I’ll tell you what, it could be
worse than getting your butt fucked while getting your
dick sucked, though. I’ve never seen that before. I haven’t watched
a lotta gay porn, but I’ll tell you,
this is new to me right here. – You haven’t had
an uncrustable? (laughter) I call the uncrustables
the getting butt fucked while your…
– While a guy’s sucking your dick in a 69?
I gotta tell ya, seems pretty–
if you’re into gay sex that seems like it’d be
the way to play it. – Oh, man, they can do
some flips and flops that we didn’t even think of.
– Dude, the funniest thing in this is his muff
bashing into his chin. Dude, s– the underneath view
of a 6– of a guy sucking cock
from the bottom is maybe
the funniest thing ever. It looks like you keep getting
a mustache that goes away. Unh, mustache, mustache,
mustache, mustache, mustache. ♪♪ – Very casual for you,
Jacob, I gotta say. – Hoodie Jacob?
– Hoodie Jacob? – Oh, Joey won.
I always wear this the day after he wins.
– Really? – You always do that?
– Well, yeah. – How many times
have you done it? – Three times.
– Okay, so it’s a new tr– (cheering sound effect) So it’s a new tradition.
– Yeah. – But Joey Logano– you’re
talking about Joey Logano, number 22
in the Shell car. – He kicked ass in Michigan.
– In Michigan. – Yesterday.
– (cheering sound effect) – Nothing like–
– Someone’s NASCAR racing with “Joe Rogan Experience”
on the hood, did you see that? – I saw that, I’m not familiar
with the driver. – Ehh, that’s one way
to take a dig. Shots fired, Jacob.
– Wow, ouch. We get it. We’re fans of Joe Rogan.
– Someone’s feeling froggy. Someone’s feeling froggy.
I was impressed. I was like, that’s prett–
– That’s fucking badass. – He goes, “No driver
anyone’s ever heard of.” – “It’s some guy. It’s a gu– I
think he just got his license.” – I’m glad that he’s
sponsoring a NASCAR. – Yeah, sure, I bet you are.
Way to back pedal, dude. – So does that mean that
Joe Rogan’s sponsoring that car? – He’s probably sponsoring it
for that race. – Life if a– let’s
just say hypothetically, a driver loved “The Bonfire”
and was like, “Let’s put ‘The Bonfire’
on the hood.” We would have
to pay money, right? – Yeah, you–
– Yes. – You would have to.
– That would only happen if we paid them money.
– That’s pretty awesome that Joe Rogan did that.
– It could happen too. – That’s pretty badass.
– Hannibal Buress sent me a thing a couple years back–
– Oh, he did a fighter. – About a fighter.
Yeah, he sent me like, he got to pick the outfit,
which is pretty hilarious. – Yeah, man, more comics
with money should do that. – Just goofy things like that?
– Yeah, if– Bill Burr should go sponsor like,
an OHL hockey team. Like, the Bill Burr Furies,
you know? – Bill Burr Furies.
– He’s like– – Or no, like,
the Montreal Bill Burrs. – The Montreal B– yeah,
the Montreal B– the Montreal Burrs.
– The Montreal Billburrs. – Or the Berts.
Dude, Kreischer’s– that’s what Bert should do. Tell the machin–
the Machines? – He should get a mach–
oh, like a team. – Culver City Machines.
– (Jacob) I would love for you to get a decal on the car
’cause you can get– – What’re you saying,
my head’s big and it’d go perfect on the hood?
– No, I mean the two of you just come up with
a “Bonfire”– anything that you
would want on the car. – Yeah, you know, maybe
“The Bonfire” logo. – Yeah.
– Well, nothing out of the box or anything.
– Yeah, you know the fire logo that we use?
– Yeah, the logo that’s been kinda running for a while?
– That actually kinda already looks like
a NASCAR logo. – I’m prepared to
get it tattooed on me, I hope we’re not changing it
anytime soon. – They go, “Oh, Jay, we’re going
to a different thing. We’re gonna go fire storm.” – It’s raining fire.
– Raining fire. Ra– – What, um, what do we gotta do
to get ourself on a car? – Here’s the driver.
It’s Taylor– damn, you just turned it off.
Taylor Canfield is the driver that has the “Joe Rogan
Experience” sticker on the hood. Number 35.
– That’s pretty cool. But why can’t we get
a “Bonfire” one? – Oh, c– what?
– You have to pay. – How much?
– Sirius sponsors a car. – Really?
Sirius sponsors a car? – Yeah, every once in a while they’ll sponsor
Martin Truex. Our dec– the Sirius decals
is on every car. – Is it really?
All those cars have Sirius? – Smaller ones.
– So they can all listen to “The Bonfire”
while they drive? – A smaller decal will be on–
– So can we have a slightly smaller decal
than that of “The Bonfire”? – I want it on the hood.
– No, let’s see… – All right, size queen.
– …on the gas cap. – Let’s get the fuckin– yeah. – Can we have “Bonfire”
gas caps on all the NASCARs? – Can we do “Bonfire”
windshield wipers? – You could definitely
get a decal on. – Is there a Comedy Central car? – Comedy Central,
are you kidding me? There’s no way Comedy Central
would pay money to sponsor NASCAR.
– (car zooming sound effect) – You don’t think so?
– No, they’re not smart enough. – Sirius XM did.
– And by the way, they would have to– during the race,
if you sponsored it, it would be the… “My b– my ‘Bonfire’
Ford Ch– Ford.” – Really?
– They would refer to it as “The Bonfire” Ford.
– Jacob, can I tell you something?
If I had the amount of money for it, I wo–
this is how selfless and hilarious
I like to think I am. – Yeah.
– That I would pay not to have “The Bonfire”
on there. – No.
– I would just have the word “Jacob Battat”
and a picture of you like, looking handsome.
– With your phone number? Or just your– just
your Instagram handle. – Just like a handsome,
“look at this.” – And there it is, it’s the–
– Like a real making-love-to-the-camera,
like a real like “Sup, ladies?” – Number 17, driving
the Jacob Battat Ford. – I promise you they need
the sponsorship so bad, you could get that done.
– Really? Why? – A Jacob Battat?
– NASCAR seems like– NASCAR seems like
it’s a profitable sport. – Why do I gotta give
$5 million for it? That’s a lot.
– Five million? – The hood, she just said,
is 5 to 30 million. – No way.
– (Christine) That’s how much it costs to sponsor.
– Oh, that’s for the year. – Yeah.
– I’m saying for one car for one race.
– On the hood, how much? – Let’s do it.
– I don’t know, it probably– – I want a picture of you–
– Goes by how big the driver is, too.
– Oh, how can we not do an Airwolf?
Have Airwolf on the hood? – And just Jacob like this? – Jacob with Airwolf
behind him. Yeah, sensual Jacob,
Burt Reynolds laying down. – Love it.
– That’s badass. – Yeah, it’s badass, Jacob.
We’re gonna make it happen. – I would want the whole ca–
– No, we’re not. We’re gonna talk about.
You would want what? – I want the “Bonfire” logo
on the hood. That would mean a lot.
– Yeah? – But it wouldn’t be
as funny as you, your name,
and your phone number. – Yeah, or Instagram handle, if you don’t wanna do
phone number. – Or we’ll just do like,
the seven digits, and we’ll have to– they have
to guess the area code. (with Southern accent)
– I’ve been calling all day! Are you Jacob Battat on
the number 17 Ford? (as Jacob)
– Why, yes, yes, I am. (as Jacob)
– Guys see me going fast. Better grab me. (laughter) – Uh, that’s fucking cool,
though, to have a sp– – It looks like it costs
around $600,000. But I’m not sure because
that’s a breakdown, this is how much
Farmer’s Insurance pays for 22 races. So you can see like,
it fluctuates a little bit. But between 8 million
and 16 million, and if you divide that down,
it comes to about 600,000. – Yeah, but we’re not
a company. I just want
Jacob’s face on the car. – He’s a ma– they probabl–
– They can’t give us a discount to get Jacob’s face on the car?
– There’s gotta be like, insane millionaires
from Wyoming that wanna do it. You know what I mean?
And they’re like– there has to be a rule
against like, individuals. It probably has
to be a business. – No.
– You don’t think– yeah, ’cause he’s like,
“Hi, what’s up, man? “I’m the Rubber King
of South Dakota. Put my face– put my wife’s
big ass on your car.” – That has to happen.
– That’s more monster truck vibes.
– Maybe, but I’m telling you– – Can we get a monster truck? – No, I want Jacob’s face
on a NASCAR, his dream. – All right, guys, I don’t m–
– No, that’s not my dream. – I don’t mean to cu–
– (laughs) That’s your dream. – Guys, I don’t mean
to “Captain Phillips” right now, but I’m the captain now,
and we’re gonna monster truck. – Uh, okay.
– Can we look up monster truck sponsors? I feel like it’s more
our ballpark and our demo– – Can we put Jacob on a car
that’s gonna get crushed? – Yes!
(laughing) You just want Jacob to take
an adorable picture. Can we put– can we put…
a big decal of that on a bunch of cars that get
run over by Gravedigger? (as announcer)
– “Truck-a-saurus Rex is here to eat all the Jacob!” – All the Jacobs.
(makes crashing sounds) – “Truck-a-saurus Rex
eats Jacobs.” (laughter) “Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, watched Jacob get
c-c-crushed!” (voice echoing)
– “Bat-ta-ta-ta-ttat!” – “It’s I Like You
Like A Friend tour.” – “It’s g– it’s getting
Battat in here this Sunday at Echo Raceway.”
– “Echo Raceway, come watch “a bunch a J-J-J-Jacob cars get c-c-c-crushed by destiny.” – (truck sound effect)
– “Truck-a-saurus Rex is eating Jacobs
by the dozen.” – “Gravedigger! And of the dreaded ex…” – “Kids drink free after 6:00.”
– (Dan laughing) “Chicken fingers
to everyone who co– the first 1,000 get
free chicken fingers.” – “BYOB.”
– (normal voice) Exposure bey– oh, so this is
monster truck? Oh, they don’t do tha–
I don’t think they do it like NASCAR. You know what, guys,
I’m sorry, man. I got real greedy, we can
go back to NASCAR. Jay… – I’m out now.
– Stop it. – No, I’m out of the idea.
– Don’t do this. – No, the picture would b–
– Don’t do this on a Tuesday. – The picture would’ve been
great is all I’m saying. – Look at Bigfoot.
What a sexy… – (Christine) It is like NASCAR.
– Firestone, though. That’s big money.
– No. That’s their wheels sponsor,
it still doesn’t have a whole bunch of stuff on it
like NASCAR. – Look, there’s smaller ones. We could get a “Bonfire”
on a monster truck. Man, it’d be cool if we–
if there was like, a low level monster truck guy
and he was a fan of our show, and as he went up,
we went up, you know? – What’s the obvious ones?
Obviously all the oils. Jimmy John’s, for sure.
– Definitely. Subway. – Definitely.
– Yeah, Quick sandw– Does Wawa have a car?
– QT gas stations, I’m sure. That’s Wawa-ish.
– VasPro. Should’ve said VasPro. – VasPro. Caldero–
what’s that place called? Calderas?
– Calderas? – What’s the other like, outd–
– (Jacob) DeWalt. – DeWalt!
– 20 volt right at it. – Hell yeah.
– What about Home Depot? – For sure, definitely.
– Yeah. Eagle Hardware? – I don’t if they’re–
– Are they still a thing? – Sam’s Club.
– Oh, there’s a Wawa car. Number 15.
– (Christine) There was a few over the years.
– Ace Hardware. – Love an Ace Hardware car.
– Starbucks? – Definitely.
There’s not a Starbucks car? – No.
– Dunkin, though. – Dunkin! What about Tim Hor–
– Krispy Kreme. – No more Lowe’s, no more–
– Krispy Kreme? – Tim Horton’s?
– Not that I’m aware. – Damnit.
– Tim Horton’s. – Loaf & Jug.
– Sonny and Andy’s Deli on 6th and A.
– Come and Go. – (laughter) Starting giving to
personal businesses. – (laughing) Yeah.
– The Wishing Well record store in the East Village.
– Oh, there was a Starbucks car. The number 28 in 2015. – Jacob, you don’t know
shit about NASCAR. – Goddamn, you’re an idiot.
– It’s not today. – Your fucking hoodie
tells a different story than the real story.
– Yeah, poser. Fucking poser. NASCAR poser.
– There’s no Starbucks car. – Yeah, not anymore.
But there was one. – ‘Cause you didn’t
believe in it. (laughter) – You didn’t support
their merch like you do with fucking
Pennzoil and Shell. – Oh, cool, fossil fuels.
– Yeah, I’m not proud of that. – Oh, cool, un–
unrenewable energy. – They kill the planet,
but they helped Joey win. – How many ducks and swans
had to die for that fucking car to run?
– (Jacob) Hell of a lot. – Yeah, your boy fucking burned up a bunch
of dinosaur juice. – I call you Jacob Valdez. (laughter) – Jacob Valdeis, should be
the evil Jacob name. – Jacob Valdeis.
– That’s that– that’s that Jacob.
– I do struggle with that. – Yeah?
– Yeah. – What, cheering that hard
for another single man? – (laughter)
– No, I have no issue with it. – Oh, sorry, I thought that’s
what we were talking about. – Oh, I thought you were
looking at the obvious thing. – Oh, getting super excited
for another man driving a car? – Joey’s happily married,
by the way. – No, I mean another
individual male. Like, getting that excited. – Yeah!
(cheering) – That is…
– If my– if my daughter won a fight
in an MMA ring, I wouldn’t cheer like that.
– I wouldn’t react that way if my dad came back
from the dead. – Yeah!
(cheering) – You’d go, “Dad?”
– I’d go like this. Dude, get the fuck away from me.
Get the fuck away from me. – (groaning)
– I’d go like this. I’d go, if I get you a rum
and Coke will you be cool? – (groaning)
Uh-huh. (laughter) (pleased groan) (zombie voice)
“It’s 5:00 somewhere.” – “Wasting away
in Margaritaville.” – “Has anyone seen
my lost acre of salt?” – He goes, “I like mine with
lettuce and tomato. Heinz 57.
French fried potato.” Dad, I got you a box
of Marlboro reds and a rum and Coke.
(happy groan) – “Good boy. Good boy.” – (inhales, coughs) – “Still got it.”
– (groans) – “Call Cheryl.”
– I was just gonna say that. “Is that– is that
loose girl Janet still down at
the Fireside Lounge?” – “Is fat-tit Carole still working at the bowling alley?” – “Your mother’s a bitch.”
– (laughter) – Zac Amico joins us,
a star of Capitol Wrestling which brings the new wave
of pro wrestling to Brooklyn. – (belches)
– Join them on June 24th, Dan Soder’s birthday, at
St. Patrick’s Catholic Academy for a live international
television taping featuring the biggest stars
at Capitol. $5 off with
promo code “Bonfire.” It’s such an awesome show, dude. I– that last match you did
was bananas. – Yeah, death match.
– It’s one of those that I have to separate that
I know you I’m watching it because you feel genuine–
I felt like Mick Foley’s kid in “Beyond the Mat”, like…
– “You’re hurting him.” – My best friend,
who you would love, named Seger.
– Yeah. – After Bob Seger.
– That’s pretty badass. – He’s married to a lizard,
gotta be some weird Zac thing. – He straight up cried
during my match. – Really?
– He lost his fucking mind. Match starts seven minutes in.
Oh, this is perfect. This is what split me open.
– Jesus. (commentator)
Hey, I’ll take their money to– (all groaning) Snapping the rest of
that light tube over the head of Zac Amico. – That shit doesn’t get
in your eyes, man? – Uh, they’re a…
they fix ’em. – Yeah, oh.
– They dangerous shit out. – Yeah, Jesus.
– Oh, man. – Oh, boy. Oh, boy,
did I take a beating. This where I’m realizing
I’m bleeding really bad. – Oh, man.
– Oh, by the way, the announcer
is Harry Terjanian. Another great comic.
– Yeah, Harry Terjanian do– yeah, that’s fucking awesome.
– I didn’t know he’s the anno– – Yeah, he’s our–
– Color commentator? – He’s our “owner”,
he’s our on-screen owner and color commentator.
– That’s awesome. – Fucking good for Harry,
that’s awesome. – Yeah, I am fucked up here.
– Oh! – God damn you’re
bleeding, dude. Oh, fuck!
– Um, Zac, I know you’re a big horror fan,
me and you talk horror a lot. You gave me some great re–
– Yeah, I do a show– – You gave me some
great recommendations. – I ruined your life with
“Strange Thing About the Johnsons.”
– That was an odd one, yeah. That was very bizarre.
Although, I feel like the new “Black Mirror”
did a similar thing that was– I didn’t like one episode of
the new “Black Mirror.” Did you watch it?
– Didn’t like it. – You watched all three?
– Yep. – Horrible.
– Didn’t like it. – I thought all three of them
were boring as shit. They were long,
they felt longe– you watched them too, Jacob?
– I think Andy said that they were all terrible.
– Just boring. I don’t know what
happened to that show. They were such
great episodes before. They’re all boring.
Christine says she’s liked them,
but I thought they were terr– all three were terrible.
– I liked the first one and the third one,
the second one I found boring. – Christine just likes
watching guys kiss. Fucking nailed it.
– Prove it. Prove it. Come here, Jay.
– (laughter) – Come here, Jay. (both making kissing sounds) – I was just thinking about
the noises you made on the lost tapes. (both making gross
kissing noises) – So an old horror movie
that I loved when I was a kid, “Fright Night”,
the original “Fright Night”. You’ve seen that, I assume.
– Yes. – Jerry Dandrige.
– Are you gonna tell me how the one guy was in gay porn?
– Did not know that until this weekend,
and boy was I excited because it is– not only–
if we can play Evil Ed, the character Ed from
“Fright Night”, We have some footage of that? Now this kid
was an ’80s movies staple. And then he became
a gay porn pin-cushion ’cause I gotta tell you what,
I don’t know why. So I went pretty
deep as I could into this guy’s
gay porn history. The guy who played it after
he did all his movies in the ’80s,
he went into gay porn. – Well, he made his money
and then he went to his passion projects.
– I mean, did he. It must be his passion project,
’cause Dan, let me tell you something.
– What? – There was no versatility
or switcheroo in this guy. Evil Ed from
the movie “Fright Night” is non-stop getting fucked and
come on in every video he does. He never does the fucking.
– He’s always the bottom. – He’s always just getting
corned, man. I mean, really…
– Wore a ’90s bandana. Just eating spaghetti. – Blob-blob-blob.
– Gobble-gobble-gobble… – 69 tongue, guys… butts is
the funniest thing maybe. (all talking) – And a cartoon when the wolf
grabs the giant binoculars. (laughing) Arroo! – What’s going on over there?
Also, it’s so funny to get your butt licked while you’re wearing
a bandana like that. – He, by the way, turns out,
signature. Always performed in a bandana. But when he talks, it’s him. – That was a quick…
– Listen to his voice. – I don’t know if that’s…
That’s not… I don’t think that’s the circle. – Listen,
that’s Evil Ed, listen. Yeah, that’s him,
that’s totally him. – Oh, fuck.
– What? – A lot of good ’80s movies.
He was a real actor. – Yeah! “9-6-7 Evil” he was in. – And apparently
does his own stunts. – Yeah!
– Yeah! – Oh, man, what a camera. – The guy’s got a high pain
threshold clearly. – I would guess ’80s star,
drug addiction, drugs led to porn.
– I think ’80s star loves fucking.
– I was gonna say… …goes in these videos,
I would say ’80s star. Fame ran out and then really
loves getting fucked in the butt and cum because
he, I mean, it… (overlapping conversation) – Think of the cameraman that
put… you know, big ups to the camera guy that was on
one knee doing this. – I got a feeling
it’s a tripod, man. – You think so?
Set up and walk away? – I think set up and walk away,
I think it’s… – Flip the cigarette.
Let it blow out? – Yeah, this guy doesn’t
really dig in there. He’s not the same
kind of, uh, pornographic… – Somebody’s got their eye in
that eyepiece, man, because this is too early for them to
just set it and forget it. – Well, Corey, you’re
our house pornographer. What do you think here?
How would you light this scene exactly?
‘Cause I gotta tell you here what I’m missing is,
his dick doesn’t necessarily have to be in his butt
right here. That could just be a profile.
The old, like, you know… Look, I’m eating my own arm.
Ahh… – Look, I can touch my brain.
Jay… I’m touching my brain.
– Yeah, Dan’s touching his brains like that or Corey,
do you have to really get in there and see
the butthole opening up accepting it in?
– That angle doesn’t work. – Corey, you’re
not a professional. – Okay, can we stop watching
ass-fucking? – Corey, how would
you like this? What is the white
scale you put on this? – Jay just puts
on ass-fucking… – Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, there was a bit
of discharge on that. – Yeah, he’s not a real vampire,
guys, he’s a human being. That’s where poop is, okay? (laughter) – Vampires, you can’t
see ’em in the mirrors. They’re really human beings. – ‘Cause that would be icky. – I just want there to be
a mirror in front of them so it’s just one…
– Oh my God. There is so much
mud on that condom. – Ahh! (laughing, flatulence) Guy was in fucking
“Fright Night.” 976, 967, what was that? – That is what our good friend
Rick who used to bartend at CB’s referred to as
a Rocky Mountain mudcap. – Yeah, that’s a good
thing to call it. Look at him, he loves it.
– He does love it. – Look at his face, he’s like
Mikey, he loves it. – He’s having fun.
He’s got a pillow bunched up like he’s watching a movie. – Wait, turn it up
when he talks. I wanna hear him talk.
– Isn’t that… (voices from movie) – By the way,
I’ll tell you what. A, a… a funny thing to say to
somebody when they’re fucking your butt is you just want,
come on, man, come on. You never think that someone’s
saying the fuck is… Come on, man, come on.
– Come on. – The most telling part about
this video is that the guy’s socks are dirty.
– Yeah, really. – Oh, come on, you could’ve put
on some fresh Hanes. – Is there, uh, uh, uh,
an article or something that explains why this guy… – I don’t know, Christine,
do you wanna take the ass-fucking off the TV?
– No, you picture… – She’s just searching
while a dude just gets fucked in the booth. – Unh-ooh, it’s
a thespian, though. – Yeah, it is.
It’s classic thespian. – Guy really throw
himself into the role. – Oh, here’s him acting.
Hey, I love dick. – Oh, let’s see some
of his gay acting. I’m pretty excited about this. – Stephen Geoffreys was… – Yeah, in a three-way?
Oh my God, get to this. – Oh, they start going at it. All right.
(music playing) – Is that him? No. – Is this a feature? – That’s not him.
Does he join in later? Oh, there’s a three-way.
Here we go. Wait, maybe he joined in.
There he is. That’s him.
I know his pecs. He’s the one in the middle. (laughing) – He’s getting full service?
– Yeah. (laughter) He’s getting his dork sucked
and his butt licked. (music playing) Look at those poses. – Yeah, it’s gonna be a weird
place to go from just a major motion picture to this,
like, I’m having… – A completely unbiased opinion. Look at this scene right here. And you tell me Justin Silver
doesn’t fit in the middle of it somewhere.
(laughter) – He might,
“Then Jay, come on.” – What… It’s gonna
come out a little bit. – A little bit…
(laughing) – Look, there’s gonna be
a little run-out, you know what I mean? You wanna
finish in there or what? I can’t believe that’s Evil
from– I mean, I’ve watched this movie constantly.
“You’re so cool, Brewster.” That’s the line.
– It sounds like you just said you watch this movie constantly,
like, I watch this movie… – I watch the movie constantly.
I can tell you, no vampires. – No vampires.
– No matter how many times I watch through it,
there are no vampires. – That guy.
– He’s great, though… – Imagine if he had
those teeth in? – Ew. – Oh, yeah that is him.
This is positive. Yeah, all right,
come on, Christine… – Pause it.
– No, Jesus… – Pause it right there.
Take a picture for Dan’s… – Ohh…
– Take a picture of that so whenever Dan calls me,
that’s what comes up. – No.
– His ass cheeks? – No. – Jacob, do you want Christine
to copy paste you? – No.
– Text you the website. You don’t want…
You’re a big “Fright Night” fan. – He has the bows right now when
Flanders was out skiing. (mimicking) – I don’t like all his work,
obviously. – Well, you can’t…
Oh, so you’re homophobic so you can’t enjoy
his work on the thing. Okay, so the guy likes to get
his dick sucked by one guy while his butthole
licked from another guy. And now you can’t enjoy his
other films now? That’s just not a way to think.
That’s very Joey Logano sweatshirt of you the way
you’re behaving right now. – Yeah.
– That’s very NASCAR. – Ooh.
– Yeah, see this? – This is not
how I wanted to go. – Homophobic Jacob? – You’re not into
this at all, huh? – Come on, this is best work
behind “976 Evil.” – Is this his best work? – What if I told you this
is how he got into character? What if I told you…
– Jacob, you relax the way you relax on your time, buddy. – Yeah, whatever, man. He’s having a backyard spritz
with two buds. – Tell you what, this guy’s dad
never took him to a bar. – Or he did, a really funny one.
(laughing) A way more fun
one than I went to. – We took him to a fucking
awesome bar. – There’s a lot of crop tops
in that one. I don’t think they were called
bars as much they were called bath houses.
(laughing) – We were always clean.
– Yeah, all right, Christine. We can take this…
– See where it goes actually. If you can get a little deeper
into the end. – No, it’s not– you’re just
making our staff watch gay porn. – Oh, God!
Look at Evil go. Look at him go. One thing about him,
gay porn or “Fright Night” I was told always very
professional on set. Showed up on time. – Heard he was easy
to work with. – Listen, are you supposed to do
an enema and clear out the fucking bats before you let
somebody in the cage? Sure – Sure, do a little research.
– But, I mean, for Christ sakes. – Did you study your roles?
– Moustache, moustache, moustache, moustache,
moustache, moustache… – Goatee, goatee, goatee… (laughing) – I’ll tell you what.
I don’t know if he’s gay ’cause he is not getting hard
in this guy’s mouth. This guy is sucking on taffy. – This guy is, like,
this is not so bad. It’s not so bad right now.
– Yeah, really. Am I pumping too hard?
He’s, like, you’re fine, dude. (laughing) – He goes, hey, laffy taf,
how was it in the butt? – We gotta think about another
kid from “The Toy” and stuff, uh, everyone
knows that, yeah. He was the one that, uh,
in “Christmas Story 2.” But he did regular porn.
That’s boring. It’s more fun to watch Evil
and the kid from “967 Evil” get pounded in the shitter
while he bangs his muffin into another guy’s chin.
– Dude, I restarted “Rock of Love” season one,
episode one. But now we’re, me and my chick
are watching the girls porns as we watch them…
– How many are there? There was Brandi M.
– All of, like, eight of ’em. – Really?
– It’s insane how many of them made porn.
– It’s cool, ’cause she knows just keep the butt-fucking
up on the… – Christine, if you could put
a side bar with this and, uh… – Brandi M, Brandi C.
– Both of them. – Frenchy,
one of the black girls. – One of the black…
Ahh… Is that?
I can’t remember. I think I’ve seen all of them.
– It’s bananas. There’s a blog
of just VH1’s reality stars who did porn or were
in porn before it. – Really?
– “Tool Academy”, eight of those dudes are in porn.
– Oh, gay porn? – Uh, half and half.
– Why does your… (overlapping conversation) – I’ll tell you ’cause “Tool
Academy” is the one where there was the girl, the girl
that was the girlfriend who got AIDS in porn.
She did, like, six porn things. – Why did that just make me
think of girls on AIDS and porn. – ♪ AIDS in porn ♪ ♪ AIDS in porn ♪
– ♪ Girls on film ♪ – A glossary of reality
TV stars who do porn. – Yeah, but not while…
This is not really… “Rock of Love”, Brandi C.
I knew hers. That was the blonde, right?
And then Brandi M did some pretty– and she was
my favorite on the show. I thought she was the hottest.
I liked her. And then she did
some awful porn. She wasn’t very good at porn. Uh, Pumkin?
I don’t know who that is. – “Flavor of Love.”
That’s the girl that spit in New York’s
face, right? – Oh, no, that’s
the girl that fucking shit herself in the first
episode, isn’t it? – No, I don’t think…
I thought Pumkin was the girl that spit
in New York’s face. – It is?
Not the girl that shit herself first episode?
Remember that, though? – On the stairs?
– Girl shit on herself first episode of
“Flavor of Love.” – Yeah, that’s Pumkin. – Oh, the white girl.
She did porn? Ew.
– Yeah, she did. – We all knew where
that was headed, huh? (laughing) Yeah, I think we all saw
where Pumkin was going. – She’s all patch now.
We’re having fun. – No, it turned midnight,
she turned back into a pumpkin. (laughing) – Is that her porn? – Uh, third picture
is definitely her. – Let’s see, that… I didn’t know Pumkin did porn. Oh, she always had those
fuckin’– I hate those teeth. The fuckin’ arc in the front. – How do you think the guy’s
fucking Evil felt? – Huh?
– How do you think the guy’s fucking Evil felt? – What, they were fucking
having sex with a star of a legendary ’80s film.
– Doesn’t say with those teeth. – Yeah, that’s probably the
reason they overlooked, uh… fuckin’ powdered milkshake
coming out of his asshole when he pulled his dick out. – Jacob got my joke. – I mean, what a…
But “Rock of Love,” I mean, they could not have
tried less to show what it was. And, like, eight times in the
first episode, Bret Michaels just turns to the girls and goes Man, I’m really
horny right now. – Really?
– Like, ’cause, I guess we’re used to, like, “The Bachelor”
and stuff where they pretend they’re dating.
– Yeah, yeah, yeah. – The whole first episode is him
going, I’m really horny. – Anybody wanna choke my cock?
– What you’re dealing is turning me on right now. – Is that… ohh… – It’s so fucked.
– Bring back “Rock of Love.” Season one, episode one.
– Bret Michaels is a hand job. – They are animals.
– He wears a wig connected to a bandana.
– Yeah, like Hulk Hogan. – First episode,
they eliminate five girls based on looks
before they speak. – Yeah, that’s what
it’s supposed to be. – I thought Bret Michaels…
– I don’t know why you are taking reality shows
seriously nowadays. – What’s up, brother?
– I thought Bret Michaels… I thought Bret Michaels
was one of the chicks. – Yeah, she got eliminated,
right? – Did this girl,
did she do a porn? (laughing) She did actually.
– Yeah, she did. – Pamela Anderson
sucking his dick. – Yeah. It’s “Rock of Love.” – I watched every season.
Two, right, two seasons of it? Maybe even three…
– “Rock of Love.” “Rock of Love” tour bus?
– Yup. – And then it went
to “I Love Money.” – I like episode,
his hair would change. – “Megan Wants a millionaire.” And then one of the guys
from that got caught killing his stripper wife.
– Yes. – Removed her fingertips
and teeth and they had to identify her by the serial
number in her breast implants so they never finished the show. – Wow!
– Wow! – There was another
guy with a camera crew, and I think they were
jealous of our camera crew. – Totally.
– Did you notice that? – We have the sexiest
camera crew in all of… – I think we really are, uh… – In all of radio filming. – Yeah, out of filming
on 49th Street… We’re the sexiest. ♪♪ – My crowds weren’t, like, full. I mean, like, some of them
reached, like, the back tier. But, like, none of them were,
like, no one can get in, you know what I mean?
– Yeah, yeah. – And they, uh…
And the lady… I actually told her the joke
’cause I saw she was from Connecticut.
– Yeah. – In Connecticut,
they said, uh… …to me, uh, I come in, I was,
like, that was light. Stamford, I said, Hartford.
– Yeah. – Just every show, like,
I mean, two open tiers in the back of the room
almost every show, so… I go, Jesus, how could
this come off of, like… And then Denver
that’s, like, unreal. You know what I mean?
In Connecticut, they told me the excuse was, they go,
Yeah, it’s not your fault. The crowd’s light.
It’s… They go, it’s, uh…
Wiz Khalifa’s in town. – Yeah, you got
the same audience. – Oh, yeah, I swear to God,
the guy follows me around the country stealing my
audience. It is a toss-up every night.
Wiz Khalifa… Big Jay Oakerson show.
– I think I’ve said it before. I was in… I think it, uh…
I was in Rochester. Terrible ticket sales.
I said it on “The Bonfire.” And the guy “It’s
the lilac festival.” Like, you think that’s
what I’m competing with? At least you got Wiz Khalifa.
I got a flower. Is lilac a flower?
What is it? – I forget the…
– I thought it was just a soap. A kind of soap.
– So it’s funny that the girl, the lady who runs, uh…
(laughing) the Omaha Funny Bone.
– Yeah. – She’s sweet, Daisy.
– Yeah, yeah. – She was talking
to me outside the thing. I go, I go, man, I go…
sorry, the crowds are, like, not full.
I was hoping to… I was so sick when
I came here last time. I was really hoping to come
here and, like, fill the room. She goes, no, I’m sorry that
we brought you out on, uh, what do they call it?
They call it, uh… Nebraska Sunday?
‘Cause Nebraska played, the college team
plays on Saturday. – Yeah.
– So people came in and just dude, the last show was so
drunk, it was unbelievable. Almost like…
It was fine. Like, it was fun.
It was actually my most fun show but, like, it was the most,
like, had to handle things. Not choosing to, you know, like,
this lady’s a problem – Being in a major
college football town, where there’s a school
on a Saturday night show, it’s like Halloween.
– Yeah. – Worst shows
comedy Halloween. Sucked, I won’t
do Halloween shows. It’s too scary.
It’s too scary. – The question
to the room, I go… I’m only asking ’cause I was
expecting, like… – No, not really.
And that’s kind of why it wasn’t full ’cause I go… I go, did you guys,
like, paper the room? Like a lot of comps? And she goes, like, half. Like, half of the small audience
only paid? And by the way, one, uh,
it was, like, okay… Made for funny shit in the show. This table of three girls. I go three cute, young ladies. I go, what brought you out, uh,
here tonight? She goes, uh, free tickets. I was, like, are you guys
celebrating someone’s birthday or…
A bachelorette party of some sort.
I didn’t know… Yeah, there’s
nothing to do in Omaha and they begged
us to come here.