Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Cringeworthy Chemistry Jokes


Ok, so look, I don’t wanna seem like I have this thing where you know, certain elements can only be with other ones or whatever. But whenever I see copper into a tellurium together, they’re just.. they’re just cute. Never trust an atom. They make up everything. So I asked the dude sitting next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite, and he was all like “Na-Br-O.” Sulfur… Tungsten… and silver… “S-W-Ag.” So father water and mother water are sittin’ on the couch, just like enjoying the state of things, when there son comes in all iced out, looking all cool you know look at all chill or whatever. Well father water doesn’t likely what he sees. Start worrying about who’s son he’s become, worried about his future, where it’s going, you know. Starts getting upset, starts steaming. Mother water has to lean in and remind him, “you know honey… it’s it’s just a phase.” Don’t you think it’s kind of ironic that more
heavy metal bands don’t go platinum? Barium… Sodium… And Sodium… “Ba-Na-Na.” And on that note, it should also be known that you should eat more bananas because they happen to be really high in potassium, “K.” You know people keep telling me that the stuff that I’m into is really square and I – I’m just like, “stay out of my Bismuth.” I’ve been really losing it, because everyday I go into the office and there’s these protesters outside they’re making a
constant racket. And it’s just been driving me crazy. I’ve tried everything. I’ve been drinking coffee, I’ve been eating berries, I’ve been eating beans, but it’s just like, no matter how many antioxidants I eat, I just can’t seem to combat these free radicals. Some people think osmium is a stupid element, I mean yeah, it’s very dense but you have to use words like that’s just mean. Ok so.. RhEnium… ACtinium… TItanium… Oxygen… Nitrogen and Sulfur. REACTIONS Thanks for watching. Make sure to subscribe and
we’ll see you again soon. Oh and if you have any chemistry jokes, make sure to send us a message, because we’d love to hear em.’ You never know, they might show up in future videos.

100 thoughts on “Cringeworthy Chemistry Jokes

  1. As a member of the ACS, I want my dues money back. This is not just a waste of members money, it's so stupid it's just an embarrassment.

  2. A chemist is walking around a CVS for a long time and finally the pharmacist asks if he would like some help.  He replies, "Yes, I'm looking for the acetylsalicyclic acid." 
    "You mean asprin?"
    "Oh yeah, sorry, I can never remember that word…."

  3. A nerdy chemist takes a job as a bartender.  Two jerks come in and start to hassle him. 
     "So, I guess I'll have some H2O.", giggles the first ruffian.
    The second joins in, "Heh, heh. Yea.  I'll have a glass of H2O, too."
    The second one died.

  4. What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.022×10^23 pieces?
            v
            v
            v
            v
    GuacaMOLE.

  5. A biologist, a physicist and a chemist go to the ocean.

    The physicist is fascinated by the waves and wants to study wave mechanics. He goes to the ocean and is swallowed up by the waves.

    The biologist is fascinated by the potential for marine life and goes to the water's edge and is swallowed up by the waves.

    The chemist waits a while. Then he writes down "Physicists and Biologists are soluble in water" and leaves.

  6. These suck. almost like someone just googled for the periodic table and just made words out of the letters on there and thought they were funny….

  7. how many times do i make chemistry joke a day?
    periodically
    who's jame bond's brother from the north?
    polar bond

  8. Two guys walk into a bar. The first guy says, "I'll have some H2O."
    The second guy says, "Sounds good; I'll have some H2O too."
    The second guy dies.

  9. A jock liked this chemistry student. One day he went up and said,"Hey, if you get with me, it'll feel like the hadron collider."

    The chem student responds "It's so small, you need 17 miles for me to feel something?"

  10. Dear Reactions,
    I'm a future Chemical Engineering student, and in my AP Chemistry class my teacher has reserved a section of the board where I write chemistry jokes every day, most of which I make up on my own. If you would be interested in making another chemistry joke video, reply to this and I might be able to supply some! 😉

  11. Two scientists walk into a bar, the first one says to the tender
    "Ill have a glass of H2O"
    The second one says 
    "Ill have a glass of water also"
    As they drink the second scientist turns to the first scientist and says 
    "Why did you say H2O? I know its the chemical formula for water and all but you could've just said water it's so much easier.."
    The first scientist stares at his glass in frustration as his assassination attempt has failed.

  12. two scientists walk into a bar. the first scientist says "i would like some H2O" and the second scientist say "I would like some H2O too." the second scientist died.

  13. Oh my gosh, I was in pain from all the lame jokes/puns until I got to the free radical one and i just lost it

  14. two chemists walk into a bar, the first one says 'ill have some H2O' the second chemist says 'ill have some H2O too' the second chemist dies

  15. How do you know the difference between a chemist and an AFL-CIO official?  Ask them to pronounce "unionized." 

  16. HELP! ALL OF THE PERIODIC TABLES ARGON! (haha i slaped my neon that one that was sodium funny) i hope i got a good reaction. if it was not funny? GO MIND YOUR OWN BISMUTH! now THAT was sodium funny

  17. 1. What do you get when you protonate the periodic table?
    HIO4 
    2. An atom of copper was attacked by nitric acid. It made him feel a little blue.
    3. What do you call a ridiculously exothermic ant?
    A thermite
    4. While working in the lab, John accidentally got some sulfuric acid in his mouth. After a fit of coughing, a tooth popped out of his mouth and landed on the floor. To this, his teacher replied, “Don’t worry; it was only 1 molar.”
    5. What is a chemist’s favorite brand of bacon?
    Erlenmeyer
    6. What is a boiling flask’s favorite city?
    Florence
    7. What do you call a hot crescendo?
    A thermodynamic
    8. Why couldn’t fluorine and helium become friends?
    The two just…never bonded.
    9. Why is it not a good idea to leave sodium metabisulfite, sodium thiosulfate, and sodium sulfite unsupervised?
    With all those reducers, you’d be asking for an oxidant.
    10. Why did nobody hang out with the 10 Molar HCl?
    He wasn’t a normal solution.
    11. Two electrons see a quark passing by.
    Electron 1: He seem a little strange to you?
    Electron 2: No, I think he’s quite a charm.
    12. What do you call two lenses made out of argon?
    Noble glasses
    13. How would you greet chloroform?
    “Halo alkane”
    14. Hey hydrogen, have you seen my water?
    Sorry, I may have displaced it.

  18. I don't wanna seem like I have this thing where you know certain elements can only be with other ones whatever but whenever I see copper and tellurium together, they're just CuTe.

  19. I have a joke: A blue guy and an orange guy walks into a bar… The blue guy says," I would like H2O!" And the orange guy says," I would like H2O too!"…
    The orange guy died!
    Why? The bartender thought he said 'H2O2' (Hydrogen Peroxide) not H2O too!

  20. Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution. Meh. Also, just as a side note, I started calling my brother BrO3-..

    (Bromate)

  21. Two guys walk into a bar, one guy says can I have H2O, the other guy says can I have H20 Too(sounded like two), the other guy died…

  22. You have a friend named Drogen. One day a comes up to you and says "Hi!" What do you say back? "Hi Drogen!" Then after sunset, Drogen comes up to you and says "Good night!" What do you say back? "Night Drogen!"

  23. two men walk into a bar
    one man says "i'll have a H20"
    the other man says "i'll have a H202"
    The second man dies

    What do you call an acid with attitude?
    A-Mean-Oh Acid

  24. Why did Tungsten's name change to sten? Cause Ca(calcium) stole his T and became a Cat and stole the rest of his tung

  25. two men when for lunch one told the water can i have some h2o and the other person said can i have some h2o2 the next day he died

  26. Two chemists walk into a cafe, first one says I’ll take some H2O the second says I’ll take some H2O too. The second chemist dies.

  27. 1.hey ni c h o la s give me water nicholas says na
    2.lead me to da way
    3.as what
    4.bro mines |:/
    5.what does chromium added rocodile to the word cr crocod

  28. I have a joke

    Where does bad light end up?

    In prism

    Also…
    What do u to a sick chemist?

    Well if u can't helium and u can't curium u might as well barium

  29. I ask my Chemist Friend to see if he has banana he simply says

    Oh you mean
    Barium Natrium Natrium

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