Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Don’t Even Try To Out Stupid Donald Trump


LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AS YOU MIGHT KNOW, TRUMP HAS PLUNGED
THE WORLD INTO A TRADE WAR. BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE STILL TRYING
DESPERATELY TO STOP IT, LIKE EUROPEAN COMMISSION PRESIDENT
AND MAN NOT IMPRESSED BY HIS GRANDSON’S MAGIC TRICK,
JEAN-CLAUDE JUNCKER. JUNCKER MET WITH TRUMP AT THE
WHITE HOUSE TODAY TO TRY TO TALK TRUMP OUT OF HIS TRADE WAR WITH
THE E.U. AND IN ANTICIPATION OF THIS
VISIT, YESTERDAY TRUMP TWEETED, “THE EUROPEAN UNION IS COMING TO
WASHINGTON TOMORROW TO NEGOTIATE A DEAL ON TRADE. I HAVE AN IDEA FOR THEM. BOTH THE U.S. AND THE E.U. DROP
ALL TARIFFS, BARRIERS, AND SUBSIDIES! THAT WOULD FINALLY BE CALLED
FREE MARKET AND FAIR TRADE! HOPE THEY DO IT, WE ARE READY–
BUT THEY WON’T!” ( LAUGHTER )
WELL, NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT’S LIKE IF YOUR PSYCHIATRIST SAID, “IT WOULD BE GREAT IF WE
COULD FIGURE OUT YOUR ISSUES WITH YOUR MOTHER. BUT AIN’T NO WAY THAT’S
HAPPENING, MAMA’S BOY. UH-OH, HERE COME THE
WATERWORKS. GO AHEAD AND SQUIRT THEM.” AND JUNCKER IS READY TO GO TO
THE MATTRESSES HERE. RESPONDING TO TRUMP’S THREATS OF
STEEL AND ALUMINUM TARIFFS, JUNCKER SAID, “SO NOW WE WILL
ALSO IMPOSE IMPORT TARIFFS. THIS IS BASICALLY A STUPID
PROCESS, THE FACT THAT WE HAVE TO DO THIS. BUT WE HAVE TO DO IT. WE WILL NOW IMPOSE TARIFFS ON
MOTORCYCLES, HARLEY-DAVIDSON; ON BLUE JEANS, LEVIS; ON
BOURBON. WE CAN ALSO DO STUPID.” ( LAUGHTER ). ( CHEERS )
OH. OH. OH, WE KNOW EUROPEANS CAN DO
STUPID. I’VE MET PIERS MORGAN. ( LAUGHTER )
BUT, HOLD ON, JUNCKER. DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU’RE GOING
TO OUT-STUPID THIS GUY?>>BING, BING, BONG, BONG, BING,
BING, BING. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS, RIGHT? (STAR SPANGLED BANNER)
GOD BLESS THE UNITED SHTATES.>>Stephen: SO, YEAH, YEAH, GOOD
LUCK OUT-DUMBING THAT. HE’S LIKE THE BOBBY FISCHER OF
BEING A MORON– HE’S ALWAYS THREE MOVES AHEAD, AND HE’S
GROPING THE QUEEN. BUT TRUMP JUST WANTS EVERYONE TO
GET OFF HIS CASE, TWEETING, “WHEN YOU HAVE PEOPLE SNIPPING
AT YOUR HEELS DURING A NEGOTIATION, IT WILL ONLY TAKE
LONGER TO MAKE A DEAL, AND THE DEAL WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS IT
COULD HAVE BEEN WITH UNITY. NEGOTIATIONS ARE GOING REALLY
WELL, BE COOL. THE END RESULT WILL BE WORTH
IT!” “BE COOL”?>>Jon: BE COOL!>>Stephen: BE COOL.>>Jon: BE COOL, DADDY.>>Stephen: THAT’S WHAT YOU
SAY WHEN YOU’RE NEGOTIATING FOR A BAG OF WEED, NOT PLUNGING THE
WORLD INTO AN ECONOMIC CRISIS. “IT’S JUST A FEW HUNDRED BILLION
DOLLARS WORTH OF TARIFFS. CHILLAX, BRO-SEF.” ( LAUGHTER )
THIS AFTERNOONA THIS AFTERNOON, THIS JUST HAPPENED? THIS AFTERNOON,
TRUMP AND JUNCKER AGREED THAT EUROPE WOULD AGREE TO IMPORT
MORE LIQUEFIED NATURAL GAS AND SOYBEANS WHILE NEGOTIATIONS
CONTINUED. AND THAT’S A GOOD THING, BECAUSE
THE PEOPLE GETTING HURT THE MOST BY ALL THIS ARE FARMERS. FIRST, TRUMP SLAPPED A TARIFF ON
CHINESE SOLAR PANELS. THEN CHINA CAME BACK AND HIT US
WITH A TARIFF RIGHT IN THE SOYBEANS. NOW TRUMP’S HITTING BACK WITH A
TARIFF ON SEAFOOD AND COSMETIC PRODUCTS. SO IT’S ABOUT TO GET A LOT MORE
EXPENSIVE TO PUT MASCARA ON YOUR GOLDFISH. ( LAUGHTER )
THESE– THESE ARE TRUMP’S PEOPLE, AND HE IS RUINING THEIR
LIVELIHOODS. CHINA IS BY FAR THE BIGGEST
CONSUMER OF AMERICAN SOYBEANS, AND NOW U.S. SOYBEAN PRICES HAVE
PLUNGED TO A TEN-YEAR LOW. OH, NO… IS WHAT I WOULD SAY IF
I KNEW HOW MUCH SOYBEANS USED TO COST. ( LAUGHTER )
SO TRUMP IS SCRAMBLING TO APPEASE HIS FARMER BASE,
TWEETING THINGS LIKE, “CHINA IS TARGETING OUR FARMERS, WHO THEY
KNOW I LOVE AND RESPECT, AS A WAY OF GETTING ME TO CONTINUE
ALLOWING THEM TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE U.S. THEY ARE BEING VICIOUS IN WHAT
WILL BE THEIR FAILED ATTEMPT. WE WERE BEING NICE– UNTIL NOW!”
“YES, I LOVE ALL MY FARMERS. THE OLD McDONALDS, THE ONE IN
THE DELL, THE INSURANCE GUYS– ♪ I LOVE FARMERS
BUM, BA, DUM, DA, DUM DA, DUM, DUM” ♪
BUT TRUMP IS– ( APPLAUSE )
ARE THEY A SPONSOR? ARE THEY A SPONSOR? THEY’RE A SPONSOR! AND TRUMP IS PUTTING OUR MONEY
WHERE HIS STUPID MOUTH IS BECAUSE YESTERDAY, HE ANNOUNCED
PLANS TO SEND $12 BILLION TO FARMERS HURT BY RETALIATORY
TARIFFS. THAT’S A GOOD DEAL. NORMALLY, TRUMP ONLY PAYS
130 GRAND TO PEOPLE HE’S SCREWED. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SO IT LOOKS LIKE– NOTHING? NOTHING?
TOO LATE! SO IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S MOVING
FORWARD. AND IN ORDER TO IMPLEMENT IT,
THE DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE ANNOUNCED IT WILL UTILIZE A
GREAT DEPRESSION-ERA LAW TO SEND PAYMENTS TO PRODUCERS OF DAIRY,
HOGS, AND CERTAIN CROPS. AND YOU KNOW THINGS ARE GOING
AWESOME WHEN YOUR SOLUTION IS, “HEY, WHAT DID WE DO DURING THE
GREAT DEPRESSION?” WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH “CBS
THIS MORNING”‘S JOHN DICKERSON.

100 thoughts on “Don’t Even Try To Out Stupid Donald Trump

  1. "Make America Great Again" – Get rid of Trump

    "Drain The Swamp" – Pull his hair piece out of the drain first!

  2. This guy should put his idea’s into
    action and run for public office
    and then the talk show hosts can
    make fun of him just like he is doing to our elected president
    and he should put a sock in it I
    think !!! Back in the day someone
    would open a can of whip ass
    on him !!!!

  3. Remember years ago when they said eat your vegetables their is starving people in China.., now they eat the steaks we pay for… Listen, we shouldn't even worry about what China is doing, globalism is worrying what other countries are doing every 5 minutes… Trade is just for globalists, there should be no trade no where for no reason.. trade for USA means free shit for everyone. Y'all Yankee fucks tore up paradise and put up a parking lot, your destroying farmland, here, just stupid shit, and your the cause.. poor ass Tennessee Smallville. With literally 50 banks and 200 restaurants, that come and go.. just ridiculous, build more, and then it always goes under… Think about it doc

  4. Tariffs on cosmetics…Does it mean Trumps orange paint and hair dye will become more expensive? And the USA tax payer will have to pay for it? LoL

  5. too late stephie, we know america loves the trump. Help us build a Canada wall, keep your rapists and murderers. Make Canada safe again. Buy yourself a Russian flag stephie, pee on each other, the new American standard. Putin will be proud to hear speak russianese…..buy red paint for the whitehouse. do you part for the new america stephie. we know you love trump.

  6. That's why Colbert your ratings don't go up. American economy is doing so well under Trump, but u cant take that.
    No matter how much you cry, there already is Trump 2020!

  7. Farmers are at the heart of the morons who voted for Trump, that's how ignorant they are. Now they're suffering but STILL haven't abandoned Trump, leading to the obvious conclusion that farmers should get fucked along with all Trump supporters.

  8. Stephen – not a good Christian, always unsung Trump to make fun of, where is your Christian talking. Is this the only way you can get a laugh?

  9. We know that liberals have no morals, commit crimes and get away with them. Hate the US so why stay here. In another country , they would be killed or put in prison. Plus they get free stuff and money from the taxpayers over here.All they can do is criticize -they make up rumors, don't believe in finding out the facts, listen to idiots like this. He is from the South by the way Liberals hate Southerners..The middle preschoolers comment about MAGA is typical.

  10. So now the American public is paying farmers to abuse, torture and murder cows and pigs – how much more evil can this get?

  11. Not much for conspiracy theory's. Let me give this one a shot.

    Cause stocks crash with trade war. Have my flunkies buy stock while they are dirt cheap. Make every effort to lose the 2020 election. Lose the election. Wait for stocks to go through the roof after the new administration reopens trade… .. WINNER!

    Just a thought.

  12. I spat so much hate for this thing, I don't know what else to say. Come on with the episode of the Simpsons, where he's laying in a coffin. Come on damnit.

  13. so the left and Stephen seem to not care that when a country is intimidated and threatened they HAVE to buy your soyabeans and gas!!! What about free trade and the way it words do Americans just do not get.

  14. Because you dam sure cant out-smart Trump. Trump has read your mail and is stopping ALL democrat attempts at treason. You people are a f..king joke.

  15. Donald J. Drumpf, is the greatest charlatan the world has ever known, and continues to demonstrate that he is a naive, ignorant, delirious sociopath, devoid of principles, deceitful, divisive, inarticulate, incompetent, hypocritical, thin-skinned and grossly  narcissistic a dishonest, arrogant, autocratic, loser, bullying, misogynist, zionist,  serial exaggerator and pathological bullshit artist and congenital liar and least of all  a political neophyte, with a feverish brain that continues "status twitterus" (a dangerous mental condition in which the twitter fits the one and  the other without recovery of consciousness between them) – in sum, a classic, "Dunning-Kruger"  absolutely unsuitable for being POTUS.
    
In the field of psychology, the Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which people mistakenly assess their cognitive ability as greater than it is. It is related to the cognitive bias of illusory superiority and comes from the inability of people to recognize their lack of ability. Without the self-awareness of metacognition, people cannot objectively evaluate their competence or incompetence.[1]
    As described by social psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger, the cognitive bias of illusory superiority results from an internal illusion in people of low ability and from an external misperception in people of high ability; that is, "the miscalibration of the incompetent stems from an error about the self, whereas the miscalibration of the highly competent stems from an error about others."[1]

    Drumpf's only reason for being is to nurture his insatiable narcissism and sustain his wealth, which he always exaggerates. Anyone who thinks they have ever had a sense of service other than self-service, or a man who spent his entire adult life promoting his vulgar "brand" and the many scams he gave his name to – at the cost of ,usually the "poorly educated" – now they worry about a comma about someone else, or that he or his family / relatives parasites will pass every opportunity to monetize his presidency, is naive – to the extreme.
    Pathologically, Drumpf is an idiot,morally a fraud and a failure if he had not been born in great wealth, he would probably now live under an overpass somewhere. Yet the "poorly educated" elected this "snorted buffoon" to be POTUS, making the United States the laughingstock of the world.
    Drumpf has no principles; it only offers "snake-oil" tactics and illusory or naively simple answers to complex problems – we will be lucky if this cretin does not cause a real tragedy in the country.
    "Trump is a man of flexible principles, the first of which is to show inconsistent inconsistency at all times." –
    Now after 3 years of this so-called Trump show it's  bewildering to me that polls show that his base is still loyal to this cretinous individual!
     

    I have to ask ! What's happening to the world nowadays? Stop a moment and reflect! I Let's mention some names: Trump , Putin, Bolsonaro, Salvini Orban , Jong-un, Duterte,Netanyahu
     It's the end ! How did we get there?              Reflect!

  16. The sad part about all of this is the lefty late night show hosts and
    main stream media networks are based mostly in New York , a blue State.,
    and these disgusting excuses for news reporters hound the administration
    and the right relentlessly with whatever lies , and spinning of the
    truth and hate they can . Hard to speak out against their talk shows
    and news media monopoly . TRUMP 2020 you can bet on it.

  17. message from Europe;   Colbert, you have no class anymore!  Is Trump all you can gossip about?   Nothing else in your head?

  18. Snipping at his heels, those bone spurs must be driving him more insane, YOU JUST CAN'T FIX STUPID ! The wannabe acting dictator (WAD) is as smart as a head of cabbage.

  19. All news delights in pointing out what an embarrassment that Trump has become…. But America Voted him in as a President …. errrrr was he a good boy before … Impeach now !!

  20. Stephen, try praying for the man, be the man you should be as a Christian, is a laugh so important to you. Show this country how much a praying man can be. Quit The mimicking

  21. Best President in many many years!
    TRUMP 2020!
    Worst President in history OBAMA. Not because of his skin tone. But because all his policies did nothing to help our country. Hilary would have been the worst President even more than Obama.

  22. President Trump has more Americans behind him than any other president since President JFK. Your silly show wont stop people from believing in him.

  23. Stay cool:

    ?!🤤Because like negotiating for bag of weed oh my God hilarious we're in trouble seriously God help us IT * /ESO /in the White House🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤥🤥🤡🤡🤡😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🇺🇸

  24. Glad I'm Native American not a decedent gr earo teach like all of you whites people n your orange white is also one of you hahahahahahah

  25. This turd Stephen Colbert should know there is nothing fun about this shit. Its crazy that people like this can joke about this

  26. Funny how people like Stephen who call Trump stupid, made less money than Trump last year alone. I guess he's not as stupid as Stephen claims to be. LoL

  27. Trump is such a joke. And he is absolutely stupid. Just look at the dummy. He’s such a disgrace to America. Please America vote him out. Tell it like it is Steven. That’s what Trump can’t stand the truth which he knows nothing about. Trump has lied to the framers among everyone else.

  28. So similar to India's situation 🤦🤦🤦🤦 Leaders are busy with creating headlines rather than listening to experts to stabilize the economy!

  29. Just so y'all know, after Trump is re-elected, which is already a sure deal. He will no longer give a shit about the left's opinion. He will completely destroy y'alls way of life,and I as a conservative Republican, will laugh at all your idiocies as you mow my fucking yard.

  30. Don't Even Try To Out Stupid Donald Trump
    Yeah because you would probably be even more successful than he is. GREAT stuff he has done for America.

  31. Don't Even Try To Out Stupid Donald Trump
    Yeah because you would probably be even more successful than he is. GREAT stuff he has done for America.

  32. Stephen good sense of humor..
    Trump loves attension , he performances everywhere .. he can not touch people's heart. in simply way

  33. Insane how stupid you guys are 😂🤦‍♂️ imagine mocking the leader of this country on national television even though he’s doing so much good 😂

  34. U guys are getting material from trump. I mean hes even making stephan money. And its ridiculous how disrespectful the american media is to thier own president. Its embarassing to watch youll. The jokes on you. Hes a pretty cool dude and honestly speaking the only humourous and entertaining president of the 20th century and guess what. Hes actually doing soemthing unlike obama who spent 64 trillion dollars and invented obama care. Thats all he did in 2 terms. U guys are making fun of trump but its obvious the liberalist parties are paying u to subliminally infect the minds of millions through insults and propaganda. Its shameful and whats worse is your making more money at his cost. Hes probably going to be the one great president that america has had since lincoln and u guys are shitting all over it. Its disgusting to watch . Shame on you all for such disrespect. And for whom? A bunch of marshmallow people with 1st world problems who dont seem to like his direct approach on handling real issues.

  35. I don't understand "stupid", I guess….Bernie Sanders invokes fear in the American voter because he's a Democratic Socialist….He's not a Lenin, Stalin, Hitler Socialist….He's an American Socialist like every American is when s/he accepts Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps,  Day Care, on and on….There are truckloads of social programs in this country…Take your blinders off, people; and, join the 20th and 21st centuries…Socialism is something we've all benefited from since FDR, for crisake…I don't expect a single trumpette to read my words here; simply because, trumpettes can't read.  But, the left can…remember, two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.  Vote Bernie or die with trump for another 4 years.

  36. Libtards 🤦‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️

    (I had to use every color so that the liberals wouldn't call me racist)

  37. Wow..talk about how stupid trump is.. lol Colbert and his fascist pig commy followers are the epitome of STUPID. As shown by the liberal fascist pig dumbocrate comments..lol

  38. Trump is funny though I am shocked how Americans chose such a person for president post.I think they lost their brains while giving votes.Everywhere there's total chaos because of his irrelevant strategies and policies and Americans have to think we are globally connected to each other in today's era .America first policy will not gonna work .It was just bait to allure Americans..Your couple of illogical policies will definitely effect your country also sooner or later because everything is chain and connected.

  39. He ( Trump) is the president & will be re elected again, I can't wait to see your faces when that happens!!! You ( Stephen) are nobody and actually very boring & stupid, the crowd that applauds everything you say, is even more stupid than you. You remind me of the emu in the Liberty commercial, are you related?

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