Laughter is the Best Medicine

Funny Open Mic Stand Up comedy Best funny open mic Comedian

“Give it up for James Borkowski!” hey hey
I like you you’re a participant how’s it going Jesse you’re opening wasn’t wasn’t
bad at all I wish it was worse are we having fun tonight are we having fun
good good because we can go home on a note good or bad we learned a couple
things we learned that one man’s dogs balls are bigger than his and we have a
racist cheeto for a president and Jesse may or may not be wanted for aggravated
assault and manslaughter at the Qt so that’s good we learned a lot about each
other let’s learn a little about me James I’m from New York and if you’re
not racist down here you are I don’t even know what you call that term
prejudiced against geological location but anyway my openings sucked too so
here’s the thing about tonight we’re gonna play a little game it’s called you
guys picked the opening I had three openings in stores so what I’m gonna do
is I’m gonna demonstrate all three options and maybe you can give me your
best opinion are we ready – are we ready to play all right good because that’s
what we’re doing okay so um here’s it here’s how I pictured it in my head so
I’m just gonna go ahead do this ladies and gentlemen please oh one no I I
thought in my head I thought these were all the way to the ground
you’ll have to forgive my memory ladies and gentlemen it gives me great pleasure
to introduce our next comedian he is literally the greatest person you will
ever meet in your entire life please welcome to the stage James
Bartowski hey thanks hey how are skittles so delicious has anyone figured
this out yet okay so that’s my first opening I guess we all know with them I
guess I don’t know what the vote is on that one but uh all right let’s keep it
moving okay so here we go ladies this is in fact the highlight of my announcing
career to watch this man work he is by far the please welcome to the stage
James hey thank you thank you wow you guys are sexy I wasn’t prepared for not
being the sexiest person here there were some sexy motherfuckers and poor daddy
fuckers daddy and or mother fuckers so that that joke that was preparing for
oh I forgot to mention the reason I I have to do the three it’s because I
can’t see you these lights have this retina scorching
effect and I don’t know what my audience looks like so I didn’t know which
opening to go for I’m backtracking this is well anyway that one the first one
the steel one was for if you were a bunch of fatties this one I just did
obviously was for if you’re super sexy now alright let’s let’s get this over
with because obviously the wikiHow article on
how to be a stand-up comedian isn’t as useful as I thought it would be alright
opening number three know already okay good please welcome my dearest friend
whom I sold my only child to the Chinese black market to trade into for hopes of
giving him as my adopted son I will end my life after this set for this is the
pinnacle of my career to introduce this man please give a warm welcome to casting Thank You Man so I drove from
senseability everybody else drive here tonight good this is called the yes
train I’m getting you on a positive it’s a sales technique did you drive here
tonight there you did you arrive good does anybody like sex and food good
bidding somewhere excellent what do you weigh I was driving two
drivers suck out there don’t they yeah they do all right all right cool well
maybe next time I will come back with your favorite which one did you like by
the way skittles being sexy or drivers suck all right
well I’ll remember that for next time and y’all take care of names for Kowski
thank you it’s me yeah para I had a small fire cuz my
stepson dad’s an asshole and now he does drama drama drama oh my god it’s a great

16 thoughts on “Funny Open Mic Stand Up comedy Best funny open mic Comedian

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