Laughter is the Best Medicine

Jokes Seth Can’t Tell: First Black Valedictorian, Gay Icon Babadook

♪♪♪♪ -These are two of our writers —
Amber and Jenny. -I’m black!
-And I’m gay! -And we’re both women.
-And I’m not! So here’s how this works. I’ll read the setups
for these jokes, and Amber and Jenny
will read the punch lines. Here we go. A Catholic man recently
wrote a book called “Why I Don’t Call Myself Gay.” -Look for it in the closet
of your local bookstore. [ Laughter ] -A black tourist in Amsterdam was recently pushed down
the stairs by her Airbnb host. -It was the best experience a black person has had
with Airbnb. -Have you had
bad experiences on Airbnb? -As soon as someone lets me stay
with them, I’ll let you know. -Okay. [ Laughter ] -I’m fine. I have a house. [ Laughter ] -According to a recent study, the average number of guests
at a lesbian wedding is 87. -It’s 2 brides
and 85 ex-girlfriends. -Jenny, what’s
a lesbian wedding like? -Well, it’s just like
a straight wedding, except instead of rice
you throw power tools. -Oh, cool. A Virginia teenager
recently became the first African-American boy to be named valedictorian
of his high school. -But he’ll still be tried
as an adult. [ Audience groans ] -[ Laughs ] [ Applause ] -If it was up to them,
you’d lose that house. -[ Laughs ]
I meant apartment. [ Laughter ] -I was gonna say… I know what I pay you. [ Laughter ] A new study claims
that millennials are having a hard time
saving money because they’re eating out
too much. -“No such thing,” said lesbians. [ Laughter and applause ] -[ Laughs ] Jenny’s winning.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ] -A military officer
born in Ghana recently became
Queen Elizabeth’s first close black adviser. -Or as the queen calls him,
“Uh, driver…” [ Laughter ] -According to a recent article,
the newest gay icon is the horror-movie character
the Babadook. -While the lesbian icon
is still the birkenstock. -Are birkenstocks really
the ultimate lesbian icon? -No, the ultimate lesbian icon
is your haircut. -Oh, hey. The Maddow. The city of Rochester, New York, recently hired their first
black female firefighter. -And their Dalmatian
will not stop barking at her! Hey, Seth, you know how you can
tell she’s a black firefighter? -How?
-She carries an ask. [ Man laughs loudly ] [ Light laughter ] -[ Laughs ] -It’s just you, brother!
-I get it! -You and me, baby! -Did you find the one person?
-Yeah. [ Laughter ] -You see,
black people say “ax.” So then if they’re carrying
an ax, they would say “ask.” [ Light laughter ] Still no? [ Laughter and applause ] -The Chinese government
recently shut down the country’s most popular
lesbian dating app. -A lesbian dating app
is like a regular dating app, except you swipe like this. -Ohh. Wait. Did I get that right? All right. Cool. And how long
do you have to do it? -As long as she wants.
-Okay, great. Yeah. According to a recent article,
the number of black students at Harvard Law School
dropped significantly last year. -A black Harvard student is like
a white Harvard student, except when he says,
“Do you know who my father is?” he’s really asking. [ Audience groans ] [ Laughter and applause ] -I’m sorry to correct you,
but I think he’s axing. -[ Laughs ] -Hey, Seth,
why don’t you tell one? -Oh, I don’t think
I should, Jenny! -You got to, bud! -I don’t think
I’ll get away with it! -Oh, come on! Do it!
-Okay, guys. -What could go wrong? -If you promise
nothing will go wrong. -I promise.
-Yeah! -The black-ensemble movie
“Girls Trip” had the largest opening
of any live-action comedy so far this year,
beating the previous record for largest opening, yo mama. -How dare you?!
-You told me I could say it! -You should be ashamed
of yourself! -Lesbians and black women
are liars! ♪♪♪♪ We’ll be right back with
more “Late Night,” everybody.

100 thoughts on “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell: First Black Valedictorian, Gay Icon Babadook

  1. Its very interesting that black people pronounce 'ask' as aks'. I wonder where it came
    from ? Could be that it's a deliberate decision to find a new way of using English? Very cool.

  2. I got the “ask” joke- i cracked up so much it took me a second to realize the studio audience didn’t. Love you ladies!

  3. Dude wtf is wrong with that crowd?? All the aaws and discomfort as if they're entirely unfamiliar with how comedy works…

  4. Im whiter than a cloud and I have been criticized for saying AX after I left NY. Im from LI, NY…where we all say tawk, ax, and Im gonna get me a _________, among other things. I got the joke right away, something someone would have said to me. I thought it was very funny.

  5. I love this bit so much because you're all hilarious. But I'm a lesbian and I watch with my Mum and Jenny's naughtier jokes make me blush and it's all very awkward. It's a problem. XD

  6. Awww. I host on Airbnb. I’m a super host. I’m also a woman of color, was adopted by an Italian, white woman who promoted the idea “don’t judge a book by its cover and treat anyone how you would want to be treated”. It’s that simple. But by all means come to upstate NY if you like dogs and help pay my mortgage 🙂

    Also I watch for Amber’s facial expressions.

  7. "There are some jokes that just sound wrong coming from Seth, like the one about the Catholic man who wrote a book called "Why I Don't Call Myself Gay.""

  8. 2:13 I made the mistake of taking a sip of coffee. One "driver!" later, I'm cleaning coffee off my monitors.

  9. There is evidence to show the 'ax' isn't technically wrong and has been part of the English lexicon for centuries.

  10. All my friends used the "eat out" joke on me 😂 Also, I watch this segments only for Jenny. Like a true lesbian, I watch everything for lesbians

  11. Lol the best thing is u never see these segments on headlines cause they know how to make it appropriately comedic I love these

  12. Dammit I DIDN'T get the "ask" joke right away !! DUH my bad! I'm glad that one guy got it right away…his awesome LOL saved that one for Amber! If she would've just said "y'know…we always AXE a question so as a firefighter we'd have to carry an ASK" ! then the rest of the audience would have got it right away. Regardless I LOVE that all three of them had such a good time during this one; they seem a little stiff sometime during these segments. I say ENJOY it and we'll enjoy that much more

  13. oh no, Youtey has piled up a bunch to binge. well here goes. forget dinner, I"m going to smoke dope and laugh the rest of the night

  14. back down the rabbit hole but this has been by once before, no, it was me before I tumbled down the rabbit hole…..

  15. Amber, you can come to Mexico and stay in my house as long as you want, as many times as you want ,as my favorite guess. 😉
    I think you are a great comedian and I really like you.

  16. Those three crack me up so funny, I love when they also crack each up makes me laugh, makes it even funnier.

  17. This is my favorite segment I never watched this show then I saw this segment now this is one of my favorite shows

  18. Ok here's the general rule for jokes about minorities: If the minority is telling it, THEY WANT YOU TO LAUGH!!! (If they're laughing, it's okay to laugh. When they're NOT, you're in trouble.)

    non whites, lgbt, disabled, if they're telling the joke, they're LOOKING for a laugh!!!!

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