Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Exams, CBSE, Punishments – Stand Up Comedy by Kenny Sebastian


You guys know what Kendriya Vidyalaya is, right? There are some rich people are like, “What is this, a spa?” You guys, it’s a Government school. Barely, qualifies as a school. Barely! Like they have rooms that resemble classrooms. Ya, So we had a lovely curriculum in KV called CBSE. It’s so depressing, CBSE. That the only thing we look forward to is discussing marks. See, people show off, like, “hey bro, I got 88%.” “Yeah? I got 90% bro.” And one person is like, “I got 94.” “What, 94?” “Ya, I do state syllabus.” “Get out man.” And there’s one guy who’ll come up with like,”I got 95 ,I do ICSE” “We’ll pay for your bill, just..” ICSE, who did ICSE? Oh my God. You guys are sorted for life, okay? While we were learning addition and subtraction
you were learning how to send mars rovers. I don’t know, what retarded curriculum they have. O my God, scary. And obviously, in KV, they do a lot of torture techniques. They slowly break you down as a child. The first thing is called morning assembly. Morning assembly is a phenomena where you put kids in the Sun Roast them to light medium brown. Make sure, they turn brown. And, they make the guys stand in
ascending order of insecurities. Shortest, least self confident guy goes in the first. Genetically gifted tall guy who’s good looking
will do well in life in the back. If you’re gonna play with their insecurities “Hey your susu is small” “Ya correct Sir sorry-” They make sure that everyone does not have a sense of indivisualism. By making sure everybody wears the same uniform. And there is, there’s the wicked death eater of the morning assembly,
the person who checks if you’re wearing your uniform correctly. THAT ASSHOLE! No kid should be given so much power. He’s just like “Oh but I am not wearing the belt.” “Don’t worry, just pull your shirt like this. He’ll never check.” “Ya I know. I’ll just pull it like this and he won’t check.” And suddenly he goes and he’s like and then he will stop I love the pledge. We used to always wait for someone to screw it up. “India is my country.” “Ya, keep going, keep going. (In Hindi) I bet 10 bucks he is going to break in the middle “All africans are my brothers and sisters” “SEE HE SCREWED UP.” No one got it, right? I still can’t get it right.
Like I heard it everyday for 12 years. And then there are so, there are torture techniques. That teachers use. So there was this teacher called Prasad Sir. I still call him Sir because I am afraid
he’ll come and hit me from somewhere. Just check if he’s not here. So there’s a proper heil Hitler thing in school, which is.. “Good morning Teacher”. After a point it wasn’t about respect anymore
it was a “Don’t hit me teacher.” So Prasad Sir, who obviously had a nickname.
Every teacher, has a nickname, right? We can’t respect them. Only when I grew up I realized how tough it is to be a teacher. But let’s go back as a kid. So Prasad Sir, we used to call him, James Bond. Coz he used to wear shades. And he used to have like, slicked back hair, full perfectly gelled. I think he gelled it with the tears of the children. “Just.. “Freshly gelled.” And he used to, try to catch us, like, we didn’t even like, mess up.
He used to make sure we mess up. So he used to like, suddenly enter the room. and all of would be caught by surprise,
and someone who’s not standing would get caught. So what we used to do, in between the class, we have like,
five minutes of freedom, right? It’s just.. Teacher leaves, like… We’re just chilling.
And all of us were smart, like, we used to keep one leg distance from our desk. We used to chill like this, teacher comes in, “Good morning Sir.” So we prepared. Where there’ll be one, two idiots who’re like in the back and like,.. And suddenly teacher comes in and like.. And Prasad sir used to like, he was a cold blooded killer.
And he used to like “Kenny!” “Yes Sir.” “Stand.” “Sorry Sir” “Make Arjun also stand.” (In Hindi) “Sir Arjun hasn’t done anything wrong.” “Why are you bringing him into this, you want me, go after me.” So Arjun and me are standing. And now his weapon of choice was the duster. All you rich folks will be like, “Oh, what’s the big deal with the duster, Kenny?” A duster in the Kendriya Vidyalaya, I am just thinking, if I was a duster manufacturer, what is the material I would use? When I know, the duster is gonna be around children. I am sure they had a board meeting, right? They would have discussed this, right? “So what do you think we should use for the duster?” “I don’t know, you recommend.” “Wood & nails?” “Perfect, let’s manufacture it for all the Kendriya Vidyalayas.” So Prasad Sir took their duster, and is about to throw it at me. And Arjun started shivering. Cause Prasad Sir has bad aim. So, Arjun is like.. (Shivering) I am like..(Shivering) He takes the duster, throws it, obviously hits Arjun. But I have to react, am like “owwwwww.” “owww I can totally imagine how that feels
don’t do it again.” I think the worst thing ,than even getting punished was exams, Man.
I just don’t know why we did exams. I don’t see the purpose of it.
But it is important, children. It is important. Exams ..are important.
If you don’t do well in exams you’ll end up like me. Happy. So don’t. Don’t do exams. So.. It’s not like I am some 8th fail or anything,
I have a undergrad ok, don’t worry. I have a degree in painting, okay, it’s a ..it’s a degree. It’s a degree, physics girl. Organic chemistry masters. It is a degree I painted for four years
and did sculptures okay, it’s cool! The only thing I learned from painting colleges that,
all the paintings are contemporary. Just.. that’s it. That’s a secret. you go to a art museum, you don’t know what to say,
“Contemporary, like it.” You are sorted. So anyway worse thing was exams. Because in exams, anyway, you know you’re gonna fail..right. And you study, but you write the exam and you come back home,
and your parents are so sweet that, they really care. Like “How was the exam?” “Oh, fantastic. I think I’ll get 95. Maybe lose one mark for handwriting. I don’t know. chill” And then he got the paper and obviously like I got 14 or something. And I am coming to terms with it. And I am coming to terms with it and I’m like
“okay, I got 14! Probably will get slapped once or twice. It’s okay, it’s cool.
Will manage it. Just work harder for the next one. And the teacher gives you this false sense of hope. “If there are any calculation mistakes?” “I can easily get 80 marks.” And I have the audacity to go compare my paper with the class topper. Bro, give your paper na da, how was yours, 95, ya whatever.. the same only da. Only last is, the last answer is wrong.
Atleast you get 7 marks from method no. So I go back to the teacher, and he puts it in locker, and I said I have to get two marks for..
“What?” “Sir I have to get five more marks Sir.” “Take this paper, put it up your ass and fuck off.” And then, the hottest girl in class, goes up to the teacher, and this weird thing happens.
I just look back to it now and it is pretty weird. She’s like, “Sir, I got 98. I need to get one more mark, Sir.” “Siir..” That’s when I realized what sexual tension was. “Sir why is the room getting so hot suddenly?” And so he used to give it, it is so creepy, he’z a..middle aged man. So next time when I went for a date,
and she was like,”Hey Kenny”, I am like “Oh, calculation mistake.”

100 thoughts on “Exams, CBSE, Punishments – Stand Up Comedy by Kenny Sebastian

  1. As an ex KVian, I experienced all of this too๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ You had Prasad sir & we had Rao sir๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  2. Ohhh…awesome๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚totally relatable…by the way..in my school I was the asshole who with 7 other house leaders who checked the uniforms…๐Ÿ˜

  3. Kenny sir… I am in luv with your comedy and timing….ekdam ๐Ÿค˜๐Ÿ˜โ™ฅ๏ธ

  4. Hahhaha thats so true… but that marks thing that used to be done by our class boys.. wr girls never thought upon them ever.. we even didnt need to calculate our percentages boys did that and that also without letting us know.. it was like they get to know our marks wat before we knew it ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ and that thing was real fun

  5. Come to korea and you will know what real hell……..we study for 15hrs…..it is real hellllใ… .ใ… 

  6. You are one of the best comedian… Sad that till yesterday I didn't even know about your channel… But within a day I have watched so many vedios of you.. You are awesome…

  7. Ow..sir….gerata…comyade.
    Expats…progerama…
    Sir…..butefula…sirepriesa..
    Apako…..
    Manoranjansya..pareporana
    Progerama…ke..ajakya..yogmya..bhota..jarorata..ha… .
    Bhota..tanashana…ha..ajakala…sabhe..youwopya..
    Man..womanpya…..
    Anya…quwaletya..najra. Exachanja..all..brina..tansana….silyanta…do….
    Ow…sir…apaka..ja..ja..kara..
    Kirshana……
    A..b……….
    Maharashtra……
    Sasasaaaaaaasssaaaasaaaaaaaaaassaaaaaa
    Thaukus…..
    So…all…good.s….drama…..

  8. Nails man …i love growing them …and can very well fool kv teachers when asked…i.would just say ..its for the investigatory project maam
    Teacher: what ?
    Me : its just an analysis of nail growth in diff medium..ahem ahem .more sophisticated science terms

    And boom! Ur safe

    Teacher: okay leave

    "If u can't convince them , confuse them .."always works

  9. Soo relatable cause I m a kvian tooo. Oh my God duster ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  10. I studied in a hindi medium govt. school and believe me it was the best thing poverty did to me ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ no rules, no assigments and mid day meals to eat and the best part no expectations from parents.

  11. I hve watched each one of ur video more than once…bt i still cannot control my laughter on ur punches even though i knw them beforehead. ๐Ÿ˜โ˜บ

  12. I guess all kv's have the same experience ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ so damn similar bro ๐Ÿ˜‚but time spend in kv is time spent well

  13. The Indian Education system ensures one thing for sure…

    That we are screwed up for life. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ’โ€โ™€๏ธ

  14. kendriya vidyalaya….
    rich people be like…some spa or what!!!!!
    ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ
    ya…indeed its a spa…wer u get all kinds of body treatment….so truee……..

  15. That's a prefect KV scenario dude… Your doing awesome… From the video starts till the end everyone will brust out of laugh.. May I know when u will be there for chennai… You're amazing Kenny.. That too KV school assembly and marks comparison Vere level broo ooffhoo god๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  16. Preparing for just 1 day before exam is like crying and suffering then watching kenny getting funny and this goes on for the endless hours of time

  17. Proud KVian. KV Ballygunge taught me stuff, especially the friends and some of the teachers, which I could never have learned anywhere else. KVB rocks !

  18. I hate jokes, but I was not like those angry birds you told about, and now My mind is like, yeah it was fun. I laughed so much, when u talk Nd I laughed even when u were looking at the audience, and then I asked to myself did I really hate jokes. And a reply came to my mind, it is not joke it is reality.

  19. Whenever we use to ask when will be the Inspection day one of our teacher use to tell us jis din unnecessary decoration dekhoge and Principle, VP and discipline committee ke teachers shaadi main aane wale dress main aate hain usi din ko Inspection day Kehte Hain ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…

  20. Hey kebastian!!!!!
    You are an inspiration to me. It's so amazing to see personalities like you. And whatever you say is so damn relatable. So yeah……. All I wanted to say was
    1)I love your jokes
    2)keep up with the good work
    3) you're really cute you know that right?

  21. Any KVians??๐Ÿ™‹โ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ™‹โ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ™‹โ€โ™€๏ธ

  22. Great ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜
    I think Kenny yiur're also a k.v passout ..
    All the things of k.v'ians are so related . ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜
    Bhtttttt hasaya well done

  23. Warning. :do not watch his videos with headphones…..

    You know you laugh like a dying heyna and you won't even know๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  24. KVian right here ๐Ÿ™‹. We had a teacher called Uttam Sir. He was very strict, just like your Prasad Sir. He be like no student is allowed to move from the position they were in when he enter the class. If you were standing, keep on standing the whole period. If you were dancing, keep dancing the whole period. So we used to very careful not to move from our seats whenever we had his class. The struggle was real. I can relate to everything as a fellow KVian. But I'm kinda proud to be a KVian because as far as our State is concern, no other school had as disciplined students as our school. Proud KVian!

  25. This is one of my favourite among Kenny's videos.Being a kvian i could totally relate to this.๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜

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