Hail Kabali, Chikni Chameli!
– Aam phat, Alia Bhatt! Cut the crap and come to the point.
– What? Sir, there is someone in your home. Not one, we are three.
– There is some energy in your place. – I know. There is some negative energy in your place.
– Yes, I know. – ‘What’s wrong with him?’ Sir, you’ve no idea what negative energy I’m talking about.
– I know we both are talking about the same negative energy but you don’t know we both are talking about the same energy.
– Huh? What, sir? Didn’t get it? I know what negative force you’re talking about.
– He is driving me crazy. Sir, if you pay me Rs. 116,
I’ll drive away both the negative energies. You can’t drive my sister-in-law away.
So, get going now. I’ve seen so many con artists like you, bro.
But, negative energy seems like a good idea. Since, I’m anyway free, I’ll think
of a good horror script. What was that sound? Again? Oh, no! I’m sure
there is something in there! Sunny! The script is fine, but what should be the title?
– Sunny, I can hear sounds from that bedroom. Now this is a good title!
– Cut it! There is light inside the cupboard. Why will there be light inside the cupboard.
– See for yourself if you want. Come on! Yes, there is some light!
Don’t worry. I told you something is in there.
– Yes. Let me try again. Yes, there is a ghost in there.
I’ll call my brother up. Brother!
– Why is it wailing every time you say brother? “Ravi..”
– Did you hear that? It is calling out my brother’s name. Yes! It is calling his name out
in a girl’s voice. What do you think happened? Maybe my brother killed a girl and it is her spirit.
– What do we do now? I’m reminded of something. A tantrik was at the door
a while ago. He talked about some negative energy. I thought he was talking about you
and didn’t take him serious. He maybe around. I’ll get him. Wonder where the tanktrik is?
– Hail Kabali! Chikini Chameli! Sir! Sir, please come to my place.
– Why? – W-Well, there is some negative force. Did you hear that, Chameli? We were right.
Sorry, we won’t be coming. But why not?
– We are hurt you didn’t believe us. He is hurt? He thinks he is some Samantha?
Instead of Rs. 116, I’ll offer him Rs. 1116. Sir, I’ll offer Rs. 1116.
– What do you say, Chameli? Don’t touch! Chameli says she doesn’t want a penny less than Rs. 50,000.
– Rs. 50,000? I can bribe the ghost with that money. Go ahead, then.
– Sir, please! Sir, Rs. 10,000 is all I can offer. Did he accept the offer?
– Hope it won’t come out. Hello, sir.
The ghost is hiding in that room. Sir, where to?
– If you’ve confirmed where the ghost is, why did you even call me? We’re sorry.
– I’ll confirm where the ghost is. Hold my Chameli. Sir, the reception is better in the other room.
– Not that, fool! I’ve installed an app called Ghostbuster. It’ll help us detect where the ghost is.
– So, you do nothing?. – Fine, go and find the ghost. After that, play PubG with it.
– My bad, sir. – It only helps detect the ghost. I’ll be the one driving it away.
‘Ghost detector activated’ ‘Turn left.
Your ghost has arrived.’ The ghost is in this room.
– I told you the same. – I don’t care what you say. I only care what I say. Spirit is in this room.
– No, it is in that cupboard. – I know, punk! Let’s draw..
Let’s draw the apotropaic chart in the drawing room. Why draw there if the spirit is here?
– D-Doesn’t matter where the chart is, spirit will get drawn. If the chart can be drawn anywhere,
why did we even search for the spirit? Hail Kabali! Chikini Chameli!
– This guy yells for everything. Sir, why does this chart look so skewed?
– I can’t draw better. Also, this is no geometry class. The colour is a little off..
– It is the apotropaic chart. The ghost is a girl.
– Is she hot? Sister-in-law, someone slapped me.
– It must be the ghost. – Sir, the ghost slapped me. Keep the Chameli with you.
No ghost will come near you. I’ll draw the spirit into this jar.
– You said you’ll draw it into this chart. First, I’ll draw it into this chart
and then into this jar, you fool. How dare you slap me! You think you can fool around
as Chameli isn’t on me? Don’t you bloody dare, you witch! The spirit is now trapped in this jar!
– It is trapped! It is trapped! You said you trapped the ghost. Then what is that wailing?
– W-Well, that is the ghost’s spirit. W-What do you mean?
– Well, like the way you have a spirit, I have a spirit like wise, even ghosts have spirits.
– You mean a hungry spirit? Won’t hungry spirits cause any harm?
– Not at all! They only keep wailing. – Is it? – Yeah! You won’t believe me?
Here you go. Why did you throw the lemon?
– If the lemon comes back, then the ghost is still there. If it doesn’t, then it means the ghost is gone.
Did the lemon return back? No, it didn’t.
– So, it means the spirit is gone. Now, pay me and I’ll leave. Thank God the ghost is gone!
– Thank God everything is fine now. – It is money time! Does that mean there really is a ghost? S-Sir, there is a ghost in your house. Yes, and you captured that.
– No, I’m talking about another spirit. – Hungry spirit? No, there is another spirit in this house. What is with this smoke? Are you burning down my house?
– Sir, there is a ghost in your house. You look like ghost too. Who is he?
– I brought this man to drive a ghost from our home. Then why is he so scared?
– I con people into believing their home’s are haunted. But, your home is actually haunted.
– Haunted? – The ghost is in that cupboard. Is it? Let me see.
– I rather remain safe here. This cupboard?
– Yeah, it is all because you killed that girl. Killed that girl? I don’t even look at girls.
– The spirit is calling out your name. – Is it? I told you
he is a psychotic murderer! It is my phone’s ringtone.
I thought I lost my phone, but it is right here. Who keeps such a ringtone?
– Why? Don’t people keep howling foxes as their ringtones? Also, it calls out my name so passionately.
– Thank God the mystery is solved. Else, we’d have had to pay that tantrik Rs. 10,000.
– Rs. 10,000? Where is he? You peed your pants over a ringtone
and you call yourself a tantrik and this your Chameli? Sir, your home is really haunted.
– I’ve lived here for 4 years. I know there ain’t no spirit. Don’t con people just for the sake of easy money.
Fools like them may believe you but not me. Why did he flee?
– Who knows? He seems like a maniac!