Laughter is the Best Medicine

John Mulaney – New In Town – Terrible Driver

– Now when people make
fun of me, I deserve it. I do. When people get mad at
me now, it’s my fault. When people get mad
at me on the highway, that’s all my bad. I’m a terrible driver, I
know nothing about cars. I meant to learn about
cars, and then I forgot. (audience laughter) Nothing that I know can
help you with your car ever. Unless you’re like, “Hey,
I’ve got a flat tire, does anyone here know a
lot about the Cosby Show?” And then you’d be like, “Oh, perhaps I could
be of some assistance.” (audience laughter) I’m one of the worst
drivers I’ve ever seen. And, I just want you all
to know that if you’re ever on the highway behind
me, I hear you honking, and I also don’t want me
to be doing what I’m doing. (audience laughter) I don’t like that I’m
in that lane either, and I sure would like
to get out of it. (audience laughter) I was on the highway
in Texas recently, which was like a highway
filled with 13 year olds. And, I was in the far left lane. And, I was going in
the far left lane, and then it turned into
a u-turn only lane. And, I started to make a
u-turn, but then I panicked, because I didn’t want
to make a u-turn. So, I put the car in reverse
and then merged right, back onto the highway. The best thing about
that was that after that, cars were pulling up
and looking over to see who just did that
piece of shit move. Expecting to see like, a
hundred year old blind dog. (audience laughter) Who’s texting while driving
and drinking a smoothie. Instead, they see a 28 year old
healthy man trying his best. (audience laughter)

100 thoughts on “John Mulaney – New In Town – Terrible Driver

  1. It's weird. His material is hilarious… I'm rolling if I listen to just the audio… but something about his visual presentation is off — like he's over-rehearsed or something. I dunno.

  2. it's true. texas highways are like an incredibly hard obstacle. just getting from downtown to your home requires skill….and i only say this because i am one of those texas drivers lol

  3. I know what you mean, I see it too. He's still pretty new to stand-up, so I think he just needs time to get more comfortable on the stage!

  4. funny!!! just saw another stand up that does a funny bit about driving and being blind!  check her out.
    search  Diane Fredel-Weis Ice House

  5. Did anyone else notice the dark Cosby joke? Dya think that was intentional? Because Cosby's son was killed in a drive-by shooting outside of L.A. while changing a flat tire. 

  6. "-in Texas, which is a highway full of 13 year olds-" Its sad how accurate this is. Everyone here either drives like a dumbass or they just don't care. It seems every other day I drive by a wreck or I almost become a part of one because idiots and hicks like to feel entitled and endanger people and break laws for no reason. Too many people here in Texas are aggressive drivers.

  7. I did a similar "piece of shit" move with a colleague. After it happened I couldn't stop laughing. If I got pulled over, I would have even laughed more hysterically and probably ended up with a sobriety test. (I was stone-cold sober)

  8. 28-yr-old man trying his best, yeah imagine that shit. Been there, except I'm the "turn around and try again" type.

  9. Ok, not even gonna lie, this story made me genuinely angry. I hate people like this on the road so much.

  10. Love the joke. Funny as fuck, but then just don't drive. People who can't drive make the roads, that are already filled with real life altering danger, that much more difficult to navigate for everyone else.

  11. The ad on this video was for McDonald's and it was advertising different meals. It paused and then skipped the "father and son meal" and that basically sums up my life.

  12. i identify with this so hard, like why do people get road rage unless someone nearly got you killed? we're all just awkwardly trying to command 2-ton hunks of metal to do our bidding, it's weird and unnatural and not frikkin' easy instinctive knowledge here!!!

  13. Had to refer to you today when my husband sent me a picture of a car going through the bank drive-thru the wrong way…..I asked him if it was an old blind dog or a young man trying his best!!!! bahahaha

    It in fact was an old man wearing a hat………

  14. That is always what happens here. Almost no one honks. They just stare, judge, and curse at you from the comfort of their car.

  15. My siblings and I constantly quote him. Whenever something goes wrong, someone will undoubtedly mention something about a "23 or 25 (depending in age) year old healthy person, trying their best"

  16. As he said the line “100 year old dog” I was swallowing a piece of pizza and laughed. I almost lost my life watching this. I would’ve died bc I unexpectedly laughed while swallowing.

  17. My friend put on his special for me to watch for the first time. She said this bit reminded her of me 😅 I'm also just trying my best

  18. Most people are bad at driving on purpose and they make fun of those who abide by the rules, even though those particular rules are there to save your lives you ass holes!!!!

  19. pro tip from a dallas, texas resident: if you’re in the left lane and you’re not going at least 15 over the speed limit, just know that a bigass, lifted pickup truck will come behind you and run you off the road.

  20. "You're expecting to see a 100 year old blind dog, texting while driving and drinking a smoothie. But instead you see a 28 year old man trying his best." Me taking my driver's test 😂😂😂

  21. 🤣😂🤣. John Mulaney has his own pandora station (on my iPhone anyway- he doesn’t on yours?). We ALL know this driver. And thanks to this bit. I now have so much more compassion for this vehicular challenged type of individual. It’s alright. Maybe it’s a syndrome. Who knows 🤷‍♂️. He’s 11. It’s permissible in court

  22. I was one of those drivers… Cus I remember this so vividly that I was like… Oh my God… Wtf is this person doing?! 😂😂😂

  23. "I don't like that I'm in that lane either, and I sure would like to get out of it."

    I think I need that on a bumper sticker. I swear I yell, "I know! But there are cars coming! What do you want me to do?" several times a day. That or, "Where would you like me to go?"

  24. 0:40 “I don’t like that I’m in that lane either. But I’d sure like to get out of it.”
    instagram editors have entered the chat

  25. people like him are the reason why we need self-driving cars faster…. I'm glad he has the self-awareness that he can't drive well though lol Thank god there's ride-share

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