Anecdota

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Jokes Seth Can’t Tell: Black Santa, 30 Best Lesbian Love Songs


♫♫ -These are two of our writers,
Amber and Jenny. -I´m black!
-And I´m gay! -And we´re both women! -And I´m not.
So here´s how this works. I´ll read the setups
for these jokes, and Amber and Jenny
will read the punch lines. Here we go. Billboard recently
published a list of the 30 best
lesbian love songs, including one song
by the Indigo Girls. -And 29 other songs
by the Indigo Girls. -A children´s book author is under fire for writing
a story about a black Santa. -A black Santa
is like a regular Santa, except he doesn´t get there
until the 27th. -Amber!
-Sorry. A black Santa
is like a regular Santa, except his packages are bigger. [ Laughter ] -Amber!
-Sorry. A black Santa
is like a regular Santa, but instead of, “Ho, ho, ho,” he goes, “Ho, ho.
Hoe, you calling this a cookie?” -Amber! -Sorry. I am sorry. Sorry. -A lesbian in Florida
was recently told she could not enter a nightclub because of the shoes
she was wearing. -Let´s get out of here! Said the lesbian to her cat. [ Laughter ] -A 7-year-old girl
is currently on a mission to hug a police officer
in all 50 states. -So, yeah, she´s white. [ Laughter ] -According to a recent study,
11% of gay male couples have experienced problems
with wedding vendors. -While the other 89%
are wedding vendors. -So, Jenny, what´s
the biggest difference between a straight wedding
and a gay wedding? -The reason
the parents are crying. [ Laughter ] -The African-American
History Museum will be honored
with a Forever Stamp. -Of course, if you want
to lick something in honor of African-American history,
I´m right here, baby. -I think I could
have told that one. -I don´t think you could have. [ Laughter ] -That one would have
worked for me. -´Cause you wouldn´t
have meant it. -[ Laughs ] A British blog
recently published a list of slang terms
for “lesbian.” -Number-one on the list —
“Mom´s New Friend.” -So, Jenny, what´s your favorite
slang term for lesbian? -I´d say Coach.
-No, no, no. Flannel Enthusiast. -Oh. Seth Meyers look-alike.
-Oh, come on. -Oh, that´s the best one.
That´s the best one. Hey, Seth,
why don´t you tell one? -No! I don´t think
I´d get away with it! -Oh, come on. Just one! -I feel like
this will end badly. -Oh, please, Seth, please? -Okay, okay, okay.
-Yes! -The Boy Scouts of America
announced recently that they will allow girls
to join their programs. And when they heard that, all the Boy Scouts
pitched a tent. [ Laughter ] -How dare you!
-You told me it would be okay! -You should be
ashamed of yourself! -Black women and lesbians
are liars! ♫♫ We´ll be right back with more
“Late Night,” everybody.

100 thoughts on “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell: Black Santa, 30 Best Lesbian Love Songs

  1. How was the one he did a joke Seth can't tell I don't think that black girl or the lesbian has ever pitched tent in their life he's able to relate to that way more than they are

  2. makes me miss “weekend update”

    love the “AMBEEERRR!!” part, sounds like Seth shouting “STEFFOOOOON!!” haha

  3. I just got to say that Seth's chemistry with Amber is so fucking electric, if those guys were not dating, they're banging on the DL. Which also probably indicated in all her sex jokes, she came up with him. There's something there, am I right?!

  4. I really need to know Jenny's hair regimen because her curls are GORGEOUS and I have sad straight hair & no clue how to handle my daughter's curly hair…

  5. I feel so sorry for that 7 year old girl that wants to hug cops in all 50 states. I used to think like her. I'm now 47. Imagine my disappointment…

  6. I never realize how much american culture is different from cultures of other countries, until they tell a joke and my ass doesn't get it. Still love them

  7. Both Amber and Jenny are beautiful and brave and funny.
    Amber's punchline at 1:21 is perfectly written and perfectly delivered, gives this piece some teeth. No apology on that one.

  8. God, Amber is the best in these sketches. Her delivery is so precise, her jokes are killer (that bit about Black Santa not arriving until the 27th slayed me), and she’s just super pretty and likable. Keep coming back, Amber! I doubt you will ever be not amazing.

  9. I don't know how they can keep from laughing at the jokes. I would be laughing all the way through this segment. Good job for all three of them.

  10. Love Amber's fashion sense! Nearly everything she's worn for these segments has been awesome, especially this Space Age blouse.

  11. Amber kills it with cuteness, but I stay til the end to see what kind of expression of outrage Jenny is going to put on.

  12. I thought Seth's joke was entirely on point. I was a Boy Scout back in the 70s. That tent would have been strong enough to shelter in a monsoon.

  13. “if you wanna lick something in honor of African American history month… i’m right here, baby 😏”

    😐 well damn

  14. I imagine there must be an endless line of men wailing, "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" after Jenny said, "Im gay!" and an equally long line of lesbians shiver with antici…

  15. i feel like this could totally be me (i'm a straight brown guy) and my group of girlfriends. this is exactly what happens between us – the campyness, etc

  16. Black Santa is just like Santa Claus, only he can turn invisible. So, when he's up on your roof, wearing red, with a bag over his shoulder, and climbing up your chimney, he doesn't get shot by police helicopters for matching the description of the suspect.

    Sorry.

  17. I wish somebody, but not me, would do a huge string of these as one video, but cut out the bit where Seth explains what the bit is.

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