Laughter is the Best Medicine

Felipe Esparza – A Violent Journey to Comedy – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored

– I was scared now, because
if he’s not pressing charges, that means he wants to kill me. [laughter] So me, out of paranoia,
I got hooked on crack. [laughter] I mean, I got hooked on crack![dark electronic music][cheers and applause] – Every time I see him, he
puts everybody in a good mood. He’s fucking
everybody’s best friend. Ladies and gentlemen,
please give it up for Mr. Felipe Esparza.Let him hear it.[cheers and applause]– My name is Felipe Esparza. I grew up, like,
five miles from here, in Boyle Heights,
the capital of East Los Angeles. What’s up, fool? And this is how
I became a comedian one night. I’ve always wanted
to be a comedian, since I was a little kid. My friend Jackie Escalera,
he had a– one of those little
record players you– you plug in,
and we heard Bill Cosby
for the first time. And I said,
“Man, that’s funny.” And I memorized it,
and I said, “I wanna be just like him.” Not anymore, but– [laughter] But I wanted to be
just like him. So I grew up, and… I got older, and I didn’t follow
my dream, you know, to be a comedian,
so I end up–got– I got jumped to a–
I got jumped into a gang. I didn’t really wanna get
jumped into a gang, but I was hanging around
with them too much, so then one day they asked me,
“So what’s up, Batman? You wanna get jumped in?” And they punched me,
and I got jumped in. [laughter] And my name was Batman. They chose Batman because
I wore Batman shirts every day, and they were
just underwear, though. They were Underoos. [laughter] So one night, you know,
my friends and I, we know– We liked going
to the drive-in movie theaters, because you could sneak
in one person–and Mexicans, we’re used to sneaking in
people anyway, so. [laughter] So we’re drinking
at the drive-in theater, watching the “Terminator 2,” that’s how long it goes, and I love
the “Terminator 2”, man. I love all the “Terminator”s. ‘Cause the story about somebody
that they hate you so much, that they’re gonna bring
somebody who’s not even fucking born… [laughter] To kill your fucking mom. [laughter] I said, “I got to watch
this shit.” So, you know, we’re–we’re,
you know, little gangster guys, you know, my friend Donald
and my friend Bobo. You know, they say, “Hey, Batman,
you wanna smoke some PCP?” I said, “Fuck it, why not? Let’s get
into the ‘Terminator.'” So we’re smoking PCP
at the drive-in theater, and I don’t know
how we made it home without killing anybody. But we made it home safe,
thank God, but when we got
to the neighborhood, there was, like,
a lot of people there. They were partying; it was,
like, 1:30 in the morning. Everybody was–
The whole neighborhood was out; there were no police,
because the police doesn’t come to our neighborhood at night, and there was this guy there
who was, like– I like to say,
’cause he was older than me– I was only 21;
he was 30. And in my neighborhood,
if you’re 30, your life is over. [laughter] So I looked at him
like an old man, because nobody in my
neighborhood really made it to be 25. So he should’ve been dead
a long time ago. So he–he don’t like me,
because I’m a popular guy in the neighborhood;
I’m funny; I’m likable. And he goes,
“What’s up, Batman? I heard you beat up
my friend Batman.” And I did. Um, this guy
came out of prison, and he said, “I heard
they call you Batman,” I said, “Yeah, well,
some people do.” “Well, I’m the real Batman.” And I said, “Whoa, you know,
I could be the Joker right now.” [laughter] Penguin, Riddler… So him and I end up fighting,
and didn’t– It didn’t go too well for him. So this guy goes, “You know,
um, that’s not right, the way you beat up my homey,”
and I said, “Well, I didn’t really
wanna fight him for the name, you know?” So he ended up punching me
in the face right away, and I was on PCP, so I don’t know if he punched me
or his friend, ’cause I was looking
at two people, you know? [laughter] And…he hit me really hard. My eyes closed right away.
I was, like– you know, like Rocky. “Cut me, Mick,” you know? So he starts punching me more
in the face, the other eye, busted lip. I can’t fight. I might be 6’1″, 270 pounds, but this is just for looks. [laughter] This is just…armor. [laughter] This is a shield
to hide that I’m a big pussy. So he’s punching me,
and nobody’s helping me; like, every– Nobody’s watching.
It was too soon. Nobody was yelling
“World Star,” or they would. There was just
the same stuff, like, “Man, could this be the end
of the Dark Knight?” He is strangling me now,
like, I can’t breathe, and he’s, like, strangling me,
and nobody’s helping me. Now, he’s really
choking me to death. So I didn’t know what to do, so I ended up biting
half his ear off. Before Tyson, who–
He hacked me. So now I’m, like,
chewing his ear, like Ozzy Osbourne, you know? Running to the–
You know, crazy train… I was like, “Fun!” I don’t remember this part,
because I blanked out, of course, because of the PCP
and the alcohol, but my friends told me that
I ended up taking my belt off and started whipping him,
also, in the streets. So he had like
a “Hecho en México” on his forehead. [laughter] He ends up going
to the hospital, and he– He didn’t press charges,
you know? Because he could’ve
pressed charges. He didn’t press charges
because he’s not a rat. You know? He’s a–
He’s a hardcore guy, and I was like, fuck–
I was scared now, because if he’s not
pressing charges, that means
he wants to kill me. [laughter] So me, out of paranoia,
I got hooked on crack. [laughter] I mean, I got hooked on crack! I was walking
around the neighborhood like Jeff Dunham
with no puppets. [laughter and applause] Tweaking hard. And I was still wearing
the same shirt from the bloody night, so I looked like a walker. So I’m scared, you know? My mom was scared, because… she knows that they’re after me. So I come from a family
where nobody says, “I’m sorry,” Nobody had ever said,
“I’m sorry.” My mom never told me,
“I’m sorry.” My dad never said,
“I’m sorry.” So my Mom was praying, and this priest
comes to my house, Father Greg Boyle, from Homeboy Industries. He tells me that,
“Your mom told me that you’re walking around
with a loaded pistol.” And then I was,
“Who told you that?” “Well, you’ve been telling
everyone in the neighborhood that you have a loaded pistol.” So I give him the loaded pistol, and he puts me in rehab,
but I don’t wanna go to rehab, because I feel like
I’m pussing out, you know? Like, “Rehab?
I could take this guy. You know, I already bit
bit half his ear off.” [laughter] So I go to rehab,
and I have a black eye from the fight, you know? I’m all–I’m all messed up. I’m like a young–
I’m a loser, what I am. I didn’t mean anything–
I’m a fucking loser. And I’m there in rehab
with heroin addicts, and I’m praying every night;
I’m crying every night. I don’t know, I’m too–
I’m, like– I wanna escape, but I don’t know
how to get home. And this real nice guy–
I’ll never forget his name– from the valley–
this Irish guy named Tim. He comes up to me one day,
and he goes, “Felipe, what did you ever
wanna be in your life?” And I said,
“Before a crackhead?” [laughter] “I wanted to be a comedian.
I wanted to be a comedian.” And he goes, “Why don’t you
write that down? “So write down five things that you wanna
accomplish in life.” And nobody’s ever
told me that, like, five things
to accomplish in life. Nobody had told me– I never thought I would live
this long to be here, at Cheetah’s,
and not being kicked out. [laughter] And, so– [cheers and applause] I wrote down,
“I wanna be a comedian,” and the second thing was,
“I wanna be happy,” and the third one was,
“Because I love Olive Garden, I wanna go to Italy.” [laughter] And four and five,
I didn’t write shit, because I thought–I couldn’t
think of anything else, man. [laughter] So I–I graduate
out of rehab– you know,
my first time graduating. I got a one year diploma
for being sober. I come back home,
and who do I see? Half ear. I see the guy I fought,
you know? And I wanted to tell him
I’m sorry, you know? Because I really was sorry, even though
he started the fight, but I really felt sorry
’cause I was sober. And I remember
he came up to me, and– Fuck, man. He wanted to fight. [laughter] He said, “I’ma kill you!” ” I’Anmad kI-il-Al ndyo Ir n m- I turn the other cheek; like, I didn’t even fight. I just gave him my back, and he kicked the Bible
off my hand, you know? Like, “You’re not
a fucking Christian. You’re a [bleep].”
You know? And I was like, “Ugh!”
I held it in, you know? Not to do nothing to him, And then I ran inside the house,
and I was crying. I said, “Man, everybody
gonna think I’m a big [bleep],
a big pussy.” I took my shirt off,
threw my Bible in the air, and I ran outside,
and my dad clotheslined me, “What are you doing? Don’t you wanna be a comedian?” And I said,
“Oh, yeah, I do. I do.” So I went back inside
and didn’t do nothing. And I’m proud of that, because I probably would’ve
killed him, and– If you’re alive
and you’re watching this, I hope your life
turned out great. Mine did okay.
I’m very sorry. Thank you very much.[dark electronic music][cheers and applause]

100 thoughts on “Felipe Esparza – A Violent Journey to Comedy – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored

  1. I worked on Brookling av on East La. And i remember seeing Felipe when his mom Rafaela was looking for him.. He was real thin and dirty.. His Mom worked at an elementary in front of my house… I also thank Father Greg for being there for me and my family..

  2. Its unfortunate someone that kind and big hearted was that close to murdering someone or being killed himself.

  3. This fool would make a sick na/aa speaker but as far as his standup I think I’d like to hear more jokes rather than hood stories..

  4. Good job, Mr. Esparza. Good job. Wonderful to hear a funny, heartfelt story like this.

  5. Geez I love Felipe he is hilarious! The white folks in the back were so lame. He is funny AF. I guess they can't relate with thier corny ass perfect lives. Lol

  6. When he said "I never thought I'd even be alive this long to be here." I felt that. I never thought I would make it to see 28….so many of my friends died before 25 I figured it was how my life would turn out as well.

  7. Filipe, difference in skin tone, different part of the country, similar background. Kudos to you. Idhave taken the other ear.

  8. I love these intros. If you don't like it then fucking fast forward it you fucking snowflake millennials

  9. This really touched my heart! I can relate so much to this guy. He hit it on the nail and made it so damn funny. Some of us don’t get so lucky. From one hard working homie to another… Good job. Proud of you.

  10. Hes so under estimated hes brilliant full of life he brings more to the microphone than just comedy I think Hes a legend in the making….

  11. Lucky! My parents told me how sorry I was every day. At least that's what the homicide report says.

  12. I never expected on of these to be so damned inspirational. Jokes aside, congrats on turning your life around Felipe. Maybe one day you'll actually be a comedian. Naw, you funny, guy.

  13. Buy cheap Marajuana online at great deal you have to see to believe.use the coupon code GUMMYFREE to get a pack of 10 gummies free with any purchase

  14. Saw this guy at Comedy Works Denver 2016 with my ex gf. Good set. Had the crowd rolling for an hour. Nobody wanted it to end. I love this more down to earth storytelling environment for him. The story was uncomfortably relatable to some of us, and it was an entertaining, well-told adventure for everyone else. Stay up Felipe.

  15. Didn't expect a stand up like this, funny as always, but damn this hit me in the o heart. Me and my wife love this dude, ever since we seen last comic standing. Man I hope I can see him live in Lubbock, Texas when he comes.

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