– I mean you such a
(bleep) with titties that Punkie want to date you. (laughing)
(sucking noises) (hip hop music) – [Announcer] This
is Crack Me Up, the show where two
comedians battle to see who has the best
jokes in the school yard. The goal is to make whoever is in the hot seat
laugh the most. (laughing)
(bell dings) The catch is, the hot seat would try their hardest not to crack. (laughing) (bell ringing)
Round one is a tit-for-tat style speed run. The comedians will have 90
seconds to go joke for joke, each laugh gets a point,
most points wins the round. Got it, let’s go. – Stop piggybacking.
– How old are you? – (mumbles)
– Oh yeah it’s over, I can’t keep
hugging you, you 19. (laughing) My fault, you 19, I’m sorry
I can’t do that no more. – This age thing is
really messing with me, I can’t lie, like, you 19, but your nose is 47,
(chuckles) and I can’t get down
(bell dings) with you like that, bruh. You’ll smell
everything. (laughs) – This relationship’s over, ’cause you keep putting
razors in our potato salad. (laughing)
(bell dings) – Salute? (bleep) I said salute.
(laughing) See that’s why we got to break
up, you don’t (bleep) listen. I told you to salute, (bleep). (laughing)
– I thought it was something– I was waiting too, I’m like
come, let’s get it, Punkie. You know, me– – Nevermind, you all
always breakin’ up. – Huh? – See, this game is
called breakin’ up. You see her edges? You see ’em?
– Mmhm. – I don’t, that’s why
I asked you first. But listen, this is what I was– (laughing) (bell dings) (hip hop music) – [Announcer] In this
round each comedian has 60 uninterrupted seconds
to tell their best jokes. Each laugh gets a point,
most points wins the round. – Go, Killer.
– Mmhm, mmhm. See,
– Talk to him. – Punkie, you funky. – Facts.
(sniffing) – I would never
get in your drawls. And Conceited how
you pick somebody with a (bleep)
bigger than yours? – Mmm, early.
(laughing) – (sucks teeth) Man.
– In and out. – [Conceited] Weak. – Where you from, New Orleans, baby?
– Baby. – So that means you
straight out the mud. Two light skinned dudes same
height same complexion, same– I don’t even know
which one is the stud. Matter fact, pardon me
miss, I’ll get back to her, I’m smackin’ ya, taking
your blood like Dracula, and you the size of a toy. I see Punkie brought
her strap with her. – The strap.
(bell dings) (laughing) – If it went over your head…
(laughing) Slow it down!
– Hol’ on, hol’ on, hol’ on, hol’ on. See this is really sad,
this gon’ get really bad. How you shaped like Spongebob, but your bikini
bottoms got Mr. Crabs. – Whoa!
– Damn, early! – And now we just
going to go to you. I hate you.
(laughing) (bell dings) – Damn, that was a lot
of passion in that. – I should just slay you. I mean, you such a
(bleep) with titties that Punkie want to date you. – Hey! (sucking noises)
(laughing) (bell dings) – Oh, Mr. ad-lib? – Now Punkie going to body! – Man Theresa, you
a Rugrat and a brat, I wouldn’t (bleep) with you if
you used filters on Snapchat. I tried to (bleep)
you last night, but my strap ran
back to my backpack. – [Group] Ooh! And you, you just
got a fat back. (bell dings) I would say fat one time but
damn that (bleep) is fat, fat. (bell dings)
(laughing) When you got to McDonald’s
you are a number one, a number two, a number three, and a number four
with a snapback. (laughing)
(bell dings) And that’s facts. – And now we going to end it, ’cause this is really fine, in our classroom give
it up for the hood-rat Tekashi 6ix9ine. (laughing)
(school bell ringing) (hip hop music)
(bell dings) – [Announcer] The third and
final round is called Word Play. In this round, each
comedian will riff off the words they
pull from the hat. Most laughs not only win
the round, but the game. – Asian. Asian. – Thank you for not laughing. (gasps) (laughing)
(bell dings) Got him! Ha, I knew that one
was going to catch him! ♪ Victorious ♪ ♪ Vic, vic, vic, victorious ♪ You heard of victorious? Give it up for Notorious…
(chuckles) Big, Big.
(laughing) (buzzes) – That dude… (laughing) – You can laugh, that’s funny, – That dude.
(laughing) – That dude.
– That dude. – Try to be you all.
– Know you can’t read like that, you got
to get one at– – Soliquo– Soli– (bleep)
What’s this (bleep). – Soliloquy.
(laughing) – Soliloquy? You know I would date you, if you wasn’t
soliloquy. (laughs) (buzzes) You got to laugh at yourself
sometimes. (laughing) I need this minute to fly, I’m getting defeated. (laughing) – Straight.
(laughing) The words just keep
coming for her. Look, think I’m
lyin’, what that say? That dude aint…
– (bleep) man. (laughing) Bruh.
(bell dings) The universe is coming for me. – I swear, I swear!
(school bell ringing) – [Announcer] And the
winner is Charlie Clips. – You know, and momma
told me that life– – He said life? Shut the (bleep) up! – They hatin’ on me,
especially this little bastard! – I’ma take this L
like a true boss, and I’ma just congratulate
my man, Charlie. – Oh, that’s what
I’m talkin’ about. – All right, all
right, Mike Jones. (laughing)