– Come to Nightmare on 13th and make your nightmares a reality. Nightmares become reality! Free admission if you
kill one of the rodents terrorizing floor seven, located next to Sandwich Andy’s Sandwich World – Cut! Awesome, looks like we
got it, Mr. Nightmare. – Thank you so much for your services. They will not go unnoticed. – Because we’re getting paid, yes? That’s the notice you’re referring to? – To which you are referring, you mean? – Excuse me? – You ended your sentence
in a preposition. – Zona just got Zona’d, y’all! I’m so glad I skipped indoor
bungee jumping for this. – Your job?
– Yeah, I know, right? Who knew it be worth it?! – Be that as it may, Mr. Nightmare, every time I’ve approached
you about payment, you’ve avoided me. But we’ve filmed the commercial now, and before we go any farther– – Further, metaphorical distance– – I was about to correct myself! I’m just frustrated.
(Micah laughing) – Tell you what, if you can survive the scariest floor of Nightmare on 13th, then I’ll pay you in full.
– In full? That’s amazing!
– No Ryan! It’s standard business practice. – I could finally buy that
lemur vest I’ve been eying! – You wear lemur fur?
– No, it’s a vest for lemurs. – Wait, are you not going to pay us if we don’t make it through your house? – Isn’t that what you agreed
when you signed these? – What is that?
– It’s a waiver, Micah. You signed it. – Girl, I sign lots of things, see? – You took advantage of us as millennials! You know we have a predisposition
to not read contracts! – Speak for yourself, okay! Reading contracts is my
favorite part of the job! (romantic music)
Ooh, a restrictive covenant! – You need a boyfriend. – Don’t change the subject, okay! I poured over those contracts last night, and there was no mention of us needing to complete this house in
order to qualify for payment! – Did you read addendum three, which I added this morning? Oh, because your signature
indicates that you did. – Ah okay, fine. – Man, this is gonna be so lame. – Micah, there are people on stilts! – Have you ever been in a
house that’s actually haunted? Now that’s terrifying. One time I went to an
abandoned mental hospital, and I heard a voice whisper, “you’re fat.” And it was right, oh! – Guys, I don’t know about this. I get terror acne and I literally
just ran out of concealer! – You all must experience
the Circus Berserkus without going mad! And then you will get paid. – Did he say the circus? ‘Cause that’s no bueno,
that’s no buen-buen no-no. – Argh, if I wasn’t poor, I’d say no. – If I weren’t poor? Subjunctive mood! – What is happening to me? (lively music) (group whispering) All right guys, let’s just
get through this house so we can all go home and
finally get some real work done. – I go home to stop working. – Well, we work at home. So you’re literally sleeping on the job! – Man, Zona, maybe a boyfriend
would mellow you out. – I had a boyfriend
once, I didn’t like it! – Hey, how crazy do we
think this is going to be? ‘Cause that clown is
literally just Snapchatting, and it’s terrifying! – (gasps) This feels like a blind zit. It’s happening. Hello! – Man, this is nothing. Oh, once went to this abandoned orphanage where they had a message written in blood. It said, “you’re fat!” – Do you think this place is based off of our actual nightmares? Is there a Roomba that
follows you into the bathroom and watches you do your business? – I’ve got a bad feeling about this. – But you’re not afraid
of anything, Devin! – You don’t understand, I
used to work at a circus, and it messed me up good.
– What did you do? Tight rope, lion taming? – I ate raw meat while people
guessed my credit score. – 270!
– 305! – 82!
– 100! – 61!
– Zero! – I can’t be held responsible
for I do in there, okay? If I even get a whiff
of peanuts or popcorn, my adrenaline kicks in, and
I don’t fight or flight. I smite, I ignite, I get an appetite. – Did you just come up with
all those rhymes on the spot?! – That’s right. – Please stop by the gift
shop on your way out. Enter if you dare. (quirky music) – [Pumpkin] Boo. – Ha, you like 14? – I… next month. – (laughs) Okay. – Welcome to the Circus Berserkus. Enter if you dare! (laughs) (distorted circus music) (neck crunches) – Two can play this game, porkchop! (whip cracks) – So, this is totally
stupid and not scary at all, but maybe just to get through this quickly and as zit-free as possible,
we all stick together– – Where’s Devin? – She dead, she dead! – Come on, Owen, calm down, okay! I will stay with you and
we can just totally– (chainsaw revving)
(Zona screams) – Take her, her calves
could feed a small family! – Hey! Oh! (romantic music)
Shall we go over the contingency clause? (funky music) – Step right up kids! (laughs) Step right up kids! (laughs) – Sorry you’re not having much fun. – I could be at a glow in the
dark bubble fight right now. – Those are all my favorite words. – I know, right?! Hey, slow down! (exclaims) It’s supposed to be a crazy party, man. They’re playing Meghan
Trainor music, backwards! – Backwards?
– Yeah. Apparently that makes the songs actually empowering to women. – Ah, well we could still
try to have fun here. – Oh, hello, wanna pull a scary prank? – Isn’t this whole place
kind of one big scary prank? – Let’s show these teens
how to really scare someone. – How? You’re just a commoner
like the rest of us. I misspoke, my liege! – Yeah, come on! – Right, eyes ahead! I need three bodies on
all sides at all times! – Ah!
– Ah, children! Save me with your youthful skin! (Micah giggling maniacally)
(group screaming) – I dropped my inhaler!
– Just leave it! – (laughs) Did you get it? – Yeah, I think so.
– Oh it’s so perfect. – Rookie mistake, kid.
– What? – Grabbing people, going
for that extra scare. Oh, you’ll have fun at first,
we all have fun at first, but eventually topsy turvy. (laughs) – Oh sorry, I thought
you were someone else. (chainsaw revving)
(romantic music) It’s you. You don’t have to act tough with me. I see the real you. You can run, but you can’t
hide from your feelings. – How do I look?
– Like you’re ready to scare the peanuts off this next victim! – Oh, I’m so excited! And claustrophobic. But mostly excited!
– Oh yeah, here they come! – You’re mine! – We playing street rules, Bonzo?! (screams)
– Oh! Ryan, are you okay? – Oh, my insides feel topsy turvy. – (gasps) Topsy turvy. No, no, no, no, no, no! Oh, I thought you’d be gone. – He can’t see you if you don’t move. – I can see you pretty clearly. Okay, all right, well. – Sh, go away.
– That one worked. He disappeared. – This is mutiny! Oh no!
(monster roars) (all screaming) Does anybody have a Neutrogena
Skinclearing Blemish Stick? – Ah!
– Ah! Preferably in the color buff? – Old man with bumpy skin? – Hey. – This is where we leave you.
– What? No, I need you guys.
– You’re too annoying. A group of tweens thinks
you’re too annoying. – But, am I–
– Shh! – Guys, no don’t leave me. Emma, Otto, Tim, Tim look at
me, don’t walk away from me! I can’t do this without you guys! Ooh! Foundation! – Okay buddy, come on, let’s go. – Just leave me! – No, no, no, don’t
you dare give up on me. Come on, let’s go. – Tell my grandmother that I’m sorry I grimaced before massaging her bunions. – You’re gonna tell
those bunions yourself! Come on, man.
(both grunting) (inspirational music) (chainsaw revving) (stirring music)
– What do you want? We tried that, remember? It’ll never work, the chainsaw
will always come first. (chainsaw thuds) You’d do that? For me? (romantic music) Oh look, a hall of mirrors! How spooky! – Micah, I desperately need ice. And eggs, but that’s more to remind myself for my shopping list. – Well let’s just make it through this scary hall of mirrors. (laughs) – [Spooky Voice] You’re fat. – Oh no you didn’t? Where are you? – Fat!
– Where are you? – [Spooky Voice] You’re fat! Fat.
(Micah sobbing) – Micah.
(Micah screams) Stop, there’s no one else here! – Think again!
(both screaming) – Calm yourself, Micah, my bird
bones can’t take much more! – (gasps) Devin? – Devin? (both screaming) – Oh Devin, it’s me, I’m your friend. Can you say, friend? – Friend. (sobs) Ryan? – Clever girl. – I’ve done things, unspeakable things. – It’s okay, queen, it’s
been a night for all of us. (Devin scream) – Oh, so you made it through! What did you think? – That was legit the scariest
night I can remember! – (giggles) You really think so? – I can’t even talk about it. – I’m sorry for what you’ll find in there. – What did you do? Did you go berserkus on my circus?! What a jerkus. Johnathon, get the 409! – Owen? – Oh, hey girl!
– Wow, oh my gosh! I have an appointment tomorrow. That I need to get ready for right now. – She’ll be back. Still got it. Still got it! – So, why don’t we pick
up where we left off? – Man, Boy Scout fundraiser pitches are gettin’ weirder and weirder! – No, it’s me! (imitates chainsaw revving) – Chainsaw man?!
– Hey. – But your arms, you had man arms! – People see what they want to
see in the Circus Berserkus. – No, no, no, no, no,
oh I’m goin’ to jail! – But don’t you want my phone number? – No, no, no, no, no, we’ve never met! You are a boy, a child,
you probably don’t know anything about contract lingo! – Well, if you’d just enact due diligence, I’m sure you’ll find
there’s little liability in this joint venture
(romantic music) – No, no, I need a boyfriend. – Your payment in full.
– Thank you, Mr. Nightmare. Well done, me and my
team are very impressed. – My team and I, you mean? (Mr. Nightmare gasps) You are Mr. Nightmare now. (victorious music) (sighs) We arrived here
and we found it like this. – Ugh, I’ve seen a lot
of sick stuff in my day. This takes the cake. Uncooked rib eye? – Do you know what these numbers mean? – It’s the mark of the beast, my boy. – 720, there’s a pattern, there’s green. – Officer?
– And then it alternates to pink.
– What is this? This zero is bigger than this one. – Officer?
– What do these numbers? No! What do these numbers?! What do these numbers mean?! What do these numbers mean?!
– You’re under arrest. (horror music)