[ Cheers and applause ] -Hey. Listen to me, people. I’m an adult. Listen to me Before you get
in a serious relationship, you have to test the person that
you’re in a relationship with. You have to test them
to see if they down with you Not like test them with
no other person or nothing You got to test them to se
how committed they are to being loyal to you. This is what I used to do before
I got committed. I would take a lady to an
expensive restaurant, take her
to an expensive restaurant Tell her, “Hey, bae,
get everything you want. It’s on you.
This is your night.” You know what I’m saying?
And she started off ordering the expensive,
you know — the $99 appetizer.
You know the one. The one with the oysters
on the bottom, the shrimp in the middle, an
the crack crab lives on the top? The expensive one. She ordered four
lemon drop martinis, and then she ordered swordfish Now, you know
swordfish is expensive. That’s hard —
It’s hard to catch a swordfish He has a sword.
It’s an expensive fish. [ Laughter ] Now, she goes to the restroom. I call the waiter over.
I say, “Waiter, come here. Come here, come here,
come here.” I say — He put the bill down.
The bill is $460. $460. I pay the bill and tell him,
“Don’t come back over here Don’t come back over here. As soon as she sat down, I say
“Hey… Take my keys, get your purse
and get out of here.” [ Laughter ] She say, “You paid the bill?
“No, no. No, no. Cant pay that bill.
That bill $460.” [ Laughter ] She said, “I got $40.” I said,
“That’s not even the tip.” [ Laughter ] I say, “Take my keys, get your
purse, and get out of here.” Two steps. She took two step
and sat back down. “They watching me.” [ Laughter ] I say, “Ain’t nobody
watching you. You have my keys. Get your purse
and get out of here.” Two more steps! Two more steps She sat back down. “They watching me.” I say, “Hey, let me show you
how to do it.” Boom — I get up. I’m gone [ Laughter ] I can see her
through the window. I’m telling —
“Come on! Come on! She’s still sitting down –
“They watching me!” 45 minutes.
I’m outside 45 minutes! I would’ve left her,
but she had my keys. [ Laughter ] I go back.
She come out the restaurant. She finally come out
all excited. “Ooh, babe!
Babe, we got ’em for $460. We got ’em, bae!
I’m your Bonnie. You my Clyde.”
I say, “Shut up.” [ Laughter ] I got to use the restroom now.
I been out here for 45 minutes I go back in the restaurant,
washing my hands, I’m coming out.
The waiter stopped me, said, “Hey, dawg.”
I say, “What’s up, man?” He said, “Man, my bad.”
I said, “What’s wrong?” He said, “Man,
y’all would been gone.” I said, “Why you say that?
“Man, every time she got up, I looked at her.” [ Laughter ] Thank, y’all. [ Cheers and applause ]