Laughter is the Best Medicine


cottage pine crack this is smiley the fishmonger is fun crackers amazing baby cottage pie on crack my cottage pie is the best ever in the history of the earth don't talk to me about your mom's don't talk to me about your Nan's uncle food buskers cottage pie is the best on crack why I'll tell you and meet you put in your cottage pie it's absolutely Parma most of the beef that hits the market is between 15 to 18 months old not this fella I've got this off my might been I'll put a link to his farm in the description box below this is 10 years old it's had a great life and 10 years equals 10 years more flavor it equals 10 years of grass-fed beef fat it's retired dairy cow and it is gonna blow your minds it's actually as good as where I go with 85% cheaper next up brothers and sisters is an umami tsunami flavor bomb I'm using mushrooms that are dry to create the stock putting Worcestershire sauce in there and the soy sauce it's got mushroom ketchup and believe it or not I'm putting sinuate in there because it's oh now listen I know I know these ingredients aren't traditionally in there this is not a traditional cottage pie but listen brothers and sisters it still is the best cottage pie it is on crack trust me right there's a lot to get through so follow me grapeseed oil into a hot pan and then we stop drowning off the meat now remember what I've taught you about frying off me in a pan you don't want it layered on top of each other right you need to have gaps so it's browning not steaming so we're gonna do this first couple of stages in batches so called Linea the sieve is ridiculous first batch she's done let's get it out and get the second one in now you'll notice that I haven't seasoned at this point and I don't want to because the other ingredients that I'm putting in are quite high in salt content so you have to watch how much seasoning particularly salt that you put in so just hold back at this point you see all that caught on the pan that is mega flavor we've got to get that off and in to the rest of the mint to get that flavor off I'm going to use onions and carrots but I'm not going to dice them I'm going to grate them and the difference is is that they will completely obliterate into the sauce into the stock into the meat and it will just make it super tasty before I do that I've just got some hot water here I'm going to pour that into my dried mushrooms because they need about 10 minutes to rehydrate and bleed all that flavor to create a mushroom stock let's crack up now I'm just going to just chop through one or two chops just to make sure that it's all nice and small and then just get it straight into your path now for those of you that are not from the UK you might be thinking what how is a cottage pie you may have heard of it you may have heard of a shepherd's pie what's the difference well cottage pie in shepherd's pie our pies topped with potato and the cottage pie preceded the shepherd's pie by about a hundred years cottage pie is only ever made with beef mince shepherd's pie it's only ever made with lamb mince and the cottage pie was named the cottage pie because it was made by people who ate it in cottages really creative but then weren't they now as you can see the onion and the carrot has done its job by cleaning that pan and getting all that flavor off the pan and back into the dish I'm gonna put some garlic in there but three or four cloves and then a good tablespoon of tomato puree cook those ingredients through for a good minute and a half two minutes a big mistake that people make with tomato puree all the time is that they don't cook it out and so this it's like acidic horrible cream tomato flavor that can be present in your dish cook it out now I've got a bunch of time I'm just gonna drop that in and I've got these mushrooms and I'm just gonna thickly slice them that sort of size that you're looking for let's do that lot getting me right time to deglaze the pan I'm usually I'm gonna use half a bottle of Merlot a Malbec would work really well get the whole thing in deglaze baby whoop ok so that red wine goes in there give the pan a good scrub again you're collecting all the ingredients that may have caught on the bottom bringing it together you want to reduce that by half and then we're gonna put some beef stock in there and we're going to put the Mint's back in and Dan it get in there baby now we're gonna put a liter of beef stock in she goes and then we're gonna get the mushroom stock in and what's so exciting about this just walk at the depth of the flavor that's now developed I'm gonna pour that in keep the mushrooms back roughly chopped and drop them in as well that's mega as it is right but now we're gonna get the tsunami in there so we want a hundred grams of passata then you want a good five tablespoons of ketchup this is where it starts really kicking off we want the Worcestershire sauce in she goes three or four really good glugs the mushroom ketchup oh so good again you're looking at four or five tablespoons we're getting the soy sauce in now and don't forget a good glug of Tabasco sauce and then finally and nori sheets our seaweed sheets just crisp them up and get them in you want about four sheets and get it all mixed in well that's bubbling away I've taken some Maris Piper potatoes I'm gonna write the whole lot through into here now that's about a kilo and a half of potato and we've got so much going on with the meat that actually I want quite a simple mash to contrast too much butter or cream or milk in here wouldn't work I also want it to have quite steep peaks so we get a good texture and a good browning on there so the only other flavorings in here are going to be some salt and pepper some butter and some parmesan let's get them in now that's perfect it's just got a hint of parmesan in there it's got that richness of the butter it's the perfect foil to sit on top of the absolute naughtiness of the meat these two guys are nearly ready let's check on how our meats do it you know that just it's got a real sheen you could have that so many different ways let's taste it and check the seasoning okay come on what you saying to me baby let's build this baby so let's ladle the mixture into an earthenware dish hold it quite high in the dish now it's time to get the mash on now there's lots of different ways to put your mash on so I just put it in lots of different dollops then I go across the mash and with the back of a spoon I'm creating big dimples in the mash and that means that lower down it won't caramelize at the top it will Brown I seen you get that gnarly effect which brings flavor but it also brings texture into the party so just go across number one number two I've got a basic egg wash and I'm just gonna lightly egg wash the top of the mash it's gonna change your life it is gonna change your life that miss bloody Effie it is heavy and it's gonna be delicious a British classic taken to the next level in the oven at 170 for about 20 to 25 minutes until the top is golden brown and bubble and bubbling bubbling bubbling bubble in my truth are you ready are you ready it's gonna have a look look at that it's got that crunchiness on the top you've got the different contrast it's bubbling away I can't wait to serve this up let's have a look inside amazing but if you've got a problem if you're not feeling so good you cook this all your problems they just go away they just go away I'm tasting it I'm tasting it mate oh bloody hell all that extra loving that went in now it really delivers that is bloody delicious listen this is a cottage pie you wouldn't charge too much with I'm gonna say I'm gonna say 8-point did swear then now there's some busca tears turned up so let's get ready to serve them okay right I've kept it nice and warm in the oven we've got oli and Jen who travelled all the way from Southampton just to come on the show just at the sea lovely lovely people they are running right for cop Pollak what you saying I'm gonna say all he knows what he's talking about let's face it Jen what you saying nine Pam 5050 not so good for oli makes him a bit of a tight tight tight ass he'd better get his Christmas action right right all right this is smiley the fishmonger and then here's right gay in there chef then you go cottage pie on crack he's taking it on board he's thinking about it the smiles are on hold just for the moment Wow investigate that's so nice this lovely everything I love flavor everything is in there it's really her name very good what would you pay for a full portion or should that be like 1200 cottage pie on crack three nail oh you've got to try it now the final tip that I need to show you is cook it the day before let it sit in the fridge just like a lasagna and the taste will blow you away ah try it

50 thoughts on “COTTAGE PIE ON CRACK

  1. Just made this last night for a bunch of my family. Unfortunately didn't have mushroom ketchup so the Tsunami was more of a smaller tidal wave. I also strained all the liquid into a bowl then made a gravy by thickening it with a bit of cornstarch and coated the meat. My family said it was incredible. I'm so excited for lunch to eat the leftovers!

  2. Lovely jubbly. Nice idea with the dimpling on the mash. I like to add anchovy fillets. Paste is too salty. A good brand of organic tomato ketchup too. Thanks for the vid.

  3. Interested. But baby food texture, just me, but scallops potatoes or even garlic egg plant on top would be the killer

  4. John, please say how long I need to cook the mince mixture before putting into Pyrex dish. Many thanks…and I'd pay £15 given all the ingredients…

  5. I am still to cook your recipe. But you are simply fun to watch. Such an entertainer and your recipes look great.
    Thank you and keep em coming.

  6. 8 bucks. But you forgot to add the anchovys with the tomato paste. (crack) The flavor could have been kicked up to 9 1/2 bucks. (US dollars) Sour cream W/dried mint leaves in the potato mix? (more crack) Bump it up another 1 1/2 bucks. Well done mate. My next diner party meal. Thanks!

  7. As with crack comes addiction. I look forward to becoming addicted to cottage pie on crack and not having to go to rehab.

  8. Generally pretty good, but what`s all this crack crap about?
    Talking like a cunt doesnt help!
    I like the nori idea, and a dash of white pepper in the mash.

  9. Is CRACK a good thing? Seems by the way you talk up your pie that if you didn't add CRACK it would suck. Well sorry I don't do CRACK you'll have to hold this one for your family – – – smh

  10. Jaysus. I really wanted to see how this is made, but I couldn't make it through this idiot's assault on taste and decorum. He's worse than Alton Brown. Just show the damn recipe, throw in some witty banter if you like, but stop trying to be a stupid cartoon.

  11. Other video names rejected by focus testing; meth head meat pie, opioid ofal, pie on percs, hillbilly shepherd heroin.

  12. I guess something got lost in translation when the English part of my family crossed the pond; this "cottage pie" with ground beef is basically what we always called "shepherd's pie". We always added green beans and shredded carrots to the meat, topping the mash potatoes with slices of Colby-Jack cheese.

  13. I made this yesterday …. all I can say is, fucking hell !! Seriously the best recipe I have ever followed …. make it , make it today !

  14. Add 25% sweet potato to the mash for even more flavour and more golden crispy bits in the final bake . I cooked and ate this tonight without the seaweed ( don't know where to buy it ) and it's great , better than the last time I cooked it when it lacked a couple of ingredients but still was a hit with those who ate it . Winner .

  15. This is so close to the cottage pie I make it's silly. I will have to find the few extra ingredients you used to try this out.

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