Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

If Britain Can Do It, Maybe We Can Too


SPEAKING OF DESPERATE TO LEAVE–
GREAT BRITAIN. ( LAUGHTER )
THEY’VE BEEN TRYING TO BREXIT THE E.U. FOR THREE YEARS NOW,
BUT EVERY TIME AN AGREEMENT HAS BEEN REACHED, BREXIT HARD-LINERS
HAVE DERAILED IT OVER SOMETHING CALLED “THE IRISH BACKSTOP”–
WHICH IS NOT, AS I ASSUMED, THE NICKNAME FOR A DUBLIN PUB FLOOR. NO, IT’S A CUSTOMS AGREEMENT TO
MAKE SURE THERE’S NO HARD BORDER DIVIDING IRELAND FROM NORTHERN
IRELAND. THE INABILITY TO COME UP WITH AN
AGREEMENT ON THIS ISSUE CAUSED THE RESIGNATION OF FORMER PRIME
MINISTER AND WOMAN NOT AMUSED BY HER BUBBLE GUM NECKLACE,
THERESA MAY. BREXIT IS NOW IN THE HANDS OF
NEW PRIME MINISTER AND MIDLIFE CRISIS DRACO MALFOY, BORIS
JOHNSON. UPON TAKING OFFICE, JOHNSON
PROMISED TO DELIVER BREXIT WITH OR WITHOUT A DEAL, WHICH MIGHT
BE A PROBLEM, BECAUSE A NO-DEAL BREXIT WOULD BE AN ECONOMIC
NIGHTMARE AND LEAD TO FOOD AND MEDICINE SHORTAGES IN BRITAIN. THAT IS HORRIBLE. NOT ONLY WILL THEY BE WITHOUT
MEDICINE; THEY’RE GOING TO HAVE TO START EATING BRITISH FOOD. ( LAUGHTER )
EITHER WAY, EITHER WAY, THERE’S GOING TO BE A LOT OF SPOTTED
DICK GOING AROUND. ( LAUGHTER )
LOOK IT UP. BUT YESTERDAY, IN THE HOUSE OF
COMMONS, THEY DEBATED A BILL BANNING A NO-DEAL BREXIT. AND WHILE JOHNSON WAS UP GIVING
A SPEECH DEFENDING HIS PLAN, A MEMBER OF HIS OWN PARTY WALKED
OVER TO SIT WITH THE OPPOSITION, COSTING JOHNSON HIS ONE-VOTE
MAJORITY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHAT WAS THAT? CAN YOU IMAGINE? CAN YOU IMAGINE? WHAT ON EARTH WAS THAT LIKE FOR
JOHNSON? (AS JOHNSON)
“OH THIS IS GOING QUITE WELL! I THINK PEOPLE ARE REALLY LIKING
MY SPEECH! ONE GUY’S EVEN GIVING ME A
STANDING– OHHHHH NOOOOOO.” IN RETALIATION, JOHNSON IS
KICKING ALL 21 OF THE CONSERVATIVES WHO VOTED AGAINST
HIM OUT OF THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY, INCLUDING NICHOLAS
SOAMES, WHO IS THE GRANDSON OF WINSTON CHURCHILL. THAT’S LIKE THE VATICAN KICKING
OUT JESUS’ COUSIN, STEVE OF NAZARETH. ( LAUGHTER )
I DON’T KNOW WHY HE’S GOT A BEER. I DON’T KNOW WHY HE HAS THE
BEER.>>Dave: WHAT ABOUT THE WINE.>>Stephen: I DON’T UNDERSTAND
THAT. YEAH, YEAH. IT WAS WATER BEFORE, AND THEN HE
TURNED IT INTO AN I.P.A. THESE LAWMAKERS BUCKING THEIR
OWN PARTY TO STAND UP TO AN UNNATURALLY BLONDE MAN WITH
TERRIBLE IDEAS GIVES ME HOPE. IF THEY CAN DO IT, MAYBE WE CAN,
TOO! WE CAN, TOO! ( APPLAUSE )
GREAT BRITAIN IS ALWAYS AHEAD OF US WITH STUFF LIKE THIS. THEY ELECTED A WOMAN HEAD OF
STATE IN 1979. AND WE DIDN’T DO THAT UNTIL
POSSIBLY SOMEDAY. AND STANDING UP TO NO-DEAL
BREXIT ISN’T THE ONLY WAY THAT I’M JEALOUS OF THE BRITISH. HERE’S THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE
OF COMMONS CALLING FOR ORDER DURING YESTERDAY’S DEBATE:
>>ORDEEEEER. ORDER! VERY RUDE FOR MEMBERS! ORDEEEEEEER! ORDEEEER! ORDER! ORDER! I SAY TO YOU, CHANCELLOR OF THE
DUCHY, THAT WHEN HE TURNS UP AT OUR CHILDREN’S SCHOOL AS A
PARENT, HE’S A VERY WELL- BEHAVED FELLOW. HE WOULDN’T DARE BEHAVE LIKE
THAT IN FRONT OF COLIN HALL, AND NEITHER WOULD I. DON’T GESTICULATE! DON’T RANT! SPARE US THE THEATRICS. BEHAVE YOURSELF! BE A GOOD BOY, YOUNG MAN! BE A GOOD BOY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).>>Stephen: WHY CAN’T WE–
WHY– WHY– WHY– WHY DID WE EVER REBEL AGAINST THEM? JUST THINK OF HOW OUR LAWMAKERS
COULD SOUND. INSTEAD OF, “THIS APPROPRIATIONS
BILL WILL UNDERMINE OUR ALREADY DANGEROUSLY NEGLECTED
INFRASTRUCTURE,” WE COULD HAVE: (WILD SCOTTISH ACCENT)
“ORDER! ORDERRRRR! ORDER! NOW DON’T BE DAFT
ABOUT THIS PROPOSAL, YOU TOLLY-WODGING GIT, OR I’LL TELL
YOUR GRAND-MUM WHAT I REALLY THINK OF HER JAMMY SQUARES,
EH! EH! NOW, BE A GOOD BOY, DONALD! BE A GOOD BOY, DONALD. GO SQUATTY ON THE POTTY!”
WE’VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. JOSEPH R. BIDEN IS HERE. STICK AROUND!

100 thoughts on “If Britain Can Do It, Maybe We Can Too

  1. I hear that Stephen…eh…eh. Sounds properly Canadian! Believe it or not, our Canadian government 🇨🇦, when in parliament, sounds much the same as the British! You could have sounded the same, if you have of remained Loyalists like us! 🇬🇧

  2. At least one conservative in Great Britain has a spine to disagree with and walk away from the conservative party. If only that could be said of the party of Trump.

  3. John Bercow, The Speaker of Commons is my hero. All of our lawmakers and party leaders are grey and boring next to Mr. Bercow who is also articulate and hilarious. We need to petition to rejoin the Empire. I want to be an MP! Deport Trump and become part of the Greater UK!

  4. Trump will be re-elected easily, get over it. Americans as a whole are idiots; they will vote for and deserve a leader just like them.

  5. Colbert is talentless . All he can do is bash trump. Watch Jimmy Fallon if you want a talented and funny late night host.

  6. you're in desperate trouble if uk is your guiding star. democracy is possible in the usa, they do it in california and their constitution could be scaled up. but politicians don't want democracy and american serfs don't want it either. you can see why both have this position, the pollies are on top, and the serfs don't want to have to think. i fear they can not. their only political activity is making fun of themselves being screwed by politicians. i suppose pity is in order.

  7. I have an idea: Creepy, though elegant, long hands coming from the edge of the screen receiving whatever object you are passing to beyond view.

  8. Do people actually believe all the bullshit about food and medicine shortages? Or that it'll be an economic disaster? To any american watching this I'd advise you to look into it a bit deeper, this is incredibly lazy and misleading reporting. Even with all the chaos surrounding our parliament the UK was the 3rd largest destination for foreign investment, behind the US and china, way ahead of anyone else in europe, more than germany, spain and poland put together in fact. Boris Johnson might come across as a fool but he knows exactly what he's doing, it's parliament stopping him getting a deal as we have no bargaining power without the threat of no deal. And also the irish backstop, both the UK and EU need to agree to end it for it to stop, the EU will be in control of when or if the UK can actually leave.

  9. We don't elect our Head of State, that's the Queen Elizabeth II. We (indirectly) elect our Head of Government, the Prime Minister.

  10. Europe would not want a Brexit without a deal that allowed them to export to UK. It would be bad for their economy. Brexit would not cause all the things the fear mongering media wants people to believe will happen. Britain does at least almost as much business with the US, and aren't even locked into a deal with the Americans.The Europeans just decided to be stubborn on the aspect of a potential deal that would benefit the least amount of people. Even some Irish people don't seem to really want the back stop. It's about time late night 'comedy' stopped being thinly veiled political propaganda full of biased 'facts'.

  11. Two points. First, the UK head of state is the monarch, not the prime minister. Second, the MP who crossed the floor to join an opposition party deprived Johnson of a majority in terms of seats i.e. number of MPs, rather than votes. As Colbert pointed out 21 MPs who voted against the Conservative party were kicked out thus making a minority government even more of a minority government.

  12. I love that Stephen laughs at British food, take a look at what that great American diet has done to the fattest nation on the planet!

  13. Geez, and I thought Australian parliament was like a food riot. If this is anytihng to go by, it's a model of efficiency and decorum compared to Britain's.

  14. It's not like Stephen to pass up an opportunity like this, but he blew the chance to interpret Bercow's call as "Ordure! Ordure!" Thought he was going to go for it when he invoked the Squatty Potty, but sadly, no. ("Ordure" being a fancy word for excrement or "something regarded as vile or abhorrent," which can certainly be accurately said of our current junta.)

  15. I'm from England. I despair. People voting to jump out of plane without a parachute, to the potential destruction of their younger family. They now see there is definitely no parachute, and yet they still vote for it. My mind is blown.
    And the politicians that made up all the lies to get people behind Brexit, constantly call themselves and each other 'right honourable gentleman' in parliament. Pff I've got some less deluded adjectives for them…

  16. I hope Britain gets a No Deal brexit that would be great then we can start making all kinds of money make a America great again 2020

  17. The Speaker, John Bercow is an absolute joy to watch, his knowledge and familiarity with all 650 members of Parliament is astonishing.

  18. I’m British and not once did you make me laugh or smile , your jokes are well and truly out dated , your comedy is cringe worthy and incredibly bland , so I suggest you try work on your material and come up with some originality instead of reusing the same old tired jokes you hack fraud , Americans 😕really have no clue

  19. British food is good have u ever eaten venison , peasant, roast beef with Yorkshire pudd
    And spotted dick is a great suet pudding

  20. This is as usual dishonest. If I were Steven I wouldn't worry so much about brexit. I'd worry about if people decide to start killing fake news talk show hosts

  21. now i know why i prefer seth meyers to this stupid show. firstly, whats wrong with our food? secondly there is no chance of running out of anything. its not like a trade war where people have to pay extra for shit they dont need. also, you take the piss out of boris johnson when you lot have an orange freak with mental issues. at least Johnson knows how to put more than four words together without saying its great, the best ever. and Johnson doesnt blame anyone else for the mess he has gotten himself into, unlike your ruler who blames everything on obama, best president ever by the way.

  22. If there is a billboard chart for humor as an antidote for the current political malaise that plagues us almost globally (or at least it feels so these days ) this video will perhaps make it to that list.

  23. A good ol predictable racist Irish joke. Well I suppose the Irish and Scots are the last groups people can tell jokes about.

  24. Hey Stephen! How can you support the war candidate Joe Biden? He is a self-confessed Zionist who is dying to wage war on whoever is left standing in the Middle East on Israel's behalf! Shame on you

  25. The speaker of the house of commons (the guy saying orrrdddeeerrr) has just announced he's stepping down. This latest season of Brexit is going to be a sad one indeed 😢

  26. If a Republican Senator got out of his seat and then casually walked over to the Opposition Party he would probably be shot before he sat down in his seat.

  27. It doesn't work like that in the US. Our politics is completely different from the US and so are the laws of parliament and the Lords… so not this would never happen in the US Senate.

  28. Britain's never elected a female head of state. They've elected a female head of government, but Britain's never elected any head of state.

  29. Let’s vote for an Intelligent, informed, inclusive, sane, and financially responsible president.
    Let’s stand up to the buffoon occupying our White House.

  30. I was just watching that live and the 10 minutes I could sit there and listen it was apparent that it was bunch of manbabies making noise.

  31. I know a lot of you are just now learning of HoC Speaker John Bercow. Trust me, looking him up and his other "OOOOOORDAH'S" and genteel 8th grade English teacher-type conduct towards other members of parliament speaking out of order from a sedentary position really sparks ebullience in the oldest of hearts. Oh by the way, Bercow announced his resignation.

  32. I wish we would have a Cal-Exit… and make Californians use a passport to go to other states and a Visa if they say for longer than a month.

  33. Parliament is absolutely hilarious! To quote a great Queen, "They say home is where the heart is. But God, I love the English…" 😏👑💕

  34. Don't laugh at British food, read this. Each year 14.7% of the US population contracts a foodborne illness. The UK population, under the umbrella of EU food safety standards, clocks in at just 1.5%. The jokes on you, a sick one one could say.

  35. Colbert missed the point completely, speaker does not insult others. He orders them to behave. That is two totally different contexts. If the speaker insulted people, he would lose ANY authority he has. He can snap at them, demean their status but not insult.

  36. The distance between the two sides of parliament is the length of two swords.
    It was to stop opposition MPs from stabbing each other.
    Going from one side to the other is known as "Crossing Swords".

  37. Oh, how brilliant your show Stephen Colbert. You had me in stitches laughing. I hope we can get rid of our one morsel of a brain PM Boris Johnson very soon, wish i could mop Parliament floor with his top head, he's a complete plonker. I love watching your shows. Love to you all in US from UK xxx PS Can you send us over some food and medicine in case the brainless idiot does a hard brexit on us ! We don't much fancy spotty dick for the next 50 yrs !

  38. I actually think Theresa May looks attractive.
    I probably should get out more.
    There are some 🔥 babes working @ Popeye's and Pizza Hut.

  39. Hi Americans of all political persuasions.

    Forget Trump for a second and just ponder this whole situation from your perspective.

    If the US was a member of a supranational political union with, say, Canada and all of the nations of the Caribbean and central america, and unelected officials from each of those countries had a say in creating laws that SUPERCEDED THE AMERICAN CONSTITUTION, affecting decisions on everything from your economy to your borders, decisions which are entirely out of your hands, whilst billions of dollars of taxpayer money flows out to other member nations, with negligible benefits for the States…and you then had the opportunity to leave…

    How would you vote?

    And if you voted to leave and won that vote, then for the next three years, 'remainer' congressmen/women and senators, along with self-interested foreign governments within that union conspired to frustrate the process of leaving with the express aim of eventually overturning the will of the people, resulting in the collapse of American democracy…

    How would you feel?

    Interested to know.

  40. Bernie is our best chance of beating Trump, Brit style. Social democracy does work well in England and Scandinavia, oh yeah and here at home with roads, bridges, public utilities, schools, police, fire departments, and oh yeah the entire military and their communal state-funded living facilities. Good point it is also ok to verbally berate corrupt authority for sure, it is actually why we said it was worth rebelling in the first place.

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