Arvind! Arvind! Arvind! Who is shouting in the morning? Arvind!
– Yes. Why this geyser is not working? Oh God! Nothing is
going perfect in life! Geyser is getting heated,
and this lady is on fire every day. Arvind! I am done. God! God! Where did he go? He has made so much
mess in the house. I am tired of this man.
He troubles me so much. Arvind! Nice morning! You feel like laughing,
but I get scared; seriously. I get shivers in the morning;
I am only Arvind..Arvind Vakharia! The one who went inside
shouting my name is Alka, my wife. You must have understood
that she is my wife. Because only a wife can call her husband
as if she is calling a servant, right. She is such a problem! She starts in the morning itself;
Arvind get up; Arvind, sit down. Arvind, do mopping. My life is spent in mopping, friend. I tell you brother,
I was hiding in the bathroom because.. ..beginning of the drama shouldn’t be
with the fight between husband and wife. But I know it too, that you people
are sitting here to watch that only. That is the specialty of Gujaratis. They are happy to see the
havocs happening in others’ lives. You will also get to see it. You will get double
than your expectations. Let me first tell you my problems. My wife, Alka;
she is never happy in her life. She always finds some
fault whatever I do for her. She always wants something
more than what I have done. You won’t believe; I got a pay-raise
two months back. I was so happy. I came home and told her, ‘darling, my
boss gave me pay-raise of 2000 rupees’. She made such a face. ‘What pay-raise you
got in 2000 rupees?’ ‘Look at our neighbour Navin,
he earns so much.’ Then you should have married Navin! She has mastery in
insulting her husband. I tell you Sir,
wife means internet virus. Look, she enters your life;
she scans your pockets; .. ..she downloads her problems;
she deletes our happiness and.. ..then hangs our lives. I swear. Leave it sir,
what’s the use of complaining now? We have completed
7 years of marriage. I have almost become
like a philosopher. This is my every morning’s routine; I wake up in the morning
and sit here on the sofa. I don’t come in
between my wife’s work. Now-a-days,
I write small poems sitting here. Today only,
I have written a small poem. They have collected fund
in the name of marriage reception. But I ruined my life with my hand. After 7 years of marriage,
a donkey like me understood that.. I haven’t done any great
thing by getting married. Where is that wicked lady? Thank God! Let it be. You can never do anything
great in your life. I will never be able to. After marriage,
men can’t do anything. A man like a crisp note
becomes like a wet paper. It depends upon the man! Only a clever man can
become a good husband. Idiot! Clever men never marry. Leave it. Before marriage,
you used to act like Romeo. ‘Alka, I will treat
you like a queen.’ I will; but let me
first become the king! You are always in haste;
you be reasonable. You will be a slave all your life. You are playing only
one record since our marriage, ‘Alka, lower the expenses’. You speak this in your sleep also. It is because you don’t
let me talk in the day. Even if I open my mouth to yawn,
she says ‘shut up. Keep quiet’. But let a man yawn, at least. I have not yawned
in the past 7 years. Times have changed now. One should have the art
of increasing his income; and not reducing his expenses. Keep quiet. You will spoil those ladies
also who are watching this drama. You have shown me so many dreams. Every year we will buy jewellery,
we will go on tours; have you ever taken me anywhere?
– What do you mean by that? Last year we had been to
Bharuch (a place in Gujarat). Bharuch? You forgot? I have bought
you peanuts of 20 rupees. And I have peeled its skin. And a few of it went into my eyes,
and I got down at the wrong station. Good! As if we have
gone to some far off place. What do you mean by far? One should go to the
place where he has some work or should he go further than that? My nephew’s marriage was at Bharuch, so then you want me to take
you to some other place? Sit down.
– Yes, I am sitting down. You are impossible. Impossible. Oh God! Do one thing,
just there in the corner. You don’t have the
capacity to progress ahead. Just look at your friend;
how much they have progressed? Who has progressed? Who? The one whom you
used to call as ‘Lallu’ has become the
millionaire ‘Lalit’ now. That Lalit is a thief. He is a thief! Lalit has earned money by
doing frauds in the share market. Whatever it is;
he has bought Mercedes for his wife. Mercedes What have you done? But why should I do
anything for Lalit’s wife? And listen; I too don’t have
any problem if you don’t have. Once Lalit’s wife had winked at me! What happened to you?
– What have you done for me? Then you should have completed
the sentence. – Say. Why are you leaving
the sentence midway? I got so excited.
– Yes. Don’t fight with me.
I have made a will for you. Will?
– Yes. What’s the use of a will
made by a man who is in debts? Why what’s the need? I have clearly mentioned
how much you will pay to whom. You will never change. You hardly give 30,000
per month in my hand. Madam, 30,000 is not less,
understood? 30,000? You should know how to run the house. Leave it.
– You leave it. I don’t understand; today’s women
can run the office, run the car, .. ..run the air plane;
why can’t they run the house? Look at our neighbor Vasanti! What? Let me first finish the sentence. Look at Vasanti, she runs
the house beautifully in 20,000. Then you should have
got married to Vasanti only. I was going to do that.
– Yes. I liked Vasanti; Vasanti liked me. Then who had he problem? Her husband! Third class thoughts
and third class jokes! Everything is third class.
– Yes, it is. I am tired of telling
you to leave the job. Shut up! Just shut up. Every morning you trouble
me by saying this, ‘leave the job’. Your mother did the same. What? I mean your father was a God’s man.
He used to wear Indian outfit. She made him leave
that and wear suits. He purchased ball-bearing agency.
What happened? He was bankrupt within 6 months. Now, he is sitting in some sanatorium,
singing songs to the Goddess. Be careful!
Don’t drag my mother into this. I don’t drag her; but that
fatso comes in between from anywhere. I didn’t want to call your
mother for our wedding also. She came behind the servants,
so I thought that she is a cook. She drank my blood it seems. Why? What why? Every morning
she comes here and sits down. Why won’t she come? She feels bad for me.
– Why? Every day she tells me, baby,
you walked straight into a well. Have you fallen in a well?
– Yes, and that too without fencing one.
Total useless. Enough Alka. You are useless;
your mother is useless. Hey!
– Sorry. Don’t challenge us, Vakharia! I dry my clothes in that hurricane
in which people lose their houses. What training she has been given! Drying clothes in the hurricane! And makes the husband scared! Sir, this may be entertainment
for you; but I am dead. Really! Sometimes I think I should change
her name from Alka to Al-Qaida. Terrorist lady! But she was not like this earlier. She was very wise;
wise means she was dumb. She used to listen to whatever I say. My mother-in-law is
behind making her like this. My mother-in-law,
Savita is a very wicked lady. This huge! She weighs 150kgs and
her brain works like anything. Every morning mother and daughter
are talking on the phone for hours. And every morning that fatso
tells her, ‘come on baby, get ready. ‘We are going for shopping’. ‘Come on baby,
today we will go to the parlour.’ ‘Let’s go for a movie today’.
How many movies do they watch? She watched Dabaang 6 times
and then she crossed all the limits. In Dabaang, Salman Khan keeps his
glares in the back of the shirt; .. ..and fatso used to keep
it in the back of her blouse. Dabaang..Dabaang.. I have got a weird mother-in-law. But sir,
leave the topic of mother-in-law. Because I know that mother-in-law is
the root-cause of all the troubles .. ..in everybody’s life. Let it be. Now that we are talking
about mother-in-law, I feel like I should
tell you one incidence. It is unbelievable,
but that is the fact. I have a relative
called Kusum sister. They have arranged a big
party as she had completed 60 years. So, they decided to
give big gifts to everybody. Kusum sister has 3 sons-in-law. So, she decided to
test her 3 sons-in-law. She said I want to see which
son-in-law loves his mother-in-law. So, Kusum sister took
her eldest son-in-law and went to a beach to roam around. And she suddenly jumped in the sea. The eldest son-in-law was shocked. He also jumped in the sea
and saved his mother-in-law. She was so happy that
she gifted a Maruti car to him. Then she took her middle
son-in-law to the beach and again she jumped into the sea. And the middle son-in-law
also brought her back from the sea with great difficulty. So she gifted him a motor-cycle. In the last, she took the
youngest son-in-law to the beach. Kusum sister again
jumped into the sea. Eldest son-in-law thought that she is
definitely going to gift me a cycle. It is better that she dies. And you won’t believe, that day Kusum sister really
died by drowning in the water. Do you know what happened next day? Next day,
the father-in-law gifted him a BMW. This is all about destiny. I don’t have BMW in my destiny
because my father-in-law is already LBW. And that too,
because of my mother-in-law. I have decided sir, as soon as I get a
chance, I will put that fatso in a bag.. ..and throw her away. Oh my God! What do you want to
do to your mother-in-law? I want to felicitate you.
I was praising you. I heard that! Baby, I am here. Yes, as soon as,
it’s morning, you come here. So?
– It’s just like a news-paper. Every day morning you open the door
and the news-paper is lying there. But there is one problem
paper may get stolen but you.. What? Goddess will do everything! Have a sit. Yes, I will definitely sit. Wow! Just relax, mother-in-law.
Think this to be your own house. Just don’t sell it, okay? What?
– Nothing. Where are you going? To the washroom. Do you want to come?
– What? Sorry, forgive me.
The timing was wrong. She may say ‘yes’ also! Mother-in-law, yesterday
night I have taken medicine, so I am getting pressure.
Can I use the washroom? You will not go anywhere. Sit. So, my natural processes
are also prohibited? Yes.
– Okay. Once you order means the
matter is over. I will sit down. They should have written on the
medicine bottle that ‘don’t take it.. ..if you are married’. Hi mother! Hi my doll! Doll? The doll makes
me play to her tunes! Alka, have you read this news? In a fair in a city,
a naked saint’s wallet was stolen. No, I was just thinking where did that
naked saint must have kept the wallet? Shut up! I was waiting for you since when. Have you brought the
papers from the lawyer? Yes. Lawyer? Read this? Have you made will? No, these are divorce papers. Mother-in-law,
you will take divorce at this age. Your capacity is commendable.
Your mother is a real man! Hey!
– I mean.. These are our divorce papers. Alka, our divorce? I still have to pay
the marriage bills. Sign it, Vakharia. I won’t. Vakharia, sign it. Say something, Alka. Arvind, will you sign it or not? I will sign it, but first go and get the
sign of that priest who has tied who has tied sacred thread on
my hand for the marriage. Go and get the sign of that caterer
who had served me stale sweet. Go and get the sign
of those orchestra players who have played the movie songs. And first of all,
get the sign of my father-in-law who has performed all the rituals. I will sign it after that. Hey, give me kiss.
– Hey. Amitabh got into me! Stop this non-sense! You stop breathing. What? Tell your mother how
much I have done for you. You still haven’t
gone to the washroom? What do I do? You haven’t done anything
except troubling my doll. Have I troubled her?
– Yes. You are not capable to
buy even a washing machine. Here she goes again; she will
make us fight on the washing machine. What do you want to wash?
– What? You leave it here; I will wash it
for you and parcel it to your house. Every day you start the same topic,
try to understand. Just now I have taken
such a big flat on rent; now I take washing machine too. Not will take; buy it today itself. And bring A.C., LCD T.V.
and home theatre too within 15 days. Home theatre! And if you want to stop the divorce, then get me a Mercedes car and
a diamond necklace within a month. And Hong Kong tour in vacation. And I will also come along. Yes! This is called but one; get one free! Oldie has come on our honeymoon also! Whole night she used to call
up and ask ‘what happened baby?’ Nothing happened in that! We had a package of 1 12 days;
we came back on the 2nd day. Nonsense. Fulfill my daughter’s all the wishes;
otherwise I will see you. You mean exchange offer?
– Mom! Please mother-in-law,
I am not that capable. Hey!
– I mean not capable to earn. Make your mother understand, from
where will I bring so much money? Do robberies;
rob the bank if you want. Rob the bank?
– Yes. You come with me.
– Hey! I am telling you Alka, please listen. At least, show some humanity. You both are after my life
that I should earn more money. First you talk about
your brother Deven. What about my brother? I am asking you what
about your brother. 24 hours that stammering
idiot is sitting at home. Don’t call him a stammering idiot. Why? If God has made him like that
then what should I call him; a handicap? Shut up! Mother-in-law,
I give her 30,000 rupees every month. Have your son ever
earned a single rupee? Idiot, only day-dreams that today I’ll
do this business; tomorrow that one. He converts millions into thousands. That is also an art. Whatever your brother does is an art? Yes, but you mind your business. Think how you can earn
2 million rupees per month. 2 million per month? 2 million! He who earns a lot
of money is a real husband. You said very well baby! Thank you, mom. I had loved you as helpless. You rejected me without reason. Sir, you saw with your eyes
I am living in which conditions. That’s why I am saying that wife is
the weirdest creature in the whole world. They won’t allow the husband
to live and by fasting, won’t let them die too. What does one do? You won’t believe,
once I was so fed up that I straight away
went to a black magician. He was a superb magician.
He gives lockets. I said, ‘please give me a locket
to keep my wife under my control.’ He said, ‘idiot, why would have I become a
magician if I had such a locket?’ I don’t have anyone’s support. But I have given it a much thought. I have 3 options
and I want your advice. Let me tell you. Option no.1..Kill the mother-in-law. Option no.2..Bring a new wife. Option no.3..Be a millionaire
to keep your existing wife happy. What should I do? Brothers, don’t select option no.2 because all the Gujarati
material is same. And you have to think thousand times
before you kill your mother-in-law. What if she stays alive? So I have only one option left. Be a millionaire,
but that is so difficult. But I cannot be a millionaire
by taking up a lawful way; I will have to do something else. And I took up another way. I took a loan of 20,000
rupees from a friend and I straight away
went for horse racing. I put a bet of 2000 rupees
in my first race in excitement. And lost it in just 2 minutes! In second race,
I put a bet for rupees 5000. I lost that too. And my pockets were totally
empty in the 3rd race. At that time, I learnt that race-course is a place
where horses make donkeys out of man. But that’s where
I met Ramlal Pardeshi. Pardeshi showed me
a new line to earn money. And within a week, my destiny
and direction, both were changed. This is truth.. What is this? Nothing. Have you taken opium? No, this is something else. Is this beer? This is not beer, this is holy drink.
– Holy drink? My religious teacher told me,
so I drank it. Who teacher?
– I met him on Whatsapp, Mr. P.K. Tulli. P.K.Tulli? He sends me very good messages. Every day drink beer,
you will not have fear, will change your life’s gear. You also have my dear. Arvind. Don’t shout, you anaconda. What did you say?
– Your new name, anaconda. You wait.
I will call my mother right now. Call her.
Tell her to bring her own bottle. What? Don’t show me your eyes, you snake? Snake? Snake means Sridevi! She is my Sridevi;
I want to give her to someone. What? Sleep of tongue!
– Okay. Hey sweety!
– What? Dear! Darling!
– What? I have brought a gift for you.
– Gift? Yes, it is a surprise gift. Close your eyes permanently. This gift is permanent;
close your eyes. – No. Just see you wicked, what have I got? Diamond bracelet? Is it real? I have paid 1,40,000
rupees in hard cash. Oh God! I am going mad. That’s what I want.
– What? Means you tell what else do you want?
I have enough money. I will spread 100 rupee notes
on the road that you will walk on. And I will collect them
back once you have walked on it. Where did you get so much money? Oh no! You won’t believe, but I knew
that you will ask this question. I knew it..
– Speak! This is the magic of Ramlal Pardeshi. Who is he? Ramlal Pardeshi met
me at the horse race. You went for the race? So what? Did Radha react like this
when Krishna went to dance? Look, listen. Sit. Swati! What?
– I forgot your name. Alka..
– Speak. Ramlal Pardeshi is a custom officer. Ramlal’s men take out a few things from
the goods that they catch in custom. And they sell it in
the market for lower price. Look at my luck, dear. First day, Ramlal gave me a watch
worth rupees 1,25,000 for 40,000. And I sold it for 75,000. To whom? To your brother, Deven. What? You cheated my brother? I have not cheated that stammering
idiot. He also made a profit. He sold it for 1,00,000. To whom? To your uncle. So, the whole business
is running in the family itself. No need to find an idiot outside. What? Idiot? Profit I said. He got profit from the watch. Hey, listen.
– What is it? We are in luck.
Ramlal Pardeshi is today expecting. What?
– Ex.. Your English is so bad. Expecting
means he is going to come to our house. What are you saying? Last week, he caught
gold biscuits in the customs. Yes. And Ramlal is going to give
me gold biscuit worth 12,00,000 for just 8,00,000. To you?
– Yes. And look at this. 8,00,000
hard cash is ready in this bag. 8, 00,000 rupees? Where did you get it?
Whose money is it? I knew it..
– Whose is it? It is ours.
– Ours. It belongs to both of us.
I will explain you. Sweety, do you remember
the fixed deposit that we had put in the
bank after the marriage? I closed it. I got 4,00,000 from it. 1,00,000 I took as
a loan from a friend. And others from? I sold off the jewellery
given by your parents. You sold off my jewellery? What will you answer to my mother? What answer? She will be shocked. Quiet! Just think about it; today I earned
a profit of 4,00,000; tomorrow… Wait; where are you
going with this bag? I won’t let you give the money. Don’t fight.
– Leave my hand. Leave!
– You leave. Hi! That Ramlal is watching.
Leave it, you idiot. You are a wicked lady! What is this happening? Nothing; we were just playing. Playing? Gujarati couples play
new games every day. Really? Yesterday we were
playing hide and seek. I was hiding under this. The one which you saw
just now is the latest game. It is called ‘biting, biting’. Biting, biting? Biting, biting!
See, how I covered up. Have a sit Ramlal brother.
– Sit. Welcome sir.
– Thank you. Sir, did you find the house properly? Yes. I had given the detailed address, right?
– Yes. That there is a cow sitting
in the middle of the road. Take a left from there.
– Correct! She is a great cow!
– Why? You won’t believe, that cow
is sitting there since I was a child. What are you saying?
– By God! – Strange. That is a statue. That is a statue of a cow. Is that a statue?
– Yes. I have been giving her
fodder for last so many years. Cheater cow! I used to think why
this cow doesn’t get up. You won’t believe,
once I did her checking also. She is sitting like this, right? So I went there and poked
the pencil point like this. I thought she will hit
me with the tail or her horns.. Hey! What are you doing? You will become sinner. How can you push a cow like this? Cow! You are a bull! Oh God! Who is she? Mrs. Bull. What? Means my wife.
– Yes. Greeting, sister-in-law. One minute! Is she your wife?
– Yes. This is strange! That day you have introduced
to some other lady in the hotel. What? Which hotel? What which hotel?
That day we had gone to.. Where have you gone? Sorry sister-in-law, very sorry. That was another client, Mr. Gupta. Guptaji. Brother, please remember the names. They keep secrets in Guptas. Gujarati
ladies will kill their husbands. What? Chutney. What? Don’t you know chutney. He don’t know. In Gujarati every
year we make chutney. We clean the coriander and then
put it in the mixer. And whole day..
– Enough. Okay. There are other men like Arvind too? Only 3 men sister-in-law. But my tuning with Arvind
was set in 10 minutes. Our tuning was set in 10 minutes. It couldn’t happen
with her in 10 years. It will also happen.
– Joking. Arvind! Cash! Ready!
– Wow! Come, sit near me. Come, sit beside him. Why are you sitting beside me?
– Why? Is our marriage reception going
on that you are sitting beside me? Come.
– It’s okay. What okay?
You don’t know Ramlal brother. What? I couldn’t sit in my own reception.
– Why? Her father crossed all the limits.
Miser father! He had not ordered
chair for the groom. There was only one chair on the
stage. I was fumbling where to sit. I had to sit on the
floor on the news-paper. Reception went on for 4 hours.
My legs were paining so much. Legs paining…. Enough now.
– Enough! You had not come for
the reception, right? But you can give a
gift in cash if you want. Yes.
– No we will adjust. There are 16 bundles of
500 rupee notes. Have a look. No.
– What are you saying? There is no need to have a look. Arvind, I trust you completely. Trust? Really?
– Yes. I should have married him.
– What are you talking? How much he trusts me? Ramlal brother,
take me away from here. Arvind! I will leave now. Okay sir, thank you very much.
– Okay, bye. Job done. I gave him the money. One minute!
– Yes. First keep the gold biscuit. Sorry. Saying I will leave! No, no. My fault! Mind your tongue.
– It’s okay. It’s alright. He is an officer. Sister-in-law, I am very sorry.
You check it for yourself. Give me.
– Yeah. It’s okay. She has got a doubtful mind! Oh my God! This is from Dubai, sister-in-law.
– Dubai? Now I am leaving. Okay.
– Okay sir, thank you very much. Are you happy now?
– Yes. We earned a profit of 4 million.
Ramlal brother? Yes. Will you get more material next week? A lot of material will come. You
be ready to count the notes. Enjoy. I love you Ramlal. Hands up! Come, you also join. Shake it properly. Hey! No one will move from his place. Police! He himself is police. He got scared. You take the bag inside.
Go inside. What are you doing?
– Go inside you fool. My hand started aching.
Don’t you get it? Go inside. Hey, what are you doing? Practice.
– Practice? I was a spin bowler in the school. Spin bowler?
– Yes. What is your name? Malinga.
– What? I forgot my name.
My name is Arvind Kejriwal. What?
– Kejri, no.. She has slapped me in the morning.
So I said as Kejriwal. Tell.
– My name is Arvind Vakharia. Arvind Vakharia? Who is she? She is a free gift with
this flat in the scheme. Really? Tell.
– She is wife. Wife? Whose? What whose? My own! Am I Hariyana’s minister
to keep someone else’s wife? Shut up! Madam, what’s in your hand? Nothing. You are showing him
and telling nothing. Go inside. What’s in your hand?
– Biscuit. Biscuit? Biscuit which we eat. Gold biscuit. Gold biscuit.
– Gold biscuit? The biscuit which we eat to sleep.
I will explain you. Actually, I can’t sleep at night.
– Let me check. So my homeopathy doctor
has told me to go for operation. So biscuit.. The biscuit which we eat to sleep? Sir.
– So you are a smuggler. I am not smuggler; I am a struggler. You are under arrest.
– Alka Police brother, you can take him
if you want; – Yes. but please leave this bag. What are you saying;
take me and leave the bag? I had told you not to do it. Leave it. This has happened
because of her mother. Shut up! She is so fat.
– Shut up! Every day he says bad words
about my brother and father. You tell him. Shut up! Sit here. Just sit here. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Today, I too got a chance. I am telling you,
you come here every day if you wish. Let us fix some amount
for the whole month. What?
– Slap her. She enjoys drinking my blood. Every day morning she asks for money. I don’t have money.
From where do I bring money? Now, I am going mad. Then take her. Come on, speak. Sir, I am not lying. I have bought
this biscuit from Ramlal Pardeshi. Yes.
– I have paid for it. I know. We have arrested Ramlal also. Come on, come to the jail. Ramlal got arrested.
– Come on. Alka, say something.
– Leave him! Leave me.
– Leave Inspector, please leave. Please say one more time. Leave Ramlal. Rather than telling him to leave me;
you are telling to leave Ramlal. Police took me outside
holding me from the collar. The boys from the
society whistled at this. Police took me in an auto rickshaw,
not in a jeep. Auto started. But it stopped near public
toilet and not at the police station. Police threw his cap;
threw his shirt. And threw me out
of the auto in the end. When I saw carefully,
Ramlal Pardeshi was driving the auto. In short, Pardeshi flew away
after cheating me for 8 million. Don’t leave me. Hey! Stop it; stop playing such songs. Pardeshi went away
after cheating you and me. Quiet! I am finished, I am robbed.
That Pardeshi robbed me. Talk sensibly. Pardeshi robbed has other meaning. This has happened
because of your mother. My mother? Your mother was stubborn that
I should earn 2 million every month. I did all this because of that. 8 million rupees? And keep in mind Alka, if one wants to become a
millionaire over night, he has to take risks. So many people took risks; Dhirubhai
Ambani, Tata, Birla, all took risks. That’s why I too took risk. What are you talking about Tata when you don’t have money
even to buy potatoes? It will come. Money? Potatoes. Until then
you make some other vegetable. Where will we get money? How can we gather 8 million
even if we beg outside the temple? Fantastic idea! We can gather
from outside the temple only. See, if all 5 of us will sit
outside different temples, we can collect it faster. Who 5? Why? You, me,
your mother, father and your brother. You have gone mad.
– Just listen to me. Really. Alka, just listen to me. Anyone will give 200-500 just
by looking at your father’s face. What?
– I mean God has given him
a face like that, so! When I saw him for the first time, I
had thought he should get the award.. ..as the ‘Beggar of the Year’. I am just telling,
look Alka, it is not my fault. You try to understand. When a man’s time is bad,
his mind stops working. Same thing Lord Krishna
told Arjun in Geeta( mythology). What?
– That.. when a man’s time is bad… Then they both were talking,
but I was getting late; so I left. That’s why.. Don’t look at me with anger. I have made a police
complain against Ramlal. Ramlal Pardeshi has
used black magic on you. Black magic. Who says that? My mother. So your mother has
started this new issue. Black magic! And listen, that is why
she is bringing a Guru over here. Guru who? Guru Satyanand!
He is a very famous person. He can cure a mad person also. Then take your brother there first. There must not be a madder
person than him in the world. I have such big tension
of losing 8 million rupees. Still that stammering idiot called
me in the morning at 6.45 and said.. .. ‘brother-in-law,
I have got a solid business idea.’ I want to develop a
6.5 feet tall bathing soap. Wow! What’s there to be happy, idiot? I told Deven, ‘look brother, how
will a person hold that soap and how.. ..will he rub it on the body?’ So he told me,
‘brother-in-law, that’s the fun.’ Rub ourselves on the soap. Wow.
– He make me mad. Are we supposed to
rub ourselves on the soap? On top of it, he says, ‘brother-in-law,
you will have to do the T.V.commercial.’ Oh yes.
– My foot. So, everyone will wait when that
naked man will come and start jumping. Non-sense! Here he comes!
– Here comes the stammering idiot! Sister, please keep the
religious plate to welcome ready. Mother is bringing the Guru. I will just get it. Quiet
– Go fast. Alka, what is .. Brother-in-law, if you are standing
with folded hands and if the Guru.. ..gets angry on you,
he can turn you into a parrot. I have already become a
parrot by your mother’s anger. Not parrot, you have become a looser. You lost 8 million, right? Idiot! Are you getting happy? Again and again saying’
you lost 8 million’. Obviously I am happy. You would not have lost
money if you would have.. ..invested in business with me. What? Situation. What? Situation. Oh speak proper.
Stammering idiot! I came to know on the day of the
marriage that this idiot cannot say R. He was yelling on the phone,
‘eception has started’. That was not ‘eception’;
that was ‘reception’. He will not understand this, too. Brother-in-law,
you still have a chance. If you get the money
back by Guru’s blessings, then I have a very
good business idea. Should I tell you? I don’t want to hear? Inspector brother gave
me a good idea in the morning. I can’t take two shocks in a day. My health is very down. I have contacted
Lympho-circoma of pancreas. Let him find out. Lympho-circoma of pancreas? I have a disease without an R. I have a disease. Brother-in-law,
please listen to my idea. Hey..
– I have got it registered also. What? Agister. Say registered you fool. But why don’t you say R?
Do you have any enmity with R? Say R. Say Raja Rammohan Roy. Aja Ammohan Oy. Oh God! Aja Ammohan Oy. Listen, what should we do, we should sell Himalayan
air just like Himalayan water. What? Himalayan air? How will
you bring Himalayan air till here? It is simple. L will explain. We should go to Himalaya. We should pack the
fresh air into cylinders; bring it to Mumbai, then sell it off. Every morning you go out
with the cart and start shouting, ‘please take fresh Himalayan air’. Go to hell. What will you do if I have
to go and sell it every morning? I will be packing
the air in the Himalayas. Oh God! Brother-in-law,
how do you like the idea? Air-tight. Brother-in-law, you are mental. Okay.
– This is the future! Okay, should I tell
you one small idea? But I don’t want to hear your ideas. Just listen; I am not going
to ask for money if you just listen. Brother-in-law, we should
make petrol out of perspiration. What? Petrol out of perspiration. Petrol out of perspiration! Damn you. Think a little more about it.
It’s a great idea. I am telling you think a little more. Try to make CNG out
of a particular place. Useless; you want to make
petrol out of perspiration. Start CNG; all the cars
with CNG will come to you. Stand outside your house daily evening
and morning to fill up the tanks. Stop troubling me, stammering idiot. You are troubling my sister. It was our mistake that we
gave our invaluable sister to you. Take her back in half the price. Don’t act smart.
– Leave it. Move, move. Guru is coming. Sister, please keep the holy
plate ready, the Guru has arrived. Yes. – Don’t shout,
keep your mouth shut. Alka, this is wrong. This Guru.. You just sit.
– What sit? Idiot, you went under me?
You didn’t even tell me. Now, I must have
got some CNG inside me. Then you sit here.
– What is this ‘sit, sit’? Come, sit. I will give you some CNG. Keep your mouth shut. What is this? Why are you
sprinkling this water on me? It’s not water. This is cow-pee. You sprinkled cow-pee? Mind your tongue.
The Guru is as strict as he is kind. “Hail Lord Shiva.” “Long live Guru Satyanand.” Touch his feet. She is telling you.
Touch my feet. Here is my foot. Be a little quick.
It’s uncomfortable. She is telling you. Okay, I have to do it. Guru, put up your foot,
I want to touch.. Leave it; you are wearing
skirt sort of a thing. Guru, I have made holy
liquid for you. Should I bring? Give. Holy liquid! See this. Cow-pee! Disaster. He seems to have liked it. Guru! I am asking for
forgiveness on his behalf. Get up girl. He called me girl! Poor thing must be having
cataract in both the eyes. Guru, he is my husband. People cheat others;
he cheated himself. I know everything. Guru, you are know-it-all.
You are my Swami (husband). What are you saying mother? Guru, he is my son. That is your misunderstanding. Means? No one belongs to
anyone in this world. This is all God’s creations. This is all His creations. So, someone named God
used to stay besides you? What are you saying?
– Because mother said that it is all his creations;
that’s why. Right?
– Yes, Niranjan Papa. – Quiet. Guru, he is mentally unstable. He talks non-sense. Senseless child, come in front of me. You come down. Come here. Don’t shout at me in my own house.
I have seen so many gurus like you. Leave me. Oh God! Magical ash! Ash! Magic! Guru’s magic! You idiot!
It is no your Guru’s magic. The colour has come off,
so it is falling off every day. People ask me in the office,
‘do you have dandruff?’ You don’t trust my magical powers. I don’t. I trust the power of Bournvita
more than the power of a guru. What magic can you do?
Shoe me right here. Do one thing,
make my mother-in-law a rat. I will keep her in
a bag and leave her. Mother.. Oh God!
– Get up! Fool. This idiot is not a man. Make him a monkey. I won’t become a monkey. Quiet!
– Should I become a cat? You want to be a cat? Let him be a cat if he wishes so.
Alka this is all a non-sense. Even I feel like becoming a guru. This is the best business in India. I will start taking my
lectures on a T.V. channel. Son, eat fried snack with
green sauce; do the cheque payment. There will be long queue. Of idiots. So you mean am I a fool?
– You are the leader. Mother, are we leaders? Oh God! Shut up. Keep quiet. Come here. I will have to show
my power to this atheist. Guru, what is this? A film award. Best Guru category! You got it for which movie? Wow! “Lungi dance, Lungi dance” Taliva! Remove it. Yes! Children,
this is the Goddess of Wishes. You can ask for any three
things from this Goddess. Ask to Goddess of Wishes?
– Yes. Take, ask your 3 wishes. Baby, listen to me and
ask for a new husband only! That also you will get. What will you get?
– Arvind! What did you say?
– Enough of this. Get out. What did you say?
– Don’t talk much.. Guru.. Guru..Guru.. Guru..listen to me Guru.. Non-sense!
– What did you do? Non-sense, how can you
ask 3 wishes from a statue? Ask in front of me. Alka! I can’t see anything. Mother! Allu, my eyes! The Guru seems to be angry with me. Guru, I have made a mistake. Quiet. This was my magic, idiot! This much brains you have!
You instantly trusted me. But you don’t have
brains in your genes. He, too will never have brains. Where did he get this statue from?
Made in China. Ask a wish from her;
you will get a Chinese husband. Then you all can dance
on ‘Ganganam Style’. You mental? What did you do? You insulted the Guru
and threw him out of the house? Guru went; now it’s your turn. What?
– Brother-in-law; I will see how you can
throw mother out of the house. I won’t take her out alone;
we 4 will take her out; in a coffin. You mean to say Aam. Say Ram not aam. You please don’t come
for her funeral also. If you say aam then all women will
come to purchase it. Enough now Vakharia.
I know the truth of my Guru. Truth?
– Yes! Baby, one of my friends
was unable to have kids. She got pregnant because
of Guru’s kindness. Is he Guru or something else? What are you saying?
– Non-sense. I don’t want this statue in my house. We are fighting
because of this statue. Child? Because of Guru?
– Yes. Even I want a child. Tell Guru. Madness.
– What is this madness? You are doing this madness every day. Tell that Guru to help me get a child.
– Go inside. You shouldn’t push like
this in the end-days. My God! I think I am having twins. Go now. Deven, Guru’s insult is my insult. And mother, your insult is my insult. I will teach brother-in-law
a lesson right now. O magical statue!
Make my brother-in-law… “Hail Lord Shiva” But what did you ask for? Mother, I asked this statue
to make brother-in-law a lady. Mother, I am really sorry. Arvind insulted the Guru very much. Sister, where is brother-in-law? He is having a bath. Mother, you go inside
the washroom and check. What? Not like that. Just check if the wish
has come true or not. What? What are you doing Arvind? Not Arvind; it’s Aruna. What is this? My long thick black hair! “Smile is fake” “I am also pregnant” What is this? Sister, this statue has the power. You get what you ask for.
– Means? I had asked the statue
to make brother-in-law a lady. You donkey! What did you ask? Whole life I will have
to stay with such a husband? No, I will ask second wish. Magical statue,
make my husband as he was. “Hail Lord Shiva” Arvind, please come out. You! Why are you shouting? Keep this statue down.
Quickly pack my tiffin. I got two calls from the wife of the
boss that come fast; boss is not there. What? – It means I
have to finish the work. Should I make him again? Make what? “I am also pregnant” Now you understood it’s pregnant. Till now you thinking
it is mobile charger. Non-sense!
– Enough. We have used 2 wishes. This is the last wish.
I will only ask it. Please, you don’t do it.
Let me do it. I will ask on behalf of both of us.
Leave it. Magical statue! Make all the dreams
of my wife come true! “Hail Lord Shiva” Did you see dear,
I asked for everything in one wish. Now, take them out.
– Come on. What come on? What did you ask for?
– Why? Baby you should have
asked to ‘fulfill’ the dreams, and not ‘become true’. Mother, dreams come
true when it is fulfilled. No! Imagine you have
a ghost in your dream. What if that comes true? Now, you are starting
a new issue. Ghost! Imagine if you dream
of Sunami coming, then? Sunami? Dream about your mother’s funeral!
– Keep quiet. Sister,
– Yes. if you dream about earth-quack, then? First you learn to speak,
stammering idiot. Earth-quack should first
know that I have to come. All the 3 wishes are finish. Now? Now finish brother-in-law. Listen to me.
– Brother-in-law! My stammering brother-in-law
made me run for 1 kilometer. Somehow I managed to save my life. I sat on the foot-path
till very late night. There, I got the call
from the police station that Ramlal Pardeshi is in Goa. And I immediately
caught the bus for Goa. Hello! Brother-in-law? Hello? Hello? The person whom you want
to talk doesn’t want to talk to you. Cut the phone, stammering idiot. Brother-in-law, I know it’s you. Tell the truth, where are you? Call me how many times you want; but I am not going to
tell you that I am in Goa. Brother-in-law,
we all are in tension here. So? Sister is behaving like a mad. That’s because of you. You get out of the house,
she will again become wise. Cut the phone. Brother-in-law, don’t act smart. Come here immediately;
or else we all will come to Goa. Why you want to come to Goa? Is
any religious lecture going on here? I am coming back by
tonight’s bus. Cut it. Come fast. Listen, please listen to me.
– I don’t want to listen. Please listen.
I have not gone to Goa to party. I had gone to find
out Ramlal Pardeshi. But that was some other Ramlal; and there I got Deven’s call
that sister is behaving like mad. I said very good.
– What? I said very good that you called up.
So I came back. Stop it now, do you’ve any idea what I’ve gone
through in the last 3 days because of you. Because of me?
– Yes; you asked the statue to
make all my dreams come true. Yes, so? From that time,
magic is happening in our house. What are you saying?
Magic in our house? Yes.
– What? I dream of whatever
I see before going to sleep. Then it appears in this house. And then vanishes. You are talking like a mad? Comes in the dreams, disappears; .. I have told you not to see those dubbed regional
films till late in the night. This is all an illusion. No, it is not, it is the fact. 3 days ago, I slept while
watching a religious channel on T.V. So, I saw Sai baba in dreams.
– Yes. Then he came in our house. Sai baba came in
the house from the T.V.? Yes. Very good. Okay. See, I don’t have any
problem in him coming to our house. 2 days ago I slept
while watching the news. So, Manmohan Singh came and sat here. What are you saying?
Manmohan Singh sat beside you? Yes.
– Good! What did he say? Does he ever speak? You know, what have I done?
– What? Whenever I keep my phone on
silent mode, I call it Manmohan Mode. It was a joke. Please laugh. This is not funny. Yesterday I dreamt of a very
wicked and witch-type looking lady. Witch-type lady?
– Yes. Means your mother?
– What? Means does your mother
know about all this? Yes. Poor thing is praying every day. And Deven has gone
to bring some psychiatrist. Deven himself doesn’t
have mind and you sent him to.. See, we don’t need a doctor;
you just stop seeing these dreams. You shut up.
– Then.. Sister.. Sister..
– Deven has come. Deven has come.
– Sister.. I have found;
I have found the doctor. Dead? Found. Found. He is a psychologist.
He has cured a lot of people. You first get yourself cured.
Sit here. Where is the doctor?
– Sit. – Here. Doctor..welcome.. Hello everybody. Good evening! Good evening in the morning? My method is little different! He himself doesn’t look well. Why is he making sounds like a horse? Is he really a doctor?
– Yes. Eat your meal. No, there is still time for it. My name is Dr. Jayendra Modi. Okay. My elder brother is Bhadresh Modi. Bhamo. My father is Ramniklal. Ramo. My grandfather.. Stop it. What a family? Take policy for your family. Excuse me, are you the patient? No; I am husband. My wife is the patient. Wife? Very good!
– Yeah. I am ladies specialist. Oh no! Oh my God! What happened?
Anything serious? Alka Inamdar! Mithibai college? Yes. Didn’t you recognize me?
I am Jayendra. Jayu. Jayu! Jayu! Oh God! I’m Jayla. Do you remember you used to
call me Jayla with love in college? Yes. You used to love him in college? You used to love this waiter? And your mother rejected me? Alka! Leave it. What are you two doing? I have called you here for
her treatment; not to play with her. Alka, today we have
after so many years. Yes.
– Come in the bed room. What do you mean by
‘come in the bed room’? My method is little different. I treat ladies patients
in the bed room only. What do you mean? Do your treatment in front
of my eyes, or leave. Get out. Okay. Alka, please sit here. Now, the treatment starts. What is he doing? He has towel in his bag. Is he going to start bathing also? My method is little different. Hell with your method! My method is more different.
Should I show you? Should I start? It’s okay. Now tell me, what is your problem? What is happening to you? I am dreaming since past 3 days; and whoever I see in dreams,
comes to my house. Very good! What’s so good about it? Today it will be the other way.
– Means? Whoever is in the house
will come in the dreams. Should I start my method again? Okay; so who all came
in your dreams till today? Sai Baba,
Manmohan Singh, Emran Hashmi. Look at your sister! She hasn’t told
me about Emran Hashmi. What did he do with you? Same as he does in the films. Means?
– Brother-in-law.. – Yes Idiot, you are showing me that? And you allowed him to do all that?
– Yes. What problem do you have, mister? Who else should have
the problem if not me? Are you her relative? I will kill this idiot. Just now I told
that I am her husband. That’s why. You are her husband,
that’s why her mind has revolted. Revolt?
– Yes. This is a case of Drimingities. Oh my God! Dimingities.. What does that mean, brother-in-law?
– Fool. Why are you scaring
me if you don’t know? Brother-in-law, I am going
to pick up mother. Are you coming? I cannot leave him
alone here and go anywhere. Okay. Dimingities.. Oh God! Dr. Modi, do you know
the treatment for Drimingities or you had taken it in option? I have the cure for it. Show me.
– Okay. Alka, look at this. Now, go to sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep… What is this? Is he dead or what? Jayla… Why are you crying as
if you have become widow? Sleep.. sleep.. I should slap you. What kind of treatment is this?
Sleep.. sleep.. saying this,
you yourself fell asleep. My method is.. Is this the method? Dabbing powder on
the face is method, what? Enough. Why don’t you understand? This will be proved now that whoever Alka dreams
of really comes here or not. How will you prove it? I will show her the
picture of an elephant. Elephant?
– Yes, how will elephant come
in such a small house? He seems for Mayawati’s party. Alka, what is this? Elephant.
– Very good! Can you see its legs?
– Yes. Can you see its trunk?
– Yes. Can you see its horns? An elephant with a horn?
– Yes. Show it to me also
where does it have horns? Look at this. These are not horns, these are teeth. My method is.. This man will make me mad. Is this the way you
increase your patients? Yes. Shut up! Alka, look at this picture carefully. Now look at this and go to sleep. Sleep. Sleep.
Let it appear what you are seeing. Let the elephant appear. Coming; the elephant is coming. Baby…baby I have come. Female elephant has come! Who is this wild lady? Wow! How did you recognize her? She is wild. She is my mother-in-law. Mummy… Why are you jumping up and down? First treat the baby,
and then treat the mother. Take her to the bed room if you want.
– What!!? No, his method is little different. I will start again.
Alka, what is this? Gorilla.
– Very good! Can you see is head? Yes.
– Can you see its hands? Yes.
– Can you see its legs? Yes. Can you see its child? Don’t disturb me. What is he doing? Alka, look at this picture carefully. Now look at this and go to sleep. Sleep. Sleep.
Let it appear what you are seeing. Let the gorilla appear. Coming? Coming. Gorilla is coming. What are you saying? Gorilla has come. How can a gorilla… It came; gorilla really
came into the house! Everyone was scared;
but I got an idea! My wife’s sickness
can make me a millionaire. And I kicked doctor and woke him up. Gorilla, forgive me. Gorilla.. Idiot pulled out hair from
my legs saying, ‘gorilla…gorilla..’ Vakharia, you? Yes. Gorilla went? I don’t know! Check properly. In the bathroom,
in the bed room, in the table drawer.. Will a 7 feet gorilla
go into a table drawer? Shut up. I can’t believe this. Alka is right, doctor. Whatever you show her before going
to sleep is appearing in the house. Just think, such a big
gorilla came into the house! It was jumping;
it threw mother-in-law in the air. My heart stopped beating. My heart beats also.. Stopped? Heart is on the right side. Haven’t you read about the organs
that are placed below the brains .. ..just because you
studied about the brain? Non-sense. Doctor, keep quiet. Look, Alka is still sleeping. Before she wakes up, listen
to what I have to say Dr. Modi. I don’t want Alka to get treated. Let everything go on as it is. But.. I have a superb idea.
– Idea.. And I need your help.
– My help.. Don’t repeat everything. Shut up.
I forgot what I wanted to say. Yes. Doctor,
you again hypnotize Alka. Quiet. And this time, show her this;
a 1000 rupees note. Why a thousand rupees note? Why, we showed her a picture
of gorilla and gorilla appeared. In the same way, if we hypnotize Alka
and show her a thousand rupees note, .. ..what will appear? What what?
1000 rupees will appear, right? It will be a lottery! Alka shouldn’t know
about this gorilla. Gorilla… Where is gorilla? I have seen that
a gorilla had come here. What? Gorilla?
– Yes. Mad! How can a gorilla
come into the house? Doctor, tell her how
can a gorilla come here. How can a gorilla come? From where? How can a gorilla come? How can a gorilla come? Why are you acting like a gorilla? I have seen. You must have seen him. Doctor, what has happened to me? Vakharia will decide that. He is making me responsible. Darling, you have contacted
Dream Gunia, just like Chicken Gunia. This is a very latest disease. You like everything latest, right?
– Yes. The treatment for that is very
lengthy. You come into the bed room. I won’t come. You shouldn’t behave like this.
You are my good girl, right? You are my good darling, right? You are wise, right?
Come on. Start that new treatment. Come into the bedroom, Modi.
My wife is so wise! Now, my child will go to sleep. Now, my child will go to sleep. Enough now! Alka, look at this and go to sleep. Sleep. Sleep. She is sleeping. Modi, show her this 1000 rupees note. Hypnotize her and tell her that
the1000 rupees notes should rain. I am also saying the same. One minute!
– What? What will I get if the
1000 rupees notes really rain? Blessings. Good bye! – But what else do I give you?
– 50%. Why should I give you 50%? My wife, my idea;
why should I give you 50%? Technique of hypnotizing! Who gives 50% just
for shaking glass ball? Say something reasonable. 25%. Does this look good?
What are you saying all this? Alka, was your girl-friend in
college; you has sung songs with her. Give me some discount! 2212.5%; final! Okay, do it. What am I saying, if I allow you to sing a song
one more time, will you do it in 6%? What?
– I just asked you. If you can’t do it, then say no. A Gujarati man will
always try to bargain! Alka, look at this
1000rupees note carefully. Now, go to sleep.
Let it appear what you are seeing. Let it appear. Jai Hind! Bharat Mata ki jai! Where did Mother India come from? We have shown her… What is this? Gandhiji, move ahead. My God! Modi. This is Gandhiji. But where did he come from?
We have shown her the note… You changed the side of the note! What have you done, doctor? She saw the face of Ganhdiji
on the note and Gandhiji appeared. I want hard cash;
I will get nothing for Gandhiji. What are you saying?
He is The Father of the Nation. But you are a headache. In my house, you have made me.. How do I take him out of the house? Gandhiji. Gandhiji. It is time for prayers, Gandhiji. Come on Gandhiji, prayers… Gandhiji, prayers.. He is stuck here now. He is standing in the
middle of the bed room. All my work is gone for a toss. What problem have
you created in my house? Instead of money.. I have one idea. Let me try. Gandhiji; Kasturba is calling you. Kasturba… Oh God! He went. See;
my method is little different. Gandhiji worked for the country,
Kasturba worked for me. Gandhiji.. Relax! So much she screamed! I didn’t
know she knew Gandhiji so well! Let me check! Not here; vanished. What’s going on?
– I will start again. Yes, start again. This time don’t show the picture.
Hide Gandiji’s face. Okay.
– Let me see. Don’t hide the zeros.
We will get 10 rupees notes. Sorry. Okay! Show her. Alka, see the amount
of 1000 carefully. Now go to sleep. Let it appear what you are seeing. Let the 1000 rupees notes rain. I think this note is fake. Is the note fake? Original Gandhiji came over here and
you are saying that the note is fake. Your treatment is fake, Modi.
Get out. Money is raining… Oh my God! Just look at this. Oh my God!
Money is raining. Catch it, catch it. She is sleeping.
– Don’t catch her; catch the notes. I can’t believe this, doctor. Wow Gandhiji,
what magic you have done! Lived life in dhoti
and entered in 1000 Rs note. Fill it up, Modi, fast. My God! What are you doing?
– Yes. Doctor, who is she? She is Alka. No, she is not Alka;
she is my printer cum scanner. Every day I will print the
1000 rupees notes in her dreams, I will become a millionaire.
– Wow! And then I will retire
like Bill Gates. Very good! At that time,
give this scanner to me. Come into your senses. Doctor, when you have money in
your hands, you forget who you are. And when you don’t have money in your
hands, people forget who you are. Now, I will sit in the silver
chair and eat in gold plate. Then what will I do? You serve me. Don’t forget I am your partner.
– I know. We will check and count my share. Don’t open it again and again.
Close it. I have seen two; two and half million
rupees for the first time, so I am excited. Modi, what are you getting
excited in 2 million rupees? I am telling you; keep the
daily target of 10 million rupees. 10 million? Let it rain;
this is our own Reserve Bank. Let the money pile up;
then see my magic! I will be ahead of Azim Premji;
I will make Anil Ambani a nil; .. ..and Mukesh Ambani
has made Antilla building, I will make my building
Chotilla next to it. She will be dumb-struck. Why do you keep on chanting ‘money’?
Why do you love money? Let my mother-in-law and
brother-in-law come; I will teach them a lesson. What are you doing? She will wake up. Hide the bag under the bed.
– Yes. Husband! Yes.
– Yes! Yes! Yes! Why are you answering? She is saying
‘husband’; she isn’t saying ‘loafer’. You want to answer!
Go and stand outside. Okay. Go like a human. Non-sense! Gandhiji.. Gandhiji.. I am Arvind, dear. Arvind Gandhiji. Now she is making me Gandhiji. Where is Gandhiji?
– Who? Where is Gandhiji?
– Who Gandhiji? Mohandas Gandhi.
He had come here to meet me. Then it rained and he went away.
Where did he go? He may have gone to get the umbrella. 1000 rupees note
were raining, Arvind. I am dead! That is a very strange dream you had. How 1000 rupees can notes rain? Darling, take out such
thoughts from your mind. Dr. Modi just now said that you will have to be hypnotized
10 times in a day, then … ..the target will be achieved.
– What? Treatment will be over; like that. I don’t want to see his face. Very good! Now you just have
to keep your eyes closed; I will take care of everything else. We will go to some good doctor. No, Modi is perfect. Who says? Says our political parties! Modi. Damn. I took NAMO’s name by mistake. Look sweety, I have found
a new way of earning money. Don’t ask me now. You get well soon;
then we both will go on world tour. No, not world tour;
we will go somewhere else! Okay, we will go outside the world. Yes. We will take my mother also. We will keep her there
only and come back. I will leave you there. You are not satisfied at anything. Shut up. Go, you sit inside. Idiot, doesn’t want
to go on world tour! My God! This bag. I will have to hide this money bag. I will keep.. Here it’s a problem.
Gandhiji keeps coming over here. I can’t find a place in my own house. One minute! Why did you take so much time inside? I am sorry, I got late; but I was.. Hey, she is my wife.
I can take as much time as I want. Why are you scolding me?
– Sorry; I was asking any problem? Yes, there’s a big problem. As soon as Alka was awake,
she started asking where Gandhiji is; and money was raining. We will be dead! All will be over if Alka
comes to know about the money. Enough Vakharia,
it is the question of 12.5%. Shut up. Don’t speak about 12.5%
in front of her. She will doubt is. Move your bag.
– Yes. First count all the money.
Let us see how much is there. Brother-in-law..
– Oh God! Brother-in-law.. Here comes the stammering idiot. Hide this bag, Modi. Keep it there.
– Okay. Today I will teach
my mother-in-law a lesson. Brother-in-law. Brother-in-law, look at this. Wow! Have you participated
in fancy dress? What are you acting;
beggar mother and son? Vakharia, you are not my son-in-law;
you are my enemy. That gorilla picked me
up and you just kept watching. But I thought he
might be your relative. What are you ..
– Where is that gorilla? He is in the room. Wake him up.
– Mother! Idiots, do gorillas come
like this in anybody’s houses? You are talking like idiots. How can a gorilla come?
It is your hallucination. Is this hallucination? Hallucination! It is hallucination. Doctor, you explain to
him how can a gorilla come here? How can a gorilla come? How can? How can a gorilla come? What happens to you? As soon as I
say gorilla, you start acting weird. You get you DNA checked. Non-sense! No gorilla had come, okay? And listen mother-in-law; Alka’s
new treatment is going to start now. You won’t be able to watch it,
you get out. You get out. I have come to get my baby. Get means? Now my sister won’t
stay in this house. No..no..no.. Alka will stay in this house only. It is a question of 12.5%. Modi, leave about 12.5. Look, we have to take Alka
to Switzerland for operation. And if the operation
cannot be done there, then we will have
to take her to Bardoli. Vardoli! Fool, Bardoli! Listen to me, you all.. Deven; mother; what happened to you? Sister, this house is danger.
You come with me. No Alka, you cannot live the house. Sister, I told you,
you just come with me. Don’t go sister. I don’t want to stay in this house.
I am going. No…. Very good Modi! Don’t leave. Alka, you will have to go from this
house upon the doctor’s dead body. What are you saying? You stand there; how will
we get money if she goes away? Should I die for that? Right now you die,
and then we will see. I won’t let my baby stay
in this house; not at any cost. Tell me the cost. Tell me your cost; your son’s cost;
I will buy both of you. What do you say, Modi?
– Yes, today we have hard cash. Why are you talking
about the hard cash? Do we have to donate it or what?
You just sit down. Hard cash?
How this beggar will give hard cash? I will punch you if you say beggar. You oldie! You fat buffalo! Vakharia!
– Sit down. Stand up. Sit down. What power I have got! This is the magic of vitamin M. Look at this man’s shamelessness. How many men were there? How many men were there in
your life before my father-in-law? 3! 3! Stammering idiot blurted out! Alka, now I am not afraid of anyone. Your mother was telling
me to earn 2 million daily. I am going to earn
10 million per day. How much you want, stammering idiot? 2 million. 2 million?
– Yes. What will you do with 2 million? Brother-in-law, I will
make a mosquito repellent cream. Idiot is always ready with the ideas! Brother, forget about this cream;
because mosquitoes don’t go away by.. ..applying creams. Brother-in-law, my cream
is to be applied on the mosquitoes, Then?
– Not on the human beings. Applied on the mosquitoes. Idiot! Run..
– Brother-in-law. All your ideas are dumb; applying cream
on mosquitoes, rolling on the soap.. Don’t you ever think about the fan! Otherwise you will say that we have
to go round and round under the fan. Non-sense; get out! Oh God! You have grown nails so long! What do you want, item girl? Hey! Item girl. Item girl. Item girl. What is this? What are you doing?
Your spine will get hurt. Who will do like you? He will make me mad. What do you want? Diamond necklace! Yes. Diamond necklace!
I will try, mother-in-law. If I can’t, then I will definitely
wear you a sandalwood necklace. What? Brother-in-law,
a beautiful girl for me. Should I search girl for you? No kidnapped. Beautiful girl. Say proper you fool. Look at your face! No one will give you a girl
even if I give billion rupees. Find a boy for you.
– Hey! Alka, my love, tell what do you want? Who will give you so much money? You! Me? You won’t understand.
Only I and doctor know. Why do you keep on chanting ‘money’?
Why do you love money? Why do you keep on chanting ‘money’? What happens to him? Stop it. Stop these vipers.
Battery will be discharged. Baby, I think some
ghost has caught him. May God give peace to his soul. I want peace of mind;
it is not working because of you. Someone has said the truth
that the God cannot be everywhere; so he created mother. I will tell you what is ahead; mother-in-law was created so
that the devil can reach everywhere. Look at this man’s shamelessness!
What is he talking? I will; I will talk rudely. I am a devotee of Baba Ramdev. Baba Ramdev?
– Yes, he is the only man in the whole world who knows what to
do with a mother-in-law. What? Everyday morning he
tells that on the T.V. Control on your breath. Modi, what are you doing this? Get out all of you. Stammering idiot, come tomorrow,
I will give you 2 million rupees. 2 million? First take out
2 rupees from your 2 pockets. Acting smart? Get the bag! 2 rupees? What did you say? Now you understand
what trouble we go through. Damn you. Open the bag! Alka, see how much
money is there inside? Keep on chanting ‘money’ Hey liar! It’s empty! What is this? There was money inside.
– What? Money.
– What? I’m talking like him. There was 1000 rupees…. What is it? 1000 rupees bundles were there. Stop lying,
or else I will beat you up. Sit! Come mother. Come Deven. 2 million rupees. Take this;
keep these 20 rupees from me. Item girl. I got it;
you want 12.5% from this, right? Doctor, where did the money go? You cheater! You fraud!
– What are you doing? Tell me, where have hidden the money? I don’t know.
– Don’t lie. I am not lying.
I promise on your wife. Why are you taking her promise? My method is little different. Don’t lie; tell me the truth otherwise
I will tell the entire episode to Alka. Talk from a distance.
You talk less and spit more. I don’t know. How is this possible? I gave you the bag
with the money in it. Alka came,
so I told you to open the bag. So, in between … My God! Doctor.
– Yes. Doctor, this all has happened
because of the blessing Alka has got. Blessing? Yes. One Guru blessed Alka
that her dreams will come true. The meaning ‘dreams will come
true’ is that when Alka wakes up, whatever she has dreamt
of will disappear. Understood? No. You don’t have any brains. Don’t talk like my wife! I am not interested in your wife. Me, too! Just think;
remember; the gorilla came. Alka woke up;
and the gorilla vanished. Right? Gandhiji came inside;
he too vanished. In the same way, as soon
as Alka woke up in the bed room, 2.5 million rupees
from this bag vanished. Means my 12.5% gone? You care about 12.5%!
Just think about this man with 87.5%! So many dreams I have seen! I will build Chotilla
next to Antilla. Now I will have to beg
outside the temple near Chotilla. We are back to square one. No money! Doctor, I have an idea? What? What will happen if we spend
the money before Alka wakes up? But she wakes up very soon. What if we keep her asleep
until we have spent all the money? We will have to do this only, doctor. Guru will be amazed. Listen, now Alka
will come from outside. Somehow I will take
her inside the bed room. You hypnotize her again. This time, as soon as money rains;
you collect it and run. Just buy whatever you see in the first
shop that you see outside the lane. Don’t buy from the first shop;
it is of ladies garments. There is an electronics
shop next to it. Will I have to go?
– You will have to go. Then what will you do? Why are you asking idiot questions? I will take care that Alka
should not wake up. Understood? Every day you go for purchasing and I’ll
stay at home and keep Alka sleeping. And if necessary, I will
sing lullabies morning and evening. Lullabies? One has to do everything
for the progress of our business. “Don’t wake up, my dear.” “Don’t wake up, my dear.” I forgot dear. Yes, ours; she is ours. Means?
– Our both. Yes. You! We have not talked
about 12.5% in that. And remember Modi,
I am doing all these for my wife. Because I love her so much. Really?
– Yes. Then build a Taj Mahal for her. Fool! Does a Gujarati man
ever make such unnecessary expenses? Shah-Jahan was a fool
to spend billions on Taj Mahal. You can get million Mumtaj
in the interest of million. Hello! Oshiwara police station. Hawaldar Patil. Speak. What speak? This is A.C.P.
Tamboli from Crime Branch. Good morning sir. Dangerous crimes are
being committed in the city. One bearded man purchases
things for cash; and money vanishes after some time. Money vanishes? Catch this bearded man otherwise you,
me and the Chief Minister; we all will lose our jobs. Now, move fast. Modi, where are you?
Haven’t you finished the job yet? I will get heart attack here. She will wake up any time.
Stock of lullabies is over now. Now I am remixing the movie
songs and making lullabies. Please finish the job fast.
You forgot the name again? Omkar Jewellers. Yes,
it is the question of 30 million. Be quick. Yes. Please don’t
call up again. Cut the phone. Sleep away, my darling.
Don’t wake up. Job is not over yet. My name is Sheela.
Youth of Sheela. You don’t wake up. Oh God! I am in a bad state. I have
to make 60-70 lullabies in a day. But I have to; my whole business
is dependent upon the lullabies. It’s been a week!
So many things we have bought! Every day notes are being piled up! Every day Modi is running
with the bags full of money! 4-5 shops of the area have shut shop. Modi comes out of
the shop after purchasing then that man opens the cash drawer
and there is no money. Today I have to clear off 30 million. Today Modi will purchase jewellery worth
30 million rupees from Omkar Jewellers, ..so, tomorrow it will shut shop. Modi. Vakharia. Yes, have you entered the shop?
– No. Where are you? In the window.
– Window? Modi? Vakharia. What have you done? You climbed the
building pipe and came? Yes.
– What happened? My B.P. has shot up. You climb pipes when your B.P.
is high? Your method is really different! Quickly give me the diamond necklace. I haven’t taken. – Then what did you
do for so many hours? There was tight security
in the jewellery shop. Tight security is bound to be there. It is a question of 30 million.
Go fast; she will wake up. There is no need to go anywhere.
– Why? I have brought the owner
of Omkar Jewellers along with me. With you?
– He is sitting in the car. Are you out of your mind? Why did you bring this jeweller home? To meet the King of Dharasana. Who is the King of Dharasana? You! Me? I am the King of Dharasana! I told the jeweller that the King of
Dharasana wants to buy the jewellery. So you will have to go.
– What? Leave all that. Wear the coat. What coat? There is the coat of the
king inside it. I have rented it. It means I will have to be
rented king in front of the jeweller. What a foolish idea! I will become a king; that jeweller
will ask questions and immediately, I will be caught. He won’t ask any question.
It is my guarantee. Who cares about your guarantee? My luck is bad. I am playing
cards since 30 years and in that too I have never had king. 87.5%! 87.5! 30 million! Get it over fast.
I won’t answer too many questions. One minute Modi; I forgot the
name of the place whose king I am. Dharasana.
– Yes. Modi, where is this place? You decide that. Okay. Useless! Dharasana.. This is stinking of vomit. It seems like the King of Dharavi.
This looks like some drunkard’s coat. You please sleep, dear. Anaconda, I request you. No, no. Your wet lips. I can’t think. Sleep. It’s working. Let me get it over with; I will forget the name..Dharasana. Welcome Omkar sir. Sit. Thank you. This is the King’s Summer Palace. King is a very colourful man.
– Means? Means he spends winter with his
first wife; summer with second wife .. And monsoon? With anyone’s wife! Royal blood! I will call the King. O great King; Omkar sir has arrived. O strong one;
come to the royal court! Victory to the King of .. Dharasana! You don’t have to say. Who else is there to say? There is a problem. I have worn the coat with the hanger. Take out the hanger from my back. My under-arms got scratched. This coat is stinking of vomit.
I am feeling .. King, this is Omkar sir. Zumba, zumba; hakuna matata. Rice and garlic potato. Which language is he speaking? This is our national language. Damn you. This is his mother-tongue. Secretary, don’t act smart.
Jeweller, sit. Thank you sir. Pardon me;
I had to call you in the Royal Court. Tomorrow morning,
I am leaving for London. Wow!
– He has to catch 8.00 o’clock train. Train? I am going to London;
and not Limdi. Don’t ruin my image. Why are you getting up
again and again? Just sit down. Pardon me sir.
Sir, what is your name? You have not given me that. Where should I get his name from? Now what are you acting?
Where do I give him a name from? Jeweller,
actually, my name is not yet decided. Decided? Name is not decided. They have a name for the country
and not for me. Confuse him by saying anything. You will fall down. Now, today I need it,
so I will keep a name. What? Secretary, keep it. What? Give me a name. Yes! Vajesang sir. Very good! I am Vajesang sir. My father was Samsung sir. Mother was Nokia. This is fun. Let it go on. Just now, I launched a phone in
memory of my father, Samsung Galaxy. Wow! Repair my Royal Seat. It is broken. Legs are shaking. Not of the chair,
my legs are shaking. Very jolly! Sir, where was your kingdom spread? He is asking everything
out of the syllabus. Now where do I get my kingdom from? Where was my kingdom spread? Good question! Can I take audience poll? Yes.
He is very jolly. Don’t laugh, you donkey! No one has asked me such
rubbish question till today. My kingdom was very huge;
from there till there. No sir, exactly from where to where? He is a pest. How much
do you want to keep it, you say? We all will decide. We don’t … See, my kingdom started
from here and came upto here. It increased up to here; ended here.
Did you get it? My great grandfather started the
kingdom here and brought up to here. My grandfather increased
this portion with his hard work. My father contributed a lot
for the progress of the nation. Then there was nothing much
to develop. So I winded it up. Very good! Yes, very good. Jeweller, my father fought
with the Britishers for this portion. With Britishers? With Lord Mount Abu. Abu? Lord Mount Badminton. Yes, with Lord Mount Badminton. But where did he fight it? He has a new issue now,
where did he fight. Bhindi Bazar. There is a snack-seller in
Bhindi Bazar, behind him they fought. It was a very huge fight between
Britishers and my grandfather. But this war is not mentioned
in the books of History. Why? Because he book was printed just
two days before the war took place. Oh God! He may say show in the history books! How do I show him?
War in Bhindi bazar? Now, he will ask why they fought.
– Yes. Then ask. Everyone come
and ask me why it happened. It happened because every night my grandfather
used to go there to eat snack. Britishers smelled it. Smelled what? The snack! Idiot. They smelled my grandfather. That is why to kill
my brave grandfather; the entire British
army went to Bhindi Bazar. Now, you see jeweller;
it is midnight. Stars are twinkling in the sky. Night creatures are
also making noises. At night, my grandfather reached
Bhindi Bazar, took first morsel of the.. ..snack in the hand and
Britishers started the fire. Grandfather saw Britishers;
Britishers saw grandfather. And grandfather tried took
out his sword; but it didn’t. It was rusted. And when he looks down, what he sees? His pants were down. He drew the string of
the pants along with the sword. Britishers were also
shocked like this. Grandfather took advantage of this;
he showed good timing. He threw piping hot
snacks on the Britishers. And the Britishers
ran away very scared. This way we got our freedom. Sir, I came to know this thing today. No problem. These viewers
also came to know today itself. Then our country got freedom. At the time of freedom, Pt. Jawaharlal
Nehru announced from the Red Fort .. ..to make one statue of
grandfather in Bhindi Bazar. That is right!
– But people said no. Why? How will a statue without pants look?
That is why. Over? Sir, one last question? You keep asking questions,
but where do I get the answers from? I don’t have that much capacity. Secretary, get it over fast. Get all over before the
Royal Mother Anaconda wakes up. Royal Mother means your mother? No. his father. How many fathers can we bring in? What does this mean? Dharasana’s national anthem. It’s this much only. You sit down.
Show him the bag. Show him the bag.
– Does it have 30 million rupees? Yes, it is there.
– Check it. Show me money. There is a necklace of 25
million in it. Give it to the king. Sir, there’s a waist-band
worth rupees 5 million in it. That I will keep. 12.5%! Thank you.
– One minute! First say,
long live the king of Dharasana. Long live the king of Dharasana. Brother-in-law! We are dead!
Stammering idiot is standing outside. Make him sit there. What happened? Leave that; what will we tell that
stammering idiot? Why am I wearing this? What happened?
– Don’t ask me now, I am angry. This mad boy came.
– Who? Secretary’s son.. My son? First wife’s second child. Second wife’s first son. What ‘no..no’.
He is your son you decide. Brother-in-law… What is this?
Surprise! What dress are you wearing? How much one man can think?
Now about this dress.. I have got a role in one serial. Really?
– Yes, I found work in a serial. The name of the serial is
‘I have started liking him’. We are the characters of the serial.
He is the director. Say ‘yes’. Director sir! Give me a role. Someone stop him. You stammering idiot!
What role can he give you? Why? I can get a role
of a stammering young man. Tusha kapoor. What is he doing? We are leaving this country. Oldie is standing outside only. Baby..baby, I am here. Who is she? Secretary’s wife. Don’t say no.
I definitely cannot tell her mine. Queen Jodhabai,
after marriage Munnibai. Hey bother, where is Vakharia? Vakharia expired, sister. He was remembering you before expiring;
he was telling to send you there soon. I am Vakharia’s childhood brother. Should I show you?
-Quiet. Hey! Mother; he is brother-in-law.
– Yes? He is speaking the
dialogues of the serial. Really. I will wake up the baby. You cannot wake up the baby.
The whole cast will expire. Mother-in-law, I request you,
you don’t wake up the baby now. See, I bought this
diamond necklace for you. Sit. Stammering idiot,
I bought ear-rings for you. Fast, fast; before she comes… We are dead! Can’t open the bag.
Don’t ask me any questions. Royal Mother..
– What is this? Oye, Oye! Hey! What is this? Money disappeared? You rogue! You all are caught! Shut up and hands up. Secretary, bring the snacks. Shut up! I am Tamboli; A.C.P.
Tamboli from Crime Branch. Hands up! Crime branch? Crime branch? Crime branch? Crime branch? Shut up! I am following this bearded
man since past two days. Today I caught the whole gang. God!
– What are you saying? Sister, he is saying
the dialogues from the serial. Yes! Why are you doing it? Inspector, arrest all. Mother.. mother.. Fool. Come on, I will feed you the snacks. Come.
– Listen to me. Stop this drama. Sir, don’t hit me;
this is national treasure. Arvind…. God; what is this happening? Everything bad is happening after
the magical statue came in the house. It is not the mistake of the statue;
it is yours. Guru? When a man gives in to his greed;
he starts to spiral downwards. Wish to be a good human being
rather than being a wealthy man. Greed for money has snatched
away the peace and joy of your house. Guru; help me out of this situation. Impossible! You will have
to pay the price of your mistake. Price? What price? Guru; please answer me. Madam, courier. Madam, sign here. Shiranthji in Gokul. In whole universe Shrinathji. Damn! I will have to go for
full body massage. Alka. Oh my! Alka. Oh mother! Oh father! Stop it now. Entire time you were
making noises like a pregnant women. Oh mother! Twice police took the jeep
to the maternity home and said, ‘let us relieve him’. Alka, please serve the food. She is not at home! She may have gone to the
police station to enquire about me. I will beat you up; if you say that. I am almost dead;
so much police had beaten me. He asked me to tell the
father’s name of Samsung. He beat me so much, so in the
end I told him the name; blackberry! Thank God, my lawyer saved us. My lawyer called up the
commissioner directly and told him that he is filing a case against CBI. Why did the officer from your
Crime Branch posed as a jeweller? To cheat my client! So, first, the police will answer
in the court, and then we will. On hearing this, commissioner went on
2 months leave and we could get out. Leave all that and please
leave me now. – Go! The police have added my
photo to the list of pick-pockets. That depends upon your face!
– I am going. Please go. I don’t have… Who is calling? This is Alka’s call. Give me. Why do you want? Alka! Hello; Arvind? Where are you dear? Koliwada! Naughty,
why are you hanging the voice? Hey smarty,
we have kidnapped your wife. What? Kidnap! Some rogue has kidnapped Alka. No!!! You are more shocked than me!
Let me first listen what he says. On Speaker.
– Don’t interfere. Uncle, listen to me. You are uncle, idiot. My name
is Mustaq; Mustaq Virji; get it? Mustaq Virji! Keep 1 billion ready
if you want your wife alive. I don’t have. I am a very poor man.
I live below the Rekha line. What? below the poverty line. Smarty, you and your
partner have made good money. We will leave your wife if we get the
money before 6.00 o’clock in the evening. Otherwise you will get her dead body. No, don’t do that brother Virji.
There is no fault of hers. We are dead!
This is a new problem now. This goon is asking 1
billion rupees to release Alka. And Alka is not at home;
where will we get the money? Do something.
– Bring a coffin for me. – Okay. Wait, let me try something. Hello brother goon; Mr. Virji,
we will give you the money. I mean I will give you the money,
but I have a small problem. It is like, if wife comes at home,
then only money can come. What? I can’t tell him the entire
procedure. Let me think. Actually brother, there is a safe
in the house. Money is in that safe. But my wife has swallowed
the key of that safe. Means? Explain it. You don’t have
any control over any language. You can only say ‘sleep’. Now, he won’t leave her
if he doesn’t understand. It means..just like..she swallowed it. Like stomach is paining. You fool Why do you want? Can you see from it. Every time you.. It is in her stomach. That is why I am telling
you.. requesting you.. you will get money
once the wife comes home. And what if you don’t give? Kill my partner. Vakharia. Sit down. Very good! Keep in mind,
– Yes. if you try to act smart, I will cut off
your and your partner’s hands and legs. Good bye! Did you hear that? That goon will make us handicap
by cutting off our hands and legs. Oh God! Last week only I have got
stitched new pants with draw-strings. How will I tie the
strings without hands? I am suffering losses
from all the sides. Tailor was telling me
to make it with the elastic. I will have to learn to
do everything with my teeth. I will have to.. What are you doing? Practicing to open the belt! Now, I won’t stay in this
house even for a single minute. I don’t know you from today,
good bye. Sit down.
– Okay. You don’t know me? You took
12.5% and now you don’t know me. It is the question of Alka’s life.
– What about my life? Your life has no value. Only one hour to go for 6.00.
I will have to save her anyhow. We have to save her anyhow. Listen Modi; hypnotize Alka as
soon as she steps inside the house. Make the money rain. Please, hypnotize properly. Everyday you hypnotize her of such a
poor quality that it stops at 2.5 million! Why don’t you understand? We will give money to that goon;
that money will vanish; then? Vanish? Cut it off.
We will have to beg, Modi. Please don’t sit near me even to beg. You will take 12.5%
from my bowl of money. And I won’t be able
to slap you without hands. God! What have you done? I have one idea. Still? What if the money doesn’t vanish? Means? If I would have thought of this earlier,
we wouldn’t have had this problem. Try to understand Modi, today when
Alka comes, we will do some such thing .. ..that people will come and
give us real money themselves. That money will not vanish. But what should we make appear? I know!
– What? Speak. Petrol. Means we will have petrol raining
and we will collect it in bowls and then sell it on the roads!
Don’t irritate…. 50 billion! 50 billion? Yes Modi; if I get 50
billion in my hand in one go, I will leave India
and settle somewhere else. Somewhere Borivali side. I look at your face and
I get such sick ideas. Sit down. We have only 45 minutes in our hands. Now think, how can we get 50 billion? We should get some such idea … Modi, we have.
– What? Idea! This news-paper. Shall I sale newspaper? No. Read this news Modi. Whose photo is this? Osama Bin Laden? Very good! Osama Bin
Laden will change our destiny. Modi, hear this news. Osama Bin Laden’s third
wife has declared that the man which was
shot down by the .. ..American army was his duplicate. Duplicate Laden! Original
Osama Bin Laden is still alive. Al Jazeera channel
has supported this news. But American President
Obama has declared that whoever will
bring him alive will .. ..get a prize of 10 million dollars. 10 million dollars! What’s our profit in that?
How will we prove it? Modi, today we will
make Laden appear. This is called luck! Understood? As soon as Alka enters, show her
Laden’s picture; Laden will appear. Yes. This idea would have worked earlier
if that goon shouldn’t have kidnapped. Do you know how much
rupees is 10 million dollars? No. Don’t worry; even I don’t know. Your total lineage will be
multi-millionaire; if you can do so. What?
– Means I will help you. What? In investing the money. Idiot fool, doctor finish fast.
We have only 45 minutes left. You do one thing; bring a nice
photo of Laden before Alka comes. And what will you do? I will go to the American
Embassy as a man from Al-Qaida. I will have to get
this news reach to Obama. I will tell him that
your Laden is in my custody. It’s Lalu’s language. (politician) I will have to talk in Arabic. Laden is in my custody. We want dollar in cash. God bless. Say God bless. ‘This is CNN breaking news.’ ‘It’s unbelievable.
Terrorist Osama Bin Laden is still alive.’ ‘An unidentified source said that…’ ‘…Laden has been captured
by Indian know as Gujjubhai.’ ‘The U.S military
has been put on high alert.’ ‘President Obama has urge
the American’s not too panic.’ ‘And as call for a emergency meeting
of the arm forces at the white house.’ Yes partner. Yes. We will
share 10 million dollars 50-50. Once Laden appears,
then we will play our game. Vakharia will be shocked. Done thing. Go and set
the stage with A.C.P. Tamboli. Till then I will handle
the situation here. Okay? All the best! Welcome! Hello! Hello! Hello! What to do? Vakharia you? You fool. Not Vakharia; I am Shaikh Abdul
Ali Val Jalebi Soya bean Apricot. I wasted 28 minutes
in arranging the name. Job was done in the 29th minute. Cheers Modi! American ambassador has given this
bottle of alcohol; from Obama’s quota. He had come to drop me too. I talked to president Obama
directly from the hot-line. With President?
– Yes, I told him that we will help you. Osama bin is in our custody. I have hidden him the house
of a Gujjubhai (Gujarati). In Gujjubhai’s house?
– Obama was also shocked. He directly called CNN. It was breaking news on
CNN ‘Gujjubhai captures Laden’. And the white people from American
Embassy started dancing with joy. You won’t believe Modi, but they cleared all the visas
that they have rejected earlier.. ..saying ‘go Gujjubhai, go’. Everything is ready, doctor. Now, we are just waiting
for Alka to come. You look down from the window, Modi. Who is there? Can you see people
wearing black clothes? Yes. Keep your head inside;
they may fire at you. Who are they? Black cat commandoes. A special American
troupe from Afghanistan has come over here in helicopter. What can you see in the
terrace of the opposite building? Petticoat. Petticoat? You idiot,
can’t you see such a huge helicopter? You can’t see anything else. Non-sense.
Now listen, understand my plan, Modi. As soon as Laden appears, I have to ring the bell thrice
from the window; that is the signal. Commandoes will come from
the window upon hearing the bell. They will arrest Laden; hand
over 10 million dollar cheque to us. And if then Laden disappears, that is
Laden’s problem and Obama’s problem. But won’t there be any problem? What problem, Modi? Destination is difficult for people. Difficult is destination for us. There is one problem
which we can’t forget. I want to go to washroom
but this dress in uncomfortable. So many times I showed my
last finger to the white people, they told me best of luck. How do we know which
fingers do American use? And there is no system for it;
my head is aching, Modi. I had wrapped cycle tube on my head. First he wrapped the tube
and then blew the air into it. My left eye is blinking.
My plan shouldn’t get flop. Partner. Why have you come here? Doctor; I have talked to A.C.P.
Tamboli. Go ahead according to our plan. What go ahead?
Vakharia has made his own plan. Black cat commandoes
are standing down. Hell with the commandoes.
We have Crime Branch on our side. Really?
– Yes, listen. You have to come near the
window as soon as Laden comes. Near who? Not lady. Near window! Say window proper. You come near this window
and shake this handkerchief. So that I will send Tamboli up. Very good. – Okay?
– Okay. Okay.
– Okay. All the best. All the best. All the best. Modi. Modi. Alka must be coming at any moment.
Have you brought Laden’s photo? Yes.
– Very good! I have got it from
the internet. Look. Oh yes. Intern.. Who is this? Laden. What’s his age? A baby Laden? Do we have to make this
naked Laden appear here? No one will give you 10 rupees for
him. What’s wrong with your brain? What?
– Terrorist laden. We want big,
bearded, terrorist Laden to appear. Go fast.
– Okay. Bring a bearded photo. Bearded. And remember,
don’t bring Asaram’s photo. Oh no! God, this should
all just happen as planned. 10 million dollars, I can’t… Arvind!
– I can’t… Come a little nearer;
how much can I alone do? Answer me,
why the goons kidnapped me? Goons..I knew it.. Speak. I will tell you. Sit here. I will tell you,
why the goons kidnapped you? In the end, the goons kidnapped you. What? You want to know everything? Actually, the goons did a mistake.
– Mistake? Instead of kidnapping our neighbour
Panjwani’s wife, they kidnapped you. They were such lazy goons! The lift
of that building was not working, so they took you away. The head of the gang called me
up that we have done a big mistake. I told him upfront that I am forgiving
you this time; next time I won’t take. What?
– I mean I won’t take your call. Sweety, thank God,
you have come on the right time. Did the goons trouble you? No. Did you trouble them?
– What? No, it was just a topic,
so I asked…. The doctor will come now.
You come inside and sleep. Today I won’t sleep. What? I have promised that I will stay awake
the whole night and say prayers. Then only we can change our bad luck. Our destiny will change. What? I will have to start
my practice again. What are you saying?
– I beg you; today you take the treatment
for the last time. Please. Look, I heard the Guru’s voice. If I have to cancel the
anger of the Magical Statue, then I will have to stay awake for
the whole night and say the prayers and I have to drink only holy water. But today?
– Yes, today. I will get the holy water. But they are standing down.
Listen Holy. I forgot your name. Alka!
– Vakharia, I brought the small
photo of big Laden. Yes! Tear it. Get ready to die. Why, is Alka not going to come back? Alka is inside the kitchen. Then what is the problem?
– She denies sleeping. She has promised. She is going to stay
awake till morning. Don’t shout. We will be dead. She heard that Guru’s voice. That Guru told her
not to sleep today. To stay awake till morning, to say
prayers, keep drinking holy water! If she keeps drinking holy water,
how will Laden come and when? I have one idea.
– Tell fast. What if we mix this
in her holy water? Mix what? Alcohol? Whiskey in holy water?
I can’t do that. You can do that.
– Why? Whatever you mix in
holy water becomes pure. True but..I will slap you. Yes. Commandoes are standing down. Here, anaconda is standing. I will hide.
We don’t have any other option. You handle the situation. Oh God, please help me. Let’s start the prayer. Sure! “Chant” You also say. I have to say it too?
– Yes. Okay, I will also say. God fill it. Fill it. What are you doing?
– It is done. A little of it went inside my pants. “Om” Don’t shout so much.
Some alien may come down. Did you forget the
movie ‘Koi Mil Gaya’? He made the money that way,
but we may lose. Oh God! What are you doing?
– Mix. I am praying that
our stars should mix. God! Stolen.
– Hey! Damn it stolen. Have a sip dear. No.
– Have it. First you have it. You have promised, so you start. First you drink.
– Guru has told you, so.. First you drink. I will slap you.
Drink it. It’s getting late. Don’t you understand? Yes Guru, speak. No, I am not forcing her, forgive me. What is he saying? Ladies first. Give me fast.
– Drink it. Why does it taste so? Water is less, that’s why. What? Means there is less holy water. Because of it all mineral come out. And that’s why taste type… Leave all that now. Take a big sip. No. enough now.
– Won’t do. It is clearly said in the prayers. What? Don’t you know?
– No. Very good! Bhur means water. Bhuaswa means big sip. You say the prayers without
understanding, then how will it work? No, no. One more time. Don’t do like that,
take a big sip with total faith. Very good faith. One more sip! She seems to have liked it.
She is drinking like a fish. Enough dear. Means? Means now it’s my turn.
– Then have it. Give. You finished it all? What are you doing? Guru, please save me. Shut up, you drunkard. Shut up, you…. Totally quiet.
– Yes. I find this holy water amazing
and I find my husband a ghost. I request you oh Goddess.. Who is ringing the bell? Don’t do it, they will come up. Time please; don’t come up. Stop it. Stop it. What are you doing? Just now she rang the bell. This is the window; bed room is here. She has drunk it all. They will come up. Get working quick. She went in the bathroom.
Bring her out. Sleep. Sleep. Alka. “I’m become crazy for you, darling” Quickly show her the photo. Otherwise balm bottles will appear
and we have to sell it in train. Alka, watch this photo carefully. Now go to sleep.
Let it appear what you are seeing. Let Laden appear. Laden is here.
– No he is not here. Why is he not coming? I think it is the
effect of the alcohol. I had told you no. it was your idea. Now go fast,
come back with big beard. Why? We will have to give
them someone as Laden. Alka, let Laden appear. What she is saying? Oh God! Modi. Why are you hiding? Talk to him. Greetings. I can’t think. You talk to him, Modi. Go to sleep. He will make us sleep.
He has machine-gun in his hands. We will have to talk
in Arabic with him. Modi, can you speak Arabic? Yes.
– Please speak. Arabic!
– Damn you. Arabic language, do you know…. Speak Arabic Language. Wala wala. Galla talla. Red fort. Sweet. Do you want to feed him? Talking about sweet. Finish his job. He doesn’t understand.
He is only looking with big eyes. He is a danger man. My beloved. She is mine. Your mother. He jumps at the women.
We can’t keep him here. How can we take him out?
Do Arabic people go out or not? Habibi. Al-afridi. Now, I know. Afridi means go out. Take him into the kitchen.
I will ring the bell. Okay. All the languages are mixing up. He doesn’t understand anything. Malika, Malaika. He understands only women’s names. That’s what he was
doing in Pakistan I think? Here is Kitchen. Go and eat. Kareena, Katrina, Angelina. Say some name. Bhavna, Jigna, With Jigna him.. He likes Jigna. Idiot, he understands this. Oh God! Vakharia; what happened?
Are you hurt? What happened? Run away? Who is that? Where is he? What happened? Are you hurt? You are making these noises?
I thought Laden’s wife has come. Why you have to make ladies’ noises? My God! I locked him. I locked him in the kitchen cupboard. Yeah! World’s most wanted terrorist
is sitting the kitchen cabinet. In that, there is a box of
sweets made by my mother-in-law. He will eat that and
his 3 teeth will come out. Will these Americans give
less money for Laden without teeth? My God! Job is done! Thank God.
Give me the bell. I will ring the bell. You take
care that Alka should not wake up. I love you. Alka! Sleep, my dear. We will be playing in the
money when you will open your eyes. We will travel in the whole world. What are you doing?
Showing your dance to the commandoes? Why are you shaking? Give me the bell.
– The bell is not working. Get out, you go that side. Come, attack. Hands up! Ice-cream; ice-cream. Hey! How come he always gets duty here? Now what? I have come to arrest you. Because I rang the bell? No dear, because you have
hidden Laden in your house. Laden?
– Laden. Who Laden? Osama Bin Laden?
– Yes. He is crack. Osama Bin Laden is dead. Get lost!
– Real Laden is still alive. Is he still alive? Who told you? I told, brother-in-law. Who told you, stammering idiot? I told him, Vakharia. Means you all are together? Doctor, you are with CBI…with
this stammering brother-in-law.. You cheated me for money? You changed the sides
at the end moment? Means? There is no sentence for side
in the world dictionary Means Gujarati people change. Oh my God! Brother-in-law, we will give
10 million rupees to Tamboli sir. And remaining, we both will share
– 50-50. You won’t get a single rupee,
you stammering idiot. Shut up! Tell where have you hidden him? Laden is not there.
– Don’t lie. I swear!
– He is in the kitchen. He is duplicate Laden. What? CBI will be in trouble.
– Means? He is duplicate Laden
he will vanish at any moment. Believe me, this man is cheating you.
– Don’t listen to him. Arrest Laden. Okay.
– I will wake up Alka. Hold him. Wait. Out. Slowly. Keep moving. Oh God! Move! Laden, go back. Afridi! Bhavna! Bhavna, Jigna, Bhavna, Jigna, Hey, you! Sit here quietly. Please, don’t shoot him.
– Then what do we do? I request you.
I will give money to you all. I want to fulfill my wife’s dreams. Hey you!
– If he dies, I will not…. Alka! You! Arvind! Alka..oh my God.. What is it?
– Alka.. Alka go down fast.
– Where do I go? Down.. commandoes are waiting there. Quickly take the cheque
of 10 million dollars, dear. Commandoes?
– Yes.. down.. What’s happening to you?
– CBI has shot me. Shot you? Where? Don’t worry about me. You go. Please. Where is it?
– See here; in the chest… Where is the bullet?
Were you dreaming or what? You are sleeping since last 2 hours. You were dreaming.
– I have work. I am not lying. 10 million dollars… Commandoes are standing
down with the cheque in your name. Where is?
– I will show you; come fast. Commandoes. Commandoes. A banana seller is standing
instead of a commando. My God! This is a big trap. They want to run away with our money. Helicopter! Come fast;
American army’s helicopter has come. Gone! It is also gone. They took the petticoat also. God! He must be taken
away as country flag. What? Shanta aunties petticoat
fly on white house. What will I answer to Obama? What will Obama say to Shanta Aunty. What will auntie answer to uncle. How did petticoat reach Washington. Enough is enough! Stop behaving like a mad. Ramlal Pardeshi has cheated
us for 8 million rupees. Come into your senses. Go to the police station
and ask if he is caught or not. Otherwise I will
register your complain. Go now. Laden was sweeter than her. What?
– Nothing. Ramlal Pardeshi..
– Yes, go! What kind of dream was that? Obama…. Sir..
– Oba! Alka!
– Yes. Listen to me.
See, I told you, he has shot me. He is from CBI; Tamboli. Mister..
– Yes. I am Inspector Dhoble
from Oshiwara police station. Inspector Dhoble?
– Yes. Do you have any twin brother? What? I know you have a
brother called Tamboli. Your father has hidden this from you. Hey!! Is he mad? This man is mad; that is why he gave
8 million rupees to Ramlal Pardeshi. We have arrested him. What? Take your money. My money! Now, this is a dream, Alka. It cannot be a reality
that police is giving back money. You listen to me.
– It is there! Thank you police brother! My God! Magic! I got back
my hard earned money. Allu!
– Yes. He is not police; he is God!
– What? Really, God came to our house. You are Lord Shiva? What kind of cloth are you wearing? Where is your snake? You are destroyer of all obstacles.
– No. I feel to say bye to you. Hey! I’m out of mind. Enough! Don’t do this mistake again. It is not my mistake;
it is her mistake. Yes, I have to make
a complaint in CBI. Write, Gujarati wife
troubles her husband so much! What? Troubles her husband. Don’t you have wives in your caste?
– Hey! I mean, she and my mother-in-law trouble
me a lot and always demand money. Sir, are you married?
– No. Get married to my mother-in-law.
– Hey! One week on the trial basis.
– What are you taking? Count the money,
there is 7 million in it. Why 7 million?
– 1 million service tax. Bye. Service tax? Now where do
we register a complaint for this? He took away a million rupees.
Catch him, go fast. My mother. I will leave this house and go.
I won’t be able to live here. I will go to Himalayas.
I will become a saint. It will be cold there. I will
go to South India and become a saint. Bit look at your nature! God gave you back
your 7 million rupees; and you are not thankful
for that at all. You are crying after
those one million rupees. My dear Alka, be satisfied in life. We have to take care of the money;
but satisfaction takes care of us. You should have seen it Alka,
money was raining in my dream. But goons kidnapped you; police
arrested me; your brother cheated me. Quiet. Tell your mother not
to come here from tomorrow. This is my order! What? You listen to it as a request. Brothers, I have to make
a small request to you all. Stop running after the money. Friends, the root-cause of all
the problems in the world is money and a man’s pockets! If you have empty pockets,
you worry about filling it up. And if it is full, then you
worry about it never remaining empty. Friends, today I understood a very
big lesson; a dream is not what a man.. ..sees when he is asleep. A true dream is that which
awakens a man from the slumber. God! I have only one request to you;
please do well for everyone. But this time, start that from us.