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Coronavirus: Is This How We Die? | The Daily Show

The coronavirus. It’s the worst global pandemic
since “Baby Shark.” There are now
over 80,000 confirmed cases in 40 countries, including 57 confirmed cases right here in the United States. (coughs)
58. And so, today, the president
of the United States held an emergency
press conference to address people’s concerns. I have just received
another briefing from a great group
of talented people. We’re ready to adapt, and we’re ready
to do whatever we have to as the disease spreads,
if it spreads. The level that we’ve had
in our country is very low, and those people are…
getting better. We’re very, very ready for this. I’m gonna be putting
our vice president, Mike Pence, in charge. I’m gonna ask Mike Pence
to say a few words. Please. Thank you, Mike. Thank you, Mr. President. Yes, this is major news. Vice President Mike Pence
will be in charge of America’s effort
to contain the coronavirus. And I think this is great, yeah, ’cause Mike Pence has a lot
of experience in this area. He’s been quarantining himself
from women his whole life. This is great.
And some might be worried, some might be worried because,
when Mike Pence was governor of Indiana,
he enabled an HIV outbreak when he didn’t follow the advice
of public health officials. But, I’ll be honest,
I still feel safer with him than with Trump, all right? Because Trump, first of all,
if you saw the briefing, didn’t seem to know anything
that we didn’t. It’s like he just gets his news
online with us. Just like, “I-I saw a thing.
It looks bad. “It’s rea– pretty bad. “It’s like some people have it.
A lot of people have it. “You might have it.
(stammers) I don’t even know if I have it.” And earlier, earlier this week,
earlier this week, when Trump was briefed
on the virus, he seemed less concerned
about a pandemic hurting people than he was
about it hurting the economy. ‘Cause that’s
Trump’s real nightmare, right, if his stock market gets sick. Yeah. He would be like,
“No, not my poor stock market. “Not Wall Street.
I’ll nurse you back to health “with my special chicken soup. It’s a KFC bucket poured
with Diet Coke.” (groaning) It’s delicious. Don’t judge. -(laughter)
-Don’t judge. The Diet Coke undoes the KFC. (chuckles) And, also, also,
when Trump first talked about the coronavirus
earlier this week– I’m not gonna lie–
it wasn’t exactly reassuring. The, uh, coronavirus,
which is, um… you know, very well
under control in our country. We, uh, have very few people
with it. The people are getting better.
They’re all getting better. I think that whole situation
will start working out. A lot of talent, a lot of brainpower’s
being put behind it. $2.5 billion we’re putting in. There’s a very good chance
you’re not gonna die. (laughter, gasping) Okay, we’re-we’re
definitely all gonna die. You know,
Trump-Trump is great for jokes, but, in times of crisis,
Trump is the worst person to reassure the nation. Because a president
is like a parent. They’re supposed
to make people feel like they have things
under control. Trump is like,
“Yeah, maybe. You never…” Like, he’s the kind of parent
who would freak their kid out even more. Be like, “Daddy,
there are monsters under my bed. Are-are they there?”
Be like, “I don’t know, kid.
Probably not. “But, uh, nobody knows for sure. “Nobody knows. I mean, you could
have swallowed a tiny monster, “and it’s growing in your tummy
right now. (chuckles) Nobody knows.
All right, good night, buddy.” So, the question is, what is the
latest news from the coronavirus and how is it affecting
the world? Well, let’s find out
in our brand-new segment Is This How We Die? -♪ ♪
-(cheering and applause) Today’s catastrophic threat
to humanity is the coronavirus, also known as COVID-19, or covfefe. Trump tried to warn us,
but we laughed. Now, scientists
are still learning about this virus,
because it’s so new. What we do know though is
that it’s extremely contagious and that it looks different depending on which news channel
you’re watching. Yeah. On NBC,
it looks like fish eggs. On ABC, it looks
like Nickelodeon slime. Uh, on CBS, it looks
like radioactive cauliflower. And on Fox News, they just made
it look like Hillary Clinton. “Lock it up! Lock it up!” (chuckles) And, now,
while America is bracing for the worst,
other countries around the world are in the thick of it. So let’s go over to Japan, where the coronavirus
isn’t just getting people sick– it’s also going for the gold. REPORTER: The 2020
Olympic Games in Tokyo might be canceled
because of the outbreak. REPORTER 2: A senior member
of the International Olympics Committee
told the Associated Press, “You’re probably looking
at a cancellation if the coronavirus outbreak
isn’t curtailed by May.” REPORTER 3: You’re talking about
hundreds of thousands of people coming from 200-plus countries, all staying in close quarters
here in Tokyo for a few weeks and then going back out
to their home countries. If they don’t get this thing
under control, the potential for
a major public health crisis and outbreak is huge. Yes, the Olympics
might be canceled because of the coronavirus. And, personally, I’m devastated, because I was gonna compete
in the shot put. Yeah, no, for real. One of those big guys
was gonna throw me. Now, cancelling the Olympics
is a pretty big deal. In fact, the event has only ever
been canceled for world wars and its old tweets.
But it makes sense. Hosting a worldwide competition
during a pandemic is a recipe for disaster, right? And it’s bound to affect
the quality of the sports. I mean, you can’t have that
when this disease is going on. I mean,
can you imagine the relays? They’re gonna have
the slowest times ever. No one’s gonna want to touch
the same baton. Just be like,
“Ew, ew, ew! Ew! Ew, ew.” And good luck breaking records
in the pool when you’re dressed like this. So, the virus is potentially
a world war-level threat, and you might be thinking,
with this level of danger, we should be turning to God. But as we’re learning
from the Philippines, God may not be able to help. Millions of Christians
around the world are observing Ash Wednesday
today. It marks the start of Lent, a season of fasting and prayer,
all leading up to Easter. This year, out of precaution
for the coronavirus, some churches
are sprinkling ashes on the heads of churchgoers instead of smudging it
on their foreheads. Yes, as unbelievable
as it sounds, because of the coronavirus, many Catholic priests are just
sprinkling ashes on their parishioners,
like a religious salt bae. (laughter) And that’s how you know
the coronavirus is serious, because even the church
is afraid. Like, if coronavirus was around
in the bible, Jesus would have been like,
“I will lay hands on this leper, “and I will raise the dead,
and for the… “Oh, coronavirus.
No, no, no, no. “Let me turn this water
into Purell. I ain’t touching that shit.” (laughter) So Japan and the Philippines
are taking major precautions. But all the way over in Iran, things are already
getting out of control. MAN: Iran has suffered
the highest number of coronavirus deaths
outside of China, with 15 dead
and 95 cases reported. On Monday, the country’s deputy
health minister went on TV, insisting
the Iranian government had the coronavirus
under control. (speaking foreign language) MAN: But the very next day,
it was announced that he himself
had contracted the virus. -(audience groaning)
-Are you shitting me? (laughter) The health minister came out
saying everything is fine, but then he’s got the disease? So not only is this virus
super contagious. It also has a sick sense
of humor. (laughter) And it’s bad enough,
it’s bad enough that the health minister, the
deputy health minister is sick, but it’s even worse that in the
days before he was diagnosed, he was going on TV
and spreading it around. -(speaking foreign language)
-(woman laughs) (coughing) (speaking foreign language) (audience groaning, chuckling) I think it’s safe to say
that that guy’s career is over because, let’s be honest, a health minister that gets sick
will never be trusted again. Yeah. It’s just like, “Everybody
needs to wash their hands.” People are like, “Man,
why would we listen to you, you sick-ass bitch.” (laughter) So that’s where we are now. The coronavirus,
which started in Asia, has now spread from Europe
to the U.S., the Middle East, and all the way, as of today,
to South America. So remember, people,
wash your hands, try not to touch your face,
cover your cough, and stay away from
that Iranian health official. (laughter) And if you do all of those
things, there’s a good chance (as Trump):
you’re probably not gonna die.

100 thoughts on “Coronavirus: Is This How We Die? | The Daily Show

  1. Everything is OK because Mr. Adderall Trumpvirus,  and Dr. Pence with assistant, coronavirus same as a cold Rush Limbaugh says so, this is your talented people all the brains at work.

  2. Was maybe Coffeefee his nickname for Cofi Annon and he just texted it to twitter and not who he thought he was texting?

  3. The swine flu (H1N1) in 2009 originated in the US, was classified as a pandemic, 80 million people had it and about 12,500 people in the U.S. alone died from it. Coronavirus , not even close. So, before we all panic let’s keep things in perspective. Just a thought.

  4. At least Trevor knows he is fake is the real deal about the virus and Mike Pence…

  5. More fake news from the communist news agency. World wide 2% of the people that catch it die and most of them are people whose immune system is already compromised. YET they are upset that Trump is not screaming in panic. As slow as it is spreading, they will have a vaccine for it before it does major harm.

  6. Seven things you should know about the coronavirus, written by a registered nurse 👋 :

    1. Coronavirus itself isn’t new. Just like influenza, coronavirus is a family of respiratory viruses, and there are multiple strains, which have the ability to change over time. Coronavirus is already common in the United States, and has been for years. I have personally cared for patients with this diagnosis.

    2. Novel coronavirus, also known as COVID-19, is the strain we’re hearing about in the news. It emerged in Wuhan, China at the end of 2019.

    3. Symptoms of COVID-19 include fever, cough, and shortness of breath. Just like the flu and common cold, it is spread person to person via respiratory droplets when an infected person coughs or sneezes.

    4. According to the World Health Organization, as of February 26, there have been 2,918 confirmed cases of COVID-19 outside of China. 53 of these are in the United States. There have been 44 deaths, none in the United States. Compare this to influenza, which the CDC estimates will infect between 29,000,000 and 41,000,000 people in the United States alone during the 2019-20 season, resulting in 16,000 to 41,000 deaths.

    5. “But there’s no cure!” You’re right. There’s no magic pill that cures the flu either. But there is a flu vaccine (that doesn’t cause autism) that can protect you from our most common respiratory viruses. Maybe go get one.

    6. So, why are we panicking? Frankly, because the media tells us to. Manufacturing a pandemic is a great way to boost ratings, but everything science knows so far about COVID-19 has revealed it to be no more than yet another respiratory virus (and there are thousands).

    7. The scariest part of COVID-19 isn’t the virus itself, it’s the resulting baseless mass paranoia. Hospitals are hoarding supplies, creating shortages of PPE necessary to protect healthcare workers and patients. Cities are refusing to house and treat sick people who have nowhere else to go. People are using the virus as an excuse for their own social prejudices.

    So, what can you do? Turn off the TV and arm yourself with the facts. Stop the spread of false information.

    And for Pete’s sake, wash your hands.

    (Information & statistics obtained directly from the CDC & WHO)

    Want to know more? Learn from the experts:

  7. Hi everybody Can you guys check out my latest fortnite montage and say If u like it or not? So i know How i Can improve

  8. I am an Iranian and trust our government so much 🙂 Hell yeah 😉 If they do not get us killed all, the USA will not be able to kill us …. For the record, it has been a long time that I am not in Iran and watching it all at home somewhere else.

  9. Trevor, mock Nancy Pelosi. She is a sick fart 💨
    Respect ✊ the President. He is doing his best for the American people.

  10. This is what I read , Out of 100 people 83 will get it, half will hospitalized from that half will become critical and 15 will die.
    A person can recover but get reinfected . There are things we still don't understand about Coronavirus

  11. Gosh! I knew you from South Africa. Lived there for 8 years (2008-2016) I'm a Nigerian by the way and I have been following you ever since. You're such a great talent and haven't change at all. God bless Trevor! Baie dankie

  12. In April 2009, H1N1 Became a Pandemic; 6 Months
    Later, After 1,000 U.S. Deaths, Obama Finally Declared it a Public
    Health Emergency.

  13. Iran's health minister clearly displaying symptoms of a disease he says is some sort of myth… what else could you call it but CORONAVIRONY?

  14. All this bitching, when you guys weren’t even that affected by sars. But anything to take pots shots at orange man DOIH

  15. believe it or not I am an Iranian and I got Corona. from two weeks ago I had a little throat pain. but since 3 days ago fever started , I am too too hot and I don't know whether my body can defeat it or not. I am watching my last YouTube videos 🙂
    RIP In advance

  16. So Ur this show revealed that there are countries apart from India where people are still backward with superstitions and blind faith in irrational religious rituals and ashes…

  17. Its sad to think that Japan's population is mostly old people and the coronavirus affects that demographic

  18. AS A DEMOCRAT ALOT OF US HOPE MOST OF THE PLANET WILL BE KILLED OFF. WE NEEDED A NAZI TYPE MASS EVENT TO ENSURE THAT WE COULD ABORT ENOUGH PEOPLE… GLOBAL WARMING IS HAPPENING BECAUSE OF TO MANY PEOPLE. IF 2/3rds of the planet is going to catch the CORONA virus then IT will be helpful to the planet. GLOBAL WARMING Is real. It should spread to kill as many people as possible. Especially trump voters and anyone that does not like the tonight show. Hopefully it spreads everywhere until all of the planet catches it and lets the planet regrow itself. Global warming will revers if 2/3rds of the world dies and as democrats we will be healed naturally.

  19. For the new crown, I think it may be difficult for some countries to do more exaggeration than China, block the city, set up card at the entrance of the community to measure the body temperature, anyone who enters or exits any city is quarantined for 14 days, the school is closed, the factory is closed, or even you report a Foreigners or a person who has a fever but does not go to the hospital can get a government bonus. Even if this is the case, there are still quite a few people infected in China, so I hope everyone can achieve the new crown, and more than one joke. Buy medical masks and avoid gatherings (because a Wednesday incubation period can infect other people). I don't want some people's stupid prejudice to cause an outbreak of the world outbreak and the virus to return to China.

  20. He is not Health Minister ! 😁 but yeah its funny thought , he is health official but not minister

  21. humanity:knows world is ending
    News: almost as accurate as comedians
    God to humans :ur globe earth is the joke

  22. It's kind of scary how America news media is laughing at this out real while we are watching other countries take things OVERLY VERY VERY SERIOUS…AMERICA TAKE THIS VIRUS SERIOUS


  24. In my country they say that the person's whit low immunity and old enough can take it and die .. oh yeah and clean the hole house whit chlorine .. and we all so need to clean , hands ,face , hair etc. … and no touch whit nothing or no one , eat more natural food all so clean it well , avoid meat that looks more than 2 days in the shops …. bla bla bla …..and I am like 🤔:
    "just lock you're self in the house and starve ,😑 you fucking stupid that don't have friends and no watching TV ,you all ready touch evrething that everyone did , and never listening to you're mom because you was more interest in that stupid game that made you win some kg (58) by eating bla bla bla bla bla blaaaa" 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️
    Hmmm yeah' that was my reaction 😑
    Thank you 🙏

  25. I've gotten used to how orange trump is over these years so it got kind of hard for me to notice lately
    1:05 the contrast sure helps

  26. Not cool man not cool.😔 Its sad that Trevor Noah has come to that point where he is now making jokes about Jesus Christ the Lord and saviour of the world not being able to "touch" and heal those who are infected, it doesn't matter if he didn't intend for it to sound that way. It should be said that the Catholic church he mentions in this video don't actually believe in Jesus Christ the same way most other full gospel churches believe in him.

  27. Your a TOTAL DICKHEAD….
    Your fucked up "posh" english dialect does not make you more "reliable" or anything else
    And how you use your skincolor is a discrase to see…
    Your a total fucked up mocking hypocrite dickhead and we all hope that your sorry as will be infected with the covfefe virus

    Psalm 91:7–16 KJV
    7  A thousand shall fall at thy side,
    And ten thousand at thy right hand;
    But it shall not come nigh thee.
    8  Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold
    And oosee the reward of the wicked.
    9  Because thou hast made the Lord, which ismy crefuge,
    Even the most High, thy phabitation;
    10  qThere shall no evil befall thee,
    Neither shall any rplague come nigh thysdwelling.
    11  tFor he shall give uhis angels charge over thee,
    To keep thee in all thy ways.
    12  They shall bear thee up in their hands,
    Lest thou xdash thy foot against a stone.
    13  Thou shalt tread upon the ylion and||adder:
    The young lion and the zdragon shalt thou atrample under feet.
    14  bBecause he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him:
    I will cset him on high, because he hathdknown my name.
    15  He shall ecall upon me, and I will answer him:
    I will be with him in trouble;
    fI will deliver him, and fghonour him.
    16  hWith †long life will I satisfy him,
    And shew him my salvation.

  29. Bruh u bash the president for what he said but if those numbers are true 57 infected in the USA out of 80,000 worldwide cases hmm seems like what he's saying makes sense people like to hate on every president elect and this 4th branch of the government loves to bash those who go against it but if killary was in charge things would be better of right? Its 2 sides of a coin no matter what side these people get they will find a reason to bitch and moan about it truth is trump is the first president not getting his strings pulled and he's not being controlled and a person like that is dangerous in this world cause he understands one thing this whole world is a business being controlled by the 1 percent listen to immortal technique 1 percent mabye u might just get some enlightenment and not just left in the dark and mabye you wont die ignorant lost naked and afraid lol but yet again it's your free will some people to lazy to read now in days ^.^ .•. ♡○€

  30. look hw well the virus working,,,streets in Tehran, Paris and Hong Kong,,,all clear,,,the media flexing its muscles on the behest of despots and deep-state,,,wana bet Wall St gona make a pretty buck off it nxt ?…..

  31. I always feel like clips of trump are just edited memes and them I go to the real video and I'm shook.

  32. I pray that the virus doesn't get to you you Joker you need to script about something that matters and truthful

  33. Nice image: he annouced that Mike Pence was going to battle the Corona virus. See the face of the lady on the right, struggling not to scream out: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  34. I feel sorry for those people who are getting the typical flu right now. Because you know everyone will be treating them like they are walking around with the Bubonic plague.

  35. There was a lot of talk in Iranian media circles that the minister is just pretending to have Covid-a9, so that he can come back on the TV "cured" in a few days.

  36. I think it is very rude, disrespectful and sad to think how serious the situation is in China with the Coronavirus is and yet people like Trevor thinks its funny to joke about it. Grow up Trevor and watch the video on the real situation. GROW UP and stop joking about thousands of deaths.

  37. Its only Trump… my country Kenya too… the givernment thinks its a sort of flue that will just disappear…

  38. In India we have Modi virus and this disease seems to be incurable. Deathtomodi for peaceful India.

  39. Currently, a coronavirus test kit costs $3,600. copay 50%. This potential financial strain could deter people who may be infected from seeking testing and treatment. If the virus spread is not stifled,, the result could be a serious economic recession. Hope the American government provides free testing and treatment for for all positive patients and potential patients.

    I wanted to let you know about a We the People petition and ask for your support. Will you add your name to mine? If this petition gets 100,000 signatures within 30 days of its creation, the White House will review it and respond!

    You can view and sign the petition here:

    Offer Free Testing and Treatments For All Positive Patients And Potential Patients

    Thanks for raising your voice!

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