Laughter is the Best Medicine

Ellen Defends Oprah Against the President

It’s a wonderful day today and
I don’t know if you know this or not, but George
Washington’s birthday today. Give it up for G Dubz. George Washington was
the father of our country and he was famous for saying
that he could not tell a lie. He was also a Pisces,
according to Cosmo, that means that he was very
attentive to the sexual needs of his partner. So apparently the ladies didn’t
need to lie to him, either. Know what I’m saying? I looked up George Washington. He’s had so many
wonderful quotes and here’s one thing I want
to share with you today. It said, “real integrity
is doing the right thing knowing that nobody’s going
to know whether you did it or not.” Isn’t that amazing? That’s beautiful. Actually it wasn’t
George Washington that said that, it was
Oprah, she said it. I think we can all agree she’s
smart, she’s inspirational, she’s here today. So speaking of
Oprah and president, something happened over the
weekend that got my attention. As you know, our
current president spends a lot of time tweeting as
our forefathers really intended for the president to do. And this is what President
Trump tweeted on Sunday night, “just watched a very
insecure Oprah Winfrey, who at one point
I knew very well, interview a panel of
people on ’60 Minutes.’ The questions were biased and
slanted, the facts incorrect, hope Oprah runs so she can
be exposed and defeated just like all the others.” Oh no you didn’t. No, no, no. He’s gone too far. Oprah is my friend, and
when you mess with Oprah, you mess with me. Let’s break down the
president’s tweet. First he said Oprah is insecure. OK, so here is Oprah speaking
in front of her colleagues, and it doesn’t seem like
she’s insincere, you see. So I want all the girls
watching here, now to know, that a new day is
on the horizon. And when that new
day finally dawns, it will be because of a lot of
magnificent women, many of whom are right here in
this room tonight. And some pretty phenomenal men. Fighting hard to make sure that
they become the leaders who take us to the time
when nobody ever has to say, “Me, Too” again. Now here is the
president speaking in front of his colleagues. Look at those hands,
are they small hands? And he referred to my
hands, if they’re small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there’s no
problem, I guarantee it. You know everyone
knows that when you talk about how
big your hands are, it means you’re very secure. Now, the president also
said he knows Oprah. I know Oprah and here’s what
Oprah did to help people on her talk show. All right, open your boxes. You get a car! You get a car! You get a car! You get a car! You get a car! You get a car! You get a car! You get a car! Oh my goodness! Everybody gets a car! And here’s what
President Trump did to help the people
in Puerto Rico. You get paper towels,
and you get paper towels, and you get paper towels. So, President Trump, it’s
time for an aha moment, OK. You’re not just some
guy on Twitter anymore, you’re the president
for all of us. It is your job to
unite people and you don’t do it by attacking
people, especially Oprah. I mean George Washington may
be the father of our country, but Oprah is the
mother of our country. Like I said, you don’t mess
with Oprah, she’s my friend. Hi, I’m Andy. Ellen asked me to remind you
to subscribe to her channel so you can see more
awesome videos, like videos of me getting scared or
saying embarrassing things, like ball peen hammer. And also some videos of
Ellen and other celebrities, if you’re into
that sort of thing.

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