Laughter is the Best Medicine

Daniel Sloss – 2017 Melbourne International Comedy Festival Gala

Wil Anderson: Daniel Sloss! *crowd cheers and applauds* It’s a genuine pleasure to be here in Australia, I’ve always had a big place in my heart for this country. It’s the country I first came to when I discovered that I was gay and I’m not, but you guys are fairly adamant. *crowd laughs* I find homophobia very weird like, homosexuality is found in 97% of animal species, in the animal kingdom. Homophobia is found in one. Cats. Oh they hate the gays, the cats. Oh can’t stand them, just… No, I’ll lick my own arsehole that’s fine,
but that’s disgusting. That is… No, it’s us guys, we’re the monsters. I know that I went to Edinburgh Zoo a couple of years ago. I had to feed the penguins, that’s not a euphemism. I got a chance to feed the Penguins and I was in there and the zookeeper who was taking us round she was like this is where the
Penguins eat and this is where they sleep and these are our two gay penguins and
this is… and I went what?? and she went these are two gay penguins and I was like one more time please. She went these are our two gay penguins. I was like why did you show me anything else? Tell the rest of the animals to take the day off because this is the zoo now. You think I want to see antelopes when there’s two adorable tiny homos here? What are you f*cking talking about? I was like tell me everything I need to know everything and the reason there are gay penguins, is the greatest reason I have ever heard in my entire life. As an audience can you tell the difference
between a male and female penguin? No. Neither can most male penguins. *crowd laughs* And penguins mate for life. *crowd laughs* And she tells me this story. A couple of
years ago before I was there, it came to mating season, all the straight Penguins started having their sex.
Two gay penguins started having their sex. A couple of months later, all the females start lay their eggs. Two gay penguins they didn’t lay an egg and they were confused by this. *crowd laughs* Because they’d be doing what everyone else had been doing. Let’s be honest probably more. And they didn’t have the same thing to show for it. So in their confusion these two
penguins wandered around their enclosure until they found a rock that was
slightly egg shaped and they just assumed that this was their egg. That that’s how this system worked. So they put it on to their feet they waddled it back to their nest and they took it in turns every hour of every day sitting on this rock
waiting for it to hatch. Which is obviously adorable but only because their penguins. *crowd laughs* If your friend turned up to your house with a boulder and a pram… *crowd laughs* His name’s Kevin. Karen, get off my lawn.
Karen, put the boulder back. I know you took it from the pond your hands are wet, put it back go on. The zookeepers were devastated because they knew what was going to happen in a couple of months all the female penguins eggs were going to hatch into beautiful baby penguins and the gay penguins, their rock wasn’t gonna hatch,
because I’m not explaining that. If you haven’t worked that out no vote for you, okay? But fortunately sometimes in a zoo in captivity, some female penguins become a big old fan of the penguin d*ck. I don’t want to slut-shame penguins but
some of them gobble gobble gobble. Right? Sorry that’s turkeys I apologise. Well I don’t know what they do. Anyway, so sometimes they have too many eggs and they can’t take care of them all. So these zookeepers took one of the
extra eggs from one of the female penguins and gave it to the gay penguin parents
to raise. You can google this you can go to Edinburgh Zoo, ask any one of the
zookeepers they will happily point it out to you. There’s at least one penguin at Edinburgh Zoo that has been raised by gay penguin parents. And it is no different from any other penguin except that it’s slightly better dressed. *crowd laughs* Has a bowtie. You guys have been great. I’ve been Daniel Sloss, have a wonderful evening. *crowd applauds*

66 thoughts on “Daniel Sloss – 2017 Melbourne International Comedy Festival Gala

  1. if penguins do something stupid because of their sexual orientations, its funny and gets smiled at. when humans do it you call them brave and have to celebrate them for it. oh, you think you are a female fox trapped in a mans body? so brave of you, you are wonderful, here, have a parade…

  2. He's not Irish, guys, he's a Scot. They're similar to Irish comedians but are fuelled by single malt rather than Guinness.

  3. My name is brodie sloss
    Daniel is one of my cousins! Well like 3rd cousins but still!
    My great grandmother is his great grandmother!
    Is you see pictures of our family we all kind of look the same.
    (I'm a girl)

  4. I went to school with Daniel (Waid Academy, Scotland) and he was a cocky gob-shite… but yeah he was hilarious then as well! haha Glad to see he's doing well!

  5. Beautiful boy for sharing that true story with a comedic twist. See straight men? Being a mongrel to gay men is a choice not a prerequisite.

  6. Hmmmm.. …funny story…but since penguins can not tell the difference..maybe it is just 1 puzzled penguin as to why his partner lays no eggs and just 1….gay penguin?

  7. And now that story is on all the news about the gay penguin couple at a Danish zoo that kidnapped a chick from another penguin bc they wanted a a baby and the zoo did the same thing they found an abnoneded egg and gave it to them. I immediately thought of Daniels comedy routine. Zoos should all learn to find an egg for gay penguins

  8. This penguin story seems like his most powerful tool. Heard it on Conan at 2016 if Im not mistaken, but still hilarious though

  9. This guy is a fucking genious, I've been watching him for a while and i think he's the only comdeian I've ever watched that has a different stand up routine every fucking time. Absolute genius.

  10. The like/dislike rate of this comedy pill is so just right 👆Love Daniel Sloss, comedy legend at 27! Yess man

  11. "the Gay penguins there rock wasn't going to hatch because…I'm not going to explain that" 😂😂😂 LOL…I almost choked laughing.

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