Hey, we’re out here
at Clusterfest today. It’s a big old comedy festival
in San Francisco. I did not get invited.
Comedy is so subjective. It’s not …
It doesn’t matter. I’m going into
the festival today and I’m going to tape a special
in my own comedy club that I’m bringing with me,
so let’s get out of here. Shit! Do you want to come see
a comedy show here? I swear, if you flash a dick,
I’ll beat your ass. Oh, I’m not …
I would never do that. Comics never abuse
people sexually. Okay, well, I’m your host,
Gus Johnson. Thank you for coming
to Gus’s comedy club. For the next 40
to 75 minutes, we are going to be entertaining
you with all sorts of humor. I just …
Oh. Oh, hey.
I’m sorry, it’s occupied. Oh, my God.
No, no, no, no, no, no. That’s what …
Hey, get out of here. I need to use the bathroom.
It’s not a bathroom? No.
I need to urinate. Okay, but if I could just have
five minutes of your time. I’m a huge fan
of The Proposal. What do you want of me?
Who are you? This is Gus’s comedy club.
I’m the owner here. What are you … Gus? I’m different. I’m different.
I’m Gus. I’m a celebrity, Oscar. Yes. Are you a celebrity? I’m hoping to be someday. Oh, you want to be … I want to be a celebrity, yes. Okay. All right, all right. I’m trying to shop
this special about to Seeso, and if I had a celebrity
in here for a few crowd shots, that would mean a lot to me. Could I just run some jokes
past you really quickly? All right. Go. Yes. Okay. Okay. I’m just going to run some stuff
by you and just let me know how
you think of the material here. Hey, how are we all
doing tonight? Good! Well, you don’t talk.
It’s just in the show. Good. How is the..? Let me ask you something. You look like you like
a nice glass of milk, huh? Yeah? Okay, well,
the thing is about milk, if you buy it and you don’t
drink it too quickly … Hey, excuse me? Do you want to come see
a comedy show here? I’m working, man. Ah, dang it. I’m working, too.
Working very hard. Comedy! You guys want to come see
a comedy show really quickly? Uh, not at this moment,
but thank you. Not at this moment?
Yeah, sorry. What are some moments
that work for you? What is with these people,
dude? Well, not like these people.
You guys get it. Excuse me, sir. Would you like to come see
a comedy show free of charge? Just a couple minutes. All right, sure.
It’s good stuff. All right. All right, we’ve got
standing room, and then we’ve got
VIP row if you’d like. Okay, all right. I don’t know if you want
a refreshment at all. All right. Feel free to help yourself
if you’d like. Oh, okay. Here, I’ll get it going for you. Can’t resist a mint here.
Okay. Okay. The wrapper’s a little loud. Are there any couples
in the audience tonight? Sure! Me and my hand. The thing is about milk,
if you buy the milk, and you don’t drink it
too quickly, it’ll go bad. Am I right, fellas? That’s true. That is a fact. That’s true. That’s VIP seating. We have
standing room in the back. Standing room. Standing room? It was her birthday yesterday,
so she got the seat. Oh, happy birthday.
Thanks. Okay, shut up. It’s my show. So let’s try out
some new material here. Sorry, I don’t usually
have a girl crowd like this. Just really nervous. So, women, am I right?
Not like that. You know, like women, right? I think wrong crowd? Wrong crowd? Let me try it.
Let me recalibrate here. Men, am I right? Yeah. Okay, that one landed. You just going to open that
at my show? You gave it to me. Well, it’s just really loud. Hey, excuse me, you guys. Do you want to come see a quick
comedy show in my club here? Just two minutes.
It’s great. Look at these two
handsome guys, two ladies. Comedy show. What’s going on? Right in here at my club here.
You want to come on in? Come on in!
Great. Oh, my gosh. Come on in here.
We’ve got some VIP seating. Oh, wow.
Whoa. And then standing room
in the back. If we could just get a shot where one of you guys
was holding this spotlight so I can make a grand entrance,
that would be great. Okay, I’m going
to introduce myself. Ladies and gentlemen, put your
hands together for the one, the only Gus Johnson! Thank you, guys.
Shit, I’m stuck on the … Thank you!
Wow. You guys ever see Star Wars? Hey, R2, what’s
going on on Tatooine? Not much, how about you, 3PO?
Oh, shit. He doesn’t talk. All right. Everybody out. We’re done. I got the footage.
Get out of here. How we all doing tonight? We’re doing good.
We’re doing good. Good. Any couples
in the audience tonight? One. One? Wow. Tough crowd. So who’s buying
the milk in the house? She does. She does? That’s great. You guys sound like you have
a really stable marriage. That’s so good. Why is everything dairy-based? Well just milk is kind of right
in my wheelhouse. If I get kind of nervous, I just
go back to the milk jokes. They’re not awful. Why don’t you try something else
other than dairy-based humor? Okay, I got it.
I got the perfect joke. You know what’s the best way to
cool off on a hot summer’s day? Big old ice cold glass of milk.
See? It all comes back to milk.
I can’t help it. All right, well,
just about had it for the day. Take down this crap. Get out of my face. Oh, shit.