Wil Anderson: Daniel Sloss! *crowd cheers and applauds* It’s a genuine pleasure to be here in Australia, I’ve always had a big place in my heart for this country. It’s the country I first came to when I discovered that I was gay and I’m not, but you guys are fairly adamant. *crowd laughs* I find homophobia very weird like, homosexuality is found in 97% of animal species, in the animal kingdom. Homophobia is found in one. Cats. Oh they hate the gays, the cats. Oh can’t stand them, just… No, I’ll lick my own arsehole that’s fine,
but that’s disgusting. That is… No, it’s us guys, we’re the monsters. I know that I went to Edinburgh Zoo a couple of years ago. I had to feed the penguins, that’s not a euphemism. I got a chance to feed the Penguins and I was in there and the zookeeper who was taking us round she was like this is where the
Penguins eat and this is where they sleep and these are our two gay penguins and
this is… and I went what?? and she went these are two gay penguins and I was like one more time please. She went these are our two gay penguins. I was like why did you show me anything else? Tell the rest of the animals to take the day off because this is the zoo now. You think I want to see antelopes when there’s two adorable tiny homos here? What are you f*cking talking about? I was like tell me everything I need to know everything and the reason there are gay penguins, is the greatest reason I have ever heard in my entire life. As an audience can you tell the difference
between a male and female penguin? No. Neither can most male penguins. *crowd laughs* And penguins mate for life. *crowd laughs* And she tells me this story. A couple of
years ago before I was there, it came to mating season, all the straight Penguins started having their sex.
Two gay penguins started having their sex. A couple of months later, all the females start lay their eggs. Two gay penguins they didn’t lay an egg and they were confused by this. *crowd laughs* Because they’d be doing what everyone else had been doing. Let’s be honest probably more. And they didn’t have the same thing to show for it. So in their confusion these two
penguins wandered around their enclosure until they found a rock that was
slightly egg shaped and they just assumed that this was their egg. That that’s how this system worked. So they put it on to their feet they waddled it back to their nest and they took it in turns every hour of every day sitting on this rock
waiting for it to hatch. Which is obviously adorable but only because their penguins. *crowd laughs* If your friend turned up to your house with a boulder and a pram… *crowd laughs* His name’s Kevin. Karen, get off my lawn.
Karen, put the boulder back. I know you took it from the pond your hands are wet, put it back go on. The zookeepers were devastated because they knew what was going to happen in a couple of months all the female penguins eggs were going to hatch into beautiful baby penguins and the gay penguins, their rock wasn’t gonna hatch,
because I’m not explaining that. If you haven’t worked that out no vote for you, okay? But fortunately sometimes in a zoo in captivity, some female penguins become a big old fan of the penguin d*ck. I don’t want to slut-shame penguins but
some of them gobble gobble gobble. Right? Sorry that’s turkeys I apologise. Well I don’t know what they do. Anyway, so sometimes they have too many eggs and they can’t take care of them all. So these zookeepers took one of the
extra eggs from one of the female penguins and gave it to the gay penguin parents
to raise. You can google this you can go to Edinburgh Zoo, ask any one of the
zookeepers they will happily point it out to you. There’s at least one penguin at Edinburgh Zoo that has been raised by gay penguin parents. And it is no different from any other penguin except that it’s slightly better dressed. *crowd laughs* Has a bowtie. You guys have been great. I’ve been Daniel Sloss, have a wonderful evening. *crowd applauds*