Laughter is the Best Medicine

If Coffee Commercials Were Honest – Honest Ads (Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Folgers Parody)

Oh beautiful day I’d call it perfect but it’s missing something don’t you think ah there it is this morning just wasn’t complete until your first cup of coffee right yeah there’s nothing quite like a steaming cup full of an addictive drug in the morning I’m Roger and I’d love to tell you about Horton brand warm addictive brown stuff please enjoy this footage of velvety smooth beans followed by a well shot close-up of a hot brown liquid that’s brewed by mixing heated water with the roasted smashed-up seeds of a flowering shrub native to southern Africa and tropical Asia I only showed you that to remind you you desperately need your fix how could you forget you see these small brown seeds are a naturally occurring source of the world’s most widely consumed central nervous system stimulant caffeine while most brain altering substances are outlawed or at least tightly controlled by the government this entirely legal psychoactive drug is enjoyed by basically every person you know on a daily basis completely unrestricted and with zero cultural stigma in fact it’s openly celebrated by your friends family and morning television personalities smells so good I can’t wait to add flavors and sweetener to distract from the natural flavor of this thing I claim to love and not be addicted to I do like it it’s just that two sugars and that hazelnut creamer make it I’m not a dick junkies like him keep me a harvester of brown seeds in business but not just me also me a distributor of overpriced addictive sludge it also comes in pumpkin flavored if you’d prefer that to the wet cigar boiled asphalt flavor that occurs now truly I do great that’ll be $11 and here’s a cup with your name just butchered on it to prove that you will let literally anyone treat you literally however they want as long as they’re handing you a cup of the chemical reward of an unregulated psychoactive drug enjoy your drug disguised as a universally celebrated touchstone of human culture Rand or Rand or that’s not even a name I didn’t even try now I understand that you wouldn’t want to associate that chemical reward with the knowledge that people with far less money than you are severely underpaid to grow and harvest these bitter drug Laden seeds so I’d like to show you some more footage this time of a hard-working happy looking person in Ethiopia or Guatemala somewhere it doesn’t really matter I’m also going to say some words that combined with these images should make you feel better Organic cooperative sustainable ethical ethics I could bore you with the details and complexities of the international commodities market or I could just say hey look this burlap bag of beans has Fairtrade stamped on it that’s good right sure or at any rate it lets you plausibly deny that your happiness fix relies on somebody else’s misery now the only thing that will keep you up at night is this central nervous system stimulant you consume on a daily basis via this mix of heated water and roasted smashed up seeds why are you doing this why are you telling us this really pranky when you haven’t had your coffee you know that there you go a nice warm cup of your personality drink it up I’m Roger by the way hey I’m Roger thanks for watching like and subscribe hey what other terrible aspects about coffee did I miss put it in the comments and I’ll read them then we’ll get back to you

100 thoughts on “If Coffee Commercials Were Honest – Honest Ads (Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Folgers Parody)

  1. #1: I like my coffee like I like my women Black and strong. #2 I like my coffee like I like my women blonde and sweet. Because of my faith I choose not to drink coffee. On very rare occasions I will have a 12 ounce cup not to wake me, but to work as a diuretic. Again it is my believe different strokes for different folks. What happens if these people don’t get their coffee? Headaches? Grumpiness? I’m already grumpy

  2. You forgot the effect it has to stunt children's growth if they drink it and the gutters which put you on edge when you drink too much

  3. Brilliant 'ad'!! You could add in how bad it makes peoples' breath and how much worse it is when people drink coffee and smoke. Blurgh.

  4. Most people consume shit quality things.
    If you need sugar and cream to drink coffee, you're drinking low quality coffee, i.e. the cheap shit, which also exploits the workers.
    Good tasting coffee is lightly roasted (so you can actually taste the beans) and costs 40-60 bucks a kilo, so there's at least the possibility that the workers are well paid. A side effect of the high price, is that you don't consume large amounts of it.
    Only a miniscule fraction of the consumed coffee world wide is of this grade.
    Tea has a similar story.

  5. These videos are completely full of it, lol…

    Actually, might be as mean and divisive as the character hosting them…

    “Hey look everybody were using comedy and production to mask our political and personal ideology to shit all over your favorite things”

  6. I’ve always wondered if I like the creamer or the coffee. Who am I kidding? Coffee taste like shit without a truck ton of creamer.

  7. Coffee makes your mind race because caffeine is a stimulant so that your brain can't slow down enough to think clearly. That's why when you try to tell someone a piece of information that could really help them their mind is so spastic that they won't stop to listen, will usually even argue with you and will likely never look into the information for themselves. Even decaf has a minimal amount of caffeine, plus the chemicals used to flush out the caffeine are even more dangerous as over the long run it causes heart disease. Many years ago I used to have major anxiety and taking meds as well as having chronic UTIs. After giving up coffee and sodas my anxiety dropped dramatically to where I didn't need the meds and my UTIs stopped completely!

  8. Hi! Can I get a
    "triple chocolate and hazelnut machiatto express with double shot and almond milk?

    Sure… That'll be an hours' wages please!

    Can…. CAN I not just get a nicely roasted coffee, with a little but of milk?

  9. I never stole for it, nor bought caffein illegally, never heard the arrest of a caffeine dealer, or for possession of caffeine. It makes people work for it, not steal for it. It's a dignifying substance

  10. Not true… the flavor is FINALLY GOOD, ( after burning out my tastebuds!)
    and I can put down the cup anytime I want…..and pick it up too! IM IN CHARGE DAMNIT!

  11. Coffee is triggering the adrenals and adrenals end up tired and dysfunctioning = Addison's disease, a life threatening situation.

  12. Ain’t you scared that u talk about all Mnc if they want they can disappear you by cracking them straight away and giveing loads of cash to the department of police enforcement

  13. Ain’t you scared that u talk about all Mnc if they want they can disappear you by cracking them straight away and giveing loads of cash to the department of police enforcement

  14. Hey I don’t drink coffee because it gives me anxiety but every once in a while I’ll have a couple cups just to feel the energy because I feel like it and I could attest that coffee itself tastes pretty good. The same people that like teas would like coffee without creamer. Also I wouldn’t say adding sugar to coffee changes the flavor of the actually coffee, it just makes it sweet.
    Just like chocolate, you roast and add a tiny bit of sugar to bring out a lot of the natural flavors if you want. Doesn’t mean you are covering up the flavor of chocolate.

  15. I will never know why I'm one of these people, but can someone tell me what's the music in the background? 😅😅

  16. Roger by the way-im no addict,i only have 2 cups a night at work-1.25l cups.

    I also get pissed at people that add all sorts of shit to coffee to hide the real flavor.

    I dont use anything but coffee

  17. reduces blood flow to the brain, up to 40% and stimulates neurons to fire at the same time.

  18. When he said “but it’s missing something” and the girl came out, I forgot about the coffee

    “Enjoy a nice warm cup of your personality” 😂😂😂

  19. Another funny video. Shared, whilst I prepare my morning coffee… expresso and milk froth.
    I have recently come across info which will cause my coffee habits to change.
    it's the 2nd most traded commodity in the world after oil. It is also the 3rd most heavily sprayed crop in the world.. and a debate about whether or not the roasting process burns off, most, some, any or all of the pesticides… Additionally in Australia (I wasn't aware these were a thing until someone promotes them as not having hormones added).. so hormones are added to milk or sprayed on them? and what are they fed which affects milk too..
    So I will only be buying organic beans and organic milk (not long life as it's bad too).. 🙂 Shalom.

  20. I am surprised that this guy was not publicly executed by these giants industries. Soon or later his videos will be banned from the internet and he might suddenly died of natural causes 🧐🙄

  21. I never buy from Starfucks as that greedy bastard refuses to pay tax in Britain yet another greedy Zionist scum. Oh great clip again! 🙂

  22. Did you know that when yer caffein level is too much it makes your sphincters weak, thereby making heartburns more common. Also, as a chain reaction your teeth decays faster, more tooth aches and sooner of later more windows in your mouth. And also say hello and dont be surprised if you see your undies with poop leaks, that by the way will just smell before you know it. Probably your room mates will notice it first before you.


  23. This is B/S
    I have only had 4 cups of coffee today, so its not possible for me to be an addict.

    Hell, its 8:30.. I better get to work… I've been up for almost an hour!!!!

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