C’mon… -Where am I? What’s this place?
-Hell! Welcome to eternity. It’s no joke,
I’m Satan, nice to meet you. -Did I die?
-Yes. Goddamn public hospitals… -What’s your name?
-Alonso. Alonso Méndez. Martínez, Menéndez… Méndez, here we are.
Alonso Méndez. Used God’s name in vain,
told a few lies, cheated on your wife
with your sister-in-law… Naughty boy!
You’re a little devil! -Just once. I didn’t mean to.
-Silence. Your punishment will be
Hell’s hottest fire. Violeta. -Sweetheart, suck him off.
-What? Violeta will take
you the eternal… -The eternal flame.
-While sucking me? Yes, with no condom
and for all eternity. Let’s go then. It’s not enough
for you, mortal. -Esmeralda.
-What will she do? She’ll take you to the darkest
places in Hell while rubbing her tits
on your face. No, please, don’t do that… Well, I’m going.
Girls, take care of him. -No, wait, Mr. Satan.
-What is it? I did terrible things. Once, in the office,
I stole their pens. And I never gave way
to pedestrians. -This is not here.
-Keep going. I also used harpoons
to kill turtles. You screwed it, mortal.
You’re an asshole. -Girls, please, let him go.
-What? Wait… You confessed,
so you cleansed your soul and you’re going to shit,
or worse, to Heaven. You’ll read the Bible, pray
and fuck the priests. -Bye!
-No, wait! No! No! I like priests!
I’ll have a great time there! -Where am I?
-Welcome to Heaven. Let me guess.
You tried to get a third girl? Yes. This is awful. Just wait. Every day they play
“Color Esperanza” very loud. By Diego Torres? No! He’s over there. No!