How many of you are here because of your friends? Because your friend was coming so you came *Few people raise their hands* Everyone else, look at their faces (pointing to those who raised hands) There’s peer pressure written all over it. I have taken some of the worst decisions of my life because of this peer pressure. Like I did my MBA because of peer pressure I lost my virginity Because of peer pressure Which means I got married Didn’t have a choice I started watching Game of Thrones Because of this peer pressure Sasural Simar Ka dekhta tha mai ghar me baith ke yaar Baani Ishq da kalma dekh raha hota tha mummy aur wife ke saath My friends you know ask on whatsapp Did you watch GoT season 2 and Breaking Bad season 3 and John Snow and Khaleesi And I ask them bhai Kisi ne Naagin ka Maha Episode dekha hai kya? Aaj kal to Dayan chal rahi hai Dayan dekhi hai raat ko 9 baje Kya mast aati hai Dayan *Seems everyone watches Dayan,
so they got offended and didn’t laugh* Anybody here who has not watched a single episode of Game of Thrones? *Some College students sitting in the audience raise their hands* Despite being a virgin
(Pointing to those College students and ‘Engineers’) You’ve missed all the episodes of GOT? Good, it’s okay What’s your name sir? *Someone from the audience speaks out
“Bhavesh”* It’s Ok, Society will try to judge you The outside society will try to judge you But don’t feel bad There’s a good part of not watching Game of Thrones You know what Bhavesh You will never feel awkward with your Buas and Chachis and Mamis and Tais Sisters and other Female relatives I feel so awkward Bua ji mujhe ek saal se bula rahi hai Mai nahi gaya Vo kehti atleast reason to batade “Bua ji maine GoT ka Maha Episode dekh liya tha” “Ab himmat nahi hoti aane ki” See I like Game of Thrones but in Hindi Which means mujhe Mahabharat zyaada accha lagta hai yaar Mahabharat next level GoT agar Shiv Sena hai, Mahabharat Karni sena hai GoT agar VAT hai, Mahabharat GST hai GoT agar Tinder hai, Mahabharat not here for Hookups, Next level Mahabharat me ek scene hai Jisme Yudhisthira, Dekhi hai aapne Mahabharat? Yudhisthira bets everything Sab kuch daav pe laga deta hai Apne zameen, jaidad , Greater Kailash waali kothi, Swiss Bank ka kala dhan 5 Bitcoins, 4 Bhai, 1 Biwi, Sab kuch daav pe laga deta hai While playing which game? While playing Ludo Mai last time Casino gaya tha Poker khela tha 51 rupees lagaye the Aur jab mai haar gaya Maine bola meri kacchi mitti thi Mai nahi khel raha Ye bichaare 4-5 bhai, aapas me ludo khel rahe hai unke saath Insaan daav pe laga diye yaar They had to throw a dice Not to win cash To win other human beings Like, Pau Baarah Ye 4 bhai hamaare hue Ab kya chahiye bhaanje,11? Pau Gyarah… Inki biwi bhi hamari hui Dushasana, saari utaaro Are ghabrao mat
Abhi Hastinapur me feminism nahi aaya Saari utaaro Twitter bhi nahi aaya To ye hashtag metoo nahi kar payegi Draupadi Saari utaaro *That was Shakuni Mama.
I request all feminists not to write a Blog against me.* Mai abhi metro me aaraha tha And I was playing ludo on my mobile with a stranger just to kill time Subeh meri papa se ladayi hui hai aaj To mera bhot man kar raha tha lagadu daav pe Dekha jayega fir Lekin kitna awkward ho jayega na Mai ghar jau haar hur ke Ghar pe bell karu *Ting Tong* Haan mummy papa ko bulana Ye aunty lene aayi hai Kyu lene aayi hai Kyuki aunty ka Pay baarah aagaya Lekin ye aunty papa ka karengi kya Vahi jo Dushasana ne Draupadi ke saath kia tha Lekin Papa to saari pehente nahi hai koi baat nahi,
Aunty flexible hai Lungi utaar degi Mummy would be like “Beta vo Papa ki harassment nahi, unki fetish poori hojayegi” Coming back to Mahabharata Usme jo ye hua tha na cheerharan Ye idea tha Duryodhana ka Duryodhana ne kaha tha bhratashri 4 bhai to gaye ab biwi bachi hai vo bhi laga do Yudhishthira ko pehle gussa aata hai But fir uski baat bhi maan lete hai He’s like Duryodhan How dare you talk like that about my wife? Meri biwi ki ek chaal Matlab Delhi ki politics ka pehle U-turn Kejriwal ne nahi liya tha Yudhishthira ne liya tha *Fans of Aam Admi Party take a U-turn and leave* It sounds stupid But ye hum sab log karte hai yaar We all are Yudhishthira And Duryodhan ka bhi re-birth, punarjanam ho chukka hai As auto correct feature in our phones Mai bhot cheeze nahi karna chahta But I end up doing, because of auto correct Like mai doctor se milke ghar gaya I texted my cousin sister “I am home” It got autocorrected as “I am homosexual” And I sent it Still fine What’s shocking was her reaction She reacted as if she waiting for me to make this confession “Bhai mujhe tujhpe pehle se hi shak tha” Lekin tune shaadi kar ke ek ladki ki zindagi barbaad kar di Maine kaha yaar “I’m home now less pain” It got autocorrected as “I am homo, now lesbian” And I sent it She replied back Are you bisexual? Jab tak autocorrect on rahta hai na Mai LGBT community ka part bana rehta hu Aur draupadi daav pe lagi rehti hai Next autocorrect ka suggestion aaya ki I am transgender Is baar mujhe gussa aagaya ki Duryodhana! How dare you talk like that about me Meri transgender ki ek chaal I wrote, I am transgender Aur iss baar message meri biwi ko chala gaya She replied back Aapne operation kab karwaaya? *People are laughing not because the jokes are funny but due to peer pressure*