Laughter is the Best Medicine

If Les Grossman Negotiated With Hans Gruber From Die Hard

– Unit one, prepare entry.
(tense music) – I’m on it, I’m on it. – I’m listening. – All units stand by for full bridge. (walkie talkie scratches static) – I though I told all of you I want radio silence until further– – Yeah, who is this? – Teams in position. – Hey Tuggernuts, I’ve
got you on speaker phone. – You know my name, but who are you? Just another American who saw
too many movies as a child. Are you still there? – Hey, let me tell you
something, Shit bird, I’ve never even heard
of your little agency. – Who are you then? – This is Les Grossman, who is this? – Let’s just to keep everybody calm, OK? – This is Hans Gruber. – OK. – I assume you realize the futility of direct action against me. We have no wish for further loss of life. – First, take a big step back and literally fuck your own face! (tense music) – Excuse me. – Now I don’t know what kind of Pan Pacific bullshit power play you’re trying to pull here, but Asia, Jack, is my territory, so whatever you’re thinking
you’d better think again. Otherwise, I’m gonna
have to head down there, and I will rain down an ungodly fucking firestorm upon you. You’re gonna have to call
the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. – Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr Cowboy? – I am talking scorched
earth motherfucker! I will massacre you! I will fuck you up! This is your fault, you limey fuck! Pull down their pants
and you spank their ass. – OK then. – [Les] Shut the fuck
up and let me do my job. From now on my fist is gonna
be so far up your shit hole that every time you have a fart it’s gonna have to tiptoe
past my wedding ring. – I have comrades in arms around the world languishing in prison. – Great. Now let me get this down. – The following people are to be released from their captors. – Oh wait, I’ve got a better idea. – This is very kind of you. – How ’bout I send you
a hobo’s dick cheese? – Pretty funny. – We all have our bad days. – In the meantime and as usual, go fuck yourself. (phone beeps) We don’t negotiate with terrorists. (applause) (squeaks)

100 thoughts on “If Les Grossman Negotiated With Hans Gruber From Die Hard

  1. Did you also add The negotiator on here because Denzel Washington was not on die hard… The part where he's on the phone looks a whole lot like The negotiator right before Kevin spacey's character showed up…. You didn't include that in your description…

  2. ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚ how bout I send you a Hobo dick cheese?? Follow by in the meantime its go F ur self …๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ I'm done

  3. When the music stops at 00:45 then โ€œfuck your own face comes inโ€ ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

  4. Between 1:18 – 1:34 I couldnโ€™t stop laughing & @ 1:36 I started dien laughing & Jack Black killed me @ 1:43 !!! Lmao ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿคฃ

  5. The brilliance of Tom of being able to play a silly role serious enough to make you believe the actor is the character and yet not too serious that the character breaks the tone of the film and the audience disconnects.

    It's like workin with Mercury. It's high science man. You an artist.

  6. Less Grossman solo movie would be the best Tom cruise movie ever that we will never see. Faq! I hate my time line reality/dimension.

  7. Everytime someone tells me to F*** myself I just kindof chuckle. What on earth does sexual pleasure have to do with the situation? Isn't that kind og like telling someone to go have a good time? What kind of an insult is that?

  8. This must be the Or Die part of whatever this thing you got going pretty sloppy with that Allien Lizard Master Race goblin of a Cruise.

  9. If I was a terrorist I would have turned myself in to the authorities. I might have jumped out the window all in my feelings. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  10. "We don't negotiate with terrorists" a Reagan stance that got a lot of heat from the Left is now being used by the Left to make characters sound like bad asses. Imagine what movies would be like if Hollywood hadn't gotten rid of most of the Conservatives. Maybe we'd have some fresh material instead of dredging up every old character to butcher them.

  11. I swear that Tom Cruise stole this character from a former boss of mine. The guy looked VERY similar and he talked and acted just like Les.

    Youโ€™d think it would be a riot working for a guy like this, but itโ€™s very draining and grows tiresome after a while… He was eventually fired for inappropriate/unwanted sexual advances toward a female coworker. (At a company party he blocked her from entering the bathroom and offered to bang her)

  12. Would have been funny without all the scenes from every movie in the last thirty years where a hand radio made an appearance.

  13. I wonder how many people will admit. Either the entire movie or at least the third time you see him. You had no idea that was Tom lol.

    That character became an instant classic.

  14. Could've made for a great movie, if all the idiots at the Oscar's didn't act like they didn't know who he was..! Idiots!

  15. "We don't negotiate with terrorists"

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