What happened? You dropped your drink? I know. Gravity is very annoying, no? Why, ya, gravity? I hate looking at this.
It’s a newspaper. I read it when
there’s no other option. When like wifi is not working. Or I’m in like your hospital.
Then, suddenly…Wow! I like what Time of India does. They’re like…let’s stop
with the full page shit. Let’s do some fly (cool) stuff, bro. I have this racism towards newspaper. It’s like this is the normal shit paper, right. But, if it’s the supplement
that’s smooth glossy… Ah! I go for that. What? Apartments. Shit! You know. I hate apartment ads. I generally don’t like newspapers
coz it’s generally about death and all. No…there is never positive stuff.
It’s all death. Now, the newspaper is divided
into couple of parts. First, there is death.
Death. Death. Negativity. Death. Corporate agenda. Death. Apartments. Death, again. Classifieds. Who the fuck reads classifieds? Like, I could go to Google and get a bazillion results
in 0.05 seconds but…Classifieds. Makes me look important. But, come on.
This is pretty badass. Like Indian tea and newspapers
are like brothers, bro. It’s like…hey, newspaper. Make me look good, bitch. And then, you read something
and you’re like… I’m still looking at classifieds. Again. Then, finally comes that one part
that my dad is very attached to. Sports.
– Nope. My dad is very intellectual. Sudoku.
– Guess. Editorial.
– Speaking Tree. Oh… Because obviously no one
takes humans seriously. If it said, ‘Speaking Uncle’. No one would take it seriously. ‘Speaking Uncle’ says.
Ha! I don’t want to listen to uncle. Speaking Tree. All ears. But, it is true, right? Trees have this very nice persona, right?
Trees have… If trees talk…
I don’t think any trees are assholes. You know. And, I think they subconsciously
put this in our head. There’s a story that we have all
somehow read in a different version. Where it’s like, there was this tree.
And there was Ashok. And Ashok went to the tree
and he had nothing. And the tree is like…
hey, I will give you shade. And Ashok is like…
yeah, give me shade. Ashok, a freaking tree spoke to you, bro. Anyway… Then, Ashok was like… Hmm… Tree is like what happened, Ashok? Obviously trees have a bass voice. Trees have to have bass voice. There’s no tree like… Hello! There’s no… hey, baby. Hey, Ashok. What’s happening, baby? I’m hungry, tree. Here’s an apple. Because it is convenient. Also, if I look in
an order of alphabets, it’s A. He gives an apple,
he gets more hungry. Takes another apple.
All the apples are done. This is like a roommate that’s taking too much of your resources?
– Yes. If I was a tree and
there was a roommate who took all of my apples, This is the sign, I’m like…
‘Get the hell out of my house’. But, the tree is very giving, right? Tree is like, ‘Oh, all my fruits are done,
what do I do?’ Ashok, the asshole, is like,
I want to build a house, tree. Can you give me wood? Tree is like, ‘Yeah’. Which is completely the tree’s fault. He chops the tree… You okay? This tree joke. Is this tree joke
too fucking amazing for you? It’s like, I have heard normal jokes, but when Kenny put that tree joke… I lost my shit. It’s nice.
I don’t see the sports. I am not a sports guy. I try to read the business coz I want to do the chai thing. Ah, sensex. Graph. I like only colourful graphs. I don’t know. There is good colour in this graph.
I think it’s good. I’m done. I’m done. Yeah. But, I think the one thing
that really makes me happy is music. Like they say 19 year olds. I can’t party anymore. You have to be like carefree. Can’t be carefree anymore. And also music has to suit, right? Yeah. And people… when everyone…
they go to a party, they’re like, you know this music? It’s not my music. If the music was good,
I would’ve had fun. The music is not the problem, sir. It’s you. Yeah? No, because, realistically, there can never be an amazing co incidence that you go in the party
and they play your playlist. I’m like, my God, this is my playlist. That’s never going to happen. So you always have to adjust. So, I’m talking about obviously, EDM. Yeah. EDM makes me very sad. Yes. Thank you.
– Okay. Okay. Really aggressive person
about EDM opinion. Yes, finally. This is the issue
that India needs to focus on. Finally Kenny has said something about it. #whatthefuckisEDM? Yes. I have…
I have heard your cries in the night. Who is so against… EDM? Yes, madam? What do you…
Why don’t you like EDM? It’s not even music. It’s just
electronically computerized generated beats. That’s…that’s why you don’t like it. It doesn’t count. Doesn’t count. I have such horrible news to tell you. About music in general. Every music is electronically
synthesized and programmed. Oh my God… there’s this
music studio here… No. No. It’s not a music studio. It’s a magic shop. Show’s over.
– No! But, I have something to say. Thank you so much for coming. I like three things.
I like chai, I like t-shirts and I like dogs. Yes. So, there’s this foundation called
Precious Paws is a thing in Bangalore. Coz we only care about Bangalore dogs. Bad. Yeah. I was joking, madam. Jesus. Every three seconds I’m like…
joking, joking, joking. Don’t take me seriously. That’s very bad.
How can you… What about Maharashtra dogs? You know they don’t even get beef?
You know how hard it is. So, I’m going to do full salesman stuff. So, all the money that goes… I’m not saying I’m going to sell
four t-shirts, that’s like twenty bucks. But…whatever, it’s going to be
on Souled Store. Uh…yes? Yes. It’s a cool Souled Store. I’ll tweet about it. Please read my tweets. Yes? It’ll be on Facebook. And all the money is going to go… I’ll be very honest with you,
like half of it goes to the company
to make it and ship it. Half of it will go to me
but I will give it to them. Yeah? Um… See if you don’t trust me,
after one month… I’m going to update you. And be like, see,
I didn’t take your money. The dogs are happy. They also take cats. It’s not like if cats come,
‘Hey, fuck you.’ They also take… all animals. But, we all know
which is the better animal. Um…so, this Chai Time
is the best time. And there’s uh…
I’m just going to explain the t-shirts coz… It’s going to come
in the end of the video, so… Paavam Alert. Get it? Yes. This one. Yeah? This is also cool. It’s there on the website.
Okay? Don’t worry. She’s like, I can’t see. This is my favourite. And…the world famous, bucket bath. Oh. Yeah.
Yeah. Cool. I think all these are like 499. Because if I said 500 you would be like, no! But, 499…Well, that’s completely different. So, thank you so much. All these…I would never do this
but it’s for the doggies. Yeah. It’s for the doggies. I want to thank a lot of people
for this show. I want to thank
my big brother, Abheesh. He’s…it’s because of him…