And a latte for the lovely lady! Thank you! Hey! Oh, do I know you…? You do now. OK… Is this free? – ‘Is this free?’
– ‘Yes, of course!’ Standard question, standard response. So standard, we forget to think. Well I like to challenge standards. Catch people off-guard. Make them think. Is this free? No, it’s two pounds. Oh, I’m sorry, are you waiting for someone? Well, not exactly.
The last guy only had a pound on him. He went looking for the other 50p. But if you’ve got two pounds on you now —
it’s yours! But you only asked him only one-fifty! Inflation!
Oh, there he is! I’m taking it! Excuse me, so sorry, is this free? Fuck-off. Look old chap,
I just asked for the seat! I know. And I only asked you to fuck-off. Well, I say, Fuck-off yourself then! Excuse me! Is this free? Just a minute! Are you gay? No. Are you Muslim? No! Are you black? No!!! – But any of these are a problem to you?
– No, no, no, no – – Is this free?
– Yes, of course. But… I wouldn’t advise you to sit there. They’re watching this spot very carefully. – Is this free?
– Of course! But could you help me with a quick survey I’m conducting? – Sure!
– Thank you! – What’s your name?
– Rosie. Rosie. Lovely name.
And your age? 22 Are you married? No, I’m single. Lovely. What’s your profession? I’m a hairdresser. I bet you’re very good at it too! Can I just take a quick photo? – Really?
– Smile! – Like this?
– Perfect! Oh, you have a lovely smile! What’s this for? It’s an anthropological research
for the S&D. – Strictly confidential, of course.
– I see… What newspaper do you read? The Sun Very popular What’s your mobile number? 07 700 900 352 – And bra size?
– 34 C Lovely Do you vote Labour? No. – Lib Dem?
– No… – Conservative?..
– No! Have you ever been or are you now
involved in espionage or sabotage, or in terrorist activity, or genocide,
or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved in any way
with persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies? Erm, no?! Is this free? – I’m sorry?
– Is this seat free? Is there a problem if I sit there? Yes! I mean… maybe? I don’t know… You could… Sorry, who are you talking…
who are you talking to? Er, Trevor. – Sorry, what’s your name?
– Alice. Alice: this is Trevor.
Trevor: this is Alice. This is awkward… I think, yes, I think I better go – No, no, please! I’m sorry, have my seat!
I insist! So, oh yeah… Do you have a My Space account? No. Do you drive or drive a Hummer? I wish, err, no! Do you consider yourself to have
any kind of mental illness? No! – Drug addiction?
– No! – Lactose intolerance?
– No! – Communication disorder?
– No! Are you male? NO!.. WAIT! – well, you get the idea! Of course, please – Can I help you? Very good! Is this free?