(Groovy 80’s Critical Role Intro) Sam: DND Beyond is offering up another discount code for 24.. Spongebob: I thought of something funnier than 24…
Patrick: Let me hear it. (Giggles) Sam: 25 percent off any purchase in the DND Beyond marketplace.
Taliesin, Laura, Spongebob and Patrick: (Giggle uncontrollably) Mollymauk: Is The Traveller the only god you’ve ever seen or have you seen other gods out of curiosity? Jester: No, I’ve only seen that guy
Beau: She does see hamster unicorns… Fjord: (tru) Beau: Are they gods? They’re gods.
Jester: (incredulously) They’re just unicorns [d’uh] Matt & Travis: (god, thats so cute…)
Nott: (In the background) We’ve been sitting, drinking right? Mollymauk: I’VE been drinking Yasha: I light my torch once I get down there.
Matt: (awesome sound effect of a torch catching fire) Jester: (echoey) Do you see any monsters down there? Yasha: I look around..(shouts back) Everything looks good!
Matt: (In the background) Make a perception check Yasha: Ohh.
Everyone: laughing Matt: Spoke too soon
Taliesin: (Creepy screeching)
(Music box in background) Ashley: (jokingly) Everything loo-AAARGHHH!!
Travis: (jokingly) Yasha? Matt: There’s also a very very faint scratching sound. Beau: I put on my goggles Matt: Okay, you put on your goggles there.
Fjord: I’m gonna go ahead and cast Armor of Agathys Matt: The ice that normally gives a translucent, kinda blue-ish white colour has a strangely kinda yellow-green tint to it
Marisha: eeewww… Matt: (laughing/cackling evilly)
Fjord: (various sounds of disgust as he is covered in armour made of poop water.) Fjord: [The] scratchin’ sound’s a rat and we’re all like (war cry!) Matt: (I have a perfect poker face, noone suspects anything…think innocent thoughts) Beau: (cautiously) I take a ball bearing
Jester: (less cautiously) Poke it with your stick! Matt: So you throw the ball bearing and it hits and you see what looks to be horrible matted fur (AN ICONIC VINE!!)
“beau”: (sounds of shock and disgust amounting to “ISZIECH!!”) Matt: Suddenly two eyes reflect through and you hear this sound: (Rat screeching) Matt: Fangs open up and a bunch of the other clusters all suddenly begin to shift and skitter in your direction. I need you all to roll Intiative JawnTrawn: Is that a poop rat!? Is that a f***ing poop rat!? Jester: We’re fighting poop rats!
Liam: (screams in the background) Matt: That’s okay, you only take one point of poison damage; rolled really low for that one.
Sam’s phone: (rings with an alarm) Sam: (Reads alarm) Ohh..
Marisha: (in background) (coughs) I inhaled my spit [lovely…] Matt: *takes away the map he created for the poop rat fight*
Laura: What! No! How will we know where we’re going now?
Travis: (in background) wow, two 1’s. (background talking…not really that important and I’m pretty lazy so I won’t caption this for you.) MEANWHILE! Sam is taking off his jumper at the exact same time he did in episode 10 of the last campaign. One can only assume that was that the alarm was for… (ANOTHER ICONIC VINE!!!)
Who are you? Matt: Nott, you look up and see this thing as it just *DIGS* it’s giant pincers and fangs into Fjord.
Jester: ATTACK IT!!
Nott (The Brave): (terrified) Aarrgghh!!! Matt: You watch it…(another awesome wooshy sound effect)… vanish and disappear Travis/Fjord: FUUCCKK!!
Matt: I need you all to roll Initiative
Travis/Fjord: FUUCCKK!!! Jester: I cast Spiritual Weapon!! A giant purple lollipop!!
(Angelic choir sings in the background) Marisha/Cat from yet another iconic Vine: Yaass Laura: Somebody took a picture of it [the lollipop] and then disappeared it? Matt: It might have happened yeah
Jester: Well I make a giant teal lollipop instead!
(Disappointed boo’s in the background) Marisha: Does anyone know where the lollipop is?
Matt: It’s fine. You cast Sacred Flame… it has no target to affect. It just kind of… Jester: It’s gone… Jester: (adorable scared little whimper) Travis: Nothing happens?
Matt: There’s no burst of flame the spell just has no target Jester: (an even more adorable, more scared little whimper) Beau: Real thankful?
Beau: Feel like we did you a good service today? Thed: I’d happily pay ye, but your friend already took all my money.
Jester: I didn’t take anything from his pockets Matt: Thats what he’s saying
Jester: (Outraged gasp!) Beau: Y’know you provide a service…get something in return… Thed: If I can be of service, I’d be happy to-
Beau: Who’s The Gentleman? Thed: I don’t know what you’re talkin about.
Beau: Oh friend, I don’t need to roll an Insight Check to know thats bullshit. Nott: I get closer to Thed and say in Thieves Cant
Liam: (satisfied and proud) Aaahhh yesss….. Nott: You can trust us.
*Liam thwacks Sam’s arm with pride* Thed: And the rest of your….compatriots? Nott: They’re cool.
*Seagulls intensify* Liam: *”Speaks” in Thieves Cant I guess??* Laura & Ashley: *jam to some sick Beach Boy beats* Nott: Wow….We did it. And we never have to do another adventure again Everyone: (Giggles in the background)
Nott: Right? Mollymauk: I dunno about you…I’ve got goals Liam: (jokingly) Campaign 3…next week. Matt: (jokingly) Yep that was it, thank you for watching Matt: G’night.