Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

John Mulaney – New In Town – “Home Alone 2”


NAMED VERONICA
WHEN WE WERE KIDS, AND I WAS IN LOVE WITH HER. I WAS IN LOVE WITH VERONICA. SHE WOULD BABYSIT US
ON SATURDAY NIGHTS. AND IN MY HEAD,
WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID, I THOUGHT THAT VERONICA
WAS LIKE 25, 30 YEARS OLD. I WAS JUST TALKING TO MY MOM
THE OTHER WEEK. I FOUND OUT THAT WHEN I WAS 10,
VERONICA WAS 13. SO WHY WAS SHE IN CHARGE? ALL SHE COULD DO WAS DIAL
THE TELEPHONE A LITTLE BETTER THAN I COULD. 13 WHEN I’M 10? THAT’S JUST LIKE HIRING
A SLIGHTLY BIGGER CHILD. THAT WOULD BE LIKE IF YOU’RE
GOING OUT OF TOWN FOR THE WEEK AND YOU PAID A HORSE
TO WATCH YOUR DOG. LIKE, “ALL RIGHT, HERE IS
THE NUMBER WHERE WE’LL BE, “AND HERE’S WHERE WE KEEP
THE DOG FOOD. “AND YOU’RE A HORSE. “SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH. SHH, SHH,
SHH, SHH, SHH.” WHY DO PEOPLE DO THAT?
PEOPLE ALWAYS SHUSH ANIMALS. THEY GO, “HEY, SHH, SHH, SHH.” THEY’VE NEVER SPOKEN. I ALWAYS WANTED TO LIVE
IN NEW YORK WHEN I WAS A KID. I’M SO EXCITED THAT I GET
TO LIVE IN NEW YORK. I SAW NEW YORK CITY IN A MOVIE
WHEN I WAS A KID. IT WAS CALLEDHOME ALONE 2:
LOST IN NEW YORK.
IT IS A SEQUEL.
YEAH, HOW ABOUT THAT MOVIE? IT WAS A SEQUEL TO THE MOVIE
HOME ALONE.
I REMEMBER IN THAT MOVIE–
OH, THE KID INHOME ALONE 2.HE GETS INTO A STRETCH LIMOUSINE
ON 5TH AVENUE WITH A LARGE CHEESE PIZZA,
AND I THOUGHT, “THIS IS
THE HEIGHT OF LUXURY!” NOW I LIVE IN NEW YORK
AND I’M PSYCHED, BUT THAT IS A STUPID
MOVIE TITLE. LOST IN NEW YORK?
THE STREETS ARE NUMBERED. HOW’D YOU GET
LOST IN NEW YORK? I KNOW IT’S KIND OF STUPID
TO COMPLAIN ABOUT A MOVIE THAT CAME OUT 17 YEARS AGO. BUT I WASN’T A COMEDIAN
BACK THEN. SO I HAVE TO DO IT NOW.
I WISH I’D BEEN. I WISH I’D BEEN A DEF JAM COMIC
WHEN THAT MOVIE CAME OUT. I WOULD HAVE TORN IT
TO PIECES. BE LIKE, “YOU SEEN THIS SHIT? “YOU SEEN THISHOME ALONE 2:
LOST IN NEW YORK
SHIT? “IT’S A GRID SYSTEM,
MOTHERFUCKER. “WHERE YOU AT?
24TH AND 5TH? “WHERE YOU WANNA GO?
35TH AND 6TH? 11 UP AND 1 OVER,
YOU SIMPLE BITCH!” THAT’D BE MY BIG JOKE.
THAT’D BE THE CLOSER.

100 thoughts on “John Mulaney – New In Town – “Home Alone 2”

  1. I live this guy! Lol doesn't help he looks like the guy that plays my favorite superhero on CW 11 flash lol

  2. Why did he have a line 'It was the sequel to the movie Home Alone'? Doesn't add anything to the joke. Waste of words isn't it?

  3. Omg I just realized who he reminds me of! Matthew Patrick from Game Theory! I don’t mean he looks like him, I mean his personality kind of reminds me and certain actions he does

  4. I've been thinking John Mulaney looks kinda like JD, so when he said his babysitter looked like Veronica… I was a little worried.

  5. "Where you at? 24th and 5th. Where you wanna go? 35th and 6th. 11 up and 1 over you simple bitch!"
    This had me dying

  6. I want to know what Veronica looks like and what she thinks of John now. She could have had him before he got famous!

  7. They shush the animal because it calms them down from mild agitation. Just like how horses will come to you if you make clicking sounds (at least they do so for me)

  8. I’m looking for a movie where a guy feeds a blind girl’s dog, she tells him to stop and he waves his hand in front of her and she flips him off. Any idea what movie it’s from? 😅

  9. @01:58
    Am I the only one who noticed that he's emulating Chris Rock in that bit?
    How he talks and walks. Also Chris Rock is a Def Comedy Jam Comic.

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