Laughter is the Best Medicine

Documental “Silenciados, cuando los maltratados son ellos”.

Producciones K’N and Nacho González (Manager) cannot be held responsible
for any of the testimonials by the professionals and the people affected by the Spanish Integral Law against Violence towards Women (L.I.V.G.) of 2004
who were interviewed in this documentary. However, we also feel that this law
led to a very unfair situation at different levels. This law generates inequality, does not protect those who were supposed to be helped
and punishes thousand of men only because of their gender. Presents: We condemn every kind of violence,
no matter their nature. But in a patriarchal society
like the one we live in we particularly condemn the violence
suffered by women only because of their gender. There are even cases of women
who are so abused by their couples that they end up killed. In Spain, the Integral Law
against Violence towards Women was created to protect these victims. But there are also some times
when men are attacked by their couples. These cases are less frequent.
Statistically, they are less documented. Men are not usually accepted in support programs,
and hardly ever appear in the media. These cases still happen though. In a patriarchal world,
these men live silenced. Silenced
When men are the ones abused
A documentary by Nacho González VIOLENCE Violence is inherent to the human being, DR. IN PSYCHOLOGY and one person can become violent
because of many reasons, social, economical
and psychological factors… The reasons
why someone uses violence are several, same as violent acts
that can be many and very different. Violent behaviour,
aggressiveness is human behaviour. CRIMINOLOGIST LAWYER We cannot say it is a behavior inherent
either in men or women. It is true that they behave differently when killing or planning an abuse, they act differently,
but both men and women can kill and both men and women
can abuse too, and so they do. What we have to do is to analyze SCULPTOR AND COMPOSER each case carefully,
because not everything is black or white. There is still a lot to do in this sense, and it’s a very hard road to go through,
especially for those working for Justice, that are the ones
having the problem of legislate and decide what’s done in our houses. What is utterly ridiculous is thinking WRITER, TEACHER AND GENDER RESEARCHER
MEMBER OF “Professionals for Ethics” that people is good or bad
because of their sex, also called gender. So women are good, men are bad, and relationships are usually toxic
because he is an abuser. Based on that supposed ignorance of human
nature, everything else is ridiculous. Obviously there are women that are abused
and abusers who are women, and it happens the same with men.
That is it. Women have been stereotyped as someone subject to men at home, or even at work. So it happens that this stereotype
has made society believe that women are unable to commit acts that
are normally and completely masculine. Women are linked to a nice,
gentle, caring character, but they are not linked
to a person who can insult, who can humiliate, especially in public, beat someone up
and destroy their couple’s life. Recently the British Home Office
made a research ATTORNEY IN FAMILY LAW about violence
of young people in the United Kingdom. They found out that girls are repeating
the male model when solving conflicts. That is, girls are starting
to beat people up, but not only men. They have become the 50% of the
source attackers in the UK and in Germany. Something is not working. It is creating, amongst youngsters, PRESIDENT OF THE ASSOCIATION GenMad a lot of issues, that positions get radicalized
with femininity in girls, and also with masculinity in boys, and creating distance between
boys and girls, instead of an approach. It is proven in several statistical,
longitudinal studies, over the years, that violence is bi-directional, LAWYER – PRESIDENT OF THE EUROPEAN
ASSOCIATION OF FAMILY ATTORNEYS that is, men attack women
and women attack men. The ratio in our country is that the double of women are killed
by their ex couples than men. Right now there is only information
when the women is the victim. LAWYER If a man is the victim
in this kind of violence, of the bad called “gender violence”,
there is no data. It seems that men
are criticized or called sexist when it is said that
men are abused by women. This is as ridiculous as thinking that if I defend that people don’t abuse dogs
I agree with people abusing cats. This is not like that. I understand, and I know for sure, that
there are victims that are women, but I also know for sure that there are
victims that are men and children. What I don’t get to understand
is that a country protects a part of the population
because of their gender and leaves the other part unprotected. I am sorry. I am a woman. And we women also kill, also fight, we do the same as men do. Same thing. The same, but done in a different way.
We can be as violent. And that is a fact, and one does not make the other unreal. In fact, there is a recent study made
in the USA and another one in Germany, in which it is proved
that 80% of assaults in couples are started by women, not men. It’s not every day,
but there is a lot of days SPANISH POLICE INDEPENDENT UNION
GENERAL SECRETARY when men go to the police station to report the constant
abuse they suffer from their wives. They try to justify it with alcohol, with
stress and depressions. They suffer it by themselves
and only seek for help or someone to advise them on how
to stop suffering these attacks. We just try to give them advice: social
services, that’s the only thing we have or reporting the situation
to the police, when there are aggravated assaults and we
proceed to the arrest of their partners. Men don’t seem to want to get to the point
where they can harm their sons’ mother, even if they suffer these attacks. I don’t put names on women.
I don’t stereotype, I don’t stigmatize. I just tell a reality. In Spain, women kill their children. In Spain, two days ago, a grandmother
killed her granddaughter. In Spain, women go out and
leave her children locked in a room. This is the kind of women
that is an abuser, and a killer. VIOLENCE TOWARDS WOMEN
AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Due to your professional or association
activity, ARTIST you must have witnessed
or have knowledge from colleagues about many cases
of intimate partner violence. I would like you to tell
us the main differences between violence towards women
and domestic violence, and the reasons for these differences
from a professional perspective. The main difference between violence
towards women and domestic violence LAWYER – PRES. OF THE EUROPEAN
ASSOC. OF ATTORNEYS IN FAMILY LAW is that violence towards women is carried
out by a man, a male person, to a woman. Domestic violence
is any other type of violence: the one carried out by a woman to a man
or the one carried out to children… We have had a law since 2004, in which violence is sexualized. It distinguishes
the violence according to the victim, if it is a man or a woman. Only at the family level, it seems that only women can be subjects to abuse. JUDGE AND LAWYER This is a lie, because this makes
women being discriminated only because of their gender. There are obviously women
who are being abused, they have been, they are
being and they will be. But in fact, in the domestic environment, just like in every environment
of human living, of social life, the weakest is
the one suffering the abuse, the dominance, the sumission,
the suffering. In those cases,
women are not the sole victims. It obviously results in
a negative discrimination because there cannot be a judgement
for abusing the mother and a lesser one
for abusing a father or a son. What we don’t understand
within the police forces is that these actions are carried out
and institutionalized differently. It is also against the Constitution, because the 14th article
of our Constitution states specifically that “we all are equal before the law”. There is a sentence of the Constitutional
Court, 58/2008, of 14th May, that states that this law of 2004
is not unconstitutional, based on two arguments:
the first one is that as there are so many women affected
by this kind of violence, men have to be condemned more severely to discourage this kind of violence. Besides it considers that punishment
should be higher for men as a deterrent measure
for future behaviour, and this higher punishment also compensates
the adverse effects suffered by women. L.I.V.G.
I was a gender violence victim. GENDER VIOLENCE VICTIM
and I lost my daughter, while I was 5 months pregnant. I still suffer the consequences, both psychological and physical. I couldn’t have sex with a man
for four years. I became recitent. I lived in hell and I had to be friends
with the enemy. The 2004 Law was a progress,
but it was such a bad law that it had a negative effect,
and that is the increase of victims. It was supposed to be a law
to prevent violence towards women and it turned out that
the number of victims has increased. I think that this law was late.
It is true that there was a time where Spanish society
could call itself a “patriarchal”, but in 2004 Spain had moved forward. In that moment it was an unnecessary law. What Spain needed was
a family violence law. It leaves out other kind of relationships, other kind of marriages… And worst of all, it leaves out people
that are more vulnerable, as older people and children
that are living in that household, and that it is considered
as another kind of crime when it is still violence inside the household
or in the coexistence of that family. What could we do to protect?
Should we broaden or improve that law? I think that a bad law cannot be improved,
we have to change it altogether. I understand that
this law needs to be fixed. How? Abolishing it. And I tell you why: we have to introduce
in Law a figure of “proximity violence”. What’s worse? What’s more wicked in gender
or domestic violence? The proximity of the victim
and the aggressor. But this proximity also exists at work,
with neighbors… That is, the biggest
wickedness of these crimes is the victim cannot move
away from this situation because they live together with a person
or they work with someone, with a workmate, with a boss, or because
they cannot chose their neighbors. Gay people have the right to be protected. Children have the right to be protected. Older people and men
who are suffering abuse situations, especially psychological abuse, in this
case aggravated by an institutional abuse which makes men kill themselves. This is not being collected
by any official statistical media. VICTIM OF THE L.I.V.G. “THE AMENDMENT OF THE L.I.V.G.:
if there are differences in the action protocol, and, if any, which are, if the victim
reporting an abuse is a woman or a man. We would also like you to tell us what
procedures and legal tools of protection the victim has
to benefit from and be helped. Let’s see, there are obvious differences. The first difference,
the basic difference, is that when a woman reports an abuse
she can be assisted by a lawyer. The lawyer can assist the woman
telling her what to say to be more harmful. It is the only case of our legal system where a complainant can have
a free lawyer when filing a complaint. The procedure for women is very fast, but for men it can get stuck, for years, the complaint may not generate
a restraining order during a year, the time the tramitation lasts. Another big difference: when a woman is granted a public defender, this lawyer
has to be specialized in gender violence. However, when the man is the victim, any lawyer without any specialization can defend him, so the defense is not equal. What surprises me the most
is that a government and the politicians, male and female,
and the feminist and human rights groups support the exclusive protection for women with several criteria,
for example, being straight. If she is homosexual,
her couple can’t be a man. This woman also has to have
a stable relationship, or if she has had it in the past,
with her aggressor. What happens when the woman
is abused by a workmate? Or by a friend of a group of friends? And when it turns out that abuse
has been carried out for gender reasons. There is no standard protocol
at all in Spain nowadays so that a man can be “de-victimized”.
It doesn’t exist. Does a man have a hotline where he can
tell what happens? No. Can a man go to a police station
and report the abuse? Yes. Do they go? No. In the case of men,
we also have men that are being abused, that have called the police, they have been brought
to the Family Support Service, and they have told them
that they only assist women, when the Family Support Service
is a service for the family, not only for women, this is why there is a
Women Support Service, special for them. Nowadays, many times not many times, but most of the times those men that are reported as abusers are treated in a worse way
that they treat to terrorists. Protocols are applied to them
that are based on prejudging, on predetermining that
they are guilty because they are men. How many members of the
law enforcement system know what the 5/2008
instruction mean? VICTIM OF THE L.I.V.G
AUTHOR And what the 1/2008
technical standard mean? One, of the State Secretariat for Security, stating an action protocol with
the gender violence issue, and a technical standard of the General
Directorate of the Guardia Civil. A lot of policemen, not to say most of them,
do not know this two isolated instructions where it is said what you have to do
when a woman report an abuse. But while they let people think that
women are guilty if something happens, no matter if the report
is fake or not, the police agent, to watch his own
back, is going to arrest the couple, even if the next day he is released,
and the complaint is closed or dismissed. We can’t always be there,
intervene, arrest people. If we don’t do that and something happens,
we are the guilty ones. And we are not. The L.I.V.G states a collective guilt on every man, FORENSIC PSYCHOLOGIST and they have to redeem centuries of sexism
and other types of social dysfunctions. That’s unacceptable. There aren’t advise for men because
where does an abused man go to report? There is not any Institute for Men, or shelters where men can go
in case of abuse and where there is protection
to these men. When you are a woman and you report
an abuse, society believes you. Now it is the other way around. We have
become the women from 50 or 100 years ago. When you want to file,
they don’t believe you. As justice is right now,
women have priority. They have just to report
a gender violence abuse, even though he is the abused one
and she is the aggressor, and that man is going
to get instantly kicked out of the house. This man has nowhere to go. She can take all his money and his
accounts while he’s been detained, so he may be homeless
and without any money. Let’s think, we all know how hard
it is to prove the abuse, especially psychical, psychological
or emotional abuse. It is hard for a woman, think about a man. Women are aware that they have to report
if they are a victim of violence. However, reporting abuse
should be promoted amongst men. Why? Because we are scared,
we men are like that, we are scared to go to the Guardia Civil,
to the police and tell them “My wife hits me”. Because they are going to laugh at you. When the time comes and you think
“I have to kill either her or myself, and I prefer to kill myself”,
you decide to report the abuse. Althought they laugh at you
at the police station, but you just do it. What does it mean?
Well, it means taking a step forward, even though you are not listened,
because justice is blind then, but that is what it means: a step forward. The victim is the one taken into account,
not the crime. We have to take the crime into account. Therefore, people who are suffering
family violence, and considering that we have to be
very careful in the way that personal relationships
are taken into court; if they are taken into court, by any
chance, the public bodies intervene, so they have to defend both
of them, not only women. They have to defend women, men,
children, old people. It is naturally the same situation when two men
or two women live together, in gay couples. It is the same situation. JOIN CUSTODY (PARENT JOINT RESPONSIBILITY) I wanted to ask you about joint custody. According to your
professional experience, when there is a conflict within the couple
related to joint custody, do you think that men are harmed,
that they are punished when the couple
get the custody proceedings? Men usually have to leave their houses,
give child support, and also have visiting arrangements. What do you think? Regarding custody,
I understand that men are victims because of the affective precariousness.
It is obvious. This is: when two people break up, it is
always assumed that the mother is good enough, and the father has to prove
he is a good father. When one of the parts, usually the mother,
says that there is a conflict, there is no joint custody anymore, and then men are thrown out
of their houses, they are given
a minimum visiting arrangement, they are forced to go far from
their friends, from where he has lived. That breaks their lives apart. Fathers are very punished,
men are punished. The worst thing about this punishment
is that it affects the children. Getting a joint custody
when they do not agree, that is, when the mother does not agree,
is very difficult. Most of custodies when the parents do not
agree are given exclusively to the mother. Joint custody is a children right, stated in the Declaration
of the Rights of the Child, and also in the
European Charter of Rights of the Child. There are children that live
with their father as normal, and then they just see them
four days a month. This country and this society
let that happen. That is, they let thousands of children be teared apart from their fathers
and their fathers’ family. Every day it is a nightmare. VICTIM OF L.I.V.G.NCOMEDIAN Every Tuesday and every Thursday,
unfortunately, I have two hours to remember everything about it,
and every weekend as well. Why? Because, in my case, my children were having hip-hop classes
during my visiting arrangements. I complaint about it, and the judge said that children
need leisure time, you know. You can imagine. The Law against Violence towards Women
of 2004 is being used for those who logically can,
that is, straight women only having been attacked by their former couple or
their current couple at the time of the attack. It is also being used in divorces. In fact, and this is not my opinion, Dr. Ganoa,
the popular forensics psychiatrist from Madrid, has a study in which more than the 90%
of straight fathers having a joint custody are automatically reported
as gender violence abuser. The people mainly hurt in this case
are the children, as they have to grow in
a semi-orphanage situation imposed by a system
that is not taking into account the minimum needs of a minor, that is,
in short, having a father and a mother and being aware that they are
taking care of them equally. Following the second complaint,
she took my children, VICTIM OF L.I.V.G. got me a restraining
order, interim measures… So she has a full custody,
and I have to pay child support, and she is given the help of sending
my kids into a kind of a boarding school, where they have lunch, dinner
and even sleep some nights. I pay for their support, and I do not know
why my children are there, when I can take care of them. FALSE GENDER VIOLENCE ACCUSATIONS What is the truth and the myth
on the false accusations? Also, is the presumption of innocence
infringed when men are reported as abusers? Let’s see, the myth of the false
accusations is not really a myth. Any person with a critical mind
analyzing the reports of the prosecutors where it is said that there is
only 0.01% of false accusations knows that the human being is contingent,
and also imperfect There is no part and no human action
having such a low error quota. I would advise politicians, judges
and prosecutors of this country to be braver and charge crimes of forgery
to the General Council of the Judiciary, because they falsely state
and with manipulated data that only 0.01%
of the abuse reports are false. VIDEO GIVEN BY AN EXPERT ON EQUALITYEvery year we see pieces of news
trying to convince us
that the number
of false accusations is very low,
0.006% or 0.0015%.In fact, these percentages correspond to
the reports proven to be fake,
and they are so low because,as some organizations such as GenMad
or some judges states,
the prosecutors do not usually
chase these crimes ex officio.
What they do not tell us is
that most of abuse reports
are so pointless that
they are not taken into court,
and that only 22% of them
can prove the crime,
those that are given a judgment.This, having a law where a believable and
non-contradictory testimony of the claimant
is enough to be considered
an important evidence.
The truth is that, every year,
there are around 100,000 cases
where the defendant is never proven guiltyso there is either a high number
of false accusations
or a many abusers not being punished.Filing a criminal complaint
on gender violence is the fastest and safest way to ensure yourself
the exclusive use of the home, the custody of your children
and child support. It is sad, but this is real life. I have met judges that told me
that they were tired of processing criminal complaints
of abuse of couples of foreigners that, because of the crisis, were unemployed
and couldn’t pay rent. To pay rent, they were going
to ask for social aids after filing a criminal complaint. In some cases, foreign women,
foreign citizens, say they were going to report abuse to get
some money, to have access to that money because they are unemployed
and they need to legalise their situation, given that there was a instruction
some years ago in which any foreign women
who has been a gender violence victim could legalise her situation. And this is what they want,
in some cases. In some cases, there are Spanish
citizens that, obviously, what they want is to have the apartment,
have the money or get a social aid because they have children
under their care and custody. It is obvious that, when they report
the abuse or when they speak to the lawyer, we see or listen to incredible things. However, we must turn a deaf ear,
enter the abuse report, process it and let the judge decide. Well, as it exists a guilt presumption when a woman reports an abuse,
her testimony is already more credible, so it is irrefutable. We are destroying the innocence
presumption principle. Moreover, when the file is closed, it is closed because
the fact could not be proven. It is not that the fact hasn’t existed, but the guilt could not be proven. But you are guilty anyway. Spain is the only country in the world
where there is a presumption of guilt. The only one in the world where there is a presumption of guilt
regulated in a law. And nobody cares. I know cases where some people
have been told a female client: “Why don’t you report
your husband as abuser? You would get some aid
for your daughter’s kindergarten fee.” “Because my husband does not abuse me.” “Well, but you would get some aid. You get the benefit, and as I say that I have another abuse case, I also get more aid and subsidies,
because I have another abused woman case.” A vase fell to the ground, VICTIM OF THE L.I.V.G. and my neighbor thought
he was beating me up. She called the police,
and then some policemen came. Three national police cars
and an ambulance. They did some X-ray tests on me, and
I didn’t have any beats. I had nothing. I couldn’t see my ex. They told me that
I had to be at the hospital until a public defender came. The next day, we had the trial at 11 AM. His lawyer and the lawyer
that they called for me came. My lawyer said: “You should lie. You are going to keep the
apartment, full custody of your children…” I said no, I didn’t want any of that
because nothing had happened. I did not want to declare,
neither did my ex. They asked one of the policemen
who came to testify the judge asked how the house was
when they came in, and he said: “Everything was clean
and in good condition.” This is the reason why my ex
got away with getting arrested. It is obvious that something is wrong if between 2004 and 2012
there are 1,300,000 complaints and 800,000 are dismissed. Either there are 800,000 innocent people
who have been arrested and are innocent, so the arrest wouldn’t proceed, or there are 800,000 abusers in the
streets that the judges plead innocent. When a judge or a prosecutor detects
that not only there is a false accusation, but there is a lack of truth from the
person who is filing a complaint, no matter if they are a man or a woman, their duty is to take testimony
to be processed as a false testimony. We can’t forget that the people
filing a criminal complaint are witnesses, and false testimony is sentenced
with prison in our country. However, judges are not doing their job. Why? Because they are scared. The problem in Spain is that
everybody is afraid of talking about this. There is a lot of false accusations, and the system is not only unable to try
and find out what is actually happening, but it also uses these efforts
and resources to hide it. There is a big fraud in this field. What is happening? In gender violence issues,
where there are public subsidies, all the lawyers are being paid,
so there is a lot of interests. Why are those interests
being created? Let’s think about something simple: if faculties and privileges being given
to the woman would be given to the men, there would be the same number of false
accusations and the same economic interests. A person who has broken up with their couple
seeks, let’s put it in quotes, revenge, has hard feelings, is jealous and, on top
of that, has some economic interests, like that person is going to
get a house, a job if they are jobless, because there is some aid
for gender violence victims. On the other hand, their services
are going to be paid by others, by all citizens thanks to our taxes. We are encouraging them to file
false criminal complaints, and we are encouraging those professionals
to be involved in these cases, just because they want money. I think it would be different
the opposite way. In Andalusia, the region
where I was born and where I still live, every town hall has a center for women, and people working here, as lawyers,
social workers, psychologists, etc. have a contract
with some goals to achieve. They have a contract
for a specific project or service, and they have to achieve, for example, 1,000 complaints every year
in a town of 50,000 inhabitants, that is, to process 1,000 complaints.
If they don’t achieve 1,000 complaints, because we can’t forget that money
is shared between the Spanish government, the European Community,
provincial councils, regions, etc., depends on the number of complaints. The more complaints they have,
the more money they get. It is not the same to share the resources
among 100 people than among 5. What happens is that here
aids and subsidies are managed according to the number
of complaints filed, and according to the number of women
that have declared to be abused. There was an article
some years ago that said that every gender violence complaint
means about €3,200 per subsidy by the European Union
for the gender ideology funds. I made a research back in 2010 that
I took to the European Union in Brussels, before the Commission, where I explained that only €5 of each
€100 meant for abuse prevention to women got to the abused women as an aid. I know the case of a little town
in Andalusia, in Seville, where a lot of people lost their jobs
because of the crisis, and the only way to have some money was to make an agreement between the husbands
and the wives to file criminal complaints. When you ask in that town,
according to statistics, 55% of men between 20 and 65 years
have been reported as abusers. I mean, what’s that?
All the abusers moved to the same town? No, it is because it was their only way
to keep on receiving aids from the Government when they do not
have any more unemployment benefits. Picaresque exists in every field. That is, if we go to
the house insurance field, somebody is going to file a report telling something that did not happen
to collect the home insurance. In traffic accidents… In every field. In this in particular, well, it was proven
one or two years ago, I don’t know, a whole ring was arrested
that tried to legalise the situation of some illegal foreign women in Spain
through gender violence complaints. Zapatero’s government
passed a law that stated, and I’m not making anything up
as it is in the Government gazette, that the money for violence towards women
managed in Spain was not going to be inspected
by the Court of Audit. Then the Court of Audit,
I do not know why, processed an audit
of a portion of that money in 2011, and they found out that how a high amount
of money was spent was not justified while Bibiana Aído was in office. So we do not know where that money goes. In Spain, we are having
a very odd situation, that people are mixing up
the budget cuts on gender violence with the cuts to those organizations
that were earning money with the fact that
gender violence exists. That is, the Government
and all the political parties have agreed with cutting some money
to these associations and foundations, that are up to 27,000 in Spain, that were receiving public funds
to supposedly prevent women being killed or having a generalized women abuse
within couples, right? In fact, the public services, like the
Police, the Guardia Civil and the hospitals haven’t been cut any money
to help abused women. Another thing is those people
who are in the middle. As usual, there are people
in the middle who keep the money. On top of that, some people
are using children as a weapon, creating insecurity
and children psychologically hurt because of those people
using them as a weapon. In this war between genders
the only people who are winning are those that, supposedly,
are looking to defend women, but the only thing
they care about is money. WHEN MEN ARE THE ONES ABUSED Back in 2006 the Ministry
of Internal Affairs gave some statistics about
dead people within couples. Five women every one man. Terrible numbers either way. However, from 2007 on,
these statistics disappeared. Where can we get official statistics? The statistical issue is very severe,
because they can’t be looked up. We should assume one idea: all these
gender laws are part of a gender ideology. As such, they try to take only part of the
real data handled by the general population. There are indirect ways to know about it. Women usually place
more psychological violence, and there are a lot of men
who are suicide victims. We do not know how responsible women are. There are not updated statistics because it is one of the things proving that there is
much more than an attempt of helping women. There is a business, and that one is making
men killed by their couples disappear. There is one statistic: this is not a five over one,
this statistics was like 40-60 of total deaths, being 40 of them men killed by women, and
60 women killed by men, approximately. There is not a statistic of abused men,
and there wasn’t ever one. These statistics were hidden with malice. The only way to know how many men
were killed by their wives is reading the local newspapers. In my opinion, the fact that the Administration
and the General Council of the Judiciary are hiding the number of men and children
who are victim of violence by women is as severe as saying: “We only care about
the refugees from Syria, but not about the 2 millions of refugees
who are in Chad, in the middle of the desert,
starving and without drinking water, because they are not
in the middle of a conflict where there are geopolitical interests, that is, there is no money there.” If the abuse to men is a silenced reality, men who are dying in this country
is a hidden reality. We are not being given data,
and there are data. I think that we should ask this question
to the Government, to the General Council of the Judiciary, and ask them why they feed the statistics
of women killed by their male couples or ex couples, and why they don’t feed the rest of data. That is, lesbian women being killed by their couples
or ex couples, gay men… It is the same. Also straight men been killed
by their couples or ex couples. We don’t understand. The rates of killed men have been stopped
since this law appeared, and a killed man should matter
the same as a killed woman. In the international statistics, there are 15 or 20 children killed
by their mothers, 20 or 30 men killed by their couples and 60 women killed
by their couples or ex couples. More than a rule of law
in the 21st century, we look more like a third-world country, that puts no effort at all
in changing a law that it proves not to protect women,
and this what it was meant for, and that it does nothing
to protect men and children. Since we announced our intentions
to film the documentary “Silenced”, we started receiving insults, threats
and cyber-attacks in social media. We were even accused of defending
the abusers through this documentary. By the pressure of certain lobbies, the crowdfunding platform
where we wanted to get the funds from to film the movie closed our project. During the shooting and editing of the project
we kept on receiving attacks, insults and false accusations. We were even called “feminicide accomplices”,
only because we wanted to make abused men visible. During the interviews with the people
appearing in the documentary, we found out that threats and insults
are something common when trying to make the problem visible. Because I said that violence is violence,
no matter their origin, I have been threatened, sued, been said that I advocate gender violence,
when that it is not true. Yes, I want that violence removal, but in all fields,
not only in one of them. My children were also threatened. I am being threatened, just like this: “I wish one of those abusers you are
defending broke your daughter’s legs.” On one hand, they are having prejudice, they think they are gods to know
who I am defending and who I am not, if they are abusers or not. On the other hand,
they are threatening a little girl. This is not peacemaker,
and it is not less violent. As soon as you talk about
the false accusations, they come like rats to insult you,
to threat you. They even “offer” to kill you with a gun,
as it’s happened to me three times with three women self-proclaimedfeminazis
in social networks, in Twitter, just because you say
there are false accusations. The truth is that the current situation
could be defined as a silenced dictatorship. Some colleagues or psychologists and I we have tried to participate in conferences,
and in some cases we were boycotted. For example, they called to the hotel to ask them
not to let us participate, because we were going to talk nonsense. I have seen that people are not tolerant
with the truth. I have seen that there is
no tolerance with the truth when you give arguments about the reasons
why a woman can kill a man. I have seen that when I argument the reasons
why a woman kills her husband or ex husband and justifies herself saying
that “she cannot stand it no more” or saying “my life was a living hell” people support her saying “poor her”, and this is not being tolerant with truth. So I can be proud that I’m having people who do not share my opinion
and my arguments, but I have only received insults, that is, I have not received any arguments
against my arguments. SILENCED In my opinion, those who created
the Law against Violence towards Women didn’t think that there would be people
who could take advantage of it. It violates the equality principles since the moment that a woman
is considered a victim. There are also victims that are men. Talking with friends with children
who are separated, many came to the conclusion
that we are not good fathers, because the judge
lets you see your children a couple of afternoons a week,
and alternate weekends. Any father in a normal family would be considered a bad father
if he saw his children so little time, and this is incredibly unfair. Not for the fathers, but for the children. I see my kids four days a month, and I feel like a kids visitor. I don’t feel like a father,
I can’t educate them. Four days a month?
I can’t educate them. And I am missing them, I miss my kids, I am missing their childhood,
I am missing the best of my children. I have been abused by my ex couple
and by the law. VICTIM OF L.I.V.G. My ex couple completely
damaged my self-esteem, as she took me away from my family,
my friends and my hobbies. The worst thing now is that I have been separated
from my beautiful daughter, Amaia, for more than two years now, isolated. When this all started,
she kicked me out of my house, she didn’t even let me
say good-bye to my daughter, who was crying as she heard
her mother shouting at me. I have a heart. And I have cried a lot for not having my daughter in my life, for having to prove my innocence, being the abused in this case. When fathers want to fight
over the childrens’ custody, VICTIM OF THE L.I.V.G.
It is incredible. The system comes after you. Everybody says the same thing, right? “The kids will realize in the future.” Yes, sure. But in the meanwhile, one just
wants to jump from his window or else, driven by this situation
that you are having with your children. Three little people who are there
and nobody cares about. I have an opinion,
and from my experience, they can break a child’s life
only to defend a woman. Every started well when we were really young, on our 20s,
and everything was perfect, until out of the blue you start hearing “Go home,
or she will beat you up.” Nobody believed me, but then some strange situations came up. After reporting several abuses by my
ex wife, physical assaults, you start thinking about killing
yourself not to lay a finger on her. But you think: “I have children.” I think that men are abused, but if they
have children the situation is beyond crazy. When a person
is deprived of their liberty, you take away their innocence presumption, remove him from their childrens’ lives,
kick that person out of the house, and treat him as a terrorist, the social
stigma you are involved in is brutal. That breaks you, and still, for example, in my case, that I have won 23 processes (some else), 2 criminal complaints and one complaint
before the Data Protection Agency, I have faced 7 false accusations
on abuse… Nowadays, I have a judgement and the total absolution
for spurious use of the penal processes, I have a custody sentence to visit
my son Óscar, in which she is the licensee, even though I am innocent
and I prove it, I will have to tell my private life
the rest of my life to justify that I want to see my child,
ask for a grant, anything. The first thing that I have to hand in
is a custody document from the mother, in which the father
has parental authority, and the title says:
Gender Violence Court, no. 4. That is a problem,
it is a stigma for life. I have been lucky, because I haven’t been condemned
by any of the more than twenty complaints on gender violence that I got, because they were nonsense. I reported my son’s abuse, and I was almost taken into prison because I was accused of
being the abuser of my son, let’s put it in quotes. It was a 9-year relationship. 8 of them were incredible. We had 2 children in that time, and it was a perfect relationship.
We really got along with each other. On the last year,
due to financial issues, she decided to file a complaint on me
and leave the house. She took my kids and, since then, I am
following the processes. I am another man abused
by his ex couple. VICTIM OF L.I.V.G. She filed a very hard complaint
on sexual assault, it was dismissed 3 years later, and now that I can visit my children, after paying more than €15,000 in a private family meeting point, she is not complying
with the visit arrangements. And here I am, waiting to see my
children again, almost 6 months later. I was taken into 3 different cells. I was released the next day. I was a lucky man,
I was only locked for 19 hours. VICTIM OF L.I.V.G. I was treated…
I didn’t know how they treated criminals, but I didn’t know that they were
treated like that inside the cells. When I was released, the judge said that I had done some things
that weren’t totally specified, and then I find out that it was a SMS that,
supposedly, I had sent to my ex wife. I told her: “When I arrive home, I will take
my mobile phone and I will show it to you. You can take the card and check it,
even with the company.” I wasn’t given that opportunity. Well, everything has been terrible. They dismissed two of the three charges
that I was accused of, because apart of the messages, they said that I
threatened my wife in the entrance of the school, in front of teachers,
students and parents, and nobody happened
to declare that version. In the specific complaint
we are talking about here, she even attacked me
with some scissors to provoke me. Face to face, she said “what now”?,
and she was trying to… Of course, she was surprised,
because what she saw was an inactive man. Then she didn’t get
what she was looking for, me responding and being able to report on
gender violence, and then take it all. Deep inside, when we were separated,
she knew that there was nothing, but, of course,
she had some advantage over me: she keeps our daughter, she keeps our
apartment, she keeps part of my salary… She talked to a friend of hers, she assured herself that our daughter would be
with this friend, and then she called the police. But, in this case,
she made a mistake. When she was there, I was recording her. I recorded how she was talking to another person,
and how she prepared everything. In fact, when she notices that I am
recording her, she goes out, she gets angry, takes a champagne bottle that was on the
table and tries to hit me with it on the head. Oddly, the judge interprets
that I am using a body language that can make her have that kind of
violence against me and that overreaction, so in the end nothing happens.
But there is a video, it exists. There are professional judges,
I won’t doubt about that, but I have been in several courts, I have
faced more than twenty court processes, and I haven’t been respected
by any judge or prosecutor in any of them. I have a positive parent alienation, and the judge laughed at me. She didn’t even want to check
if that was true. After this kind of experience,
men are usually very broken. After seeing how their
innocence presumption is violated, that is a basic constitutional right, after experiencing an arrest, it is difficult to see yourself
in this kind of situations, especially if you are a man that has not
been educated in a sexist environment. You do not want to live anymore, you see how everything crumbles,
and you don’t find a way out. Nobody supports you. You are alone, alone before this hell. You have an eternal anxiety feeling, 24/7. You are thinking that police could
kick you out of your house in any moment, or that the postman is coming, or that you are going to receive threats
from the mother’s family. On top of that,
you can’t see your children. We have a feeling of impotence and rage. You can’t explain it with words,
to be honest. What frustrated me the
most in all this process is the suffering that a third person could
be living, in this case, my daughter, because all this is very unfair. She filed a false complaint on me, and, from then on,
my life has been an utter hell. I have been educated and I educate my son with values such as respect, equality, VICTIM OF L.I.V.G. and I am against any kind of violence. My crime? Loving my son and asking for a joint custody. I am scared that she follows me, or that I step her
and she can call the Guardia Civil. She could lie and say
that I have been staking her. I can’t barely sleep.
My performance is not good at work, I barely go out of my house. Well, is anybody really thinking
about our children? I have reported twice, and both are false. I am having a rough time. Me and my children. When you tell this
to your closest environment, nobody believes you, right? People do not believe many men, so recovering your self-esteem and
recovering your closest environment respect, both personal and professionally,
is very hard. When you met that one person,
you never expect it to end like this. Investing more than €50,000,
I have proved that I am innocent and my ex just got away with it. As far as I know in Spain,
it is the first time that the prosecution service,
with a 6-year trial, here is the evidence, has dismissed
every charge of gender violence because she felt ashamed, Not everybody is as lucky as me. After this process,
I got a my daughter’s joint custody. Luckily, I have another couple
and another job. When a person like me, a “John Doe”,
proves 7 false abuse complaints, and life gives you a chance of finding
another wife with two children, you don’t need a judge saying “you are innocent”.
I am innocent, and I have proven it. The truth is that I have been lucky, and I have found a person
who is helping me a lot, Amparo. If it wasn’t for her,
I don’t know where I would be now. How can we prevent, how can we erradicate
the problem if we don’t talk about the other half of the population
which are men being abused. On a private conversational level,
judges, prosecutors, experts, all agree that this is an abuse situation,
that these discriminatory laws are useless. However, all remain silent. I think that the time has come to raise
our voices and call a spade a spade. This law is not only wrong,
but it is also perverse and has the opposite effect
to what it aimed for. The only thing I ask,
from this documentary, and not knowing if this will help at all,
and as an abused woman, I ask the law to be changed. Because this law
is not protecting the victim. It is not enough to go out to the streets
with a purple T-shirt and a candle, or a minute of silence. Women are still killed by their abusers. I only want to send a message: When a man is killed
by his couple or ex couple, he deserves the same treatment
as when a woman is the victim, because it is a victim too. He has the same right
to be remembered he has the same right
to be wept over, and he has the same right
to be aknowledged. I think that men have to take
the respect to our couples into account. The respect to women and, especially, a word that we seem
to have forgotten: love. It looks like we only talk about abuse when it is time to talk about being treated
well in family and couple relationships. You can like it or not,
but the law is like it is. The reality in the courts is like it is. A man is not as worthy as a woman in this country. Silenced®
(When men are the ones abused)
A documentary by Nacho González Director and filmmaker:
Nacho González Production:

13 thoughts on “Documental “Silenciados, cuando los maltratados son ellos”.

  1. 11:47 se pone en victima q estuvo 4 años sin poder tener relaciones c un HOMBRE, e IGUAL Q TODAS, creen Q TODO HOMBRE TIENE RELACIONES C CUANTA MUJER SE CRUZA TODOS LOS DIAS DEL AÑO 20 VECES….

  2. De verdad que siento no poder realizar aporte económico, al menos por el momento.
    Por lo demás, todo mi apoyo y mucho ánimo.

  3. yo sufri a manos de mi ex tambien, cuando era adolescente y sufria bulling en la escuela. ella no solo pegaba (y no bofetadas, si no puñetazos y patadas), me insultaba (tambien en la calle o colegio), sino que lo peor es que me saco todos mis ingresos (incluido parte de los ahorros para una universidad que queria ir)… lo peor tambien, era que no solo mis compañeros veian eso, sino que se reian, se unian a su grupo, y me insultaban riendose…

    y cuando llame por ayuda a los servicios de violencia de genero, lo maximo que dijeron fue (y me acuerdo perfectamente de eso): "lo siento señor. pero este servicio es solo para mujeres maltratadas. por favor contacte con otros servicios de ayuda"[cuelga]

    …los unicos que me ayudaron fueron mi famila (mi madre sobre todo)…

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