Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Dave Chappelle Stand-Up Monologue – SNL


LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
DAVE CHAPPELLE! ♪♪♪
♪♪♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THANK YOU AGAIN.
YOU KNOW, BEEN A LONG TIME. IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME.
SO PLEASE BE PATIENT. YOU KNOW, I DIDN’T KNOW THAT
DONALD TRUMP WAS GOING TO WIN THE ELECTION.
I DID SUSPECT IT. SEEMED LIKE HILLARY WAS DOING
WELL IN THE POLLS AND YET — I KNOW THE WHITES.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU GUYS AREN’T AS SURPRISED AS
YOU USED TO BE. AND I THINK I SPEAK FOR ALL OF
BLACK AMERICA WHEN I SAY THAT WE ARE ALL PRAYING FOR AMEROSA.
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE’S DOING IN THE NEWS.
BUT AMERICA’S DONE IT. WE’VE ACTUALLY ELECTED AN
INTERNET TROLL AS OUR PRESIDENT. THE WHITES ARE SERIOUS.
NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT. HAVEN’T SEEN WHITES THIS MAD
SINCE O.J. SCREAMING WHITE PEOPLE ON BOTH
SIDES, AAHHH! I’M NOT SAYING I’M ENJOYING IT,
I’M JUST SAYING I’VE NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE.
I WATCHED A WHITE RIOT IN PORTLAND, OREGON, ON TELEVISION
THE OTHER NIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ]
NEWS SAID THEY DID A MILLION DOLLARS’ WORTH OF DAMAGE.
EVERY BLACK PERSON WATCHING WAS LIKE, AMATEURS.
I’M STAYING OUT OF IT. IT’S GOING TO BE LIKE KAEPERNICK
AND LET THE WHITES FIGURE THIS OUT AMONGST THEMSELVES.
KNOW WHAT I MEAN? WE’VE BEEN HERE BEFORE, WE’VE
BEEN HERE BEFORE. HOW MANY OF YOU THINK IT’S THE
MOST IMPORTANT THING WE’RE DEALING WITH?
DON’T FORGET. DON’T FORGET ALL THE THINGS THAT
ARE GOING ON. SHOOTINGS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? ALL THESE SHOOTINGS THE LAST
YEAR. THE WORST MASS SHOOTINGS IN THE
HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. PULSE NIGHTCLUB WHICH SHE SAID
ISIS DID. TURNED OUT THAT WASN’T EXACTLY
WHAT HAPPENED. THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED, THEN ISIS
IS SCARIER THAN I THOUGHT, BECAUSE THEY HAVE VERY DEEP
COVER OPERATIVES. GOING OUT DEEP FOR THIS ONE, I
MIGHT HAVE TO GET A GRINDER ACCOUNT.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUMP A FEW GUYS OFF TO THROW
THEM OFF THE TRAIL. WHAT HAPPENED WAS HE LEDGED
ALLEGIANCE TO ISIS BEFORE HE DID WHAT HE DID.
WHICH IS NOT THE SAME AS BEING IN ISIS, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
LIKE I WAS GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH A GIRL, RIGHT BEFORE I DID
I SCREAMED OUT WUTANG. THAT DOESN’T MEAN I’M IN THE
WU-TANG CLAN. THAT JUST MEANS I’M SHOUTING
WUTANG OUT. MORE SHOOTINGS THAN I CAN
LITERALLY COUNT. YOU CAN’T EVEN GO TO THE GODDAMN
ZOO WITHOUT SEEING SHOOTING OUT THERE.
THEY SHOT A GORILLA AT MY LOCAL ZOO.
THE CINCINNATI POLICE SAID SHOOTING THAT GORILLA WAS THE
TOUGHEST DECISION ITS DEPARTMENT EVER HAD TO MAKE.
I SAID, YOU’RE ABOUT TO SEE A LOT OF N — IN GORILLA COSTUMES
THEN. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ] WHY DO WE HAVE TO SAY THAT?
WHY DO WE HAVE TO SAY THAT BLACK LIVES MATTER?
NOW I ADMIT THAT IS NOT THE BEST SLOGAN.
BUT McDONALD’S ALREADY TOOK, YOU DESERVE A BREAK TODAY.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND I GUESS IT’S KIND OF CATCHY
BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IS BITING IT.
EVEN THE POLICE BITE IT. BLUE LIVES MATTER.
WHAT, WAS YOU BORN A POLICE? THAT IS NOT A BLUE LIFE, IT’S A
BLUE SUIT. YOU DON’T LIKE IT?
TAKE THAT BLUE SUIT OFF, FIND A NEW JOB.
IF I COULD QUIT BEING BLACK TODAY, I’D BE OUT OF THE GAME.
THAT IS THE NEXT BEST THING, I BECAME A RICH BLACK PERSON.
WHICH IS HARDER THAN YOU’D THINK.
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW. YOUR LIFE BECOMES GENTRIFIED.
LIKE BROOKLYN. ALL YOUR BLACK FRIENDS START
MOVING OUT, ALL THESE NEW WHITE FRIENDS START MOVING IN.
YOU FIND YOURSELF SAYING THINGS TO FRIENDS YOU GREW UP WITH THAT
YOU NEVER DREAMED YOU’D SAY. SORRY, YOU CAN’T COME WITH US,
ONLY ENOUGH ROOM IN THE BALLOON BASKET FOR FOUR.
[ LAUGHTER ] DONALD TRUMP, HE DID IT.
HE’S OUR PRESIDENT. I FEEL BAD SAYING IT.
I’M STAYING AT THE TRUMP HOTEL RIGHT NOW.
[ LAUGHTER ] I DON’T KNOW IF HE’S GOING TO
MAKE A GOOD PRESIDENT BUT HE MAKES A SWELL HOTEL SUITE, I
TELL YOU THAT. HOUSEKEEPING COMES IN IN THE
MORNING, CLEANS MY ROOM. GOOD MORNING, HOUSEKEEPING.
GRAB A BIG HANDFUL OF PUSSY. BOSS SAID IT WAS OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER ] SORRY ABOUT THAT, LORNE.
ALL MY BLACK FRIENDS WHO HAVE MONEY SAID THE SAME THING WHEN
TRUMP GOT ELECTED. THAT’S IT, BRO, I’M OUT.
I’M LEAVING THE COUNTRY. I DO COMING WITH US?
NO, I’M GOOD, I’M GOING TO GET THIS TAX BREAK, SEE HOW IT WORKS
OUT. [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT’S HOW IT IS BEING DAVE CHAPPELLE.
FIRST TIME I GOT SOME MONEY, DIDN’T WORK OUT LIKE THIS.
MOST UNLIKELY THING HAPPENED EVER, A BLACK PRESIDENT CAME OUT
OF NOWHERE. COME ON EVERYBODY, LET’S START
THINKING ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE. I JUST GOT THIS MONEY!
I DIDN’T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE! TRUMP WENT TO GO SEE OBAMA LAST
WEEK, SEE THAT? YEAH.
YOU SEE TRUMP’S FACE WHEN HE CAME OUT OF THE MEETING?
TRUMP GOT SONNED. HE LOOKED SHOOK.
LOOKED LIKE HE GOT SHOOK. PROBABLY CAME IN THERE, HOW ARE
YOU, MR. PRESIDENT? GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HELLO, DONALD. HOW YOU FEELING?
OH, GOD. GOT TO TELL YOU, THIS JOB LOOKS
LIKE IT’S GOING TO BE A LOT HARDER THAN I THOUGHT.
REALLY? IT’S NOT THAT HARD, AT LEAST YOU
GET TO BE WHITE WHILE YOU’RE DOING IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I’M JUST SAYING, I’M A LITTLE NERVOUS.
NERVOUS? COME ON MAN, RELAX, YOU HAVEN’T
EVEN MET THE ALIENS YET, IT’S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE’S GOING TO DO.
BUT I KNOW OBAMA DID A GOOD JOB. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OBAMA DID A GOOD JOB. I THINK WE’LL ALL MISS HIM WHEN
HE’S GONE. DO YOU AGREE WITH THIS?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] AND THANK GOD HE LIVED TO TELL
ABOUT IT. THIS IS THE FIRST BLACK DUDE
THAT EVER HEARD AMERICA’S SECRETS.
AND I’M HAPPY HE LIVED. IF — IF SOMEONE THREATENED OUR
PRESIDENT, THAT IS THE ONLY TIME THAT I’D WANT HIM TO BE STEREO
TYPICALLY BLACK. HE’D BE ON THE NEWS LIKE, AN
ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT WAS CARRIED OUT TODAY ON THE
PRESIDENT. IN A BIZARRE SERIES OF EVENTS,
THE PRESIDENT HIMSELF WAS ARMED. [ LAUGHTER ]
FIRED BACK. KILLING FOUR PEOPLE THAT HAD
NOTHING TO DO WITH THE INCIDENT. HE THEN RIPPED OFF HIS SHIRT,
SCREAMED OUT “CHI-TOWN” FOR SOME REASON.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW, BEFORE I GO, I DO WANT
TO SAY ONE THING. THIS IS NOT A JOKE.
BUT I THINK IT’S IMPORTANT THAT I SAY THIS.
BECAUSE THEY’RE MARCHING UP THE STREET RIGHT NOW AS WE SPEAK.
A FEW WEEKS AGO I WENT TO THE WHITE HOUSE FOR A PARTY.
IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I’VE BEEN THERE IN MANY YEARS.
AND IT WAS VERY EXCITING. AND B.E.T. SPONSORED THE PARTY.
SO EVERYONE THERE WAS BLACK. AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I WALKED THROUGH THE GATES. I’M FROM WASHINGTON, SO I SAW
THE BUS STOP, THE CORNER WHERE THE BUS STOP USED TO BE.
WHERE I USED TO CATCH THE BUS TO SCHOOL AND DREAM ABOUT NIGHTS
LIKE TONIGHT. IT WAS A REALLY, REALLY
BEAUTIFUL NIGHT. AT THE END OF THE NIGHT EVERYONE
WENT INTO THE WEST WING OF THE WHITE HOUSE AND IT WAS A HUGE
PARTY. AND EVERYBODY IN THERE WAS
BLACK. EXCEPT FOR BRADLEY COOPER, FOR
SOME REASON. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND ON THE WALLS WERE PICTURES OF ALL THE PRESIDENTS.
OF THE PAST. NOW, I’M NOT SURE IF THIS IS
TRUE, BUT TO MY KNOWLEDGE THE FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT THAT WAS
OFFICIALLY INVITED TO THE WHITE HOUSE WAS FREDERICK DOUGLASS.
THEY STOPPED HIM AT THE GATES. ABRAHAM LINCOLN HAD TO WALK OUT
HIMSELF AND ESCORT FREDERICK DOUGLASS INTO THE WHITE HOUSE.
IT DIDN’T HAPPEN AGAIN AS FAR AS I KNOW UNTIL ROOSEVELT WAS
PRESIDENT. ROOSEVELT WAS PRESIDENT, HE HAD
A BLACK GUY OVER. AND GOT SO MUCH FLACK FROM THE
MEDIA THAT HE LITERALLY SAID, I WILL NEVER HAVE A N — IN THIS
HOUSE AGAIN. I THOUGH ABOUT THAT, LOOKED AT
THAT BLACK ROOM, SAY ALL THOSE BLACK FACES AND BRADLEY.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND I SAW HOW HAPPY EVERYBODY
WAS. THESE PEOPLE WHO HAD BEEN
HISTORICALLY DISENFRANCHISED. IT MADE ME FEEL HOPEFUL AND IT
MADE ME FEEL PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN AND IT MADE ME VERY
HAPPY ABOUT THE PROSPECTS OF OUR COUNTRY.
SO, IN THAT SPIRIT, I’M WISHING DONALD TRUMP LUCK.
AND I’M GOING TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE.
AND WE, THE HISTORICALLY DISENFRANCHISED, DEMAND THAT HE
GIVE US ONE TOO. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] WE’VE GOT A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, A TRIBE CALLED QUEST IS IN THE BUILDING.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] DON’T GO ANYWHERE, WE WILL BE
RIGHT BACK! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪

100 thoughts on “Dave Chappelle Stand-Up Monologue – SNL

  1. @7:54 Uh Noooo Obumer literally did Nothing but divide and tried to bring the USA into a civil War.
    Barack Hussain "Barry" Obumer is the
    Worse Excuse of human being let alone a President.
    He is a Real Traitor and Anti-American to We The Real American People!

  2. A millionaire talks about being disenfranchised?๐Ÿ˜‚ I still love Dave, he's a great comedian but jeez, you can do anything in this country no matter what color your skin is.

  3. You where were doin great until you said berry Sotoro "Nobama"was a good President… What an Oxymoron statement. Gave Iran 150,000,000,000. "Billion" $ ๐Ÿ’ธ Cash. Took Racism in America back to the 1800's ….. Anti- American Socialist. Did 0 Nothing. Notta Zilch for the black community.
    https://youtu.be/HcDQ0QaIhuc

  4. How is that not racist everyone black at the part is BEAUTIFUL BUT GOD FORBID A WHITE MAN SAID, EVERYONE AT THE PART IS WHITE ITS BEAUTIFUL. Double Standard, hypocritical

  5. Obama did a good job of screwing up everything! Making us weak and disrespected by all! Caused more racial division then anyone! Time will prove he was a liberal socialist spokes person for the Clintons Demonrats and their criminal friends that tried to take down America!๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ™โ›ชGOD BLESS AMERICA AND PRESIDENT TRUMP 2020๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ GRAB A TISSUE WITH YOUR LATTE LIBERALS,

  6. SNL doesnโ€™t deserve him honestly
    And SNL crows is ALWAYS DRY even though the comedy on here is t that great anymore

  7. I'm back here after watching the famous french actor……you remember his name? The dude that went to get subway sandwiches @ 2 a.m. @ minus 16 degrees….you know him? Jussie Smollett

  8. Dave I love ya bud but no Obama was not a good president and he had it easier than George Bush cause he was the first black president.

  9. I wonder if Dave actually believes in a lot of those events he was talking about. Because lets face it, they are all complete bullshit. Inluding Harambe. Video is proven and blatantly fake, but presented to us as legitimate. Much like many many other events that are supported only by images and video. Including where the fuck we live.

  10. Last nightt, the president of the United States tweeted a video at midnight of him with that altered weather map and a cat chasing a laser pointer……

    We actually elected an internet troll as our president…..

  11. The Obama haters should be ashamed.

    The only real thing Obama could be criticized for was not doing anything for black people and destroying Libya trying to kiss the white man's ass chasing terrorism around the world while a white boy commits Mass gun violence against innocent people every week because he can't get any pussy

    other than that he was an excellent president for a very shity country filled with rabid racist white people who couldn't get over the man's presence so much so they voted for a lewd ignorant racist con man Thief so let's not talk about who's the worst president in history because you got a lot of white presidents to go through before you even get close to Obama

    The Obama Administration saved your country from going down the tubes of a wrecked everything after George Bush

    He fought to get all you sick fat fucks Healthcare and you repaid him by drawing a Hitler mustache on his on his face and those bullshit Tea Party protest

    now you have a true wannabe Nazi in office stealing as much as he can and he's going to leave you holding the bag and you stupid fucks will still be blaming Mexicans Muslims and Black people for your problems in a country where whiteness has been the biggest get over scheme in history yet you still can't succeed

  12. This guy…. Has the ability to bring your country together! Love and respect from across the pond ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ

  13. โ€œI donโ€™t know if he will make a good president but he makes a swell hotel suite i can tell you thatโ€ ๐Ÿ˜‚

  14. I miss Obama with a passion Iโ€™m tired of this president saying stupid shit all the time.๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿฝโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™‚๏ธ

  15. What no jokes about paedophilia? Have a look at what a real comedian looks like SNL. ๐Ÿ–•๐Ÿป Sarah Sliverman ๐Ÿ

  16. Obama did a good job as president? but Black unemployment is at a historic low under Trump….
    Don't know if they consider that good or bad…lol

  17. No no no Marxist Obama will not be missed. He did much damage to the country like Obamacare and he was not respected around the World. He was only tolerated because he was President. Look how he was treated on his last trip to China. He had to exit from the back of Air Force One. He will go down as the worse President in the last century and he should be in prison with all the other members of his crooked Administration. Dave Chappelle might be a funny comedian, but he is a dumb ass when it comes to Obama.

  18. Masterclass not only in comedy but in human connection.
    Especially his last bit on the Whitehouse. The picture Dave painted was poetry.
    This motherfucker is truly God's gift.

  19. Why Dave Chappelle always be on black & white jokes? I mean racist jokes can be funny, but "the whites"??? 70$% of the US population is white and half the country voted for Clinton. I did. I don't even like her, but Trump is fucking crazy!!! He's said MULTIPLE times that we should drop NUCLEAR BOMBS into HURRICANES because maybe "it might disrupt them". You know people heavy on the Obama bandwagon. Where he at now? Where's Clinton now? Silent as FUCK!!! Somehow there's NO competition against Trump??? how the fuck is that possible??

  20. And a chance he did give, black unemployment all time low, 3 million black americans lifted off of food stamps, black wages at all time high. And after I seen all this corruption, trying to take trump out w the fake russia shit, Yeah, I'm voting for trump in 2020. Not even a question. The media can day all the negative shit they want about him, but I see right through it. #Trump2020 and I love dave, sticks n stones hilarious๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏ people so soft nowadays. The shit literally called sticks n stones. Yo that shit is hilarious hahahaha

  21. The only public statement that president Roosevelt made concerning the white house dinner with washington was, " I shall have him to dine as often as I want".

  22. https://www.thevintagenews.com/2016/11/22/i-shall-have-him-to-dine-as-often-as-i-please-the-time-when-roosevelt-invited-african-american-educator-booker-t-washington-to-a-dinner-at-the-white-house/

  23. ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ
    ๐Ÿ’ŸDAVE CHAPPELLE๐Ÿ’Ÿ
    ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ

  24. This dude is a racist spouting anti-white microaggression disguised as comedy. And he's not funny, unless you're PC and/or a fool.

  25. OBAMA DID A HORRIBLE JOB!!!!! THE WORSE PRESIDENT EVER!!!! AMERICA IS GRATEFUL FOR TRUMP AND THE MANY JOBS HE BROUGHT!!!! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ

  26. Morgan Freeman said if you wanted to stop racism, just stop making an issue of it. This guy made me laugh but his whole craft is based on black/white and the N word… so it looks like we still have a long way to go before it isnโ€™t an issue, perhaps the conversation will be taken over by the metoo movement or another cultural movement jumping on the band wagon

  27. Min 8 Obama did a good job please name a positive accomplishment that he did besides bending over for the nuclear deal and giving our tec to China wtf i get it this is comedy I get is now jajajajajaja Dave Chappelle is so fucking funny jajajajaj Obama did a good job that a good one

  28. Omarosa did OK for herself. Please, the racism that the "global white media" including those that own SNL promotes is ridiculous. All lives matter, just like MLKJr said at one time. Stop promoting stupidity just because Hillary, a WHITE woman, didn't win the 2016 election. I voted for Obama both times but towards the end of his second term was not too happy with things he decided to do.

  29. Chappelle knows the problems in America go far deeper than a silly fucking race war. Heโ€™s just another propaganda peddler. Television and media continue to FORCE the issue because โ€œblack vs whiteโ€ is about as petty as it gets. America is just a big playground of insecure, confused kids. Canโ€™t wait for this playground to get shot the fuck up. Isis FTW and long live al Quaeda. Fuck you, America.

  30. Dave is hilarious but knows shyt about politics. Obama did an unforgivable awful job. On the contrary, Trump has done more for blacks and poor Americans in general than any other President in many decades. Sorry Dave but you are @ss backwards here.

  31. How dave Chappelle comes up with is comedy is so natural. But his love for this country is made in the u.s.a. i love you dave chappelle ur the funniest realest mother fucker to ever live.

  32. I wish somebody/anybody would ask Obama what he did for ANY and/or all black community in America!!!!
    Never a hard question asked of him, but you folks just keep on praising him for doing absolutely nothing for you.
    And be sure to keep voting Democrat because every major city in America, that is in ruins, has been run by democrats for โ€œdecades.โ€
    Facts not feelings!! ๐Ÿ‘ˆ

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