– What’s up, guys?
How is everybody? Everybody cool?
Cool, cool. Awesome.
I’m dating right now, because Chrissy doesn’t know
what she’s doing with her life. And I’m figuring out
I have a type, man. I have a strong type,
and it’s definitely– it’s definitely older women. But I mean, like,
much older than myself. I meant to the point, like,
you got some kids. That means
you also have snacks. Like, I’m so easy, dude.
I’ll sleep with you for a Lunchable.
That’s a fact. Like, I’m so easy.
You got a Crock Pot? I will shut it down. To the best of my ability.
I’m not making promises. Hey, I will be
the best stepdad ever. Do you realize that? Like, I’ll help your kids
with their homework because I took
that class last year. Like, it’s win/win
for everybody, really. It’s a good situation to be in. And I just feel
like younger girls are into too many dumb things. Like, things that don’t even
actually exist. Like horoscopes. Oh, people got mad. [laughter] Okay, let’s do this, then.
Round of applause. What women in here believe in,
like, the Zodiac sign stuff? Clap if you believe in it. – Whoo! – Chrissy, do you know
what your sign is? – Sagittarius.
– As a Sagittarius, what are some of your, like,
attributes of a Sag? – I mean, I think
it’s high energy. I think you love
or you hate, right? – You love and you hate.
– Yeah. – You know who else
loves and hates? Everybody in this room,
Chrissy. You know how vague that sounds? That sounds ridiculous
right now. That would give me
the worst catchphrase ever. If you got two arms,
two eyes, and two legs, you might be a Sagittarius.
– I like that, bro. – Girls really care
about that, Jeff. Can you believe that? It doesn’t matter who you are
or what you’re really like if you got the wrong birthday.
Isn’t that crazy? Something you got
no control over. You have no say in it.
It doesn’t matter who you are. Jesus could come back.
Just– [cheering] “What’s up, girl?
I’m Jesus Christ.” And girls would still be like,
“Yeah, we know. “Your birthday’s December 25.
You’re a Capricorn. My ex is a Capricorn.
Won’t make that mistake again.” “I’m literally walking
on water right now.” “Yeah.
He was a showoff too.” Like, I feel like it’s getting
so out of hand women just gotta start holding
in their babies longer, so they’re not born
in certain months. Like, “No, no, no, no.
My baby will not be a Leo.” “Your water just broke.” “You know who else is broke?
His daddy, who is also a Leo.” Out of here, man.
Thank y’all so much. My name is Matt Rife.
Thank you, thank you.