s great! I’ll kill ’em, you fence their stuff. I’d much rather be at home with a cup of Bovril and a good book. You need a personality, STAT! Ooo, two points for the Slayer, while the Watcher has yet to score! Oh, I- I need to sit down. You are sitting down. Okay, first of all, what’s with the outfit? Live in the now, okay? You look like DeBarge! You’re enslaved yourself to this- this… …cult? You don’t like the color? Well, in that case I won’t wear my button that says, ‘I’m the Slayer, ask me how!’ Now, we can do this the hard way, or… well, actually there’s just the hard way. So Giles… Got anything that can make this day any worse? How about the end of the world? Knew I could count on you. I think… …boys are more interested in a girl who can talk. You really haven’t been dating lately. Does this outfit make me look fat? We need to talk. Buffy’s not home! It’s in about nine hours, moron! What do you want? The same thing you do. Okay. What do I want? To kill ’em. To kill ’em all. Sorry, that’s incorrect. But you do get this lovely watch and a year’s supply of Turtle Wax. What I WANT is to be left alone! Caption by DragonHeartGirl (Popiko) If the apocalypse comes, beep me.

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