Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Comedy Legend and Bring The Funny Judge Jeff Foxworthy: Fact of Life (Finale)


[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪ [ Laughter ] ♪♪♪♪ -People in L.A. think that’s a
tractor, so whatever. So…
[ Laughter ] Alright, we’re all adults here Since we’re all adults,
I think maybe we can talk abou the facts of life. Like, fact of life — If you are trying to get
to the bathroom in an emergency situation,
it is not a wise idea to unbutton your pants
in transit in the effort to save a couple of seconds. Because the muscles that guard
the floodgates will interpret the unbuttoning
as the signal to abandon their post, and the two second
you save on that button are nullified by the hour
and half you spend mopping
and doing laundry. [ Laughter ] Fact of life — Out of all of the cereals,
Cap’n Crunch is the most time intensive Here’s what I’m talking about. You eat it too soon after yo
pour the milk on, and you will rip the roof
of your mouth to shreds. You wait too long after you pour
the milk on, and the Cap’n will put a fil
on your teeth a wire brush can’t get rid of. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Thank you. [ Cheers and applause ] Fact of life — If your wife hints she might
be in the mood, your kids will sense it an
won’t go to bed for 3 years. [ Laughter ] Speaking of kids,
fact of life — The more kids you have, th
worse your parenting becomes People that only have one chil
are making homemade baby foo out of organic vegetables
they’re growing in their own backyard. Yeah, by the time that fourt
kid rolls around, you’re smoking a cigarette
while you watch your toddler pull a year-old milkdude out
from under the stove and eat it. [ Laughter ] “Pick the cat hair off of it before you put it
in your mouth, dummy.” [ Laughter ] Fact of life — 100 percent of the black men
that shave their heads look really, really cool. 50 percent of the white guys
that shave their heads look like they just murdered
their parents. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] You’re thinking of somebody,
aren’t ya? Fact of life — Flying on an airplane
makes you gassy. Nobody ever talks about this Nobody acknowledges this. No, we just take our littl
roll around suitcase and walk to baggage claim
popping them off like a trail horse. [ Popping ] [ Laughter ] [ Popping stops ] Fact of life — Women always have more questions than men have answers to. Great example. One night I got a text. The text said,
“Please pray for Tom. He was in a bad wreck.” So, I walked through the house
I found my wife. I said, “Hey, I just got a tex
that said please pray for Tom. He was in a bad wreck.” She said, “Was he driving?
I said, “I don’t know. I just got text
that said please pray for Tom. He was in a bad wreck.” She said, “Were Carol and th
kids in the car with him?” I said, “I don’t know. I just got text that said
please pray for Tom. He was in a bad wreck.” She said, “Was the people in the
other car hurt, too?” I said, “I don’t know. I just got a text that sai
please pray for Tom. He was in a bad wreck.” She said,
“Did they even have insurance? I said, “I don’t know. I just got a text that sai
please pray for Tom. He was in a bad wreck.” She said, “What hospital did
they take him to?” I said, “I don’t know. I just got a text that sai
please pray for Tom. He was in a bad wreck.” She said,
“You don’t know anything. What do you know?” I said, “I know you need
to pray for Tom. I just got a text,
said he was in a bad wreck.” You guys are awesome.
God bless you. Thank you. [ Cheers and applause ]

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