Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Funny Prayer about Getting Old at the Caregiver of the Year Dinner


Before dinner is served, I would like to invite our dear friend Mary Maxwell to the podium. We are so happy that she can be here tonight and we are honored to have her deliver tonight’s invocation. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mary Maxwell. [Applause] Ladies and gentlemen, as a new client of Home Instead and friend and former neighbor of Lori and Paul Hogan, I am so honored to be chosen to offer the invocation this evening. So, let us pray. God, our father, you know all that Home Instead believes in and strives for and we ask your blessing on the Home Instead family: The management, the staff, the caregivers and the clients. We are grateful for the way that everyone here tonight contributes to the success of the mission of Home Instead, and we ask you to continue to bless them and this food, which we are about to receive. Amen. Uh-oh. Oh! Sorry, God! [Laughter] As long as I have the microphone [Laughter and Applause] there are a few things I forgot to mention. First of all, just to introduce myself a little. Over the years I’ve noticed that the two things
most people want to know about you are the two things they’re far too polite to ask. So let’s get that out of the way. [Laughter] I’m 72 years old. [Laughter and applause] And I weigh a hundred and 45 pounds. [Laughter and applause] As you know, we seniors are sometimes not very likeable, let alone loveable. So Lord, could you please continue to keep the people of Home Instead patient and aware of why we are the way we are? And Lord please remind them that the thing about old age is that you don’t get a chance to practice. This is the first time I’ve ever been old. And it just sort of crept up on me. [Laughter] There were signs. [Laughter] Random hair growth – that’s special. [Laughter and applause] Particularly that first time you go to brush a hair off your lapel and discover it’s attached to your chin. [Laughter] You turn your left turn signal on in the
morning and leave it on all day. [Laughter] Non-life threatening skin growths large enough to name after deceased pets and relatives begin to appear. And neck tissue seems to develop a life of its own. Last November, I was afraid to leave the house Thanksgiving week. [Laughter and applause] Aren’t you quick? [Laughter] You do strange things as you age like driving up to a curbside mailbox and ordering a cheeseburger and fries. And Lord, I know you’re aware that one Sunday in church I put my Dillard’s bill in the collection basket by mistake. And last Easter after services at St. Cecilia’s cathedral here in Omaha, my husband stopped to talked to a friend and I went on
out and got in the car to go home. The gentleman sitting behind the wheel said, “Oh, are you going home with me?” [Laughter] And I said, “Oh Archbishop, I’m so sorry.” [Laughter and applause] I won’t even mention driving into the wrong end of the car wash. [Laughter] People get so excited when you do that. I don’t know why the lady in the other car was screaming like that. I was just as surprised to see her as she was to see me. [Laughter] I also won’t mention discovering that you’re wearing mismatched earrings and going home to change them and ending up wearing the other mismatched pair. [Laughter] And you know, Lord that it’s hard for old people to exercise. I did try to jog once; but it makes the
wine just jump right out of your glass. [Laughter] Well, Lord you understand seniors and their care and so
does Home Instead and I have used before, a poem I found in a local retirement home newsletter that I have always thought spoke volumes about Home Instead. “Blessed are they who understand my faltering step and shaking hand. Blessed are they who know my ears today must
strain to catch the things they say. Blessed are they who seem to know that my
eyes are dim and my wits are slow. Blessed are they who looked away when I spilled the coffee at table today. Blessed are they with a cheery smile who take
the time to chat for a while. Blessed are they who know the ways to bring back memories of yesterdays. Blessed are they who make it known I’m loved, respected and not alone.” Just like you, to us, it’s personal. That’s Home Instead, Lord. Bless them all and at the end of the evening please
help me find my car in the parking lot. Amen. [Laughter and applause]

84 thoughts on “Funny Prayer about Getting Old at the Caregiver of the Year Dinner

  1. what a wonderful wonderful lady. Truly Grand Dame. Hope I'll be as witty as she is when I grow to be 72. Another 12.5 years

  2. what a wonderful wonderful lady. Truly Grand Dame. Hope I'll be as witty as she is when I grow to be 72. Another 12.5 years

  3. I so needed this at this precise moment! How utterly awesome and uplifting. It does place things in perspective, yes?

  4. Madam you are absolutely delightful and I just ask the Lord I might get her spirits when I hit her age. Such wit and joy! All the very best to you all!

  5. I Volunteer at an old folks' home each week. Then recently I fell and broke 3 ribs and now have someone coming in every second day to shower me and clean the house. I thought I understood how the oldies must feel in that home. But now that I have spent three whole weeks in their shoes I have a better understanding. And thank you Mary for making my ribs ache with healing laughter!

  6. @MrKungfu2 Just because her deadpan humor lacked vulgarity, profanity, or otherwise off-color humor doesn't mean that she wasn't funny. I personally found her to be quite entertaining, and rather hilarious. Please allow me to ask you, fellow YouTube user, does it really suck to be you?

  7. I loved this video! I had the incredible honor of taking care of both of my parents (both passing in 2009 and 2010). I am also the caregiver for my husband who was diagnosed with ALS 9 1/2 years ago. I think what stood out to me the most was Mary's keen wit and the poem she read at the end. I guess I have always had a soft spot for older people! Keep it coming Mary! Please check out my web site
    CaregiverPath as a resource guide to help caregivers!

  8. what cracks me up is people really think she's 72 and weighs 145 lbs. That's part of the joke. I'd like to know how old she really is, but, of course, that would be rude to ask!

  9. That mailbox joke is funny. I'm a letter carrier and when emptying the drive thru mail boxes ppl are so excited that I'll take their letter that I top it off with, "Would you like fries with that?"

    PS I'm not a senior yet but I've been known to wear my top inside out by mistake. And even wear 2 different color shoes.

  10. This literally had me falling off my chair laughing. Her deadpan style is precious and her joy for life is truly apparent. This perspective is the only one to have as we gain in years – and of course in wisdom… 🙂

  11. Not only is the delivery that of a pro, the writing is top notch as well. It just goes to show you're never too old to discover your inner comedian.

    Beautiful.

  12. I'm 85 been through that stuff looking forward to what is going to happen in the future.
    Very funny stuff hope she keeps passing this stuff along.
    Bob B.

  13. OMG, she has great timing and all too accurate description of those of us in the aging population and the foibles we face.

  14. It's great to see I'll be among other like- minded seniors when I arrive at the doorstep of old age and that there might be room, at a table of them that can still laugh, for me to join in. thank you for sharing this wonderful footage.

  15. Her wonderful humour of reminded me of Erma Bombeck – this was wonderful to watch — it made my day….. Thank you for posting……………..now….. where's that post button again?…

  16. She's KILLIN' IT!!!

    I drove into the wrong end of a car wash recently
    ….and a friend of mine also looked down at my feet
    recently and said, "Why do you have two totally
    different shoes on??"

    I'm screaming with laughter over here.

    She may not have the "Moves Of Mick Jagger"
    but she's killin' it!

  17. Such a beautiful and exquisite way of looking at aging – with honesty and good cheer. For old age is one life's greatest gifts. The idea that you develop, mature, and evolve with this complex blueprint called the universe. That your acceptance of your growing old reveals that you are significant and ineffably beautiful.

  18. Oh my god…was fixing to click off thinking this is just another just like any other prayer….then she reeled me in with"uh uh oh I'm sorry God, as long as I have the microphone"…. and when it came to the "it's the first time I've been this old… well, I'm all in and thanks! This made me laugh my head off!

  19. I love the way she delivered  her prayer. It may sounds funny but hearth warming truth about growing old. Blessed are you.

  20. Well personally I think this video is quite insulting to older people. I don't know anyone who acts like described in this 'comedy routine'. I walk 30-35 miles every week, and not on an effing treadmill, but OUTSIDE on a hilly trail, during all kinds of weather (100+ heat/humidity, 16 degree cold & wind, any time I have the time to walk, and that includes 'after midnight' on full moon nights bc although the coyotes stalk me the bobcat knows better because IT can smell the gunpowder and if there is a 'bad guy' on the trail, he will find out what 47 years of martial arts… and a loaded automatic 44… can do to a 'bad guy'). I am currently writing two books, building out four websites, being courted by two men who are decades younger than me. I stll fly my plane, rollerblade on spring days, exercise my 'old' friends horses, play my trumpet, write android apps 'for the fun of it' and invest (quite successfully) in the world of currency exchange using algorithmic bots I WROTE. I manage my own self-funded startup based on my own patent, mentor technology people in their 20s-50s, and go salsa dancing whenever the mood strikes me. I don't forget where I parked my car, I never leave a turn signal on, and I VOTE not on a 'party line' but for the best candidates out there, because I also do my homework on the issues and the candidates. I write letters to the editor, tweet from multiple twitter accounts (come on you cannot have 'just one' twitter account, not if you believe in God, think Steven Hawkings is nothing more than head without real brains who believes in theories that cannot be tested and thus are not PROVABLE) because I like to have one twitter acct for talking about Christianity, one for political ranting (which is all one can really do these days with that moron 'on the hill') and a couple more for various scientific interests. I have two notepads, three computers and a linux server, two roku devices, three smartphones but five phone lines what with two VoIP lines and a masterjack lifetime number.
    I think that 66 is the new 34 (and my boyfriends will back THAT up), that there is a God and HE is easily proved whereas Einstein's theory that the speed of light is the limitation of travel is baloney, and so is any untestable quantum theory which is thus just science fiction until proven otherwise.
    I get 4.5 hours of sleep every night, but it is not age-related sleep deprivation, because since I was a kid getting up at 3:00 am to do my farm duties, I've never needed MORE than 4.5 hours of sleep and I do NOT drink caffeinated beverages, alcohol or eat processed foods and just because my name Violet Weed does not mean I have ever polluted my body with drugs. I'm smarter now than when I graduated from high school at 10, I believe that the most important quality of a human being is their INTEGRITY, and that just because some 16 year old 'coded' a website, does NOT make them a 'genius' to be followed to the ends of the earth. I believe that having lots of money does not make one a 'success in life'. I think I've made my point. Don't be an age-ist. If you know someone in their 'middle years' (60 to 90) be very grateful! P.S. My 90+ year old Uncle and Aunty email me every day, and like me they don't have 'cable tv' but a ROKU so that they, like me, can watch educational channels, not the baloney that is cnn or msnbc or 'dumbed down' comedy shows. My brain is ON FIRE even more than it was at 12 when I went to work as a professional programmer, only NOW I have 54 years of solid expertise and ever increasing knowledge to support my ideas (many are patented, btw).

  21. I needed a good laugh. I hate to say this but I do know a few things she is talking about. Like going to work and someone telling me I have two different earrings on. I can't tell u how many times someone has told me I have lipstick on my teeth. It is a wonderful thing that someone can make being older funny. She knows how to deal with getting old. 

  22. LOL :-)-   I found myself nearly sharp enough to predict many of her punch lines- but i failed in response to the bishop's 'are you coming- – home- – w/ me' – i thought perhaps she might have quipped – 'depends upon your vision and driving skill'

  23. Dear Mary,

    Interesting: Thank you Mary Maxwell: I wish & praying for you!
    take care: if you have time kindly refer the Scripture: Psalms 90:3-10
    3 Thou turnest man to destruction; and sayest, Return, ye children of men.
    4 For a thousand years in thy sight are but as yesterday when it is past, and as a watch in the night.
    5 Thou carriest them away as with a flood; they are as a sleep: in the morning they are like grass which groweth up.
    6 In the morning it flourisheth, and groweth up; in the evening it is cut down, and withereth.
    7 For we are consumed by thine anger, and by thy wrath are we troubled.
    8 Thou hast set our iniquities before thee, our secret sins in the light of thy countenance.
    9 For all our days are passed away in thy wrath: we spend our years as a tale that is told.
    10 The days of our years are threescore years and ten; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labour and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away.

    Sincerely,
    In Jesus Christ and his grip SERVANT
    Paul A C Abraham,

  24. Bless all the elderly , especially Miss Mary Maxwell, comedians take note this is where your career started

  25. 😂😂😂😂 I absolutely and thoroughly enjoyed her "prayer"!!! Thanks for making my day a lot brighter!!!! 💗💗💗

  26. What I Know God YHWH sets up Governments according to first Corinthians chapter 12 verse 28 and most Not all miracles are In The Church with True Apostle Prophets according to first Corinthians chapter 12 verse 28 and If You have a lack of Faith or do Not Know The True Gospel or can Not find or Attend A Church with True Apostle Prophets I guess there Is The Bob Beck Protocol and high end Rife machines and Ozone IV but finding A Doctor that knows what Is called alternative medicine In Your own town Is as difficult as finding A Church with True Apostle Prophets. What Is Your Thought On That?    

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