Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Happy National Tell a Joke Day!


OKAY. I HATE JOKES. I KNOW IT’S WEIRD TO SAY BUT I DON’T LIKE JOKES. I DON’T LIKE SITTING THROUGH THEM WHEN I HEAR SO-AND-SO GOES INTO A BAR, I TURN LIKE WHITE WALKER, I HAVE NO EMOTIONS. I HATE THE PHONEY SETUPS. I DO LIKE PUNCH LINES. WE WENT ON THE STREET THIS AFTERNOON AND ASKED PEOPLE TO TELL US A JOKE, THEN WE CUT OUT ALL THE SETUPS TO THE JOKES AND WENT RIGHT TO THE PUNCH LINES. AND THESE ARE THE PUNCH LINES.>>DO YOU SWEAR TO PULL THE TOOTH, THE WHOLE TOOTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TOOTH?>>BECAUSE IT TAKES SO LONG TO SWALLOW THEIR PRIDE.>>BECAUSE THE WIZARD HAD A HALLOWEEN-IE. >>WILL YOU GORILLA ME A SANDWICH?>>[ BLEEP ] I LEFT MY [ BLEEP ] CIGARETTES AT THE BAR LAST NIGHT. >>FOR SELLING QUACK. >>A PROSTI-TOAD. >>A FUN GUY. >>FINLAND.>>A NEWSPAPER.>>A CANARY REALLY CAN’T SING, THE MOUSE IS A VENTRILOQUIST. >>I FORGOT IT. SORRY. >>BECAUSE IF THEY DID, THEY’LL BE CALLED BAGELS. >>BECAUSE THEN THEY WOULD BE CALLED BAGELS. >>THEY WANT TO GO TO THE OTHER SIDE. >>A DEAD ONE OF THESE.>>WAIT. I’M NOT HOME, I’M STILL ON MY TRIP. >>YOU GO OUT TO DINNER TWICE A WEEK, I GO MONDAY, SHE GOES TUESDAY. >>I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE LACED THEM WITH BUT I’VE BEEN TRIPPING ALL DAY. >>A DICTATOR. >>IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE PENIS BUT I JUST SWITCHED IT UP BECAUSE I WENT TO COLLEGE. >>GROUND BEEF.>>HAPPY JOKES DAY!

100 thoughts on “Happy National Tell a Joke Day!

  1. I'm watching a documentary about Gloria Allred, and he is on tape saying she's "in league with the devil" during one of his show. That is it for me. Mr Kimmel, you and your show can go to hell. I'm definitely unfollowing and not watching you ever again.

  2. Jimmy, you shouldnโ€™t always put a pretty girl on street interviews thumbnail because it works on me, every time! ๐Ÿ˜

  3. Start of clip he states, "I hate jokes." That pretty much sums up the majority of his show these days. More political than funny. There is a way to make funny political jokes, but he fails at that too, basically just makes direct insults and the liberal masses applaud.

  4. Me: hey mum happy national tell a joke day!
    Mum: Omg really? Wanna hear a joke?
    Me: Yes please ๐Ÿ˜Š
    Mum: You!
    Me: ๐Ÿ’”

  5. Who's else watching a d reading comments in same time ???? Can't be the only one๐Ÿค”๐Ÿค”๐Ÿค”๐Ÿค”

  6. Two men walked into a bar. OUTCH! That hurt. Someone please tell Jimmy that one and take a picture of his face

  7. Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they'd be called …..I had to find this set up cuz the punch line was told twice…..now I wonder why it was so popular.

  8. I grew up with the damn guy at 1:19 with the seether shirt.

    JOOOOOOOSH. YO, IT'S YA BOY. STOP TELLING HORRIBLE SHOE JOKES.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *