Laughter is the Best Medicine

"Jokes" - A Hurrah for Tom Keith

seriously seriously really really hm I thought I was gonna wear the kilt yeah no see you said you didn't want to wear a kilt so I said I would wear the kilt because somebody has to wear the kilt right we saw it in the video at the beginning right leo he always wore it to special occasions I'm wearing a kilt right I changed my mind well you didn't you didn't tell me I didn't get the memo hello yeah but you know what about William Wallace you don't believe her freedom and it's just not as funny with a girl in a kilt Oh oh is that right alright mr. smarty skirt huh okay uh what's my name sue and Scott I'm sorry Scott I said say it enough said and like these scotsman of old i am also not wearing anything underneath my kilt these people could see London and France I on the other hand and protected by the mighty Hanes Klan it's great it's good why look there's going to be and here it is it's a it's a box full of joke cards this has some relative use this is a Keith family tradition oh yes the box of jokes mm-hmm right so should we start oh yeah big time joke number one a Scotsman went to a baseball game and when one batter got a walk he lightly tossed the bat and he strolls to first base and the Scotland stands up and yells and the fan next to him says no no he doesn't have to run he's got four balls and The Scotsman yelled look with Gladman nama gooey there was a young Scottish boy named Angus who decided to try life in Australia so he moved down there and he got an apartment and I know this one two weeks later his sweet mother calls from Aberdeen oh I hope you do not write down there and he said oh I don't know ma'am I'm doing fan but the people next to me I gone crazy or the the woman next door she crazed on that and the man upstairs it keeps hitting his foot on the floor well I don't think you should be associating with people like that well I don't mammy I stay inside my apartment all day all night playing me beg paper did you know that was coming I don't know oh you know what that reminds me when we were in Scotland and Ireland with the show and we're in Limerick and we're noticing that that local dialect they don't pronounce well they're th's are pronounced like T's so that 9 in the show there's a there's a lie in a script and it said two things and and you said well no that wouldn't be two things there'd be two teams two Tings well of course would be to Tings right and Tom stood up and said yeah two Tings and then the turd and that never failed to get us four years took years and years and years and now it's time for a turd joke we've had one and two here's Tori okay an Irishman walks into a bar in Cork City and says to the bartender excuse me what's the quickest way to Dublin is it walking or driving what are you doing walking today then well I'm driving would that it'd be the quickest way then a guy walks into a bar and there's a seal sitting at the far end and the seal says oh wow you smell great and that jacket is really good on you and you know what I really like that haircut and nice tan and the guy says to the bartender okay who is that and the bartender says oh that's the seal of approval cute Tom doing a wonderful seal that we won't even attempt no I say we're doing things going into a bar jokes a porkchop goes into a bar and orders a drink and the bartender says I'm sorry we don't serve food here oh yeah a tourist goes into a bar and there's a dog sitting in a chair playing poker and the tourist says to the bartender is that guy really playing poker and the bartender says yeah but he's not very good whenever he gets a good hand he wags his tail okay a priest a rabbi a lawyer a blonde a redneck and a dog all walk into a bar the bartender says what is this some kind of a joke a penguin walks into a bar and says how's my father been in here lately and the bartender says I don't know what does he look like it's not only a penguin joke is it I get I guess not oh did I say no I said it right okay this would have been so good in rehearsal but why rehearse when we can have fun and I think and Tom would have told her better you know Tom's father speaking of fathers was Pop Wiggins on the case tepee barn dance okay and what he would do to prepare for his act he would work out new jokes on his kids right right they would see line up the kids we got David Jeff and Tom and Terry and he'd make him listen to the jokes out of the joke box right and if they laughed it was in and if they didn't it wasn't and of course all the jokes maybe Tom and Terry didn't understand Oh kind of little there was in the corn ear ones maybe might have understood what did the chick say when it saw an orange in the nest look at the orange marmalade chicken jokes I'm sure there were lots and lots of chicken do we just probably why Tom was so good at chickens I mean his chickens were so good they had their own personalities oh yeah for example shion's there's this story about the chicken that goes into the library goes up to the library and it says Oh librarian says book so she gives the chicken a book and he comes back about an hour later he's back you want two books well so she gives him two books well a little while later he comes back in three books is it so now she's getting suspicious she gives him the three novels decides to follow him so they go outside they go down the road they go through the woods they go down by the river down by a swamp there's a bull frog and the chicken lays the books down by the bullfrog and the bullfrog says read it read it okay ham and eggs right ham and eggs a day's work for a chicken a lifetime commitment for a pig why do chicken coops have two doors because if they had four they'd be chicken sedans yeah you're right the chicken and the egg were lying in bed and the chicken was very happy smiling smoking a cigarette and the egg was clearly upset and she said well I guess we've answered that question and at this point the little keith kids that would go over their head man when you folks get home you'll have a lot of splainin to do to your youngsters here but he didn't only do chickens of course we shouldn't no he did the entire Fowler family I mean he taught us how to do geese Canadian geese by the way why do we why is one side of a v-formation of migrating geese longer than the other I don't know why because it has more geese oh yeah he taught us how to do ducks Wow okay good good so there's two ducks and they're swimming along and one of them says quack and the other one says oh my gosh I was just gonna say the same thing and then then there was Tom's favorite joke of all time and he loved this joke and it's also from the animal family what did the boy rabbit say to the girl rabbit this won't take long did it okay thank you

5 thoughts on “"Jokes" – A Hurrah for Tom Keith

  1. Thomas Alan Keith was a radio personality who worked for Minnesota Public Radio in St. Paul, Minnesota. He was the engineer for Garrison Keillor born December 21, 1946 died October 30, 2011

  2. Yep, this was put on as a variety show so there were all kinds of different performers and skits (many of which we can't post due to music rights conflights).

  3. is this in memory of Tom Keith? I figured a tribute would have had Garrison Keillor in it. What happened?

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