Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Girls, Categorization and Cigarette – Standup Comedy by Vijay Choudhary – LIMEWIT Live


Abhi mai ek baar Noida me event kar raha tha To ek banda mere peeche aaya Kehta Vijay bhai,
ye jo jokes likhte ho vo aap khud likhte ho? Maine kaha “Haan” Kehta bilkul hi khud likhte ho? Maine kaha haan Kehta matlab
kisi se nahi likhwate bilkul hi khud likhte ho Maine kaha haan naa Kehta acche kyu nahi likhte ho Ch***ya hai tu saale Dekho mere paas bhi girlfriend hai Aise kyu dekh rahe ho yaar Hai To ek baar mai Girlfriend ke saath jaa raha tha To achanak ek thada aaya Vaha baith gaye To mai achanak romantic hogaya Maine kaha jaanu I just want to listen three magical words from you Mujhe kehti “abracadabra” Maine kaha “Teri chaati pe mukka marunga mai” “Pagal bana rahi hai humko tu” Lekin aisa ho jaata hai Mereko lagta hai Facebook ka jo istamal kiya gaya hai na Vo ladkiyo se accha kisi ne kia hi nahi Bohot bholi hoti hai na Aap dekho na agar Bhookh lagti hai to khaana nahi khaati hai Facebook pe jaake likh dengi
“I am hungry” Aur uske neeche hum jaise ladke
comment daal rakhe hote hai Jaanu aaj aap khaana nahi khaoge to mai bhi nahi khaunga Bhai vo do paranthe, teen lassi ke glaas Pyaaz ke saath, kacche pyaaz ke saath kha ke baithi hai Tu kyu bhookha mar raha hai Tu to khaa Lekin nahi Lekin aisa ho jata hai Matlab mereko to ye samajh nahi aata Ki inko scooty kisne lake di hai Ye na jab gaadi chala rahi hoti hai na To inhone ek naya tareeka nikala hai Ye mooh pe saafa bandh ke aati hai Aapko aisa lagta hai Bujhi hui mashal aapki taraf aarahi hai Aur aise mooh pe bandhti hai
Aapko lagega kidnap karke le jaengi aapko Lekin ye cheeze hoti hai Mereko lagta hai jaise Ab scooty inko dedi Maine dekha ek ladki seedhi jaa rahi hai Achanak right turn marliya Maine kaha “Pagal hai tu?
Achanak right dedia” “Indicator to de” Kehti maine aise kiya to tha Maine kaha “Hum pagal ghoom rahe hai bhai” “Tu theek hai” To aisa hota hai Kuch cheeze hume galat bhi batai gayi hai To ye cheeze na zehen me baith jati hai hamare Jaise mera ek friend hai Gupta To mai usko meat shop lene nahi bhejta Meat lene meat shop pe nahi bhejta Vo kya karta hai na
Specific karta hai Bhai murge ka meat diyo Maine kaha murge ka meat Ye kya badtameze hai Kehta isme na murge se
ek piece faltu aata hai Toh cheeze hoti hai Mai nahi bhejta Nahi to aapne dekha hai kabhi kisi sardar ne kaha ho Mera khana khane ka mann ni haiga Nahi hota na
aisa nahi hota Ya kabhi dekha hai kisi jaat ne kaha ho Chod yaar ladai jhagde me kya rakha hai Mill baat ke karlo Ye nahi hoti hai ye cheeze Ye hume pagal banaya gaya hai Aisa kuch nahi hota Lekin categorize humne dekha hai na Humne education ko bade acche se
categorize kiya hua hai Jaise Arts Commerce aur Science aap dekho na inka alag hi hota hai science waalo ko
mai inko na kauwa manta hu ye kya karte hai agar beer inko peeni hai na aur fridge kharab hai to saari raat fridge theek karenge beer thandi karenge uske baad peeange commerce waalo ko farak nahi padta hai inko sirf beer chahiye aur arts waalo ko to usse bhi nahi “Garam de bh****od” inko farak hi nahi padta koi cheez ka Par aap dekho na ye cheez hai education ka hai ji farak padta hai inme cigarette peene ka tareeka alag hota hai aap dekho na science waale jo student hote hai na vo cigarette peeange
to cigarette me ek swag nazar aata hai ek standard nazar aata hai ye cigarette peeange na to aise peete hai *Taking a drag and throwing cigarette* Ek nazar aata hai Commerce waale
Ye calculative hote hai Inka bass chale na To ye filter tak jala de Ye cigarette kaise peete hai *Taking multiple cigarette drags* Ab aate hai arts waale Ye khareedte hai commander Isme filter hi nahi hota Inki jab cigarette khatam hoti hai to kaise pata chalta hai *Taking a long drag* Oh bh****od

100 thoughts on “Girls, Categorization and Cigarette – Standup Comedy by Vijay Choudhary – LIMEWIT Live

  1. congratulations choudhary sahab for ur fabulous performance…… Girls k liye comment hai ya compliment….. But Jo bhi hai mastam mast h…..keep doing and rock….

  2. Mai cigarette toh nhi peeta mgr, science walo ki ijjat rakhne ke liye thanks…. Samaj ne chutia bna dia h science walo ko

  3. Speech se pehle stage nahi banayi, joke lambe khich rahe ho, voice me thodi c excitement lani padegi.
    2.5* out of 5.
    Best of luck for next time.

  4. Chaati mein mukka girl friend ko …. I will never watch you again and ask others to boycott you …. you are criminal and proponent of rape culture in india

  5. STOP MAKING FUN OF HUMANITIES / ARTS. JUST STFU AND DO UR JOB OF BEING A COMEDIAN. STOP HURTING FEELINGS. HUMANITIES EXISTS AS A SUBJECT AND NOT FOR U TO MAKE FUN OF. IDIOTS

  6. abe gandu tere bas ka nhi hai stand up comedy krna tu kuch kaam krle bina you tube k alawa tujhe dekhne ae badia h m porn dekhlu YouTube p or hila lu bc

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