Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Half Deaf | David Rose | Stand Up Comedy


My whole family have health problems. I have health problems, I’m deaf in one ear which, is a disability technically, but not a real one. Not a real disability. I don’t know if you guys have noticed, but the half-deaf are not
getting the same treatment as the other disabled people. (audience laughs) Just like, there’s no marches to Parliament House for the half-deaf. (audience laughs) You know, people just like, “What do we want?” And I’m at the back like, “What?” You know that’s never… (audience laughs) I want subtitles! (audience laughs) There’s no conspiracy theories,
no-one’s like “Oh, mate, you know, deaf people…
deaf people control the subtitle industry, mate. There’s no radical deaf terrorists bombing JB Hi-Fi for
selling surround sound, you know, that’s just not– (audience laughs) We’re not one of those minorities. We don’t really get the … Sometimes you get a funny one, ’cause I tell people I have hearing loss and a lot of the time
they’re very condescending. Like I’ll tell someone
I have hearing loss, here’s the first thing
they’ll do, they’ll go, [Whispered] “Oh my God.” (audience laughs) “That is so tough.” “You are so brave.” (audience laughs) And I’m like, “Oh my God… SPEAK UP!” “Why are you whispering?” (audience laughs) “You’re a bigot!” (audience laughs) Sometimes you get a funny one, how’s this? The other day, my
girlfriend, my girlfriend, the woman I love, probably, the other day, she goes, “David.” She goes, “Hey, I’ve
just realized something, “you’re deaf in one ear.” And I went, “Yeah.” And she goes, “I’ve just realized… “That means that you are literally the guy “who hasn’t heard the half of it.” (audience laughs) Very funny. (audience laughs) Part of the problem with hearing loss is that you can’t tell
where sounds come from, like, I don’t know, apparently you guys can do this, this is like a super-power to me. If something drops in
the back of the room, you can be, like, “Oh, it’s just down there to the left.” That doesn’t happen for me. Like the same way, if you lose an eye, you lose depth perception, if you lose an ear, you lose friends. But also
(audience laughs) you lose the ability to tell
where sounds come from. And it’s limited my life. I’ve realized I would
be the worst super-hero, I could never be in a Marvel film, right? Because I can’t tell
where sounds come from, so if someone is being
mugged, and they’re like, “Help!” I’ll hear that, but I don’t know where it’s coming from. So then I’ll have to be like, “Help!” And now there’s just
two tragedies, you know? (audience laughs) It’s not a real a real illness, is it? Half-deaf. I’ve also got a little bit of anxiety, I see a therapist,
here’s what my therapist said to me the other day, he said, “Mate, I think you have, I think you have “very low self-esteem, “but I think you’re also a narcissist.” It’s a very confusing mix, isn’t it? (audience laughs) Like, to put it in context, I’m pretty sure you guys all hate me, but only because I’m
better than you, you know? (audience laughs) Fuck it, I’m definitely
better than the boy from Brisbane anyway, so– (audience laughs) Ah, he’s gonna kill me. (audience laughs) I don’t know why I do those things. (audience laughs) I do have anxiety, I’m worried about climate change, I’m very worried about climate change. I’m actually on anti-anxiety medication at the moment, but I’m trying to get off of it because
of climate change, because I’m really worried that when climate change gets really bad in like 20-30 years, the government are gonna take over the
pharmaceutical companies and then they’re gonna
decide which medicines are important for people to have, and I just don’t think that anti-anxiety medication’s gonna be high up on the list, so then I’m gonna go
through withdrawal during the apocalypse and I’m really terrified, and I told my therapist
all that, and he said, “Mate, that sounds like
you need to go up a dose, “to be honest.” (audience laughs)

8 thoughts on “Half Deaf | David Rose | Stand Up Comedy

  1. I did a stand up gig once, but I'm a wheelchair user, so sit down comedy was the best I could do! Couldn't tell if they were pity laughs or not 😂

  2. Bless 😂, I love it!

    My favorites we're definitely "What do we want?" "What?" and that bit at the end about anxiety and the apocalypse
    Truly relatable

  3. Great work, it was spot on. If you ever need music for a show, this fellow partly deaf dude is always here for you.

  4. Thanks for sharing your story and your comedic talents! I definitely relate. Marco Polo is the worst game for us :)!

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