♪♪♪♪ -These are two of our writers —
Amber and Jenny. -I’m black!
-And I’m gay! -And we’re both women.
-And I’m not! So here’s how this works. I’ll read the setups
for these jokes, and Amber and Jenny
will read the punch lines. Here we go. A Catholic man recently
wrote a book called “Why I Don’t Call Myself Gay.” -Look for it in the closet
of your local bookstore. [ Laughter ] -A black tourist in Amsterdam was recently pushed down
the stairs by her Airbnb host. -It was the best experience a black person has had
with Airbnb. -Have you had
bad experiences on Airbnb? -As soon as someone lets me stay
with them, I’ll let you know. -Okay. [ Laughter ] -I’m fine. I have a house. [ Laughter ] -According to a recent study, the average number of guests
at a lesbian wedding is 87. -It’s 2 brides
and 85 ex-girlfriends. -Jenny, what’s
a lesbian wedding like? -Well, it’s just like
a straight wedding, except instead of rice
you throw power tools. -Oh, cool. A Virginia teenager
recently became the first African-American boy to be named valedictorian
of his high school. -But he’ll still be tried
as an adult. [ Audience groans ] -[ Laughs ] [ Applause ] -If it was up to them,
you’d lose that house. -[ Laughs ]
I meant apartment. [ Laughter ] -I was gonna say… I know what I pay you. [ Laughter ] A new study claims
that millennials are having a hard time
saving money because they’re eating out
too much. -“No such thing,” said lesbians. [ Laughter and applause ] -[ Laughs ] Jenny’s winning.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ] -A military officer
born in Ghana recently became
Queen Elizabeth’s first close black adviser. -Or as the queen calls him,
“Uh, driver…” [ Laughter ] -According to a recent article,
the newest gay icon is the horror-movie character
the Babadook. -While the lesbian icon
is still the birkenstock. -Are birkenstocks really
the ultimate lesbian icon? -No, the ultimate lesbian icon
is your haircut. -Oh, hey. The Maddow. The city of Rochester, New York, recently hired their first
black female firefighter. -And their Dalmatian
will not stop barking at her! Hey, Seth, you know how you can
tell she’s a black firefighter? -How?
-She carries an ask. [ Man laughs loudly ] [ Light laughter ] -[ Laughs ] -It’s just you, brother!
-I get it! -You and me, baby! -Did you find the one person?
-Yeah. [ Laughter ] -You see,
black people say “ax.” So then if they’re carrying
an ax, they would say “ask.” [ Light laughter ] Still no? [ Laughter and applause ] -The Chinese government
recently shut down the country’s most popular
lesbian dating app. -A lesbian dating app
is like a regular dating app, except you swipe like this. -Ohh. Wait. Did I get that right? All right. Cool. And how long
do you have to do it? -As long as she wants.
-Okay, great. Yeah. According to a recent article,
the number of black students at Harvard Law School
dropped significantly last year. -A black Harvard student is like
a white Harvard student, except when he says,
“Do you know who my father is?” he’s really asking. [ Audience groans ] [ Laughter and applause ] -I’m sorry to correct you,
but I think he’s axing. -[ Laughs ] -Hey, Seth,
why don’t you tell one? -Oh, I don’t think
I should, Jenny! -You got to, bud! -I don’t think
I’ll get away with it! -Oh, come on! Do it!
-Okay, guys. -What could go wrong? -If you promise
nothing will go wrong. -I promise.
-Yeah! -The black-ensemble movie
“Girls Trip” had the largest opening
of any live-action comedy so far this year,
beating the previous record for largest opening, yo mama. -How dare you?!
-You told me I could say it! -You should be ashamed
of yourself! -Lesbians and black women
are liars! ♪♪♪♪ We’ll be right back with
more “Late Night,” everybody.