What’s your name? What’s my name? Johny From The Burbs AKA The Motherfuckin’ Kid AKA Kid Comedy AKA Ask Your Mother My Name Motherfu- I’ve had three loves in my life Trisha Donaldson, Amanda Serrintino But this third girl, her name is comedy And I’m going to get that girl pregnant Yo comedy is all about growth and continually getting better everyday I stopped calling women bitches in my stand up Now I just call them ladies I was like listen lady Why are you being a cunt right now? How long have I been doing comedy? Two years but if you do it every night for two years You tell me how long I’ve been doing comedy People are always saying I remind them of Bill Burr but honestly like Bill Burr? I don’t see it I don’t even know who that dude is She messed it up he’d give her a rough time Christ you cooked the shit out of it She screw it up he gave her a hard time He’s like christ you cooked the shit out of it Yo it’s Kid Comedy baby! The Kid The Motherfuckin’ Kid (Douche greeting) How you doing? I know you got that fire He’s pumped and he’s beat! Yo the kid is in the building The Kid is in the building YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Fuck that guy! My name rings true in the streets dog Sam Tripoli gave me a guest set tonight He gave me coke He caught a little glimpse of The Kid Guess he just likes his shit can you blame him? I don’t even think he gave me coke I think he just gave me meth I wanna go on a fucking crime spree Yo Sam said I remind him of Ari Shaffir Trust me on this, Ari will hate him Does he wanna take me on the road? Yeah I’m so high on meth right now I just wanna suck my own dick Basically every where I go they just throw me up They wanna see the kid and what he could do Let’s hit this shit Fuck yeah dude You got 5 tonight? Can I get a quick 5 I got some new shit I’m trying to work out Did you book it in advanced? No I didn’t hit you up but I figured I’d pop in I got some new shit to work out it’s hot fire It’s that new shit It’s a solid no Cut this shit cut that tape dude Here we are at Chop and Wok We got some of the best up and coming comics in the entire country This is where you go to hone your chops So I was sucking my own dick earlier And I should have showered Stop trying to interrupt me I’m writing jokes write now I got a big set at Chop and Wok tonight I’m trying to make a joke about calenders work Ugh tough crowd tonight This crowd was unforgiving Did you go to Monkey Pants? Yeah I went to Monkey Pants and tried to talk to Cristin but I think that dude hates me Nah just enter that contest that he has every year You win that he’ll be sure to respect you They got a contest? Yeah every year Can I enter it? Absolutely Dude! You’ll have the keys to respect city Hey Johnny! From the Burbs That was good! Really good! Amazing Yeah? Dude I’ve been working on that new calender bit how did it go? Really thats new? Yeah brand new I only do new shit oh really I couldn’t tell I’m a talent scout I would really like to work with you are you working with anyone? I’m a free agent right now I like to keep my options open I got a couple offers here and there but I’m free That may come to an end but here is my card Will you give me a call sometime? Fuck yeah dude I appreciate that shit I’ll be hitting you up Fucking you see that shit baby Talent agent baby I’m about to go to the top!