Stranger: Going down, down, down, and the flames went higher Kevin: No… No fecking way? Kevin: No…. Kevin: I don’t have anything to say to this.. K: I didn’t set this up this- this is the first room i have joined tonight. K: I got to do the same song, I got to get up on stage.. Stranger: And if you couldn’t tell that song was called “The ring of fire” K: I have never heard that before I really liked it! K: Good job! K: Okay um… K: I just- I want to hear the host as well, it- it says you’re a rapist can you do some rap? K: Uhh after me or something? Stranger: You can he- You can do some rap but like- K: No I’m asking you. K: You’re the one the self-proclaimed rapist. S: Ooh no, no, no, no, no, no, no that says “Rapist” K: Oh hohho my mis- (SHIT) What a funny misunderstanding! K: Alright uh-let’s continue… S: Ahh yeah, yeah, yeah I don’t make songs
K: Yeah my mistake man. K: Okay, moving swiftly onwards. K: Okay, I’m gonna do a song. You may not have heard it before, It’s called “Ring of fire” S: WAAIT A MINUTE… K: Get ready folks! S: You’re just trying to one up the last guy..! K: Love, is a burning thing… K: The ring of fire… K: Okay, the next person that wants to sing ring of fire can come up next, thank you. S: And it makes, a fiery ring… K: Okay wrap some Ring a fire for me boy! S: No, you want me to sing Ring of fire? K: Yeah you’re the rapist, c’mon! S: I’m not gonna do Ring of fire…
K: Ring of fire please, thank you. S: I wanna do- I wanna do like uh S: Ring of firee.. K: Ring of fire please. K: I don’t want to flog a dead horse or anything, I don’t want to sing it again it’s sounded really K: Burnt, burn, burn you know? Ha- ha… K: All right we’re gonna play at James Brown “I feel good” K: It burns… K: The ring of fire… K: And it burns… K: It burns… K: The ring of fiiiiiireeeee (Audience cheering) K: Thank you. K: God with a name like that you never think he’d spam the mic through this guys performance… S: Oh my god can we kick this person? K: If you kick him you have to kick everyone, it’s only fair. K: Hello. K: Please. Oh i needed that music for my joke alright it’s fine. (Kevin clearing throat) K: Okay, so why do people eat Special K? S: They’re special… K: Okay uh well it’s because they’re delicious three grain flakes combine whole wheat barley and rice to deliver- S: Bro c’mon… K: To deliver a crunchy and nourishing breakfast enriched with a blend of nine essential- K: Do they not want to be healthy? K: Including Vitamin D, B Vitamin, zink and iron Special K has many of the nutrients you need to help you feel strong- K: I’ve been banned, of course. K: So I’m gonna do a bit of a freestyle here on my instrument so I, if someone could drop a beat for me? K: There y’all, okay here we go. K: Three, two, one… K: You know keep going, keep going you need to keep going! S: It’s tiring… S: Yeah, that’s gonna work
K: Come on man! K: It’ll be worth it K: I-I-I, come on please? S: Can’t you just get some background, music? S: There’s got to be a beat K: I guess… K: Yeah I’ll bring it up on YouTube that’s a good idea actually. K: This is gonna be hard to play K: I’ve got, some Wii music here (Professional flute playing) S: Is it rude of me to kick him off stage?
(Flute playing continues) (Flute playing intensifies) K: HAHHahhah K: Why does no one embrace my musical talent…
Not even my neighbors S: Every night in- (Flute playing continues) … My dreams S: I see you, I feel you
(Flute) S: That is how I know you, go on…
(More amazing flute playing) K: Thank you, thank you. That was with one hand too, ’cause I had to hold space… K: Why do people eat Special K? S: Why?.. K: Because they’re delicious three grain, flakes combined whole wheat barley and rice to deliver a crunchy and nourishing breakfast enriched with a blend of nine essential vitamins and miracles including vitamin D- S: Oh my fucking god.. K: I came to watch the Bee Movie S: I’m just searching up the script…. K: Why do you need to search it, do you not know it by memory? S: No… I hav- Last time I watched K: By all known laws of aviation bees should not be able to fly. S: I weigh 130- Oh shit I didn’t mean to click that. S: Wait 130 what? K: He’s say- He’s talking about pounds. S: Oh, we don’t use those in this- In my- S: I’M SORRY I WEIGH 130 S: METERS, or whatever… K: Yeah, 130 meters is an appropriate measurement of weight. S: Who let fucking Larry David in the back here Jesus… K: Dude now you pay attention to me, to insult me. K: I’ve been talking for ages here and you just ignore me. (Breathing) K: It’s a budget Darth Vader.
I like it. K: I think it’s against adequate to sit right next to me when there are this many free chairs. (COUGH) (More coughing) (Applauding) K: Thank you appreciate it man (The flute is back at it again with the great music) S: Pow, dun dun dun dun… K: Excuse me this is a duet. S: Can you play the Mario theme song? K: Alright boys, buckle up buckaroos (Flute) S: I don’t deserve to be on stage with such talent. K: Thank you S: That was fucking beautiful.
S: Thank you. K: Thank you.
S: That was incredible. (Kevin playing the flute again) God: Welcome brother how you doing? K: Hello I’m catholic, and from Ireland. God: That’s pretty good… K: It has been five months since my last confession. God: You know you can’t confess to a person. God: They themselves, are sinners. God: The only person you could confess your sins to his God himself. K: And I’d like confess that I have been rude to people on the street, stealing a bit of fruit from the store. I was extremely hungry. (Not) God: I’m-I’m not- I’m not God. Take that up with God. K: And..
(Not) God: Uh-huh? K: It was a bit upsetting but it’s all right it’s- it’s something that I highly regret and I’m never gonna do again and also I run some people down on my car from time to time, thank you very much. (Not) God: Okay. That’s it? K: Yeah, that’s about it. K: Dude you got to confess, Mr Annoying. K: You can’t just come in here and sit… (Not) God: No. K: … and not confess. (Not) God: Don’t confess to me. (Not) God: When you think about it we’re all criminals man. K: I told you in confidence that I hit people with my car there’s no need to bring that up. Gay man: I’m a gay person what do I do then? (Not) God: You’re a sinner. (Not) God: Well the bible says no homosexuals would inherit the kingdom of God. K: I just want to hear what the other guy has to say as well tho, I want to hear both sides you know? (Not) God: Yeah go ahead bro. K: Okay, go ahead tell me what is it like to be gay? Gay man: Being gay is- uh Gay man: Honestly dude it’s the best thing ever. K: Oh well sign me up then if it’s the best thing ever i may as well just do. (Not) God: You know if you’re trolling I’m gonna have to kick you brother, I’m gonna… Gay man: Jesus christ is my savior! (Not) God: Let’s start clearing up S: Oh my god! (Not) God: You know? K: I think you converted him!
(Not) God: Big boy stay here. What’s that? K: I think you convinced him he said that Jesus was his savior . (Not) God: I could tell a troll from a serious person I’ve been doing this for a while. K: Ah I see. K: Come down here and let me baptize you! S: Is that allowed? K: You have to be catholic in here. S: Oh. K: I had to prove I was a catholic when I came in. (Not) God: We- we are not trying to make this a comedy, section. K: Yeah why would we make this a comedy room on Comedy Night get off the stage. S: It said the other- (Kevin laughing) K: That was the final straw! K: I truly am an Irish catholic boy it’s just a strange place to have a religious preacher. K: Okay, I came from the Christian chat room, and I’m here to read my favorite chapter. K: Okay, so chapter 7 The Ministry Of Magic.
Harry awoke at half-past five the next morning. Harry nodded again the laws on your side said Luke quietly. He dropped his voice and said if you can get away before seven Molly’s making meatballs. Go on he panted pointing his thumb at the door.
-Get in there! And stepped inside the courtroom. End of chapter 7, The Ministry Of Magic Order The Phoenix, thanks guys. S: Holy shit dude. Wow that was- that was insane S: Holy crap. Panda: Oh yeah! Panda: Oooaahhh! K: Uh, I’m not sure if he was using drugs but, drugs are really bad for you just thought I should probably say S: No dude it wasn’t drugs there was a backi bong… K: Thank you for clapping. K: Yeah, but either way, drugs are really bad for you and they’re also illegal… …everywhere so you shouldn’t use them. S: No one did. S: Maybe. S: They’re not illegal everywhere. S: I can drink them in my house at least. K: You can I looked it up it’s not legal here. S: State to state you know, in America. K: No it’s not K: I’m in Europe and it’s illegal. S: Weed? K: Yeah but it’s not gonna be different the law is the law no matter where you’re from so you can’t do it man. S: This kid bro. S: Like, I went to Seattle… K: Alright now you’re just making places up. S: I mean weed is legal in like some states. S: This fucking little loser Kevin bitch there’s literally weed dispensaries in California… K: I already said stop making places up! S: Okay, your mother never fucking wanted you. K: That has nothing to do with this K: Alright I’m gonna Segway us out of this drug talk. K: Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police, thank you everyone. S: Fuck you and your Segway Kevin. S: I don’t think there’s a single person in this entire room that likes this fat ugly man Kevin.. K: I actually would like to intervene, I like myself so there is a single man who likes me. (Kevin laughing) K: Fallout: New Vegas is a failed… K: Spin-off, of Fallout 3 it is horrible who knows the original… …is the best game? S: Get off the stage. K: No, I have my freedom of speech and uno is better than Fallout: New Vegas, case closed. (Something in French) K: Hello, I only speak English so please speak English so I can get in on the fun. Thank you. K: Well that was a bit rude S: Wassup Kevin? How you doin’ Kevin? K: Holy shit it’s Logan Paul dude, you want to collab? Logan Paul: Buy that merch. Logan Paul: Buy that merch. K: That’s the wrong Paul I’m a big fan I know these things. K: Do you have any merchandise in “Old” size? Logan Paul: Old size? K: Yes I’m very old. S: That’s good K: Logan Paul get on up here I don’t know why I’m taking the stage for you I’m sorry. Logan Paul: Dead meme am I right guys? Logan Paul: Dead meme K: Yo, dude kill some rats or say something funny do- do a Logan Paul thing! Logan Paul: And go to my uh, website alright? K: Okay yeah, I mean conveyor. Logan Paul: And buy merch link in bio… K: Everyone has a hero… K: Zero people, shouldn’t have a hero K: Logan is my hero, he is really nice K: So I went and made a song about him twice… K: He is my hero, we share sometimes… K: For example this pizza slice… Logan Paul: Wait… How do you know all the words? Logan Paul: Are you reading that, I hope you’re reading that… K: I got to go… Shoutout to Patreons (Names)
(Flute in the background)