Laughter is the Best Medicine

EIC: Azeem Banatwalla at Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2018 | Comedy Up Late

Good evening ladies and gentlemen!
My name is Azeem Banatwalla I am from India I live in…
No no, don’t laugh at that India! Ooh! I am from India, I live in the city of Mumbai
I live in this lovely part of the city called ‘Traffic’ And, you guys, you say you have traffic in Melbourne And that is so cute. Really. Just like 10 cars out in the street
Fucking hectic today, fuck off! You know nothing about traffic Like if you see 10 cars on a road in India There are two possible reasons for that
Public holiday or nuclear holocaust, alright? But, it’s a pleasure, its a privilege to be at the
Melbourne International Comedy Festival It’s great to see all of you guys over here It’s great to see you guys laughing There is a great statistic about laughing It says that every time you laugh,
it extends your life by 2 minutes A load of bullshit that is! We like to do this, right? We like to take facts
and back them up with statistics People say “Don’t smoke man. Every time you smoke,
it reduces your life by 5 minutes.” And I’m like But, how do you check? Like what, is there an H.R
department in heaven Where there’s a guy with a calculator going Hmmm. Minus 5! Minus 5. What are you doing with your life? And if laughing does extend your life by 2 minutes
It must make the grim-reaper’s job very difficult He goes to an old man who is about to die Like, “Come old man! It is your time.” And at that exact moment, the old man is like *laughs* Yeah okay, we will wait for 2 minutes then? *laughs* Uhm, in 4 minutes? *laughs* Bro, just have a cigarette, come on
We have a schedule to keep. Fuck! I am a cigarette smoker myself which is not the fun thing to be in Australia! Because cigarettes are fucking expensive here dude 30 dollars a packet. Have you lost your minds? Death can not be this expensive! Come on. And you are not allowed to bring
your own cigarettes into the country Just allowed one packet and that’s it. But is that stopping me from smoking? No! Because smokers, we may lack many things But commitment is not one of them! And I am not simply a smoker
No no. I am a smoker, I am also Indian and an engineer! Which makes me committed,
cheap and a fucking genius! But I find it incredible that with cigarettes being as expensive as they are That homeless people over here
Have the audacity to come and ask me for cigarettes on the street Just everyday 3 guys like, “Can I have a cigarette?”
I’m like, “Fuck off. No!” It’s too expensive, I can’t afford this Here’s some gold instead, it’s cheaper. Its ridiculous! I was reading up about this The government of Australia apparently increases
The price of cigarettes by 12.5% every year Which means that cigarettes
may not be a great lifestyle choice But I think they are a fantastic investment. I think you should be advertising this on the radio Why invest in the lottery or the stock market?
When cigarettes could give you guaranteed returns Buy 10 packs now and by 2025
you could put a down payment on a mansion… in Frankston North. Local reference, I have done my research. But genuinely, it’s great that you
guys are in a position where You know, your government is looking after your health like discouraging you from smoking looking at healthcare at such a microscopic level because, my government back home,
we can’t do this shit. we have other priorities My government is still trying to figure out
how to get people to shit indoors. We do not have the bandwidth for
this level of woke just yet! I was in Mumbai, in traffic, where I live This anti-smoking advertisement played on the radio It said, “Did you know?”
I said, “I did not know. Please continue!” I don’t know why I was talking to the radio
That’s how boring traffic gets. It said “Did you know?
That 6 million smokers die every year.” I said, “Hmm. That’s pretty sad.” But then I started doing the math, right? Engineering brain. I started thinking What if all these 6 million smokers were
not dying every year? So I started calculating right Now I was in India and India accounts
for 1/6th of the world’s population So 1/6th of 6 million, 1 million smokers of these smokers would be from India. Now I was in Bombay and Bombay accounts for
0.1% of India’s population So 0.1% of 1 million, 1000 of these
would be from Bombay Traffic was very slow, I had a lot of time. Further reading, 1 out of every 22
Bombay residents owns a car So, 1000 divided by 22 that’s 45 So in conclusion.. if all these 6 million smokers were still alive.. there would be 45 more cars
in this traffic along with me And I said, “Thank God!” Listen, why are we giving shit to smokers? Here, as a society, we are trying
to find a solution to the population crisis Smokers are voluntarily taking one for the team For all you non smokers,
think about it this way For every 10,000 smokers
that light up a cigarette Your chances of finding free parking 20 years later.. Improve exponentially! So, don’t give us the cancerous lung
and the smoking kills sign on the cigarette packet Fuck that! Give a smiley face on the packet and say thank you! You guys have been great, My name is Azeem.
Thank you so much!

100 thoughts on “EIC: Azeem Banatwalla at Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2018 | Comedy Up Late

  1. Honestly??? You went there to talk shit about India is it??? Every country has its own flaws,, why do you talk about it?? Because you don't have anything else to talk about?

  2. U r really shitiest mentality person…got that u r really dumb in knowing the correct things about India… But being a lazy sick person..u could have masqueraded with positive persona of India…as acc to u, u only know negative about India…… really pissed

  3. U peopel are a great comedian..,… u r there to represent INDIA bt do u have any idea what have u done there with your country's image…….. seriously shame of u

  4. He shouldnt have made that remark on his homeland in another country… No issues with humour.. But need to be careful on things like this… Pls

  5. Just see the level of mismatch in population of Australia and India….
    .sirf Delhi ki hi population pure Australia jitni hay…..
    So, implementation of any scheme and rule is easy in country which is 3 time bigger in area than India but population wise just 2.5 crore!

  6. Who gave him rights to make fun of Indian issues? If he is so fed up of the issues the country is still struggling with, then he can make some money from these pathetic jokes and buy some cigarettes for himself and die!

  7. All those being offended that he made fun of India… C'mon! It's called satire. Look it up. Comedians all over the world use it.. Trevor Noah is just one example. Its not defaming or degrading. Its just a figure of speech.

  8. Well…. this is how people from the first world know how shit is india (Irrespective it is shit or not) because comedian like him goes outside India and say shit about India and earn money over the shit….. now a day, formula of comedy is MY_COUNTRY_SHIT<INSERT FUCK WORK> I_AM_SHIT_CAUSE MY COUNTRY IS SHIT<INSERT FUCK WORD AGAIN> and you get funny jokes.

  9. Whatever he said about the pathetic state of India is true. But joking about it in front of a foreign crowd is degrading your own country. You are showing to the world how pathetic and corrupt your government is(which is ok as the corrupt should be exposed. But a stand up comedy platform is not the right place for it.) On the other hand you are showing the world how much of a chutiya the Indian public is. You are showing the world how a majority of people suffer in India due to poverty. The main reason for this being the system. We Indians are used to live like chutiyas. We don't fight with the government for our rights and instead joke on ourselves. And these stand up comedians do it on a big platform. If someone or their family is going through a serious issue, will they joke about it in public?

    No problem with him being a standup comedian. These comedians better joke on something else.

    In the end I just want to say that we Indians are the biggest chutiyas in the world as we don't fight with the government for our rights. Even the educated in India behave like uneducated. If we take a strong stand we might see progress and be a developed nation.

  10. Azeem , u r too good , and just an advice as ur fan , stop smoking man so that u could live longer and make people like us laugh more by ur jokes 😊

  11. This is irritating man…he was insulting can he call India cheap? (Ik it is but u can't insult it out)😂

  12. This is gud….bt on d Part of ur comedy. Wat pinched me more sir was being an INDIAN u just can't disgrace ur country in othr country……man u shud rather b presentng a bttr picture therein

  13. I am smoker Indian engineers which makes me committed cheap and fucking genius..2:22 (are you saying Indian means cheap) i accept that it's true but how can you say it internationally it is destroying the image of Indian people… An Indian itself is saying its country people cheap in other countries

  14. U don't become a great comedian by degrading your own country! Note it. Present yourself and your country better, then, people might actually appreciate your efforts.

  15. We blame a foreigner for insulting India…..and a guy from India when insults India it is displayed as "COMEDY". Bro there are faults in everyone's house but not every guy rambles about that to their neighbours….. it's like showing our shit to others and getting approval of bad smell……

  16. Phenomenal talent Azeem, real Natural comic. Abey, why don't you help the PM in reaching out with new ways to help folks shit inside!!?? Saale Content lega Modiji ke Bal pe, aur shame bhi? You owe him.

  17. Like I get making jokes about the country within the country but why make them at an Intl festival though? Even though some things are true, it needn't be made part of stand up comedy n stuff. Even Hasan Minhaj does this, but he does it to Trump too so it seems that's fine.

  18. I usually love all of his comedy specials and I like this one too but the problem with people smoking is that you're not only harming yourself but also others who did NOT sign up for death or cancer.

  19. its very easy to make fun of the problems in this country … but atleast be that sensible that u also the part of ur own country…

  20. A joke of urs sets d mentality of people … But as they don't know the good things about India .. and u r only introduction the bad side ( about the"shit") .. plzz dont

  21. Insulting our own country just to make ur content for ur comedy show……how appreciable is this!!!😐 I wish there would be an option to dislike this video multiple times😑

  22. stupid topic it's not even funny that much… I have seen your best one they are marvelous so cool and funny.. sometimes to do more perfect and best we do ruin things…

  23. So today i got one more reason to continue smoke😜😜.As a chain smoker i love your thought s appreciate it.take a bow from #bangladesh…

  24. You guys really sometimes spoil india's image in other countries…..🤨
    Make fun of india in india than its funny but if you do it in foreign countries them its really embaracing🤨
    I hve never seen an foreingner making fun of his own country in other country….
    Likr if u support me

  25. Please stop making fun of our country outside the India… It creates a bad and funny image of our country in others mind …

  26. Shaming your country abroad to earn money…….wow!!! Even I do open mic but never every thought of shaming the country……. KUDOS dude

  27. Though it's totally your skit and you do have freedom of speech, but that joke that you did on people shitting outside don't you think that it's something that creates a never changing impression about our country I mean someone from our own country is making fun of such a thing. #not a bhakt..
    It's my request to you if you could please just make a little bit of changes in such issues. Otherwise great work man really enjoyed it. 😊

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