Laughter is the Best Medicine

Creepy Indian Men (English) Stand up comedy by Sanjay Manaktala

these are the pickup lines in our country
north india did you have your lunch? oh now you get it!
did you had your lunch in the south…coffee aitha madam
uh yeah was it filter coffee?
all of India all of Pakistan
all of Sri Lanka the biggest pick up line of all
nice dp i want to talk about something that every
IT person and everybody generally 20s and their 30s
in this country deals with you guys ready yes? let’s go for the ride, ok
ladies do you like us Indian men? wow
the enthusiasm the energy even the wifes are like let’s see
where he’s going with this come on ladies do you like us Indian men? really
four of you no ladies come on, Indian men generally
we are nice we are sweet
we are honest we’re intelligent
we are hard working, we are independent if our mother let’s us be
we are all these things we are really good people
caretakers care givers we are all of that stuff
in real life in person
but in the movies on the internet
on social media we are the creepiest men
hands down in the universe
like there’s a reputation of a lot of us you know how we have a stereotype that like
people in Nigeria will want to get into your bank details
yeah nobody here wants your bank details but they wanna make a deposit
some of you don’t get that nah HDFsee fixed deposit it’s good!
good interest rate that’s how I got the fancy house
it’s very nice L eye see Jeevan Bheema package
not all men but there’s a good chunk in this country right and you know them
right you’ve seen it right like it’s so interesting
the confidence that some Indian men have behind a keyboard
it’s like Ok if i’ve been telling a computer what to do
what if i can tell a random white girl in texas what to do
what if I could tell a ranodm white girl in texas what to do
it’s like madam, send bobs! send bobs and vegan
some of you have no idea what i’m talking about
uncle let me explain Indian men we are known across the world
for being creepy with our typos hang on
send bobs you know what we’re talking about now?
this place is called double O heaven i’ll give you a hint
i’m just letting you know that’s what i’m talking about
because Indian men we are known for this it’s insane
you know what the best part i love about India i’ve been here almost ten years
the best part about India is everyone now has internet access
you know what the worst part about India can be sometimes…
everybody has internet access because when you get internet before you’re
ready somebody’s askin for bobs
you know what I mean and how do programmers mess this up
how do programmers make a typo on that programmers are so good
with every semicolon every parentheses
in the right place all of a sudden, they get desperate
that’s when they lose character? ahhh guys
i knew you’d like that i was like i hope they don’t beat me to the
punch not all Indian men are creepy
for sure just like not all Nigerians are scamsters
definitely and ladies let me tell you something
all men are creepy ok
like come on all of us have been there growing up
fumbling our way through adolescence all of us but you know
with a black guy or a white guy or a spanish guy
they send you the six pack and are like “Hey you sexy uh”
and the girl is like ok i know what i’m getting into
i understand but some of us Indian men
like those other guys they slide in your DMs we hide in your DMs
that’s what we’re doing because it’s not just look the guys who are
honest show me this
shoe me that it’s like cool i’m gonna block you
i carry on but the middle class guys
oh they’re the ones you gotta watch out for just cause you’re middle class you can’t buy
class we know these guys
one lady clapping she’s like yeah
i didn’t know this was a Ted talk but nice” I love it right
let me explain because we’re just coming off a crazy time
last year i’m embarrassed to say this
but i’ve done it growing up in my 20s guys
how many of you have ever sent a girl
you did not know a message on Facebook or Instagram? oh
just me and that guy? really? just the two of us? the rest of you
are lying bro respect
the first time in your life being a creep it paid off
i’ve done it you’ve done it facebook makes it so easy
it’s lik hey “people you may know”
“56 mutual friends” but i’ve never met her?
just do it. just us 2?
the rest of you are lying guys you know how I know you’re lying? hey ladies how many of you have ever received
a message, from a guy, on Facebook or Instagram? OMG would you look at that
all of the girls hands went up even the wife, still happens
all the girls hands went up, none of the guys this guy…really? bro…hash tag not all men bro!
this guys is like “bro those are the north indians!”
bro those are the north Indians who do that! i do this joke in Chandigarh they’re like
bro! those are the south Indians! those are the South Indians who do that!
and here is the thing right like I said
the other creepy guys in the world you know when they are trying to hit on you,
you’ll know and you block them it’s like you understand and you move on with
your life but the scary guy
the guy in your office the random uncle who had one mutual friend
and you’re like ok fine whatever the landlord or ex landlord
those guys are the weirdest because they come at you
i dunno why i’m looking right at you because a lot of the other guys they want
to get straight to your pants but some of us middle class Indian men
we’re like that mosquito that keeps flying by your ear
stop it yeah stop it
because every girl has got the next 3 messages
from a guy she doesn’t know
on facebook named Santosh
Santosh or Piyush or Kishore i don’t know why ladies you don’t believe
me check your message folder because Indian men here’s what’s so crazy
about us all the other men are creepy directly
but we try so hard not to be creepy we go full circle
that we end up becoming twice as creepy these are the pickup lines in our country
north india did you have your lunch? oh now you get it!
did you had your lunch in the south…coffee aitha madam
uh yeah was it filter coffee?
all of India all of Pakistan
all of Sri Lanka the biggest pick up line of all
nice dp nice display pic is a marriage proposal in
this country ok
you know it’s true and so a friend of mine, a girl, anjali
she heard me tell this story and she was like sanjay
you’re type casting Indian men i was like not all
she’s like I don’t care, it’s not right you shouldn’t do that
and then right as she says that her phone vibrates
and she gets a message from a guy
she did not know on facebook
and i kid you not the message read
this guy’s name was Vishnu Santosh and Piyush they were off that day
they were out on holiday having their dosa at Shanti Sagar
they were off she gets a message from a guy
and 100% true story i have the screen shot
the message read hey anjali
have you ever faked your organism?
have you ever faked
i like how you’re high fiving spreading organisms I love that
have you ever faked your organism then i got defensive because she was like
FINE sanjay, you’re right! all Indian men are creepy
you happy? you win, go to hell then I got defensive
then I thought wait what if he’s not creepy! all of a sudden I changed my tune
because there’s nothing more Indian that having double standards
it’s like I’m a hypocrite when it’s convenient for my case
so then I got defensive i played the devil’s advocate trying to take
his point i was like listen Anjali Anjali Anjali like
Anjali Anjali..ok look
if it’s a typo and he meant what I think he meant
yes we all agree he should be arrested
go to hell because we know what he meant
OR Anjali listen liten
he’s just very deep ya? he’s just poetic
he’s a poet amazing
he’s like hey! Anjali
have you ever thought you were somebody your’e not in this universe
neil degrasse tyson carl sagan the cosmos
who are we? we’re all made from the stardust have you ever faked your organism
and she was like OMG sanjay OMG
i’m gonna tell my friend Jina Jina Jina come look at this
this is amazing! OMG!
he could be the one! my soulmate!
and I was like yeah you respond to him
and she takes her phone and she sends him a response
i shouldn’t have been so presumptuous i’m so sorry no i never faked my organism
but i understand what you mean hi how are you?
and the guy was like “oh that’s good to hear” Had ur lunch?

100 thoughts on “Creepy Indian Men (English) Stand up comedy by Sanjay Manaktala

  1. ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“โฃ๏ธโค๏ธ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿป

  2. Berojgaar…..doing comedy to earn little bit๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž….and think he is very smart..because he talk about Apple,Google,Amazon…..etc…๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ they are not tech company….they are just a big manipulator….and manipulate billions and billions of people…..๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž

  3. awesome set again Sanjay, keep up the great work… one small request as a (proud) Bangalorean, could you please make a set about Bangalore and its quirks (from a "non IT" perspective)? would love to see your perspective about Namma Bengaluru …

  4. Wow, nice . Don't know y but I laughed very hard…
    Lol, XD

    Anyways , had ur Lunch??

  5. He said 'Nei D Grass Tyson' and the subs said, well they said something else. I am sorry I had to point it out.

  6. Had ur lunch Sanjay?.. ๐Ÿคฉ ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚ Nice Pickup line.. Is this a reason why i'm single(cause i never tried that way) ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜†

  7. You could have avoided that name 'Vishnu'.๐Ÿ˜“๐Ÿ˜ฃ I assume it is the rarest of rare names one girl should come across.

    Any way, your content,presentation and of course the accent are the best and fun to watch.

    Love from Kerala…๐Ÿฅฐ

  8. U got the skills bro……Great content,Wonderful timings,Ultimate expressions,Continue this way,You are gonna get very far…..

  9. Haha! Full points for self-awareness- it's "creepy typos" doing the damage.
    "The South Indians say no bro, it's the North Indians who do that; I do this joke in Chandigarh and they say no, it's the South Indians who do that." Man, if I had a buck for every time I've heard THAT rationalisation on the subcontinent… there's no doubt you drew this material from life.

  10. *We are Independent ,if our mother lets us*..LOL๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ THATS THE SADDEST REALTY DUDE ๐Ÿ˜‚

  11. Even if some of his jokes aren't the funniest, definitely those are the most intellectual ones. That's unique.
    – An IT guy ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

  12. Sleeper cell propaganda alert of whites. West educated fool. Be woke. Western media are working tirelessly to see them in bad light.

  13. Hahaha man you have me spitting up my beer, shoutout from California keep doing you bro you're fucking hilarious!

  14. Not all comedy is for people to laugh guts out ,if it makes u un-comfortable and shows a mirror on society it is job well done ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

  15. Dude you are doing a great job… I wish to do stand up as well.. wish me luck… I would appreciate if you could help me get started..I was told that comedy Bible is the right place to start..

  16. This guy reminds me of a friend i came to onow about it cuz he (my friend ) texted my brothers girlfriend about using fingering and my brother told me about it

  17. I was creepy in my teenage, I used to msg random females on social media bt never asked them for Bobs in the very 1st interaction.๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ

  18. You are one among the most confident stand up comedian across the world. I watch Kevin Hart too…

    You have a great way of speaking sir. Thanks for the entertainment.

  19. Wow. I'm so judging my choices right now ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    Funny story though. I messaged this girl I vaguely knew, but she didn't know me, and we ended up a couple so yeah it worked ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  20. I just watched ur comedy for the first time.. And it was just damn hilarious bro
    Time to finish ur vid playlist๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜…

  21. Sanjay, there's this place called 9 gag, Not the facebook page but the app, You should check the INDIA section of that app, Especially the comments, script for your next standup.

  22. He's lucky. Atleast he got a reply:" Sorry, have we met".
    Please some one tell me where I'll get to see such girls ๐Ÿ˜‚

  23. My pick up line :- only staring girl till she look at me or just in case eye contact happen .. me-gaand phat gayi bhago bhenchod…..๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€

  24. เฒ•เฒพเฒซเณ€ เฒ†เฒฏเณเฒคเฒพ เฒฎเณ‡เฒกเฒ‚…..๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  25. Have you ever faked your organism ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

  26. Hey Sanjay glad to see the number of views drastically increased now days or may be everybody has internet these days…..
    Or may be the lady luck ๐Ÿ™‚

  27. Hell, I got those messages from a tiny cousin brother who wore a diaper in front of my eyes and now that he has forgotten my formal name and who I am, he hasn't bothered to see mutual friends and started flirting with me, literally ten years younger than me. At first, I thought he is kidding but when he went out of line I realized he actually has NO IDEA IM HIS FIRST COUSIN!!!! I carried on for a while and then posted that shit to his elder bro and mom. I was pissed at the height of desperation. Imagine how he might be acting with girls his age and the ones who are NOT his cousin.

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